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  • Heart_Live - I read two chapters to see how you set up your story. It was very different compared to most episode stories, taking a more informative side, but I think it wound up lacking some real feelings because of it. It was more like a documentary without facts, so that should be something to consider. Still, you asked for a note form, so everything below is in a rough, short format. because of this, it may sound blunt or harsher then normal. Just a heads up.

    Note Form
    "Crimes: True At Heart" by Heart Live
    X Author note in title - suggest not.
    X Description worded odd. Try "humans are born with..." "So, what kind of experiences could cause them..."
    X Bad wording throughout
    X Liked 'Case one' instead of chapters
    X Nice Splash Background and cover
    X Walk into dorm room takes too long
    X Students can leave a school/college/uni, and do frequently
    X Very dull/dead animation
    X Needs more story/dialogue/interaction
    X Dialogue very 2D, no personality
    X Can't be sure if Killer is the same for both - no evidence
    X Plot holes in forensics side
    X Confusing to hear info listed back
    X Don't ask the right questions

    Overall thoughts?
    Very dull read, not informative enough to work, facts don't add up, no personality, odd wording, unique story approach. Has potential but needs some 'colour'.

    If you would like a second review after editing, don’t hesitate to let me know, but understand that I could be busy. If you would just like advice, or would like me to explain something I have said, feel free to message me and I shall get back to you as soon as. Don’t be disheartened by anything I have said. A good writer has talent, but a great one is made through practice. I look forward to seeing what you do with this. Good luck!

    ~L

    Comment


    • FORM

      LOST IN YOU’ by (idieinyourarms)
      Genre: Romance
      Description: You always liked to play safe. But it's time for someone to show you the wild side of life. Are you ready to take a risk?
      Full Review/ Note Form: I would love a full review, thank you
      Fun Fact: Well I started this story 6 months ago for the first time and published the first 5 episodes and the directing etc was pretty bad back then and I lost interest in it. And a month ago, I came back to episode and starting getting really into how to direct better (especially also because someone showed me how to) and since then I've been hooked and I revamped all episodes so far and been writing a lot.

      Comment


      • FORM

        Demon God (by E.Z.)
        Genre: Fantasy
        Description: He starved himself for three hundred years in order to abide by a woman's promise. Everyone in Devildom is waiting for him to die.
        Full Review/ Note Form: Full review for all my grammars please
        Fun Fact: It's really awful for a writer like me for whom English is not the first language to write an English story. I can make the directions perfect but grammar is my most inconfident part. So I definitely need a hand for this. I'll be more than appreciated.

        Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4678673313693696

        Comment


        • FORM

          Breach of Contract’ by (Chelsea)
          Genre: Action
          Description: Fixated on revenge, she becomes a deadly assassin living by a strict set of rules. Will she be tempted to break them?
          Full Review/ Note Form: I would love a full review, thank you
          Fun Fact: This is based on a story that I wrote a few years back. I'm putting it on episode to get peoples' opinions on it.

          Comment


          • WAITING LIST

            x Booklady1017 - 'Many Miles and Years Away' by Booklady1017
            x Briana M. - 'Popular Girl Gone Bad + Sequel' - My New Life by Briana M.
            x Mira Crystal - 'Arranged Marriage OR Love' by Mira Crystal
            x beby.stories - Unexpected Fall by Beb Y
            x Ni (shee) - 'Falling for a Superstar' by Ni
            x Aly N. - 'Heir to My Heart' by Aly Neill
            x G. Lambent - 'Changed' by G. Lambent
            x missrobee.episode - 'Widened Eyes' by miss robee
            x kayc889 - ‘Forever is A Long Time’ by CatEyedGoddess
            x Five Star Equilibrium - 'City of Angels 1987' by Five Star Equilibrium
            x kimmylowe - 'Chasing Shadows' by Kimberlie Ryan
            x Mrs. Olly - 'Not for Love' by Mary olly
            x Baleigh.R - ‘The Rose Queen’ by Baleigh
            x Ann 2 K - 'Undercover: Fake Identity' by Ann2K
            x Mehaslim2 - ‘Santa's Naughty List’ by Shiran K
            x ritud.episode - 'Partner in Divorce' by Ritu D
            x Arina1998 - ‘See the Real Meby Arina Herman
            x CrazyCaliope - 'The Bachelorette' by Caliope
            x Solete - 'The Past Shapes Us' by Solete
            x lawful evil - 'Where do we go from here?' by _____
            x Manna - 'Mei' by Manna
            x Alphan - ‘Upside Down’ by Alphan
            x Nebula - 'Tick-Tock' by Nebula
            x JasmineLilac - 'Heading South' by JasmineLilac
            x Isabelle Escalante - 'Diary of a Middle School Teacher' by Marianna I. Escalante
            x idieinyourarms - ‘LOST IN YOU’ by idieinyourarms
            x Castino - 'Demon God' by E.Z.
            x chelsv4 - ‘Breach of Contract’ by Chelsea



