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  • LTea Reviews

    Welcome!
    To my new Review thread, where I shall be offering free thoughts and advice on the Episode stories that you have created. Because that’s how reviews work…
    MY REVIEW FORMAT

    As I have other works to do, and I do not have money to buy unlimited passes, I shall only be reading 1-3 chapters of your stories. I shall always read the first one, but I shall also give stories a second chance up to 3 Chapters. Also, If I like your work, I shall add it to my weekly suggestions post, along with the waiting list.
    MY REVIEWS are set up as followed…

    FIRST IMPRESSION: This includes the title, cover, description, and my personal thoughts as well as general opinions. This could also include the first few moments of your story.

    PLOT: This will obviously look at the set-up and interest of your overall story. Ignoring other factors, I will look at the concept you created, and how you have utilised it. This is where I focus mostly, as well as how your characters best fit in to your story. Don’t worry, I’m polite with constructive criticisms, and I know how difficult storytelling can be.

    CHARACTERS: This is one of the things I talk about in good depth, because Characters are everything to a story. I will look at your protagonist, and other notable characters, as well as how you voice them, design them, and animate them.

    DIRECTION: This will look at how you have built your story using Episode’s extensive tools to your capabilities. I will consider the use of animations, directions, Sound (if you use it), and backgrounds/art (if you have it.)

    ERRORS: This will be where I acknowledge any glitches, spelling mistakes, or otherwise. My personal spelling, however, is not top notch, and I tend to overlook them as much as any other. There are other threads and reviewers who will look closely at these for you, but I am not one of them. If I see any, I will let you know, but it is always good to double check your work before you publish.


    OVERALL: This will conclude my thoughts on your overall story, what I personally thought, and any major things to look into. I will be courteous of your work, as I know how much work goes into making any level of story, but I will also be honest. Don’t be disheartened, anyone can improve with just a few tips, and I would never outright insult your work.

    ALSO, if you would like me to focus on any specific area, or take notice of certain aspects, don’t hesitate to let me know. If you would also like specific advice or help, feel free to message me and I will do my best to help you or direct you to someone who can. I’m here to help, after all.

    REQUEST FORM

    I will only accept requests that have followed this form, as it shows you have actually acknowledged my work in writing this post, and aren’t just spamming the forums to advertise your story. Please do not request if you are overly sensitive to constructive criticism, as I will be honest in my thoughts – though I will also be considerate and polite, so don’t be too scared. If in doubt, check some of my other reviews, and you can reach your own verdict. If I have accepted your request, you will be added to the waiting list, which I will post once every day.

    FORM

    title of story’ by (Author Name)
    Genre:
    Description:
    Full Review/ Note Form:
    Fun Fact:
    SO…
    Thank you for visiting my thread! Please take note, I am not an expert. I did not take a college degree, I am not a professional published writer (although I will be soon…) and I am in no way the definitive on what you should do. I am offering personal advice and opinions from years of experience as a reader/writer, and I have done enough personal research to know the basics of storytelling. If I do not like your story, do not take offence, it is a personal opinion. I am one in billions, and I can promise you what I may not like, thousands of others will. It is your story, and like most stories, there is no set of rules or facts to go by. This is an industry of opinions, and opinions change.
    WITH ALL THAT SAID…
    I look forward to reading your stories!
    L~

  • #2
    Hi!
    I would love a review from you.

    Titel. Bad choice by Nina
    Genre. Romance
    Description. The story is about Alice who just moved to a new town. Her first day har meets Jace and instant love strucks her. But what will she do after she finds out the he is a upcoming gangleader? And what will Jace do when his gangrival sets his eyes on Alice?
    Full Review. I would really love a full review on what you think about the story. The storyline and the script.
    Fun fact. Parts of the story is based on my own experience.
    http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5655071307857920

    I really hope that you like it and that you will recommend me to others!

    // Nina

    Comment


    • #3
      FORM

      title of story’ by (Author Name): Perfect Pitches: Dynamic One
      Genre: Comedy/Drama/Romance
      Description: Eight people, one group, one voice. You suffer from a serious case of stage fright. But will acapella heal your fear?
      Full Review/ Note Form: Full Review
      Fun Fact: Hmm about the story or in general? If about the story... a lot of the characters I used names that seemed significant for their personality. For example, Andre means 'man' or 'warrior'.

