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#131

Hi! I have another story for you! Also I don’t mind waiting!

Title: I married the bad boy (I.M.T.B.B)
Genre: Drama/Romance
Episodes: 1-22 (ongoing)
(There’s some choices but not in the beginning of the story)
PLOT: You play as Dylan and after a one night stand with your favorite celebrity; The two end up married. Now you have to balance life in the limelight, crazy fans, new love interest as well as exes and Dylan’s mother all while battling it out with the press.
IG: @Th3punkprincess08.episodeart
LINK: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6734147080159232
Cover:

Capture%20_2019-05-19-00-21-56-1
Capture _2019-05-19-00-21-56-1.png622×840 419 KB

1 Like
#132

Timbre Of Love
Cj.Episodes
Romance
1 episode

A small town girl singing in her friend’s birthday party to push her ex away.
What happens if a hot, famous music producer hear her sing and invite her to New York with him?
Will she agree? What will happen? Will she keep it professional or loose control?

Cover

image
0EBF5D71-F54C-4DA5-AD43-D2976C031D3C.jpeg640×1136 98.7 KB

Link -
http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5530981947998208
Limelight :sparkles:
Not polished yet :slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like
#133

Tittle: Under your mask
Author: S.writes
Genre: Mystery
Chapters: 3 ( more coming soon)
Description: Nia forced to live like a psychopath! A random encounter will change her life. Will Jed Lancer give her a taste of what a real psychopath is?
Style: Ink
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5884162237595648
Cover:

21
PicsArt_03-30-10.53.21.jpg768×1024 129 KB

1 Like
#134

Hi! looking for some beta readers. Would you be able to help me by reviewing my story so far please? I totally understand if not.

#135

That’s fine. I review unpublished stories as well.
You can link your information or you can pm it to me.

#136

Under Your Mask by @sofia.sigma
Feedback:

Thoughts on the covers: The covers are drawn beautifully no doubt. However, right off the bat I could tell this story is about romanticizing psychopaths. Stories like this aren’t my cup of tea. So, if I seen it the app I wouldn’t click on it and read.

Thoughts on description: The description is a cliche. It didn’t grab my attention. I personally think it could use some tweaking.

Character development: I didn’t see much of a character development in the story. All the characters looked the same. I didn’t really feel connected to them. I guess Luna was interesting. I think you should give some background history on the characters.

Plot development: I didn’t see one either. I see the direction you’re going, but all I can tell is that Jed is going to go after Nia for whatever reason. I guess because he’s crazy and they will lust over each other. This is based on the description and the covers. And some conversations.

Sentence structure: Needs improvement. I would suggest find a proofreader.

Directing: It was good. Needs some work.

Backgrounds: Good quality.

Music: No music, but you had sound.

Choices: Yes.

Ways to improve: You should find a proofreader and you need to work on your directing. Comments about this will be in the review section.

Review:

Episode 1

  • The nurse says “No one told you that you’re crazy.” This makes sense, however, why do you try this instead “No one has said that you’re crazy.”
  • Nurse says “Nia, don’t make me do with this the hard way!” This needs to be “Nia, don’t make do this the hard way!”
  • Nia says “NO ! I know that you are drugging me because you don’t want me to find out about the things that going around here!” Change “that” into that’s. Also, you don’t need a space between no and the !
  • Nia’s speech bubble isn’t on her.
  • The arm overlays could be better. Maybe try to layer it differently because right now it looks odd.
  • Your sentences needs improvement. I’m going to assume English isn’t your first language. A lot of the sentences don’t make sense.
  • “My parents thought, that it would be better for me to stay here for good.” That comma isn’t needed.
  • “Hey Lara” You need a comma after hey.
  • “Hey sweetheart” You need a comma after hey.
  • “As you know, it’s not allowed smoke in here!” This doesn’t make sense. Try this “As you know, you’re not allowed to smoke in here!”
  • Missing punctuation at the end of the sentences.
  • “Look Nia, I know you for almost 5 years.” That should say known. You should also consider changing the numbers to letters.
  • You should put the background characters into a talk animation loop.
  • All your characters look the same. (The females)
  • When speaking directly to someone it’s called a direct address. You need to use a comma before addressing someone by name.
  • Sofia is gliding instead of walking.
  • This fight scene seems familiar. I seen something like this an another story about psychopaths lol.
  • The paparazzi’s pop into the scene.
  • You need to work on your speech bubbles.