            Thank you all for your requests, I shall get onto them as soon as. Each Review will be linked to your name, so you should be notified when yours is done. Please understand that I am creating these in spare time, and have no schedule as to when I post. I am also working on my own story, among other work, so it could take a long time before your Review is complete. That said, I appreciate the patience of those still waiting, and I look forward to reading your stories.
            I will also remind that my new thread for the WEEKLY SUGGESTIONS that I promised in my first post are up. This new topic is exclusively for those suggestions, but I will alert this thread when a new suggestion is up. I hope everyone can go over there and show support to those writers! ^-^
            I also have a help and advice thread called 'Tips and Trix' which I suggest checking out if you would like ideas or help in building and writing your stories. It's for storytelling advice mostly, but features a lot of reasons and explanations that should help you understand key storytelling components.
            Thank you all, and with all of this said, I wish everyone luck with their stories.
            ~ L
            Last edited by LTea; 01-09-2018, 03:24 PM.

            Comment


            • Booklady1017 – I only read one chapter, and while I really like the plot subject you have chosen, I feel like there is a lot to be improved on the execution of this topic. I think, more then anything, you should take a moment to go back and read through your work yourself. Just because it is your first story, doesn’t mean you can’t make it your best by improving. Still, here we go.

              Many Miles and Years Away’ by Booklady1017
              A story about a girl from the 1800’s who can travel to our time by touching her ring.

              FIRST IMPRESSION: Your cover was a bit messy, though it looked interesting. The title was cut at the sides and the overlay on top of the characters made everything look busy and had no real focus, so it could be worth re-arranging. The title was unique and interesting, though a bit of a mouthful. Your description was blunt, and got the point across but left out the intrigue on what was actually going to happen. Also, it should be “by a magical ring...” not ‘From’. Even so, it wasn’t a bad first impression.
              Your splash covers were okay, a bit out of place in comparison to your theme, and the first one switched to fast, so I suggest fades. I suggest mentioning tags at the end, and you don’t really need to link the post where you got it unless it explicitly states you do. You really need to add transitions to separate scenes as well, as I did find myself being jumped around, but this wasn’t the biggest problem, and I will talk more about it in Direction anyway. So, not a bad start, but could certainly be improved.

              PLOT: Okay. I liked your plot idea, the whole time travel thing is always a fun one and showing how different things are can be a lot of fun, but you really need to know what you’re getting into if you do. For one, if your story is about the two characters experiencing the different time periods, then you should make a plan of what things you want to approach. There are lots to talk about, beyond just everyday items. We have phones, they had letters, so you can show the communication problem in one episode. Lauren would have known what a bath and shower were as well, plumbing was invented in the 1500’s, so it would have been very common in the 1800’s. But you also have topical differences. For one, racism and slavery were still huge in the 1800’s, compared to now. Women's rights weren’t applied until around the 1900’s, so you could discuss that. There are many major differences beyond just items.
              But, as great at this plot is, you still need something driving it. Why do the two girls help each other? Why flit back and forth. Does the girl from our time have an interest in history, wants to learn something from that time, or does the magic ring have a history they need to uncover? You need to decide what is driving the plot, otherwise there is nothing beyond just general curiosity pushing a reader to keep reading – and curiosity doesn’t last for long.

              CHARACTERS: Right, now here is where you really made it hard for me to read. Even with a great plot idea, the characters are the people we are experiencing this story through. We have to like them. What I found with your characters were that they were incredibly 2d, almost flat, and their dialogue was like two robots talking to each other. I highly suggest reading back over your story, and also planning out who your characters are. Consider how they talk, act, react, and make sure to keep this consistent. Their animations should also match their emotions. If they are angry, they shouldn’t be looking shocked or sad or happy. Dialogue is a huge part of characterization. When you talk to someone, you don’t explain every reason or fact behind why you do it. I don’t say “I am feeling well and have had a good breakfast to make me happy.” but I could say. “I just had breakfast, so I’m feeling pretty good.” or “That amazing breakfast just made my day.” If you’re still having trouble, ask a friend or parent to role-play that character, and listen to how you ask and answer questions. This can help give your characters a more realistic voice, and helps an audience relate to them.