      Thank you so much for creating this thread!!
      This is my second story I've published and one I'm entering into the Perfect Pitches contest.
      Please feel free to be completely honest and I will appreciate any and all constructive criticism!

      Comment


      • #4
        Life Without Jennifer by Mia
        Genre: drama
        Description: Jennifer is getting married soon, but something turns her life around. Will her new life be a better one?
        Full Review/ Note Form: I would like to get a full review.
        Fun Fact: I have a lot of crazy stuff planned for this story.

        Comment


        • #5
          WAITING LIST
          x Niiina - 'Bad choice' by Nina
          x episode.angelap - 'Perfect Pitches: Dynamic One' by ___
          x Mia_writes - 'Life Without Jennifer' by Mia


          Thank you all for your requests, I shall get onto them as soon as. Each Review will be linked to your name, so you should be notified when yours is done.
          Thank you all again! ^-^

          Comment


          • Niiina
            Niiina commented
            Editing a comment
            Yay!!!
            I'm so excited!! 😁😁

        • #6
          Yes please!

          Title of story: The Only Sky
          by (Dashaina)

          Genre: Drama
          Description: A mid-20's girl has a fun job, a guy who controls her, a man she's never met, except over email and a few guys "on the side" in a manner of speaking...All she wants is to find love, happiness and freedom. Can she?
          http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5537762494906368
          Full Review/ Note Form: Full review would be fantastic!
          Fun Fact: My story is based on my real life during my 20's. I live on an small island that we own in Panama and I homeschool my 2 daughters!
          Last edited by AdventureGirl; 08-29-2017, 05:05 PM.

          Comment


          • LTea
            LTea commented
            Editing a comment
            I have added you to the waiting list, but without the story title I won't be able to find the story to complete the review. :/ Nice fact though, I look forward to reviewing it. ^-^

          • AdventureGirl
            AdventureGirl commented
            Editing a comment
            It's been so hectic in my house this evening, clearly. Updated with Title.

        • #7

          FORM

          The Art of Affection’ by Sabrina M. Rain
          Genre: Romance
          Description: What he failed to realize was that she could break hearts too... *CC*
          Full Review/ Note Form: I would really appreciate a full review.
          Fun Fact: My main character was partly inspired by myself!


          Thank you so much for creating this thread! I look forward to hearing from you soon.
          ~Sabrina

          Comment


          • #8
            Thanks so much for doing this! I hope you can get to mine!

            Title of story’ by (Author Name): ---Pregnancy Rollercoaster By ShelbyRN
            Genre: --- Drama/Romance
            Description: --- A teenaged girl name Tina claims she's a virgin until she meets a guy named Zeek at a high school party. 3 weeks later and she finds out she's pregnant! What's even worse is she doesn't even know if Zeek is the father! Will the stress of high school drama cause this teen to deliver her baby early? and will she ever figure out who the father is.... read my story to unfold all the drama, lust, love, and craziness!
            Full Review/ Note Form: Full review, please!
            Fun Fact: This story is based on a true story! And the author of this story is in college in Nursing school!

            LINK: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4837600613105664

            thorpe-park-rollercoaster.png

            Comment


            • #9
              FORM

              ‘Sick and Broken’ by Sophie On Episode
              Genre: Drama
              Description: Macy is at school but suddenly she fainted...Everything started to change.
              Full Review/ Note Form: When you do the review, please send me it in fan mail.
              Fun Fact: This story is Non Fiction. The girl named Macy did faint and broke her leg!

              Comment


              • LTea
                LTea commented
                Editing a comment
                what with the length of my reviews, I wouldn't be able to send it via fan-mail. if you like, you can withdraw the request, leave the request posted here, or I can privately message you the review. That said, you didn't answer whether you would like a shorter form of the Review or a full length one. I have left you on the waiting list, but until I get a response I won't be able to do the review. In any case, I look forward to reading your story! ^-^
                ~ L
                Last edited by LTea; 09-01-2017, 07:55 PM.