Episode 2

  • The water overlay is clearly an overlay. Maybe try to layer it differently or zoom closer onto Nia’s face. It just looks a bit weird.
  • Nia says “Good morning you too.” You should day “Good morning to you too.”
  • I would suggest getting a proofreader.
  • Isabella speech tail isn’t on her.
  • After the characters are done talking you should put them on an idle_loop animation because right now they’re stuck on the last animation they did.
  • Luna says “Of course I have.” That should be “Of course, I do.” Or “Of course, I have a car.”
  • Tyler pops in the scene. Make sure you use & instead of @
  • “Hey buddy!” You need a comma after hey.
  • Jed is still talking while Tyler is talking.
  • “I don’t want your dirty ass on my clean house.” On needs to be “in”
  • Jed seems like the stereotypical version of a psychopath. I mean that’s fine because you see it in a lot of episode stories. Just my opinion.

Episode 3

  • Mrs. Fiona pops into the scene.
  • The name in the direct address is always set apart from the rest of the sentence by a comma or commas.
  • Nia and Luna pop into the car. Use & to avoid characters from popping in.
  • Nia’s speech bubble is outside of the car. You should scale the speech bubble to 90% and place it next to her.
  • Directing errors continue in this episode.

My comments: I would suggest doing more research about psychopaths. Jed seemed like the stereotypical version of a psychopath.

Here is an thread on how to portray psychopaths
Tips, tricks and discussions

I hope my feedback doesn’t offend you in any way. My opinion is my own

3 Likes
#137

Thank you for your review :blush:

2 Likes
#138

Timber Of Love by @Captain_vanilla
Feedback:

Thoughts on the cover: This cover is beautiful.

Character development: The characters lacked personality. They felt very stale and stiff. I didn’t feel connected to them.

Sentence structure: Needs improvement.

Directing: Need work.

Music: Yes.

Ways to improve: Plan out the story a little more because right now it seems like you didn’t put any effort into it. It feels like you should put a story together and didn’t plan it out. You also need to work on your sentence formatting.

Review:

Episode 1

  • You don’t have punctuation at the end of your sentences.
  • “Your Celebrity best friend” lowercase the c in celebrity and add a period at the end of the sentence.
  • The static for the tv is glitchy. Use & instead of @
  • “How are you today Mr James” this needs to be “How are you today, Mr James.”
  • You should spot the speech bubbles closer to the characters.
  • “I was Watching this” the w in watching should be lowercase.
  • You should use transitions. It’ll look better.
  • In the cafe scene they camera is in zone 1 then it goes on the girls. When building the scene have the camera already set in zone 2 or 3. Example: @cut to zone 2
  • ”I” always needs to be capitalized.
  • When entering the mall, the mannequins are are there. In other words it’s glitch. Use &
  • When the Mc is scaring her friends you should have her spotted off screen and then pop up from behind.
  • When talking to someone directly. It’s called a direct address, therefore you need a comma. Example: “What are you going to sing, Aaliyah?” That’s a direct address.
  • “You get way overactive when it comes to karaoke” That should say “You overreact when it comes to karaoke.”
  • After the characters are done talking out them in an idle_loop animation.
  • Sometimes the characters mouth isn’t moving while they’re speaking.
  • “Ugh what am i doing” This should be ”Ugh, what am I doing?”
  • You need to work on spotting and the background characters.
  • You should have the characters in rear while the Mc is singing.
  • You have 19 song lyrics. You can only have five per chapter.
  • The MC is still singing while she’s off stage. When you start a new scene then you should have them in an animation.
  • “You didn’t saw him?” That should be “You didn’t see him?”
  • “Say who?!” This should be “Seen who!?” The proper way to word this “Did I see who?!”
  • You’re directing needs work. It’s clear to me that you don’t check your work out in the app. You can’t look at the portal only.
  • The phone layering is off. You need to put it in a layer that way the MC doesn’t go through it. Try: &overlay NAME to layer 7
  • Not much happened in this episode. Every scene felt like 2 minutes. You need to work on episode 1 more.

My advice: Plan this story out before you publish because it needs a lot of work and attention. Also, test your story out in the app and not just the portal. There’s a link in the original post on how to make your story better. I advise you to use it.
Another note: Ask questions on the forums. Ask for directing help and tips. It will be useful.

