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  • Want me to review your story?

    Hey guys!
    I'm extremely bored, so I will be writing honest reviews on your Episodes! I will only be reviewing the first episode from every story as I don't have many passes at the moment. My reviews will be formatted like this:


    If you would like me to post a review on your story, comment below using this format:


    I'll try review as many stories as I can! I'll be specifically focusing on the directing, plotlines, and grammar of the episode. I will also be considering the cover art and title of your story. Remember that these reviews are written from my honest perspective - you are under no obligation to change/edit your episode if you like how it is currently.

    Thanks guys!

  • #2
    Thank you for taking time out of your day to help out with your feedbackπŸ˜‰ I know there is some grammer mistakes and fixing them as we speak. Would love to hear what else I could fix. Thanks once again.

    STORY NAME: A Love Worth Fighting For
    GENRE: Romance
    Episode's: 3 ongoing.
    Description:Aubrey's falling for her childhood best friend (Logan). But he leaves to join the army. He had made her a promise to write her everyday, but some things get in the way. she will have to make a decision to either wait until he comes back or move on with her life. πŸ˜‰



    • episodereviewgal
      episodereviewgal commented
      Editing a comment
      RATING OUT OF 10: 6/10

      - The directing is really good! I really like how you made young Aubrey sit on her father's lap in the first scene.
      - I really like the title!
      - I think the narration is really quirky and relatable.

      - There's quite a few grammatical errors (if you want me to help you out on this, message me! xx)
      - I know you addressed this at the start but the episode is a little short! I understand that it's hard to make a long first episode, but a lot of readers won't even bother reading the second episode if they're not truly sucked into the story.
      - This is a bit of a personal pet peeve, but I think having numbers or 'text-talk' in story descriptions looks really unprofessional and unappealing - eg. "'re falling 4 your best friend"

      - When characters are off-screen but still in the same room and calling out for someone on-screen, in my opinion I think it looks better to have their text in a speech bubble rather than a narration bubble - eg. when young Aubrey calls out, "It's not cheating!" to young Logan. To do this, just put the off-screen character in another zone and add their text into the script as normal speech.
      - Use sounds and music! They make stories 100x better - *eg. instead of writing "Ring. Ring.", add the ringtone noise!
      - I would add an extra scene at the end to build more suspense. Maybe have Logan attempt to lie to Aubrey or something. Maybe add a cliffhanger.

      -When Aubrey and Logan enter the ice-cream parlour, Aubrey 'slides' in instead of walking in. I'm guessing that you've put something in your script such as;
      Aubrey enters from left to screen right and AUBREY is sad

      When having characters walking, you need them to be doing a walking animation, like this;
      Aubrey enters from left to screen right and AUBREY is walk_sad

      (I just made those animation names up but hopefully you're getting my point!)

  • #3
    Title: Necessary Evil *REVAMPED*
    Author: Zayen
    Genre: Fantasy/Horror
    Description: Over ten years, you've checked in and out of a mental asylum because of the demons you see. What if they were real? (CC)


    • episodereviewgal
      episodereviewgal commented
      Editing a comment
      RATING OUT OF 10: 9/10

      - I think the plot is super interesting and unique.
      - The custom backgrounds look awesome!
      - Love the directing and use of overlays - especially love how you made the door open, that was sick!
      - The music tied in perfectly with the scenes.
      - The cliffhanger ending was so good!

      - Not many choices! I understand that it's only the first episode and that it's hard to squeeze in meaningful choices, but definitely make sure to add choices that affect the plot in future episodes - it doesn't have to be overly complex or anything.

      - At the very end when MC is describing how she couldn't sleep, maybe show a few shots of her in bed thinking or crying or something?
      - I know this story in in the Thriller/Horror genre, but I think it would be a good idea to add a quick trigger warning at the very start as some readers may be sensitive to the jumpscares of the monsters.