              • LTea
                LTea commented
                Editing a comment
                As you have yet to respond to my first comment, and I personally don't like having an unresponsive name on my waiting list, I will be giving you the week to get back to me before I remove your name from the list. I don't want to be rude or harsh, but the list is there so I can quickly find who's next, and I cannot do your review until you have answered my last question. I apologise for the wait this will cause.
                ~ L

            • #10
              Niiina – I read three chapters, slightly skimming the third for the sake of time and only because I wanted to see where your plot was going. I will explain this better below, but for a first attempt at a story you have done well. It could do with improvement, but that will never change no matter how good you get, a writer can always improve! ^-^ In any case, here is your review!

              Bad choice’ by Nina
              A romance about a girl named Alice who becomes infatuated with the upcoming gang leader/Bad boy, Jace.

              FIRST IMPRESSION: Okay, I will be honest, when I read the description there were several red flags. The first being the gang leader cliché, which I’m seeing a lot of on Episode these days. I wasn’t exactly gripped by this, but that’s not to say that a gang leader story can’t be gripping. Consider how your story will set itself apart from the crowd, and you will do perfectly fine. The other was the ‘instant love struck’ which is a huge red flag in writing. I will explain this later, because it really cripples your story, but it is an easy fix – so don’t worry too much! Your cover was interesting, with the death character being a very intriguing addition, and hopefully he cameos in your story later. Apart from that, your title needs capitals, ie. ‘Bad Choice’ and is also a cliché title in itself. I found several other titled of the same name, just with an S. This will make your story harder to find, but fortunately your cover did stand out. So well done there!

              As for the first few seconds, I found myself a little off put by the narration – as if it was pointing out the obvious. This is just a personal note, but it could be worth checking with a friend. This is also me nit-picking. I was glad to see you included character customisation! This is a great technique with episode, because it helps readers to relate to the character, and invest themselves more in the story. I would question why you included Customisation, but stuck with the name Alice, as this is half of the trick. It didn’t bother me so much, but I would suggest you consider if being called Alice is important, or if it would be better to allow full customisation of character and name. Still, I’m glad you included the customisation!


              PLOT: Right, as I mentioned before, the romance, gangster story is a huge cliché on episode, which means you will really have to focus on setting your story apart. There are many ways to do this, the biggest being twists in your over-all plot, subplots are also useful, but most importantly your characters and how unique you make them. If they stand out, your story will. So, as for the progression of your story, I will add that your plot line should be clear from square one. In this case, your story was already described and is somewhat predictable that it was clear from the start what was going to happen. However, the downside of this is that your story is predictable, and not very engaging. When you read a book, the first chapter is there to introduce the MC, the setting, and the plot. While you did the first two, the plot was not introduced until chapter 3, which is a little too long. Again, though, your story is one that doesn’t necessarily need to follow this idea as it’s description tells you off the get-go, so alternatively my suggestion would be to use those chapters to really set up your characters. This will help keep a good pace to your story, and add that dash of spice to your characters that will help them and the story stand apart from the crowd.

              And, I shall mention this again, because it is a huge thing to me. Be very careful of an instant romance.

              I say this because in no story have I ever seen such a plot devise used correctly, because the idea of smacking eyes with someone and needing only them is unrealistic – and real people don’t relate to unrealistic scenarios. Now, I won’t deny that people have fallen in love quickly, but it’s never instant. They talk, they share interests, and realise that they are really attracted. With your story, if Jace is considerably secretive, this wouldn’t work.

              From your fun fact, I don’t know exactly how much you experienced of this plot, and I certainly hope you’re not involved with gangs or obsessive relationships (my friend was in one of those, and long story short, we’re not friends any-more.) but in story writing, love has to be earned. After all, you’re not just wooing the character, you also have to woo the reader. If a reader doesn’t love the romance, then they won’t be invested in it, and it will just become boring.