              DIRECTION: You had a very 50/50 skill with the basics. At some points the spot direction was well done, but on others it looked strange, took to long, overlapped or wasn’t sized correctly. I suggest going back and fixing the direction to help this. I also noticed your use of sound was rather patchy. A good story doesn’t have to use sound, but it does have to be consistent. If you use sound, make sure to use fades between scenes to make the transition smoother, and also feel free to use music where ambiance is limited. Also, I suggest not bothering with the people sound effects (aka. Crying, gasping, agreeing etc.) as they rarely sound right and almost always just feel out of place. As for choices and the outfit choice section, just ask yourself “does this need to be here?” as a guideline, if it doesn’t change character, add plot directive or make sense to the moment, don’t bother. Choosing outfits randomly was nice and all, but it didn’t effect anything, so I didn’t really care that much for it. Lastly, you may want to cut down the first chapter, it did drag on quite a bit.

              ERRORS: Your English was not very good at times, and there were a lot of errors I noticed that I could remark upon. My suggestion is to go back and edit it yourself, but if English is not your first language or you struggle with spelling, grammar or correct format, you may want to ask on the help sections of the forums for proofreaders to help you go through it.

              OVERALL:You have the start of what could be a very unique and interesting plot, but I think you really need to work on planning, and deciding where you want this story to go. Still, it was a good idea, and I can see a lot of opportunity for it should you work hard to polish it up.

              If you would like a second review after editing, don’t hesitate to let me know, but understand that I could be busy. If you would just like advice, or would like me to explain something I have said, feel free to message me and I shall get back to you as soon as. Don’t be disheartened by anything I have said. A good writer has talent, but a great one is made through practice. I look forward to seeing what you do with this. Good luck!

              ~L

              Comment


              • Hiya. This is my story and I would so appreciate if you would read it and give me feedback, when you have the time. Thank you so much.

                TITLE: Far Away
                DESCRIPTION: At 11,Lucy witnessed a dreadful murder and shes next. She is put into an abusive foster home. 5 years later her estranged aunt hides her in an island.
                What waits for her on this island?

                AUTHOR: Sinead O'Neill
                GENRE: Romance, action, thriller
                EPISODES: 9 (on-going)
                STYLE: Ink
                Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6639166342430720

                Comment


                • Mira Crystal – I only read one chapter, because I realized your plot was pretty much the exact same as the featured story ‘I married a Prince’. I don’t know if this was a coincidence, or if you have just re-created the same thing, but either way you’re not going to get anywhere with the same story. Consider putting your own spin on it, maybe.

                  Arranged Marriage OR Love’ by Mira Crystal
                  A Romance about a girl who goes to college and finds out she is betrothed to marry the local Prince

                  FIRST IMPRESSION: Well, I didn’t know the guy was a prince, so you might have wanted to add that. Otherwise, I thought the title was a bit blunt and didn’t sound that interesting. The same thing for your description, which makes your plot sound really under developed. The cover was cliché, but for some reason made to look like a thriller – due to the font choice and dark background. You also said that this was your first story, and with how few views it’s had, I didn’t have a very good first impression. Though, it’s not terrible, as I’ve certainly seen worse.

                  Your first sentence was rather aggressive, and I thought it would be an authors note. You used the black background, so I would suggest getting some splash backgrounds for the CC and sound warnings. Again, not a very great start, but I have seen worse.

                  PLOT: So, as I mentioned, whether by intention or not, this story is almost the exact same plot as ‘I Married A Prince’ which in my opinion was pretty plot-less in the first place. It’s cliché and has been done hundreds of times before, and is also a bit silly that some will ages ago would state that some random descendant has to marry a random commoner for no reason beyond ‘Why not!’. There are several plot holes in the way that works, being British with our own monarchy I can happily say that this kind of plot directive is just ridiculous, but then again this is me. Lots of people fall head over heels for this kind of thing, but still. As it is already a featured story, you will want to find your own twist on the story. Maybe it’s not the MC who’s engaged, maybe it’s her older sister, who dies or something? Maybe the Prince is already in an affair? Maybe the MC is the royalty and has to marry some random guy off the street? Anything, but you will definitely need to reconsider the plot of your story, because it has been done, and it’s stupidly predictable anyway.

