Hi! I just read all three episodes and here’s what I can say. For those planning to read the book, this message contains spoilers about it so I’d advise you not to open it now.
~ The book opens with Desha at the club. She seems like a normal person until she’s not. With the outfit she had on, I doubt there was any way she could have hid the gun without getting caught.
~ Then there’s Davina running for her life (literally). She’s crying and terrified and all of a sudden she stops. The guy chasing her has the opportunity to catch and kill her but he doesn’t (I’m not sure why this happened) and then he proceeds to chase her again after his boss calls AND THEN he says he doesn’t want to kill her anymore.
~ Basically, I feel that the killer had no motive, really and that he doesn’t answer to anyone, especially his boss because he dropped his mission so easily. The guy was weaponless while ~ Davina had a weapon. How was he gonna kill her?
~ Plus, Davina says she stopped the guy from harrassing a girl so how did the boss enter the picture all of a sudden?
~ I feel she gave away her necklace TOO easily. It wasn’t that special if she could do that for a stranger. Davina also knew that the necklace had a tracker so why would she say ‘destiny’ would make them meet when she could just use the tracker in reality? (I don’t think it’s realistic for Dawn to have cameras all around the world but it’s fictional so I overlooked)
~ A bodyguard is needed to protect a 10 year old. They didn’t need to hire one with a very high rank…it’s a kid. Finally, they already met, so why is Jake still looking for her when he knows how she looks, especially with her ‘blue eyes’.
- The fact that the characters don’t have enough emotions attached to their dialogues. At times, dialogue will show but the character’s expression would be idle. Other times, there just wasn’t enough emotions. I wasn’t feeling it.
- In all three episodes, there were probably less than 5 choices and I didn’t like it because it didn’t give me the ‘episode interactive’ feeling. But, if that’s what you were going for it’s fine.
- I love character customization so I was a bit bummed that I didn’t get the chance to. I also think you should let the readers know that they are playing as Davina, because it took me a while to know who I was.
- There were grammatical errors and you lacked a lot of full stops.
I liked the idea of a female bodyguard. Definitely a broken stereotype.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVED the spot directing. For most of the time, I don’t think I had any complaints about the way your characters were positioned. No character was overly bigger or smaller than the other and it was just a pleasant sight.
You kept your descriptions short and sweet. Thank you for not forgetting that this is episode and not Wattpad and so it doesn’t need to have all the descriptions in the world.
I’m loving the mystery. Though I wondered why you kept hiding the face of who I’m guessing is the LI, I loved the fact that each character seemed to have their own story. I just know there’s still a lot to uncover, and I’m looking forward to seeing why this 10 year old is so important.
I hope you understand that I’m not trying to bring you down but I’m only giving my opinions here and there. You have a great plot but with a few clarifications, you’d have an even better book.