Itâs such a great story! Itâs not predictable and thatâs something most people canât capture.
I hope to see Gal in the future episodes, but I wonât know that until I read chapters 6-7
Thank you for linking your story and allowing me to review it
Hello!! I would love a review for my first story!!
Author: Madhu
Story Title: Black hearts golden desires
Genre: fanatsy/action /drama/romance
Description: Nand, a sorcerer princess of solataria, has two loving sisters whom she loves to the level of infinityâŠbut what will happen when itâs the vice versa and an old enemy comes back for revenge? Will nand overcome it and save her sisters?
Chapter: 5 published
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5019562149478400
Instagram: @episode.angelindisguise
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If you guys really like my storyâŠpls follow me on insta @episode_angelindisguise for sneak peeks and updates
You know we agreed on doing a read for read?
Yeah np but i want a review tooâŠU can do it if u dont mindâŠ
Hey actually u typed my story title wrong in your waiting list can u change it?
Betting on a double by @Kalani-Santino
Feedback.
Rating: 6/10
Thoughts on cover: Eh. Personally itâs not the best and If I seen it on the app I wouldnât be interested on clicking on your story.
Thoughts on descriptions: The description is good. It cuts right to the point.
Plot development: The plot is confusing⊠It seems rushed and all over the place. It has potential. It just seems like you decided to rush to put your story out in the public without really developing it. You have way too much narration.
Backgrounds: Good quality.
Music: You use sound.
Choices: You have choices.
Sentence structure: You have quite a few run on sentences. There was too many for me to catch.
& like I said in the OP I am not an expert.
Ways to improve: Take your time, I will put down a link to help you make your story better.
Tips, Tricks & discussions by Cookie.
Review:
Episode 1
- When you start the scene with the characters fight you should already have them doing the animation.
INT - BACKGROUNDNAME - DAY
&CHAR spot AND CHAR2 spot
&CHAR1 is punch_jab AND CHAR2 is punch_receive THEN CHAR1 is punch_jap THEN CHAR2 is punch_recieve & repeat on the same line
@transition iris in black in T
- âCome on pretty boy get up and fight like a manâ. Come on, pretty boy get up and fight like a man."
Comma needs to be after come on and between pretty boy because itâs a direct address. If the name is at the end, as in the example above, the comma goes before the name.
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youâre ending a sentence with a comma. Thatâs what you consider an incomplete sentence. Either put a period or use a dash (-)
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Your overlays look good.
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Change the number â3 monthsâ into three months.
A simple rule for using numbers in writing is that small numbers ranging from one to ten (or one to nine, depending on the style guide) should generally be spelled out . Larger numbers (i.e., above ten) are written as numerals
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You should try zooming in closer to your characters while they talk.
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Mom doesnât need to capitalized because itâs in the middle of the sentence.
Ways to know when not to capitalized mom - When the word is preceded by âmyâ, âyourâ, or any other possessive adjective.
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Same thing goes with brother, father, sister.
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When Lexus is talking, Jord mouth is still moving. - Mall scene.
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You have these awkward long pauses. Theyâre around 3-4 second long.
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God needs to be capitalized because itâs a name.
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Too much narration. Show donât tell.
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âTake it away Bren.â It needs to be âTake it away, Bren.â Read my earlier notes.
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You need periods at the end of each sentence. It looks more professional and It makes your sentences a complete sentence.
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âA glass of Red wine, a pint of beer and what do you want Jord?â Correct it to " A glass of red wine, a pint of beer and what do you want, Jord?" A comma should be after want and between Jord and red should be lowercase.
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âBar girlâ bar doesnât need to be capitalized because itâs not a name nor is it in the beginning of the sentence.
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âSheâs old enough to be my Mum Lex.â Once again - " Comma after Mom. Mom needs to lowercase.
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Make sure to put your characters in idle_loop or change animations after each dialogue.
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You should have your characters walk in rear.
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Backgrounds are stiff. You should have them in talk_loop animations.
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The plot is moving too fast. I donât even know what is going on.