I hope my feedback doesn’t offend you in any way. My opinion is my own

#139

Thank you, it’s very helpful!
I will use your advices :sweat_smile:

1 Like
#140

I would be so thankful if you could give me some feedback on my story, especially the choices, I did spend a lot to make them, but I’m not sure if they’re interesting enough.
:smile:
Anyway, here are the details to my story:

  • Story name: Autumn Wind
  • Author name: Ria H.
  • Genre: Romance
  • Episodes: 3
  • Summary: Follow a young girl on the way around the world, trying to find herself. after a break-up. But what else can she find on the way? CC
  • Style: Ink
  • Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5013143198498816
  • Cover:
    Autumn_wind_posterThumb_Ou2JBYDIVM
    Autumn_wind_posterImage_y7T8XKozmw
1 Like
#141

Be My Princess by @Rahdia
Feedback:

Thoughts on the cover: The cover isn’t for me. If I were to see it in the app, I wouldn’t click on it because it doesn’t draw my attention like it should.

Thoughts on the description: The description is good. It’s a bit cliche, but it’s good.

Character development: Not much character development happened. The friends were being childish, but it was nice to see they warmed up a little bit after speaking to Noah. I would suggest that you give the characters a little more personality. They lacked it.

Sentence structure: Your sentences were okay. However, it needs some work.

Directing: Needs improvement. Comments will be below.

Backgrounds: Good quality.

Music: Yes.

Choices: Yes.

Ways to improve: I would suggest getting familiar with direct addresses. Some of your sentences didn’t have punctuation at the end. I would also suggest clicking the “tips, tricks and discussions” in the original post to learn how to make your characters enjoyable and your plot.

Review:

Episode 1

  • Hayeong pops in the scene when she’s not in the bubble anymore. I’m not entirely sure how spotlight directing works, but use & instead of @
  • Hayeong mouth isn’t moving while she’s talking. Don’t forgot to put animations with the dialogue.
  • I would suggest bring King Mikael speech bubble a littler higher. Right now it’s on his feet.
  • The king mouth isn’t moving while he’s talking.
  • With speech bubbles you have to set a placement.

Example: @speechbubble is 102 347 to 100% with tail_top left - Each time you will set that to a character, follow by @speechbubble reset. Right now the speech bubbles have a mind of their own.

  • When Hayeong is on her knees the speech bubble is above her head.
  • Your ending your some of sentences with commas. Which is incorrect formatting and it’s leaving your sentence incomplete.
  • After the characters are done talking you should put them in an idle_loop animation.
  • When planning into the dance room scene you should have the character already standing in the screen to avoid popping in.

Example: INT. BACKGROUND NAME-DAY &CHARACTER stands back left @transition fade in @/& to pan zone 3

  • Some of your sentences are missing punctuation at the end.
  • “Hey Shane.” This needs to be “Hey, Shane.” This considered a direct address.
  • Shane’s speech tail isn’t on him.
  • When Noah and Kim are talking. The speech bubbles are blocking their face. You should move it down a bit.
  • Minha speech bubble isn’t on her while she’s talking to Shane. Make sure to reset the speech bubbles and assign them to the given character.
  • “Your highness I told everyone that you were in a mandatory program at school.” A comma needs to be after your.
  • George speech bubble isn’t on him. It’s on the prince.
  • “Oh I am so excited!” This should be “Oh, I am so excited!”
  • You should use transitions when you’re changing a scene.
  • When doing ellipses you need to have a space.
  • “It’s
nothing
” This should be “It’s
 nothing
”
  • A comma should ways be after “oh.”
  • Carla pops in the screen when Noah is looking out the window. Here is an example on how to make it look better.

Example: @CARLA walks to spot 1.280 403 16. Spot her off the screen first and then have her walk to that spot.

  • All your characters look the same.

Episode 2

  • I think it’s weird that Noah is changing clothes right in front of the palace lol.
  • The queen’s mouth is moving while Noah is talking.
  • Great queen doesn’t need to be capitalized because it’s in the middle of the sentence and it’s not a name.
  • Shane’s speech bubble is on the bottom of the steps.
  • Shane says “I didn’t expect my “bride to be” would be you.” Change this into “I didn’t except you to be my “bride to be.” Also, since you’re using the air quotes animation, you don’t really have to add quotes.
  • A lot of directing errors carry over to episode 2.
  • The seamstress is layer wrong when Noah is standing on the chair. Try moving the seamstress to layer 0.
  • Giving us one choice as an option isn’t really interactive. Either don’t add choices or add more than one.
  • Noah’s friends are being childish.

Episode 3

  • The hug is off between Noah and the teacher.
  • Same directing errors from episode one continues in episode three.
  • When you cut to zone two, you can see Noah’s legs.
  • It’s clear to me that you don’t test the story out in the app and you just look at the portal. I would advise you to test it out in the app as well.
Spot directing error.

image
0217AC03-95EC-411D-AC2A-3D2F2F7E36DE.jpg1242×2208 801 KB

My comments: Use the app as well to make sure you don’t have any directing errors. I suggest taking your time with the next episodes and put some more effort and thought into this story.