              My advice? Stretch it out, and stretch it far. Love is earned, and the best love is forbidden, because you always want something you can’t have. If Jace is cold or brooding, dangerous or intimidating, make him turn down every advance and taunt the MC for trying. But on the opposite side, nobody fights for a one-sided cause. Make her turn him down just as much. It’s like tug of war. If they’re both pulling each other around, the romance between them becomes so much more interesting. Love is a battle field, so bring us hell and we’ll be eating popcorn out your hand like pigeons.

              (Gotta love these metaphors. XD )


              CHARACTERS: So! With that said, your characters. While I love the use of character customisation at the beginning, your first introduction was just an information dump (that’s actually what it’s called, I’m not being mean.) With three chapters to set your characters up in, don’t be afraid to spread things out. Make them unique and interesting, give them hobbies, or better still consider adding choices that add to the character. What I found with your characters was that you would introduce them, and then they would fade into the background, only appearing when they needed to be there. For example, the father/uncle. If he’s going to be no real influence on the story, you have a choice. Make him an influence or ditch him. It’s harsh, but Readers don’t care for characters that don’t matter. As I myself am part of a close-nit family, I felt a little sorry for him. His niece has just moved in! He should be checking on her, they should have a past together, inside jokes, nicknames… And a quick note on pet names. I liked the addition of doll face, but it came a little sudden. Pet names are earnt, just like romances. For example, I have a friend I’ve known for a good few years, which only after at least three years did I give a nickname to. (blondie, if your curious. X) ) Most nicknames are also custom-named for one person, while some are generic. Calling someone Hun, for example, is generic and is often used by normally sociable people, whereas a name like Frostbite is custom for a specific person who acts cold or anti-social. If it’s not obvious why they’re using that name, don’t be afraid to make it obvious. “Why doll face?” “Because you’re pretty… and plastic.” (I’m joking, but feel free to use it.)

              BUT! Back to characters. I found that many of them were seemingly 2d. What I mean by this is that they are generic and stereotypical. The best friend that’s attracted to boys. The brotherly figure (though in this case it was a cousin, which was somewhat odd, but okay.) The Player, the bad boy etc. So, everyone is a stereotype at heart, but you could never tell because there is just so much else to go with it. My brother’s an anime nerd, but you wouldn’t know because he’s tall, daunting, works out and acts like the tall-dark-mysterious type, when he’s actually an anime loving goof. Twists of characteristics like this are gold in storytelling, because what’s more unique than characters who break stereotypes with a boulder? Character quirks, catchphrases, clothing styles and career choices. When you made the second romantic interest an economics student (was it? I can’t remember, but it was financing or something unique.) I actually perked up. A well dressed hot guy in finance, who’s also a gang member? Give me more of that because that is interesting!

              Lastly, there were two moments that made me laugh I thought I would mention – because I rarely laugh at stories – one being the point when Jace is eating a cupcake and uses food as an excuse to being in someone’s house. XD That, my friend, is relatable, and I couldn't help chuckling. The other was Alice just walking away from Lucas’ kiss attempt. It was a little ruined by the advance later, because there was a mix of over-reacting and under-reacting going on in that scene, but just walking off… hehe, that made me laugh.

              The rest is posted in comments...
              Last edited by LTea; 08-29-2017, 04:15 PM.

              Comment


              • LTea
                LTea commented
                Editing a comment
                DIRECTION: As your first story on episode, I’m honestly impressed. There were a couple flaws, as mentioned below, but overall you used spot directing accurately and set up the parties and school to actually look populated. This is a long process and really annoying to do, So honestly, props to you! I would say you should experiment with your use of animations, as some got a little repetitive while others were over-dramatic sometimes, and perhaps consider spacing between characters as there were a couple occasions a character was too small/too close, and there was one scene when the MC was floating in the car seat. Nothing a few checks over won’t fix, but well done for using the advanced techniques. They really help build your story and make it feel lively!

                ERRORS: So, I did find a multitude of grammar and basic spelling mistakes, which I did note down but there are quite a few. I understand how it can be easy to overlook these things, and how annoying and tedious it is to proof read, but you should really check through before you publish as this can deter a large audience of readers. If you need help, I would suggest requesting someone on the forum to run through your script, as there are many people kind enough to do so. From what I saw, it was a lot of missing commas, you capitalised a lot, you wrote too instead of to a lot, and some other basic mistakes. Don’t be too down hearted, as this is the easiest thing to fix and will greatly improve your story. Everyone loves a well pronounced book, and the same goes for episode, better yet Episode has people on hand and willing to help!