My advice: Plan out your characters and episode 1 a little more. You have way too much narration going on. Everything is rushed. I barely even know who the characters are. Theyâre supposed to be in highschool but yet theyâre making out with grown ass adults??? & drinking underage???
Episode 2
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You use transitions well.
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When Ricky gets down from the bed he looks like is floating on top. You might want to fix your spotting.
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For them to be teenagers they donât act like itâŠ
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The option to slap the wife and Ricky is a little absurd if you ask me.
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Youâre using spots and then you used the exit command.
Instead, do this;
@CHAR walks to spot in zone 3 or 4
@remove CHAR
Episode 3
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Youâre narrating things⊠That we see. The narration is pointless.
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Zooms. You should zoom in on the characters as they speak. It definitely will make or break a story.
Your story has potential. Itâs not my taste. I think if you go back in and take your time. Your story could be really great. I gave you a link that will help you with that. In no way am I trying to put you or your story down. This is just my opinion.
Plot (6.5/10)
Choices (8/10)
Directing (8/10)
Grammar (7/10)
Overall (7/10)
Overall score:
40/50
Thank you I will take all the feedback on board. Iâm dissapointed it seemed rushed as I have worked for months before publishing and I also have a proof reader but I will look and see if I can make it seem less rushed.
Thank you for the grammer tips and the link everything is a learning curve for me as Iâm new to learning grammer and Iâm really not that good yet
Theyâre teenagers but they are 18 and the adults are 22-25 so not as bad as it seems.
Thank you again for taking the time and I will use your advise to improve my story
Iâm back to say⊠all chapters are corrected! Thank you so much, again, for taking the time to be so detailed with your review! Itâs been done justice and used to the fullest!
No problem!
Title : Take My Heart
Episode Author : Jiya
Genre : Romance
Episodes : 1 (more to come)
Style : Ink
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4602924031868928
Description : Shawn visits NY to get away from his childhood love. But what happens when he meets an ordinary girl? Will she help him unite with his love or show him what real love is?
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I would love for you to review 5 chapters too please if you can! I just published episode 5 today!!
I WILL BE RESUMING REVIEWS ON SUNDAY, APRIL 14TH⊠MY ORDER IS RANDOM BUT THE SECOND PERSON ON MY LIST WILL BE NEXT BECAUSE SHEâS BEEN WAITING A WHILE @RainbowCat â YOU WILL GET A NOTIFICATION WHEN I AM DONE. AGAIN PLEASE DO NOT RUSH ME ESPECIALLY NOT TODAY I AM RUNNING ON NO SLEEP AND I WONâT HESITANT TO DENY YOUR REQUEST.
sounds good!! thanks for letting us all know!
Story name: MoonStar
Author: Mayalina
Genre: Fantasy/romance
style: Limelight
episodes: 5 (more coming!!)
description: You play as a girl called Michaela. She is an half elf half human girl who lives alone with her sister. But for some reason Michaela is being hunted by an evil elf group who are trying to kill her. Will she survive? And why do they want to kill her?
Instagram: mayalina.episode
link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5505856963936256
Let me know what you think!!
Hey! I would love a review and I donât mind waiting I have two stories but Iâll give you one for now. Take your time hun!
Title: Be My Princess
Author: Rahdia
Genre: Drama/Romance
Episodes: 3 (on going)
STYLE: (INK VERSION)
Story: Noah is an average teenager until she finds out that she is betrothed to the cold hearted prince. His aunt threatens to seize the throne; while her son falls in love with Noah. Will Noah pull through or will she change the monarchy for the better?
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@RainbowCat
Iâve read your story before lol and gave you a review before. I just realized as I found you in my favorites and my pms
Lol oh, sorry
Itâs not problem at all
From what I remember, I liked your story
Thanks!
Story name: © Tribe of Malapinchi
Author: Jannah Jackson
Genre: Thriller/Mystery/Horror/Fantasy/Adventure
Episodes: 5/6
Description Summary: Toss into a land of the sun, magic, lies and dark secrets in Asia. Can you survive, solve the havoc and save everyone before itâs too late? FullCC
Style Secret Surprise
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5909308359180288
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