      - Honestly, I only found one grammatical error, and that was, "How did the monster look like?". It should be, "What did the monster look like?".
      - ^^^ Referring to the same choice, the "How did the monster look like?" button was gold whilst the others were purple, I don't know if this was intentional or not but it seemed a bit out of place.

    • Zayen
      Zayen commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you so much for your review! The choice is in gold because the information in the dialogue is important to know for the following chapters.

  • #4
    I would love a review if you have time. Here is my story:

    TITLE: Star Power: Forged Identity
    AUTHOR: Marenee
    GENRE: Drama
    Lidiya's whole life has been planned out. What happens when she decides to live out her dream, but in secret?
    Last edited by mama.episode; 12-28-2017, 03:23 AM.


    • episodereviewgal
      episodereviewgal commented
      Editing a comment
      RATING OUT OF 10: 6.5/10

      - Love the music.
      -I like the 'Polished Records' ad!
      - Love the use of reader messages.

      - I think the intro with all the warnings etc is a tiny bit too long.
      - Too much narration - I think you should add background scenes if you want to do a lot of narrating!
      - Most of the transitions and zooms are too long.

      - Just a small suggestion, but make more use of ellipses, especially when narrating exteriors, eg. instead of, "Later that day" I think "Later that day..." looks better.
      - Make sure you're adding punctuation at the end of every sentence; there were multiple times when Lidiya didn't have punctuation at the end of her text and it looked a bit off, eg - "Hello", "Lost Dreams", "Excuse me", etc.

      - At the start, the "You know we are recording, right?" is written via a narration bubble with no character attached to it! If you want to show that Zoe is recording the video of Lidiya, next to the narration put Zoe's name in brackets. eg:

      You know we are recording, right?

      ^^^ Adding on to this note, do the same with Lidiya's narrations. In my opinion it would look a lot better. eg:

      Well, to make sense of this situation, let me introduce you to my life.

      - After the 'Polished Records' ad, when Lidiya's dad walks over to her she's happy for a few seconds then suddenly goes sad. Make sure she is idle_sad BEFORE her dad enters the screen

      - In this same scene Zoe is standing still for WAY too long.

      - This was mentioned above, but in my opinion, some of the zooms were way too slow and it got a little boring.

    • mama.episode
      mama.episode commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for the review! I will keep all of your suggestions in mind when writing.

  • #5
    Bump bump bumppppppp


    • #6
      Hey This is my first story and the first episode kinda sucks but anyway :')

      TITLE: The College Diaries
      GENRE: Drama (-Romance)
      SHORT DESCRIPTION: Love, friends, drama- college life has everything. Will you let your haunting past take control of your life? [CC]

      Thank you for your time


      • episodereviewgal
        episodereviewgal commented
        Editing a comment
        Quick message: This is pretty good considering it's the first episode you've ever written! Practice makes perfect!

        RATING OUT OF 10: 5/10

        - I like the addition of MC's past, it makes the story a little different.
        - Your spot directing is good.
        - I liked how you used music!

        - A few grammatical errors here and there, mostly forgetting to add punctuation at the end of every sentence.
        - Not many meaningful, interesting choices that affect the story.
        - Quite a slow story.
        - The episode is really short.

        - I highly suggest adding the MC's name when narrating/"writing" in their diary.

        NARRATOR ([NAME])
        So, I will take my chance to start over, forgetting the past years...

        ^^^That will make it look like they are narrating.

        - When characters are off-screen but still in the same room/scene and calling out for someone on-screen, in my opinion I think it looks better to have their text in a speech bubble rather than a narration bubble - eg. when MC's mum calls out for MC when she's in her room. To do this, just put the off-screen character (in this case, the mum) in another zone and add their text into the script as normal speech.

        - I highly suggest adding more to this episode and ending the episode off with something more interesting like a cliffhanger. Nothing drastic happened during this episode - there's nothing really hooking readers onto the next episode.

        - When I tried to give my character black hair, it gave me charcoal (grey) hair instead, and when I tried to give my character blue hair, it gave me platinum blonde hair instead. I've seen this faulty customisation template in a few other stories too. I highly recommend using another customisation template (google Joseph Evans, he's got really good ones!)

