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Eclipsis

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  • Eclipsis

    My new Episode (ink style) story, ECLIPIS β˜€οΈ, is coming out soon! 😱 I'm only waiting for the cover art to be approved, but the first 3 chapters are done. πŸ˜„πŸ‘πŸΌ You can style and name your own avatar. πŸ’ƒπŸΌ It is an epic historical adventure/romance story.

    ❀ Summary: After three 19th century strangers - a young British doctor, a cocky American adventurer, and a young German girl (you) disguised as a man - step inadvertently through a gateway into 12th century England, they realize that trying to find a way back isn’t their biggest problem.


    coverpic3.jpg


    PS: I will eventually finish Experiment 🌏 Earth, but it's been a year and I'm using this new story to get used to the coding of complex branching again and catch up with new directing styles. EE has gotten insane with the branching, so bare with me until I've finished Eclipsis before continuing Eliza's story. I might rework the whole Experiment Earth in ink style since I really like it much better. πŸ’‹
    Last edited by Vic; 02-15-2017, 02:49 PM.

  • #2
    Hey Vic
    Your story sounds really interesting! I can't wait to read it!
    Also..
    I have just written my first Mystery story..Would you pls review it if you find time?
    I am really in need of reviews as I have entered the story for the April contest.
    Title: Mysterious: The Night Of Sins
    Genre: Mystery
    Author: Maddy rox
    Description: Freya's perfect life is disturbed when her abusive ex returns from prison..can it get worse? You bet it can..she can see her life with Brett fall apart when she is accused of a murder she didn't commit. Can she find the true murderer and get her normal life back?....# The Night Of Sins.
    Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6484518224789504

    Do read if you find time

    Comment


    • Vic
      Vic commented
      Editing a comment
      I just published Eclipsis. The fourth chapter isn't ready yet though, so don't read that one yet, lol... I'm reading your mystery now. I like already your creepy half cover. Pretty cool and scary!!

    • Vic
      Vic commented
      Editing a comment
      I'm gonna type my thoughts as I'm reading. I love the start of your story!
      Found a typo. "Common Freya" - I guess you meant to write "Come on, Freya" or you could use the short version "C'mon, Freya"
      Found a contradiction: Sky said, when he got Freya in front of her store, that he'll use all night with her before killing her. Later at the creepy place he tells her he'll make it quick.
      More of "common" instead of "come on" or "c'mon" when Freya tries to escape
      Finished ep 1 and am intrigued!! Added to favorites. Continuing now...
      Brett is kinda an insensitive jerk. If I were a dude and my girlfriend got kidnapped I would hold her in my arms for a long time and not yell at her so much, lol... I don't like him anymore
      okay, he kinda redeemed himself right now hehe
      When Freya meets Brett and spends a drunken night with him, it doesn't make much sense that he has clothes for her the next morning because he ordered them for a complete stranger last night and they are already delivered. It's weird and too forced. I suggest he has a sister or previous girlfriend who left the stuff behind and he says you can try if you fit into any of them.
      Okay, so Freya kinda IS a slut, but you want the readers root for her. I suggest to make it clear that she only kisses and sleeps with Brett because she has Sky's words echoing in her mind "you're a slut" - so she thinks "fine, then I'll behave like one" - you know, more an act of defiance to explain her promiscuity and not like as if she really IS that promiscuous. Makes her more likable. And a little later on she realizes that she really likes him because he treats her like a lady.
      You said at the end of ep. 1 that we'll find out who opened your "cell" door and killed Sky in ep. 2, but we didn't. You might wanna take that promise back.

      Okay, that's all I've got for now and I'm out of time. I hope my comments help a little. Good luck! I'm gonna continue reading this. I want to know how it continues!

    • maddy rox
      maddy rox commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for reading and your feedback @Vic
      I'll make the changes you asked me to....and I guess you r right about the clothes part..thanks a lot for a wonderful review
      I'll read your story now
      Thanks-
      Maddy

  • #3
    Hi! I would like to do read for read.

    So, there's info of my story:
    Story name: Panacea
    Author name: Arnbyorn
    Genre: Drama
    Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6258415000354816
    Episodes: 4, incomplete
    Short summary: what should one do when their life goes down the tubes? What will be the Panacea for all your problems?
    Long summary: Anna, 19, is a basketball player. She studies at the university where there are almost no guys. She isn't used to communicate with boys, she doesn't have any friends-boys, only girls... But one day 3 exchange students come to her university and since that moment her life is going to change. You will find friendship, enmity, love, mysteries, intrigues in this story.
    insta-page: @arnbyorn_episode

    Yours,
    Arnbyorn:3

    Comment


    • Vic
      Vic commented
      Editing a comment
      I just published Eclipsis. The fourth chapter isn't ready yet though, so don't read that one yet, lol... I'm going to read your drama now. I like your summary and am intrigued by the three exchange students!

