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Writer with Learning Disability Looking for reader

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  • Writer with Learning Disability Looking for reader

    http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4945035232673792

  • #2
    Heya, I read your story and I have some critiques- some of them are nitpicky, but I hope they help you make your story better!

    For the beginning of the episode, how did Cassida and Brittany hear the bell wayyy outside of the school?
    As soon as Ryan entered the room, everyone started crushing on him instantly- this is pretty dang cliche
    You don't get to control how Brittany acts- I didn't want her to yell at Ryan, but I didn't have a choice not to.
    This happened a couple of times- I didn't like Ryan as a person, but I had to watch Brittany take him out for coffee anyway.
    I'm not sure who the MC is supposed to be. You don't follow Ryan from the beginning of the Episode, yet you can choose what he says.
    The part where Brittany's sister suddenly gets sick is very sudden- there is no foreshadowing towards this.
    The coding was fine though.

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