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"Archangel" Outline--Good idea, or nah?

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  • "Archangel" Outline--Good idea, or nah?

    Preliminary note: Spoilers for the story are involved in this post. This is also really long, and somewhat detailed.

    So, this is my first story I'm working on for Episode, and I've actually had this idea for a few months now. It was originally in a fantasy-medieval setting, but that wouldn't work out on Episode, so I've redone it to fit in more. I'll still be doing the original version and be posting it to my Episode-dedicated WordPress blog at some point in the near future (I can link you to it if you want, whenever I start posting it x3). Anyways, if you think this is interesting or have any feedback/critiques, please reply--I'd really appreciate it. It's still under development, but I have a clear idea of how the story will begin and end; thus, the parts marked with a ~ are probably going to change pretty soon, or sometime in the future.

    ~"Will Circe ever move on, or will her past continue to haunt her?"
    Title: Archangel
    Timeline/Setting: Modern day
    Genre: Fantasy (There will be a small amount of romance depending on readers' choices)
    Main Character/Protagonist: Circe Rahmiel
    Main Antagonist: Azazel Shree, also known as the Archangel
    ~Antagonist's Goal: To spread happiness to the entire continent--and eventually world--with the method he seems to have found to work; telling others about the three gods he worships, and getting them involved in the religion. Azazel doesn't realize, though, that he has--along with the ability to manipulate energy--hypnosis-oriented powers, and is actually mass-brainwashing people without even knowing it. It looks initially like the religion is just a bunch of lunatics, but then it looks like Azazel is trying to achieve world domination.
    ~Antagonist's Motive: He was an accidental child, and his parents thus treated him like garbage. They mainly only cared for him in order to not get in trouble with the law. The reason why they were being such terrible parents was because they were trying to drive him away as soon as they could, so that they could live their own life without someone depending on them (this seems a bit too typical, so it'll probably change in some way). As such, Azazel was miserable for the vast majority of his childhood, and he wanted to be a person who made the world a better place by spreading happiness to everyone.
    (Other info before getting to the plot--Circe is a major pacifist, even though she comes from a family that is famous for how good they are at jobs involving guarding; especially as bodyguards. It's because of some traumatic event that happened in her past related to the "family trade", which I'm still working on figuring out.)
    Plot: On a typical market day, Circe Rahmiel is selling fruits that she spent all year up to that point growing. But, an elf named Marvin recognizes her as a member of the Rahmiel family, and approaches her with a request to help him. At first, she thinks it's just another desperate, paranoid, and rich person who wants to hire her--as every other family member is already employed, but Marvin actually tells her that the leader of the crazy new religion turns out to be someone trying to gain control of the country. Circe does think that this isn't right at all, but she's not thoroughly convinced that Marvin is telling the truth (I'm still coming up with how Circe will figure out that Marvin "isn't lying"). When she does realize that Azazel is up to something, she searches for a way to take him down without resorting to overly violent measures. Eventually, she'll start tracking down the locations of a magical item that could possibly help her, and stealing another one: a pair of handcuffs, enchanted to deal with criminals who are able to use magic (this was stolen from a police station); and an ancient amulet--allegedly belonging to the continent's first sorcerer king--which is supposed to shield the wearer from having their mind being tampered with, and promotes clear thinking. After getting those items, Azazel would've expanded to a few more towns and then headed back to his "temple", so Circe would have to figure out that he was there and go to it. The story will end with Circe managing to subdue him without fighting, and effectively turning him over to the police.
    Inspirations: A scam religion from Ranger's Apprentice by John Flanagan; "Archangel" by Two Steps from Hell (it's an instrumental song, with some vocals, but it isn't focused on lyrics. I think there's some lyrics in it, but they're incoherent if there are. The sort-of-ominous-sounding beginning is what influenced the twist of using an archangel as a negative thing); The Lottery by that one guy whose name I forgot (since he used a lottery as a negative thing rather than positive in that story; and in this story, too, an archangel isn't positive).
    Other Storylines: Based on the choices with Circe's childhood friend Galaeron (name will probably change), the story can be very different at the ending. As Circe is a pacifist, Galaeron will accompany her and offer to go into places to snatch items. At the end, he'll also offer to take the amulet and the handcuffs and take down Azazel himself. This choice will get him killed, as he is a skilled fighter, but is nowhere near quick enough to evade Azazel. His death won't be shown. Also, there might be an ending where Circe dies, but I'm not sure whether or not I want to do that, or, if I did do it, how it would happen. Readers will be able to thoroughly choose whether or not they fall for Galaeron (he has feelings for her, even though he knows she considers him a brother).