    • Vic
      Vic commented
      Editing a comment
      I'm going to comment as I read. I just started and am already impressed with your spot direction. Damn, well done! Your story starts with high energy and it's well thought out. I love it!
      Yay, the exchange students are from Germany!!!!!!!! I am from Germany!! So cool.
      I'm watching the second episode now, so far I enjoy it very much. There are some minor grammatical errors in there, but not worth mentioning it. And you didn't ask for a review anyway, lol, so I won't bother you with my nit-picking, hehe...
      I added the story to my favorites and will continue reading till the end.

    • Arnbyorn
      Arnbyorn commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you really much! I am going to read yours soon!!;3

  • #4
    The story has been published. Unfortunately it also published chapter 4, which isn't finished - I started on it while waiting for my backgrounds to clear :/

    Comment


    • #5
      Chapter FOUR is out now.

      Eclipsibushands.jpg
      Attached Files

      Comment


      • #6
        12:40 PM
        017, 02:28 PM
        Ill help anyone and do read for read with review. Fancy it? ink:
        http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6453859790880768

        Story name: My Dream Guy
        By: Faye o
        INK
        SUMMARY: Michelle feels off colour but that off colcolour leads her to a fantasy world of her own feelings and her life. Dont worry though she has a little companion to help her

        Comment


        • Fayefaye
          Fayefaye commented
          Editing a comment
          Hi thia is just a short review as i plan in reading two more if tour chapters but i wont remember my instinctive thoughts so u thought id post this.
          I love your creativity with backgrounds movements and speech. Its very orginal and you did so well with clothing due to the limitations you would have faced. Im so inteigued to qhy mc is a boy. I can guess why but i look forward to reading more. Your directing is awesome as is your length. I inly have two bits of feedback which is when dr scarborough is talking to jones he faces away from him is that suppose to happen? With the unteo i was wondering if you needed it as ypur chapter explained it all? I thought id just say as its something that i wonder if it adds anything. Other than that i love it. Awesone work!

        • Vic
          Vic commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you so much, I'll read yours later today!

          Well, the MC isn't really a boy - she's just disguised a boy and she explains it in chapter 2

          When Scarborough talks to Jones he shouldn't face away. That's very weird! O.o He doesn't do it when I play it. Hmmm... this really bugs me. It shouldn't even happen by accident, since William walked right and Jones stands on the right - so there wasn't any changing in facing directions. Or wait a sec... Are you talking about when they meet first? Or maybe in the tavern, when William is sitting? If it's the latter then that's okay, he has his back to Jones anyway and so it doesn't matter really. I made the spot direction on my iPad, so it might look a little odd sometimes at the phone because it shows more of the background and the zoom isn't as close I think.

          As to the other thing you mentioned, I don't understand what you are trying to say, because there's a typo. "With the unteo" - what's an unteo?

        • Vic
          Vic commented
          Editing a comment
          Reading it right now :

          I like the idea of the story. I added it to my reading list and will continue. So far I read your first chapter and I commend you on being brave dealing with your challenge. I hope to help you a little bit with pointing out some common mistakes of yours.

          Most of your mistakes are grammar related. Stuff like your instead of you're, some commas missing. For example one sentence: "Your not getting old you know turning eighteen!" - should be "You're not getting old, you know, turning eighteen!"
          You spelled customize with an "s"
          Here are three mistakes in one sentence: "I guess its hard for you to notice as your use to all the fat rolls!" - Should be: "I guess it's hard for you to notice as you're used to all the fat rolls." You need an apostrophe in it's because that's short for it is. And again, you're short for you are and not your (that's possessive, as in "your story"), and used instead of use, because you need the past tense and use is present tense. So, grammar lesson is over.

          Lastly something about spot directing. In a couple of your group settings with all the friends at school you've got a layering problem. Robin has her feet in front of Michelle but her body is partially stuck behind her. You can solve this by adding layers to your spots. Like ROBIN spot 0.9 250 100 in zone 1 at layer 5. The others would be layers 0, 1, 2, 3, and 4 - so Robin would be on top of all of them. If you need Michelle to leave the group you'll have to make her either walk around Robin or let her exit to the right but with spot directing instead of using the exit command. MICHELLE walks to spot 0.9 400 120 in 3
          and MICHELLE is walk_exhausted. This would walk Michelle off the screen because 400 is way out of sight, and it'll take her 3 seconds to walk there.

          I hope this helped a little. I'm curious to find out what's wrong with Michelle and what her fantasy world will be like. I guess that's what she creates herself in her coma?

      • #7
        Heya there, gonna start with your story tonight and give you some feedback as soon as I'm done, if you could reciprocate it'd be much appreciated, these are the details of my first story on episode:

        JUST HOW YOU WANT ME
        2 boys. 1 very nerdy girl. 2 extremely different worlds. Will she stay true to herself or will she give in?

        Author: Miss K.
        Genre: Romance
        Episodes: 5 (more to come)
        Direct link to my story --->http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6277911973986304

        read ya later! K.

        Comment


        • Miss K.
          Miss K. commented
          Editing a comment
          Vic
          So far I've read 3 chapters of Eclipsis and I gotta say I'm rather impressed!
          The plot flows beautifully, the characters are very different from what you usually see here on Episode and you clearly spent a lot of time researching the right backgrounds to make your story stand out. Very very well done. Also kudos for the whole grammar, synthax, punctuation etc. I could not notice one single mistake! Spot directing and directing in general are top notch too, you clearly know your way around the writing platform.
          I seriously have noticed ONLY positive things about your work: how many outfits you have managed to create with the few items that would actually fit into the historical period, the easy yet challenging tasks in it ( such as encouraging the reader to find a name that works for both genders... On a personal note my MC is named Max - aka Maxine/Maximillian-) or having to guess the right sequence of actions in order to stay in the room with Dr. Scarborough etc.
          This is, in my opinion, the best aspect of your story and what will definitely make me read more, it's one of the few in here that really feels interactive and engaging as the choices you make (or don't make) do change radically the evolution of the plot.
          Very very well done Victoria, cannot wait to read more and find out about that mysterious girl with the necklace....

          K.

        • Vic
          Vic commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you, Miss K! I also enjoy your story tremendously and just left you a fan mail <3 I love your avatar name Max, btw.
          As for choices in my stories (talking about both, Experiment Earth and Eclipsis) some will have minor consequences, but some will be huge. I hope I'll be able to keep track of it in Eclipsis - because, oh boy, in Experiment Earth I have so many different story lines that it gives me a headache just thinking about it, lol... This was kinda the reason why I just took a looooong hiatus from Episode writing, and now I'm using Eclipsis to get back into the swing of things. Once I'm done with Eclipsis I'll continue on EE, ugh... I hope by that time I'm such a directing master that it'll be easy peasy to get back into it and detangle the mess I got myself into, hahahaha... I'm kinda playing with the idea of rewriting the whole EE story in Ink style to give my readers also the chance to create their own avatar. Since it's been like a year they've probably already forgotten most of the story anyway and might want to start over hehe...

        • Miss K.
          Miss K. commented
          Editing a comment
          Vic I understand it's demanding but it's surely worth it and it makes the whole reading experience so much more enjoyable!! Keep up the great work, I will be checking out your other story too! K.

      • #8
        CHAPTER FIVE is out!

        Comment


        • #9
          Please read A Twisted Stimulation I just published it. I only have 17 readers so far . I'm asking you to give it a chance I promise you won't be disappointed !!!!

          Author: J.noel
          Genre: Mystery, Romance, Thriller and Drama
          Summary:
          Secrets, lies and deceptions can lead to many questions. Who are the Golden Gates and Do you believe the devil is real?


          http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4941489242374144

          Comment


          • Vic
            Vic commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi Jess, I'm going to read it today. It would be nice if you'd read mine in return. I have 5 episodes out so far.

        • #10
          Vic Of course I will . I'm actually doing read for reads and I give proof that I read it , so I will definitely read your story I have 3 out so far (4-6 will be released in a few weeks)

          Comment


          • Vic
            Vic commented
            Editing a comment
            I'm starting to read the first episode finally Sorry it took a little more time to get started than I thought.
            I'm going to write my comments while I'm reading if you don't mind some suggestions. That is why it took me so long to get started. I'm taking this stuff serious, lol...

            I like this type of sophisticated stories, so it's going definitely on my favorite list, especially since your writing is well done without spelling mistakes etc (except a couple of typos, and it's "supposed" and not "suppose" a common mistake many people make and a pet peeve of mine. For example: "What time are we supposed to have this meeting?" You've got a lot of "suppose" in there that are supposed to be "supposed". Same with people writing "use to" instead of "used to".)

            In the beginning of your story you have our mom being chastised by us for not being able to provide enough income to afford the mortgage - however, we are working as well, so it's our responsibility to contribute. I think it's a bit harsh and mean to treat mom that way. I get it that the MC feels stressed at the moment, and that she's manic-depressive (I think it's called bipolar these days) but she should still be likable and not come off as such a biatch right from the start Maybe you could add a choice there for us to either go with the upset reply or chose a more understanding one. This way you've got all your bases covered and still get your message across.

            I really like your sense of style and how you dressed your characters! It might not seem like such a big deal because one thinks that everyone would be able to dress their chars appropriately, but oh boy, it isn't so! LOL... Your chars on the other hand are dressed to kill! Beautiful! That's why Melanie's brother sticks out hahaha, idk if you did this on purpose, but he doesn't wear a shirt under his jacket.

            So I'm taking my friend Mel to the party and then ditch her without saying goodbye?

            Whoa... The boss takes me to his house and straight to the bedroom to talk to me? He's sexy and all, but I think he's too classy to do that and would probably take me into the library or living room or office of his mansion.

            Another note regarding making people sympathetic. If you want Donovan to be a good guy at heart, that is. When I tell him that I and Mel met at a mental institution where she landed after her adoptive father tried to rape her (which is oddly specific of the MC to tell her boss whom she just has met, I don't think that she would betray her friend's trust like that and tell these things about her... Maybe she should just think that part instead of blurting it out. She's a terrible friend otherwise, hehe)... anyway, when I tell him that he replies:"Really? That's interesting. A mental institution. So why were you there?" - This is just completely tactless and insensitive. How about have him first say something like this: "I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope Mel is okay.", if you leave the Mel story in, which I still think the MC should just think-bubble that particular part (the rape). So Donovan could then say: "I appreciate your honesty and candidness. It can't be easy talking about this. Would you mind me asking why you where there?" On the other hand, if you want Donovan to be an ass, he would probably react and talk the way he does, HOWEVER, then I would just leave and not sleep with him later on. Here's the thing, he can be an asshole, but make him a manipulative asshole who can smooth-talk Kat into liking him.

            Something else to consider: the MC says her father's body was never found and they had a closed casket - which would actually be an empty casket if the father was never found, and thus not worth mentioning as being obviously closed, because the mentioning of a closed casket is usually reserved for illustrating a situation in which the dead body was too mangled to show in an open one.

            Donovan spills the beans about this Golden Gates group too easily, and on the same day he told himself that he can never tell the us. He barely knows her, so what is his motivation to tell her? If you need her to find out, have her find a document at his house while he's in the bathroom, or have him be too drunk to keep his mouth shut. Him being drunk could also be a reason for them to leave the party. Maybe the MC says to her friend that she has to drive her boss home. That'll take care of the rude leaving the friend behind AND gives her a legitimate reason to go to Donovan's house and even bedroom.

            The MC asks if Donovan is "apart of" the organization. You mean "a part of".

            Okay, so Kat was holding on to her virginity for so long and then gives it up to her boss the same day she meets him? It's not plausible unless she's also drunk. But then she wouldn't have driven him. Maybe mention that she forgot to take her pills and had a manic phase coming on, one where she has no impulse control.

            So when Donovan tells Kat that they cannot be seen in public anymore, you have to rephrase it. They are working together, so they will be seen in public together. He has to say something like: "In public we need to maintain a purely professional relationship."

            Donovan receives a call from Unknown to come to a meeting in 30 min. The caller says: "In like 30 minutes." Unless the caller is a teenage girl I'd change the lingo here.

            Found a couple of "your" instead of "you're".

            Oh noooooo, poor Mel!!! 0.0 ....well, you certainly finished the first episode with a bang! Congrats!

            I like it very much and will continue reading your story. The reason why I wrote so much here is really not meant as nagging, it's rather a sort of compliment, because I see the potential in your story and how you can make it even better, you know?

        • #11
          Chapter Six is out, yo!

          You're truly missing out if you're not reading this.

          Comment


          • #12
            Will you and William find out what the inscription of the Eclipsibus means?
            Did Hank survive his ordeal? Is Robert the Younger going to rat you out?

            Chapter 7 - Fugit Hora. Finally out!!

            Comment


            • #13
              Out now: Chapter 8 - Flirting with Danger

              Number 2 in Adventure genre - yay

              Comment


              • #14
                Vic I've been reading this story over the weeks and I just got to say wow, Eclipsis is amazing. It is such a phenomenal and creative story. Nice directing as-well. I love it. At first I thought this was going to be a cliche story, but it's not! The plot is so interesting. The chemistry between the MC, William and Hank is just so natural and mixes together so well.

                Each chapter makes you want to find out what happens next which is another reason why this story is awesome. There's a purpose with the chapters as-well and balances everything out smoothly...

                I'm currently on Chapter 8 and I will continue reading.

                Defiently one of my favorite stories on this app... I'd recommend this to anyone, especially those who love history.

                Hats off to your writing, seriously. Keep up the good work.

                Comment


                • Vic
                  Vic commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Aww thank you so much! This makes me so happy. xo I'm working on chapter 16 right now and will hopefully finish today.

              • #15
                Trailer for chapter 18 - which is out now, btw.

                Comment


                • Vic
                  Vic commented
                  Editing a comment
                  The trailer was made by the wonderful Ebonni, btw! I'm addicted to it! >.<
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