                Besides that, your direction was impressive for a first story, although it did come with a handful of common glitches. You can test your stories on the app, and I greatly suggest doing so before publishing. At the beginning, Mark was talking but not speaking, and there were a lot of awkward pauses. This could have been my tablet acting up, but most times just check that you haven’t done too many beats in a pause.

                OVERALL: wow, so this is very long, and I won’t lie, there were some other things I had noted down too. Majoritively, you should definitely check spellings, directing errors, and pauses. Just doing this will boost your story that much, especially with your use of direction and with how popular your plot’s concept is. I Hope this review has helped highlight some of the points where your story could be built up, and I will say now that you can definitely take this story far. I will keep an eye on what you do with it, and while I greatly recommend planning and evaluating your plot and characters, you have created a solid first story. So well done!

                If you would like a second review after editing, don’t hesitate to let me know, but understand that I could be busy. If you would just like advice, or would like me to explain something I have said, feel free to message me and I shall get back to you as soon as. Don’t be disheartened by anything I have said. A good writer has talent, but a great one is made through practice. I look forward to seeing what you do with this. Goodluck!
                ~L

            • #11
              title: Cupid's Arrow: Love Drunk by Mehek
              genre: drama
              description: Five people. Five pasts. Five demons. One Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that changes everything. [COMPLETE]
              full review/note form: I'd prefer a full review
              fun fact: every main character's backstory is inspired by someone I've met.

              Comment


              • #12

                WAITING LIST

                x episode.angelap - 'Perfect Pitches: Dynamic One' by ___
                x Mia_writes - 'Life Without Jennifer' by Mia
                x AdventureGirl - 'The Only Sky' by Dashaina
                x Sabrina Auteberry - ‘The Art of Affection’ by Sabrina M. Rain
                x Vetpro. - Pregnancy Rollercoaster By ShelbyRN
                x Sophie_McCormick
                - ‘Sick and Broken’ by Sophie On Episode
                x Mehek - 'Cupid's Arrow: Love Drunk' by Mehek



                Thank you all for your requests, I shall get onto them as soon as. Each Review will be linked to your name, so you should be notified when yours is done. As I have just posted a Review, you can all see how I work. If you would like to withdraw a review, I won't be offended. Hopefully my next reviews won't be as long, but if you don't mind a lot of feedback then feel free to await your reviews patiently. Thank you all again for being polite and patient, I look forward to reading each of them. I will aim to do at least two a day, but for now it is late, so I shall return come morrow. Till then!
                ~L
                Last edited by LTea; 08-29-2017, 05:13 PM.

                Comment


                • #13
                  Here is my story:
                  Title: Crimes: True At Heart
                  Author: Heart Live
                  Genre: mystery
                  Story description: The start of everyone starts at the purest, how do they end up as serial killers?
                  Style: ink
                  Episodes: 4 (more to come)
                  Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4987855881502720
                  Give it a read and follow my instagram: @heart_live_official
                  crimes - True At Heart (small).jpg
                  Last edited by Heart_Live; 08-29-2017, 09:56 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #14
                    title of story’ by (Author Name): Projection! by Karlon Artis
                    Genre: Comedy
                    Description: Harry Stevens is looking for his big break in the world of musical theatre. But what will it take to get there?
                    Full Review/ Note Form: Can I please have a full review?
                    Fun Fact: This story is my first story on Episode
                    Link:
                    http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6046875219918848
                    Last edited by kahotshot; 08-29-2017, 06:05 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #15
                      Lost in The Past by Mary.Jane
                      Genre: Romance/Drama
                      Description: Sometimes life takes a wrong turn. Bella is given an opportunity to get it back on track. Will she use it?
                      Full review
                      Fun fact: This is my first story. I wrote it on mobile, so I couldn't add sound, zoom, new backgrounds... It's inspired by A Christmas Carol.

                      Comment

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