                  CHARACTERS: They were fairly lack lustre. Very little personality, the dialogue was strangely split up as well, and I didn’t really get a feel for any of them. It was like watching a play performed by cardboard cut-outs. I’ve recently written a post on the stages of characterization, which you can find on my ‘tips and trix’ thread (linked at the bottom of the waiting list), and it should help you develop those characters a bit more. Otherwise, just consider who they are, how they would act or talk, what kind of personality they have, and work to add that in your story.

                  DIRECTION: You have the basics, but there are quite a few errors with layering and sounds. Your choice of sound was jarring at times, with some not looping, cutting out randomly, sound effects looping when they shouldn’t and no fades to transition between them. You choice of sounds was very off-putting, and I couldn’t really take the story seriously when it was doing violin screeches to over-dramatize a moment. Anyway, moving on there were several moments where a character was layered wrong, overlapping things. The MC can chose to wear the same outfit as another character at one point, and your language was not the best. There were no full stops at the end of your sentences and several spelling mistakes, as well as those awkward pauses and splits between lines. This was also matched with the fact that not all of your lines of dialogue had animations, so I was watching an awkward pose while I read.

                  ERRORS: I ran into too many to list them here, so what I will say is to go back over your first episode. Check for errors, glitches, grammar and spellings and if you aren’t the best at English you can find someone to help you on the help section of the forums. While your English wasn’t the worst, it certainly could be improved, so I highly suggest doing this. The same would go for your direction, as this is what set your story back the most.

                  OVERALL:It’s not terrible, but there is a lot to be improved. Don’t be too upset by this, we’ve all had to start somewhere, after all. But you should seriously consider the plot you have chosen. Again, I don’t know if you meant to do the same thing, or if it just happened by coincidence, but either way your story will not go very far if you do the same thing. So, that’s something to consider for sure.

                  If you would like a second review after editing, don’t hesitate to let me know, but understand that I could be busy. If you would just like advice, or would like me to explain something I have said, feel free to message me and I shall get back to you as soon as. Don’t be disheartened by anything I have said. A good writer has talent, but a great one is made through practice. I look forward to seeing what you do with this. Good luck!

                  ~L

                  Comment


                  • Hearts Reunited’ by Akasha Seavue
                    Genre: Drama
                    Description: When a shadow from the past comes back into her life, will two hearts reunite or will his secrets destroy her life?

                    Full Review/ Note Form: I would like a full review, please.
                    Fun Fact: Not sure how fun it is, but I initially wrote this story a while back with terrible directing and dialogues. After a few months of leaving it on hold, I've decided to fix all the issues. I've been debating for quite a while whether or not to revamp it and I finally decided to lock that one and recreate it from scratch.


                    I appreciate you doing this! Thank you!

                    Comment


                    • Hi LTea! I would love to hear your opinion of my story!

                      Envy’ by Cindy Gaultier
                      Genre: Drama
                      Description: The most popular girl in school, you become the target of cruel, anonymous acts. Will you uncover who's behind it all... and find love along the way? (LGBT options)
                      Full Review/ Note Form: Full review, please!
                      Fun Fact: I had to put this story on hold in order concentrate on updating my other story when it won the Dec writers' contest, but I'll be writing more chapters in February. Also not really sure if this should be drama or mystery (mystery/drama might be more appropriate?).
                      Last edited by Cindyg; 01-11-2018, 06:05 AM.

                      Comment


                      • Are you back at reviewing now ?

                        Comment


                        • LTea
                          LTea commented
                          Editing a comment
                          Yeah, have been for a while now. The waiting list is very long though, and as I do this in my spare time I can't say when I'll get round to people's reviews. if you're happy to wait then feel free to request.

                      • Ni (shee) – I read the first two chapters. I did notice a bit of a problem with your pacing, some things going too fast, other things taking too long. I will try to explain it and offer suggestions, but for a plot you did fairly well. It was good to see that the MC didn’t fall head over heels the second she saw the guy. Still, here we go.

                        Falling for a Superstar’ by Ni
                        A Romance about a girl who is recovering from a rough breakup, who meets a superstar going through the same thing.


                        FIRST IMPRESSION: It wasn’t the best, but I have certainly seen worse. You didn’t have a cover and the ‘Falling for a...’ such and such is a very cliché title. Your description had some bad grammar in it – which didn’t get my hopes up about the rest of the story – but was also cliché and vague as to the actual story.
                        Fortunately, you had some great splash backgrounds, a nice use of fade transitions and the opening scene went straight into the story, which was good. It wasn’t the most amazing thing, but it was nice. You did okay.

                        PLOT: As I mentioned, the whole ‘falling for a such and such’ is already a cliché plot, be it a gang leader, a Hollywood star, a teacher… It’s hard to make this kind of plot unique so I suggest considering what set’s your story apart from the rest. As for scenes and dialogue, I did feel like your episodes were rather empty. Not short, but empty, which is something else. Consider planning your plot-line out. As I said, you will need to give us something different from all the other stories to help it stand out, so things like plot twists, or obstructions, will help add a bit more of a twist and also flesh out your story. Maybe the MC is perusing a career that rivals the superstar’s. Maybe her boyfriend is obsessive and will do everything to break them apart. Maybe the superstar wants to leave the celebrity lifestyle, but the MC winds up switching places with him, becoming the new fame? Anything unique and intriguing. I did like that they didn’t fall instantly for each other, but then they did by the second episode, so maybe one plot twist could be that they both keep refusing to admit that they like each other? Still, in terms of pacing, you need to add more plot to your scenes. Context and what not. As a guideline, if it’s not adding to setting, building on character, or progressing your plot it doesn’t need to be there. Still, your plot wasn’t you big set-back, and I’ve read far worse, so you did okay.

                        CHARACTERS: You did start on this, but in the wrong way. You introduced characters with a couple fun facts, but didn’t continue building them in their dialogue. I liked that the friend was supposed to be brains and beauty, but if she was it’s unlikely she would pursue drinking, purging and partying. If she’s clever, she’d act clever, and I just didn’t get that impression from her. The MC was also pretty bland. Consider how they act, react, talk to each other and respond in certain situations. Their personality should be consistent, and you should be developing it as you go. This will help to further flesh out the moments in your plot. I did like the ex-best friend’s reaction to being found out. As I said, you did start on this, but you could take it further.

                        DIRECTION: This was your bigger set-back. You had the basics and your introduction seen was lovely, but there were quite a few random pauses. Just check you’ve used ‘starts’ instead of ‘is’ so we don’t wind up watching an awkward pause. If you run through the chapter you should be able to notice the pauses yourself, because it will feel laggy or slow compared to a realistic conversation. Your music also needs fades, and consistency. If you are going to use sound make sure it is almost always present, unless the scene or location makes sense being silent (like a bedroom or tense moment.) Also, a lot of your dialogue didn’t have animations, or weren’t talking animations, which made talking scenes a bit awkward to read.

                        ERRORS: Your English was a bit patchy at times. A mix of bad grammar, oddly worded sentences, the wrong terms and bad spellings. Too many to list, but I did note a couple. “a piece of advice.” you put ‘suggestion’. “maybe” not ‘May be’. I suggest finding someone to proofread your work or going back and checking things yourself. You also spot directed a man in the club to be standing on a speaker, so just be careful of background extras. Also you had a couple of randomly places fade transitions and on several occasions your music just cut out.

                        OVERALL:Your bigger set-back was the directing and language, but even so your choice of plot will need some spice to keep things interesting and also separate it from the large amounts of similar stories. However, I was happy to see that you featured some basics of characterization, and even happier that the two didn’t have a cliché love at first sight moment. The story has potential, so I look forward to seeing what you add from here.

                        If you would like a second review after editing, don’t hesitate to let me know, but understand that I could be busy. If you would just like advice, or would like me to explain something I have said, feel free to message me and I shall get back to you as soon as. Don’t be disheartened by anything I have said. A good writer has talent, but a great one is made through practice. I look forward to seeing what you do with this. Goodluck!
                        ~L
                        Last edited by LTea; 01-12-2018, 12:10 AM.

                        Comment


                        • Oh okay, I just joined the forum today, my bad
                          I would love a review and dont mind waiting.

                          A Golden Apple by Nicole L. Day
                          Genre: Drama/Romance
                          Description: Lily is forced out by her evil parents. Life becomes chaos all while love is working it’s way in. 3 potential lovers but 1 is a bad apple.
                          Full Review/ Note Form: Full review
                          Fun Fact: I changed everything about this story after writing the first chapter. Then again after writing the second. Then I was set on what I wanted at 3. Litteraly making it up as I went.
                          Last edited by Tinydiam0nd; 01-12-2018, 10:56 AM.

                          Comment


                          • LTea
                            LTea commented
                            Editing a comment
                            One, you've double posted, if you could delete one I'd appreciate it. Two, please read my first post.

                        • beby.stories – I read two chapters, and I think you did well for a first time story. There were a couple things, and as this is all from my notes so I may have missed or forgoten some stuff – sorry, stuff happened – but overall it was okay.

                          Unexpected Fall’ by Alain L.
                          A Romance about a mob boss’ daughter falling for her ‘twin brother’


                          FIRST IMPRESSION: It was an odd title, but unique and I guess it worked. I think ‘An’ or ‘The’ could be added to the start, but that is me just being picky. A nice cover, definitely fits with the genre. A very vague description, doesn’t really tell us anything about the plot. The splash backgrounds you used were nice though you don’t really need the Author notes.
                          Overall, it was an average first impression.

                          PLOT: Well, it is technically a unique plot, the whole twincest but not really thing. (I do like the Lanister reference, but make sure to mention it’s Game of Thrones, not everyone will get it.) However, you did bury it beneath a bunch of cliches. The MC and her family are great people, her father’s a mob boss, everyone at school loves her, she’s great at everything she does. Things like going to parties, to class, to lunch, it all only matters if you’re building on plot, character or setting. Consider fleshing out what your story consists of. There’s a guy who wants to find something out, but as far as the readers are aware there is nothing for him to know. Maybe add some context, why the family are so important, secrets only the family know, etc. Even if you want to keep them a secret, the cliff hanger will only work if it’s got the set-up to be interesting, so be sure to hint at things. Give us clues and all that – and I don’t mean over the twincest but not really thing. I could see that coming from a mile away, sorry to say.

                          CHARACTERS: As I mentioned, there were a lot of cliches. The MC is the most amazing, beautiful, smart person ever with a great personality – aka a Mary-Sue – unfortunately not everyone is blessed. I know I have two of those, but I certainly don’t have all three. Consider some character flaws for all your characters. The brother is over-protective, that’s fair, but the mother and father and MC need something that makes them human. I also question the name choice. Rain and Marion are normally girls names. The other major flaw would be the whole obviousness between the MC and her ‘brother’ and how she looks nothing like her family. Only an idiot would look at their family and think that it was normal. I have two brothers, and while I love them dearly and we are closer then magnets, we never do half the stuff that those two do, because it’s weird. Things like calling each other ‘babe’, lying down on a bed at the same time, and the tickle chase thing would definitely raise some questions. Sibling love only goes so far. If she doesn’t know that they’re obviously not related – as you make her out to be – then there should still be that barrier of her going ‘is this weird, because this seems weird’.

                          DIRECTION + ERRORS: I’m merging these two because a lot of your direction came with errors. First, characters appeared out of nowhere, remember to add them before a transition in a scene. You need a sound warning at the start, or to not bother with sound. Either use them consistently or don’t bother, but one or two sound effects is just pointless. The fade to the wardrobe scene was too slow. Slow transitions should be used to end a major scene or add suspense. You didn’t need to have the ‘this is such and such’, you should consider adding these as they talk and interact, we can work out the rest ourselves. There were a couple odd wordings of sentences. “You can’t blame me for enjoying your jumpiness.” and “pulled the boyfriend...” Some spot scenes were off with layers and sizings, as well as placements, make sure they all work with the background. Animations repeat, making things dull to watch. Lots of random pauses, check you use ‘starts’ instead of ‘is’ to keep things moving. Commas were missing in places. And the line where Rain asks to go to a party repeats. I can see you’re running through everything and making edits, but these were the main things I found.

                          OVERALL:I can see you’re editing things, and considering most of your story’s set back was from simple errors in direction, I look forward to seeing how things look when you are done. You have a semi-unique romance plot, even though we can see it coming from a mile away, so your story has potential. Just keep those cliché's in mind as you progress.

                          If you would like a second review after editing, don’t hesitate to let me know, but understand that I could be busy. If you would just like advice, or would like me to explain something I have said, feel free to message me and I shall get back to you as soon as. Don’t be disheartened by anything I have said. A good writer has talent, but a great one is made through practice. I look forward to seeing what you do with this. Goodluck!
                          ~L

                          Comment


                          • Hello there, my name is MOONMOON andI would love to get a review! I know that the waiting list is very long now but I really want a review for my story, and I don't mind waiting at all! Anyways, I hope you like my story and have a nice reading! ♡^▽^♡

                            FORM

                            PERDITIO’ by MOONMOON
                            Genre: Fantasy
                            Description: Two witches flee from their home to have parties on Earth, but they will have to return after things starts to go wrong.
                            Full Review/ Note Form: Full Review, please!
                            Fun Fact: The story was inspired by the game "Bayonetta" and the main characters were inspired by the K-POP girl group "Blackpink".

                            Comment

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