    In the actual story, I've gotten the main characters designed, and started the introduction to Episode 1. I will end up having multiple storylines. I'm still trying to figure out how to implement choices farther than selecting what Circe wears when she heads off to get Azazel, haha. Here's a few other questions about the story someone might have:

    What's up with all the "Archangel" stuff, anyways? Why is it there?
    The definition of "Archangel" is an angel of high ranking. In Azazel's religion, he calls the other followers of it "Angels", and since he's the main person who "communicates" with the religion's "gods", he's known as the "Archangel". Plus, it sounds cool. XD

    Why doesn't Marvin just go to one of Circe's other family members?
    It's not common knowledge in the world that Circe is a pacifist, and Marvin didn't go to other Rahmiels either after she refused to help initially because he knows that they're all so busy all the time. Circe was the first one he saw, too.

    How does Marvin know that Azazel isn't genuine?
    It's kind of complicated, but it'll show how he knows in the very beginning of the first episode.

    Why does Azazel think those people (Dorian, Mildred, and Niles) are gods?
    Those three sorcerers happen to be among the three most powerful on the continent, and Azazel ended up "witnessing a miracle" one of them performed. He did go and watch them several times to make sure it really was a miracle, and was convinced more and more each time.

    How does hypnosis work in this universe?
    Hypnosis is different from the stereotypical thing people think of when they hear the word in the real world in this universe. The user often doesn't know they have the power, unless they've been educated in magic and know the signs of it. It's sort of like Charmspeak, from the Percy Jackson universe. To make it work, the user has to be genuinely passionate about what they're saying, but most other people think they can use hypnosis purely by locking eyes with their victim and saying something.

    Cool, but how does magic work?
    I've built up my own rules of magic for this universe, which is shared by two others that I've created as well. "Magic" is essentially energy in its purest form--not like electricity and stuff like that. More like kinetic energy. It's invisible, and people gifted with the ability to use magic can sense it. It happens to be a force that causes wind, so the wind can be influenced by its natural causes and by magic moving, but no one has discovered its source. Magic can be stored in topaz gems; the amount depending on the size of the gem. The color doesn't matter. Users of magic have to "pull" the magic from the air and objects around them, and then "convert" it to something else. Sorcerers are also gifted different magical abilities, which are influenced by genetics and basically define what people can convert magic into. There's only been records of people having three abilities maximum, but no one is born knowing what they can do--they discover it by accident. Thus, there could be more.

    To explain how magic works, I'll use an example character; Niles. He can basically summon money, but it isn't exactly that. It's just something he can do with two of his abilities, which are being able to construct paper-based objects from magic, and manipulate color, too. So he can make a dollar bill-shaped piece of paper, and create color patterns on it that give it the appearance of a genuine dollar bill. No one knows that he does this (except for Dorian and Mildred), though, so everyone just thinks he's from an insanely rich family.

    I can answer more questions, too. I probably missed some, or didn't explain something super-well. XD

    Have a great day, evening, etc.!
    Last edited by AnnaOfExquizurd; 09-02-2017, 05:42 PM. Reason: Added a few things. The new information is in red text.

  • #2
    It sounds interesting, but I would love a bit of romance.


    • AnnaOfExquizurd
      AnnaOfExquizurd commented
      Editing a comment
      Yeah, the main reason I wasn't going to have (much) romance was because I didn't see any spots to stick it in at. I do have a SMALL start of an idea, but it'll have to be thought out some more before I guarantee there will be some. XD Also, thanks!

  • #3
    Hi 👋

    I know you posted this a while ago and probably are more advanced but I was reading your outline and I really liked it. First of all, this story is very creative and I love the fact that you didn’t use witches as the source of magic because there’s so many stories like that.
    Now, when you were describing Azazel’s upbringing you said you were working on why his parents didn’t like him, I think it’s not a cliche per se, but which ever scenario you gonna play out, describe their story and how did they become the people they are today (or to that point in the story); I think that it makes readers connect with the characters even more and it’s could serve to make the story even longer, you could do a chapter specially for that, alternating the present with the past explaining Azazel childhood and his plans in the present etc.

    You said that you want to do an ending where Circe dies. It may sound wrong but I actually like that because it’s different, it could be just one of the endings but it does makes your story more unique (in my opinion 😅). She could sacrifice herself and the story could continue for a little longer [for example she dies half way through the last episode, and the story would continue from Azazel’s point of view or Marvin’s if they remain close friends throughout the story but someone that could explain how her sacrifice herself made an impact etc etc etc]

    So about the choices, you got a few options, for readers that wants some romance in the story, other choices could lead to Circe taking more risks. I do think that it’d be great with some romance in it, but since the story it’s already so complex what about doing it platonic between Circe and Azazel? Because Circe is “chasing” trying to stop Azazel, this could make him feel some love in a way he never knew (because of the history with his parents).

    And finally, I think it’d be great if the character that appear quite often in the story, you’d write about their lives/talk about themselves throughout the story, for instance Marvin’s, the three sorceres, Galaeron (characters that would play a big role in the story) even if they are not main characters, but it’d be good if you could write a bit about them.

    I really hope this helps, if you’d like to discuss more feel free to message me. And I look forward to reading your story!!


    • #4
      This seems like a very interesting concept. I look forward to reading it once you've got it published on the app!