I hope my feedback doesn’t offend you in any way. My opinion is my own

#142

Thank you and it didn’t affend me at all. I wrote this story years ago, so I just wanted to try it out. I know that it still needs a little work. BTW, I always preview my story in the app never on the portal. Again Thank you for your review it’s helpful and I will look into your insights but I’m trying to keep it original as possible that’s includes the way that the characters talk and act.

1 Like
#143

No problem! And I get that. I’m glad you found my feedback insightful.

1 Like
#144

Don’t get me wrong, I will defintely use your advice.

1 Like
#145

Unrequited by @fluffyrice
Feedback:

Thoughts on the over: The covers are nice adorable. It draws my attention and I would definitely read this if I seen it in the app.

Thoughts on the description: Haha. The description is a adorable. It’s a bit cliche, however I love stories that turn enemies into lovers
 I like the description saying lovers is weird lol.

Character development: The development in chapters 1-3 were really good. Julian went from being jealous to developing a crush on Olivia. I like how he envies her, but then he defends her. I love both of the characters. Olivia is a savage.

Plot development: Everything was moving simultaneously and it was easy to follow. Julian goes envies this shy smart girl, but also at the same time he develops a crush. He doesn’t know that, but it’s obvious. I won’t say too much because I don’t want to give it away.

Sentence structure: Very well.

Directing/overlays: Remarkable.

Backgrounds: Great.

Music/sound: Yes.

Choices: Yes.

Ways to improve: Keep up the great work.

Review/commentary:

Episode 1

  • Your intro is amazing!
  • This is completely optional. I would suggest changing 10 years into ten years.
  • The way you use overlays is amazing!
  • When Julian says “That stuck up loser.” His mouth isn’t moving. I’m assuming you wanted that to be a though bubble? If so it wasn’t in a thought bubble.
  • Episode 1 was a bit short. About 5-7 minutes. Not a big deal to me, but I thought I’ll let you know.
  • Your outro is cute!

Episode 2

  • Julian blushing is so adorable! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
  • The blanket overlay isn’t bad, but it looks like a bit weird. It looks like it’s plastered on the screen instead of drooping over Julian.
  • Olivia is so mature to be 12. I really like these characters.
  • Julian asking if Olivia cooked all this is a bit odd because Olivia asked what he wanted to eat. lol
  • Julian says “Do you go to a tutor?” I think this would sound better “Do you have a tutor?”
  • The table overlay is a glitchy every time it changes between characters. Use & instead of @
  • Mrs. Fraser speech bubble is on Julian. I would also advise you to scale the speech bubble a little smaller. Around 90%
  • After the characters are doing talking you should put them in an idle_loop animation.
  • One of the background characters said “Hi Julian.” You’re missing after hi.
  • Olivia saying “who are you again?” is straight savage :joy::joy:

No comments for episode 3. Everything was great.

My comments: You just earned yourself a fan!! This is a romcom right? I really like it. I was laughing throughout the review and also blushing like a dumbass lol. OMG THIS STORY IS SOOOOOOOO GOOD! Your directing is so good. Teach me.
This so unprofessional. I will continue reading this story and I’m keeping it in my favorites.
Thank you for putting this story in my thread.

your story is amazing!

2 Likes
#146

Hi, I noticed some of you haven’t acknowledged the review of your story that I posted on my thread. It would be nice if you would say thank you at least. I’m not asking much from you, but it’s the least you can do.

I believe two people haven’t been on the forums in a while. That’s fine.

@Maya6
I’m well aware that you have life outside of episode. but you been online. So, yeah! Your review is posted.

Please keep in mind that I do these reviews because I genuinely like to. BUT saying thank you is a nice thing to do after someone spent their free time looking over your story.

1 Like
#147

Thanks so much for the review

#148

Sorry for the late response thanks for a wonderful review

#149

hey, i’m sorry for asking just now but what did you mean by “You have 19 song lyrics. You can only have five per chapter.” ? :sweat_smile:

1 Like
#150

When your character was singing a song by a celebrity. You had around 19 lyrics in your script.

You can only use up to five lyrics.

Example:
One taught me love
One taught me patience
And one taught me pain
Now, I’m so amazing
Say I’ve loved and I’ve lost

Here I’m singing a song by Ariana Grande. I used fine song lyrics.