Hi! I just read all three episodes and here’s what I can say. For those planning to read the book, this message contains spoilers about it so I’d advise you not to open it now.
~ The book opens with Desha at the club. She seems like a normal person until she’s not. With the outfit she had on, I doubt there was any way she could have hid the gun without getting caught.
~ Then there’s Davina running for her life (literally). She’s crying and terrified and all of a sudden she stops. The guy chasing her has the opportunity to catch and kill her but he doesn’t (I’m not sure why this happened) and then he proceeds to chase her again after his boss calls AND THEN he says he doesn’t want to kill her anymore.
~ Basically, I feel that the killer had no motive, really and that he doesn’t answer to anyone, especially his boss because he dropped his mission so easily. The guy was weaponless while ~ Davina had a weapon. How was he gonna kill her?
~ Plus, Davina says she stopped the guy from harrassing a girl so how did the boss enter the picture all of a sudden?
~ I feel she gave away her necklace TOO easily. It wasn’t that special if she could do that for a stranger. Davina also knew that the necklace had a tracker so why would she say ‘destiny’ would make them meet when she could just use the tracker in reality? (I don’t think it’s realistic for Dawn to have cameras all around the world but it’s fictional so I overlooked)
~ A bodyguard is needed to protect a 10 year old. They didn’t need to hire one with a very high rank…it’s a kid. Finally, they already met, so why is Jake still looking for her when he knows how she looks, especially with her ‘blue eyes’.
MAJOR DISLIKES
The fact that the characters don’t have enough emotions attached to their dialogues. At times, dialogue will show but the character’s expression would be idle. Other times, there just wasn’t enough emotions. I wasn’t feeling it.
In all three episodes, there were probably less than 5 choices and I didn’t like it because it didn’t give me the ‘episode interactive’ feeling. But, if that’s what you were going for it’s fine.
I love character customization so I was a bit bummed that I didn’t get the chance to. I also think you should let the readers know that they are playing as Davina, because it took me a while to know who I was.
There were grammatical errors and you lacked a lot of full stops.
MAJOR LIKES
I liked the idea of a female bodyguard. Definitely a broken stereotype.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVED the spot directing. For most of the time, I don’t think I had any complaints about the way your characters were positioned. No character was overly bigger or smaller than the other and it was just a pleasant sight.
You kept your descriptions short and sweet. Thank you for not forgetting that this is episode and not Wattpad and so it doesn’t need to have all the descriptions in the world.
I’m loving the mystery. Though I wondered why you kept hiding the face of who I’m guessing is the LI, I loved the fact that each character seemed to have their own story. I just know there’s still a lot to uncover, and I’m looking forward to seeing why this 10 year old is so important.
I hope you understand that I’m not trying to bring you down but I’m only giving my opinions here and there. You have a great plot but with a few clarifications, you’d have an even better book.
Hey @louisewrites
Thank you so much for your genuine opinion.
Yea you are right on many points and I do agree this type of story needs a lot of planning and plotting.
Regarding your concern about choices, I have to work a lot on this. As this is my first story, so there are many things I have to learn so that’s why there are some loopholes (actually many loopholes)
Another point is the guy who was chasing Davina. In general, it is very tough to free yourself from a man’s grip if we see from a woman’s perspective of course. (GOSH, strength in men is such a turn-on for me rofl:) Yes so keeping that point in mind, that guy was very casual on catching Davina
Also that character customization point, I will definitely give this chance to readers in the upcoming episodes. Coding for episodes is a huge different task to learn
So there are many things that I don’t know how to do it.
I really hope along with time I will learn that
I am glad to know that you really loved the mystery. I hope new episodes will not let you down.
Yes I’ll be looking forward to your opinion for upcoming episodes. Thank you so much for sharing your points. I really liked you took your time to summarize the story. Means a lot
lots of love
Congrats on publishing! I’m down for a R4R. Let me know if you’re interested
Title: Without a Trace Genre: Mystery/Thriller Chapters: 20 (Ongoing) Description: After her sister vanishes, Talulah sets out on an investigative search with the help of arcane criminology major, Avon. Will their perseverance and wit be enough to find her? Link:Episode Writer Portal Instagram:@jcwhisper.writes
Heyaaaa @Applebom
Thank you so much
I just completed 4 episodes
that’s such a cute and adorable chemistry Alia and Dacre have loved watching your episodes.
Hi! Thank you for making this thread. I would love to do a R4R with you if you are interested.
Title: Twisted Heart (LL)
Description: Scarlet thought she had “the perfect life” until her husband passed away. She moves to a new city where she meets two handsome men who fight for her heart. Who will win?
@Safi
I liked the cover for the story already.
I am done with 3 episodes and I really like the fact that you gave time to build up the base for your story.
Let me know when you are done, I’ll go for another episode
Title:- Queen Of Hell Genre:- Action Instagram Acc:-@sapphire_ecrivain No. of episodes:- 4 (On going) Love Interest:- 1 (no option) Description:- The most dangerous assassin and the heiress of the Italian Mafia with the rivalry of the Russian Mafia King. What will happen when they cross paths? Link :-Episode Writer Portal I’m down for R4R (3x3) OR (4x4)& G4G Cover:-