        - When the dad is comforting the young MC in the flashback his text is in a narration bubble instead of a speech bubble - I honestly believe it would look better with a speech bubble.

        - When MC and Jacob enter the classroom the directing is stuffed up for a bit, and none of the characters look like they're sitting. You need to use the 'sit' animations.

        - There are two "To be continued..." messages at the end.

      • A.V.
        A.V. commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for the suggestions! I have actually fixed most of those in the next episodes and now I will in the first chapter too. As for the blue hair, I can't see anything wrong in the script :/
        Thanks for the feedback

    • #7
      TITLE: The Five Element

      AUTHOR: Purple

      GENRE: Fantasy

      SHORT DESCRIPTION: Enter the life of the five elements and help them save the human world from approaching danger. *Choices matter.*


      Will be waiting for your honest feedbacks. Thank you.


      • episodereviewgal
        episodereviewgal commented
        Editing a comment
        RATING OUT OF 10: 8.5/10

        - I absolutely love stories where choices matter. Putting that is the story description will definitely bring in readers.
        - Love the directing and use of overlays.
        - Love the costumes.
        - Teivel's effects are amazing.
        - The point system is really good!

        - A few minor grammatical errors.

        - Purely a suggestion, but maybe end the episode with a flash-forward to the future, showing an evil villain hatching a plan or something? Just to add suspense.

        - Spotted one unnecessary comma when explaining what the "Human-Curse spell" is (no comma after spell).
        - Grammatical error: "This spell works on everything and everyone, who is NOT human.". This should be "This spell works on everything and everyone, except human beings."
        - When talking to Lord STAR one of the choices had a lock symbol next to it, but I tapped on it and it still let me make the choice. Either get rid of the symbol or rewrite the coding so it actually locks you out.

      • PurpleP
        PurpleP commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for reviewing. And about the locked choice, it can be unlocked only when you make right choices previously. So if you can still make the locked choice, it means you've made right choices previously. I've included reader message (pop up messages to clear this thing when you make the lock choices) I guess you may have not noticed it. And English is not my native language, I'm trying to improve the grammatical issues. Thanks again for this review πŸ˜ŠπŸ’œ

    • #8
      Hi! Love how you offer a structured review, so will you please review mine?

      TITLE: Heading South
      AUTHOR: JasmineLilac
      GENRE: Romance (+Drama)
      SHORT DESCRIPTION: What will you do to prevent things from going south for the second time?

      If you find any grammatical errors, please point them out to me as well (would really, really appreciate it!).



      • episodereviewgal
        episodereviewgal commented
        Editing a comment
        Sorry for the late reply, I was sleeping!

        RATING OUT OF 10: 7.5/10

        - I love the title, sounds very intriguing.
        - I love how you executed the first scene!
        - I love the diversity, not many stories have a Japanese (possible?) love interest.
        - Like the use of text animations.
        - Love how you ended the episode.

        - The first episode was a little slow, but it's the pilot and I'm sure your episodes will be more eventful in the future.
        - No music. This is especially awkward when all the characters are dancing at the party/nightclub scene.
        - A few minor grammatical errors, I've listed some below but I might've missed a few since I'm a fast clicker.
        - When characters are talking to each other,r try to get the character that's not talking to do some reaction animations so they don't stand still like a statue. You don't have to do this for every line but it makes things look a lot more professional.

        - As stated above, add sounds/music! This is up to personal preference, but in my opinion music makes stories 100x more interesting. It would also be another way to signal to readers when the flashbacks are, and instead of writing "Knock knock" you could just use the actual knocking sound.
        - I'm not sure whether you do this in future episodes, but add more personality to Ariana and Courtney. Right now they kind of seem like typical best friend characters with no substance.
        - Totally up to you but I think having a same-sex couple would add more diversity and make things a little more interesting!

        - "Nobody's home, why do I even bother." - that should have a question mark.
        - "Students Council President" should be "Student Council President"
        - When the three girls are at the cafeteria in the flashback, it doesn't really look like they're sitting. Make sure you're using the 'sit' animations and spot directing on this one.
        - "How can someone be so dumb!" should be "How can someone be so dumb?!"
        - When Alexandra, Ariana, and Courtney are in the present it doesn't look like they're sitting either.
        - Add full stops/periods to the "Kill" and "Me and "Now" thought bubbles.
        - When Alexandra and Theo are at the football game there's some random football player in the back that looks out of place since his feet are sort of hanging mid-air.
        - Should be "Do we have any plans tonight?"
        - When Sanford's in Alexandra's room, the two of them move back and forth a little too slow and a little too jumpy. To fix this I'll just show you an example:

        Alexandra walks to spot blah blah blah and THEO walks to spot blah blah blah in 0.5

        ^^^ Obviously test around for times, but it would make them walk to the spot in 0.5 seconds and the scene would just be faster and less choppy.

        ^^^ Use the same technique to make Sanford run out of Alexandra's room at a faster pace (so it actually seems like he's running).

        - When Andrew yells at Sanford he's not facing him, you need to make him face right.
        - When Sanford thinks, "Just stop staring at me if you want to make them happy!" he does an angry yelling animation even though he's only thinking. I think it would look better with some sort of angry glare animation (unless you accidentally put the thinking bubble there; in that case, just remove the thinking bubble and make it a speech bubble instead..
        - Should be "Well, damn, I'm exhausted!"
        - There are two "To be continued..." messages at the end.

      • JasmineLilac
        JasmineLilac commented
        Editing a comment
        Wow, that's extremely detailed. Thanks a lot! Noted, will check all of the above issues

    • #9
      Here is my story.

      Title: A Juggling Game

      Genre: Romance

      Style: INK

      Episodes: 6

      Small description: Kara is a senior in college, intern for the top stylist in the world, and maintains her relationships and friendships. After a while though something is going to fall by the wayside. Can she juggle everything and stay on top or is she going to fall and crumble?

      Here's my Instagram for updates:
      IG: KandieCane6703

      Link to my story

      Thanks in advance and I would like my review pmed to me.


    • #10
      TITLE: Pregnant and Searching for the Baby Father - Limelight
      AUTHOR: Damsel.series
      GENRE: Drama, Romance
      SHORT DESCRIPTION: As Amelia searches for the hot hunk she had one night stand with, little did she realize that he is the one who accompanies alongside her!


      • #11
        Hey, here is my story :

        Title: The poor and the rich
        Author: Ria
        Genre: Drama
        Short description: Read the journey of a girl with light orange hair with a sad past and interesting future!
        Episodes: 4 (writing 5)
        Style: Classic

        (I would be very thankful if you'd help me with my grammar because English isn't my first language.)


        • #12
          Hey there! Please, give a chance to my story (Sorry for grammar, English isn't my first language unfortunately) β™₯️

          Title: Involved
          Author: Irama L.
          Bio: "Will an old family problem cost you your life? Without knowing in what you're involved, the war has already started..."
          style: Ink
          Genre: Drama

          I hope you will like it! ☺️


          • #13
            Hello, thank you for your time and effort. I would like you to review my new story

            TITLE: Tick-Tock
            AUTHOR: Nebula
            GENRE: Mystery
            SHORT DESCRIPTION: Everything begins with just a letter... Follow Drake to unravel the secrets, save your family, fight the evil and find love in the darkest place!


            • #14
              Yeees please!! 😍😍😍

              Title: Independent
              Author: Sophie K.
              Description: Elena has always dreamed about moving in with her best friend and start living on her own. Now she got the chance to...
              Style: Ink
              Instagram: episode.sophiek


              • #15
                Title: Fright night.

                Author: HannahM

                Genre: Horror.

                Description : Your the school's most popular group, schools finally over, a trip to Saltwater lake will change EVERYTHING for you.

                Style: Limelight.

                Episodes: 5 and ongoing.

                Link to my story: