Aaliyah's Honest Reviews! 🖤

Thx for the review! The reason the episode were like that was because I was new to episode at the time and I didn’t plan the story well but now I started planning my stories better!

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The reviews that will be posted next is @randa & @daniepisodewriter - Sorry about the delay. Lol, busy. Reviews will be posted this week.

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Okay! Thank you so much in advance! :relaxed:

Where The Shadows Belong by @daniepisodewriter

The bold is what I corrected and needs to be corrected.

Episode 1

Grammar errors and corrections:

  • Talia says “Bye Lukas.” When it should be “Bye, Lucas. (Bar scene)

Directing errors, corrections, and feedback:

  • When Lukas and Alexia are talking. Talia is stuck on the last animation she used. I would suggest that you put her in an idle_loop animation. (Bar scene)
  • The blanket overlay in Alexia room glitches. I would suggest using & instead of @ so the transitions are smoother.

Personal comments:

  • Nice intro. I like it.
  • You use overlays well.
  • I also love the bar background and overlays. Where did you get it :eyes:

Thoughts on episode one: I really enjoyed this episode. Not many mistakes or errors. Nice work. Usually, I tend to dread narration, but I oddly enjoyed it. It wasn’t too much. It was a nice touch of show and tell. Which many fail to do lolol. But I liked this episode. The length was good. Not too long and too short.

Episode 2

Grammar errors and corrections:

  • Alexia says “I know Talia, but there’s something about the bikers…” You need to have a comma after Talia because it’s a direct address.
  • Alexia says “Stop Talia, if I find someone who catches my attention…” You need a comma after stop.
  • “Holy shit Talia, you scared the hell out of me.” This should be “Holy shit, Talia, you scared the hell out of me.”

Personal comments:

  • Oh, shit. I don’t fuck with snakes :rofl: I’m glad I’m not reviewing this at night.

  • I had a cat black as the night and his name was midnight. So adorable. He actually had yellow eyes. His fur was dark black with a hint of gray. Lol, sorry I love the name moonlight for a cat.

Thoughts on episode two: I enjoyed the hell out of this episode! The drummer is cute… I mean the nose has to go, boo, but I can get down with it :joy: This episode seemed a bit shorter than episode two. Not complaining though. I just have fewer comments to add.

Episode 3

Grammar errors and corrections:

  • Lukas says “But Talia our yourself in my shoes.” A comma needs to be after but.
  • A direct address always needs a comma before the name. Here is an example. “Hey, Aaliyah did you see that duck over there?” Or “I’m talking to you, Aaliyah, don’t ignore me.”

Thoughts on episode three:
Wow, yeah. I enjoyed episode three. I decided to tell Lukas the truth about Alexia. I always say it’s better knowing the truth then looking stupid in the end. If he stops being her friend well then he’s trash lol.

Overall thoughts, I usually tend to stay away from stories that revolve around demons, but then again I like vampire and witches stories so, who am I to talk, yeah? Anyway, I really enjoy this story.
I’m going to continue reading because honestly, it’s really good. You’re directing is good! You use overlays well! You’re stage directing looked good. And oddly enough I enjoyed every single character. Talia and Alexia are really cute. I also like the bond with Alexia and Lukas. I hope it remains platonic because you don’t see much of that. I do have one confusion though. I see that your story is under the adventure, but honestly, it feels more like an action story. If somehow Talia and Lukas were to join Alexia on this adventure of killing demons then yes, I would agree that it fits under adventure. This is just my opinion, though. I also noticed a lack of diversity in your story. It’s not a deal-breaker for me, but I do love seeing diverse characters in stories. But other than that, this story is good!

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Thank you so much for this amazing review! I’ll change some things you pointed out!
About the story being on the “adventure” shelf, I didn’t know if I should put it on adventure or action… But because Alexia is going on a huge adventure in further episodes, I decided to put it on “adventure”.
About Lukas and Alexia, they’re only friends and that’s how they will stay till the end of the story! :relaxed:
Once again thank you so much for your feedback and I’m really glad you enjoyed the story! :black_heart:

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Take Care My Angel by @randa

The bold is what I corrected and what needs to be corrected in your script.

Episode 1

Grammar errors and corrections:

  • “I know you are here, Mary, you can’t scare me.” - You didn’t have a comma here.
  • “Okay. Just take care of yourself, my angel.”
  • “What happened, Barbara.”
  • “I don’t lie, Father.”
  • “But Mary is like an angel, Barbara.”
  • “My phone was on silent mood.” You had in, but on is the correct word.”
  • “Thank you for being protective over our Mary. Her friends are just a bunch of students and artists.”
  • “And Mary has been through a lot in her life. She’s only trying to have some fun, and I won**’t** stop her.” Have needed to be has. The comma doesn’t need a space, and you need an apostrophe in won’t.
  • “I come here to clear my mind, from all the questions, problems, and nightmares.

Directing errors, feedback, and corrections:

  • A small not really noticeable glitch with the table overlay in the scene with George. Use & instead of @
  • The laundry glitched when the scene opened up. Just do what I said in the comment above. ^
  • Not quite sure if it’s the fact that you zoomed into the background, but Mary looks a bit too big.

Personal comments:

  • Nice touch on the over the shoulder.
  • I’m noticing the revamp that you did and it’s looking good. The scene with the artist looks better.

Thoughts on episode one: I see that you revamped it completely differently. I like it. The episode was good. Not too much narration, not too much jumping around from scene to scene. The episode was a tad bit short with nothing really going on, but it was still a good read.

Episode 2

Grammar errors and corrections:

  • “Guatav! Did you bring the stuff I told you about?” Bought needs to be bring.
  • “David, Edward, Emma, Joseph, Mary, Cooper, and Lily…” The comma doesn’t need to be spaced between Mary and Cooper, and you also need an and in this sentence.
  • “Then I’ll wait for her.” You left out the word for.
  • “Okay. Wait here while I unpack the clothes.” You don’t need me after the wait.
  • “I delivered clothes from the dry cleaners, and I waited for you to arrive, to pay me.”
  • “He’s emotionless, mom. He only cares about his work. - Mom should be lowercased.

Directing errors, feedback, and corrections:

  • When Lilian walks off she is walking too fast. You should put her in T.

Example: @LILIAN walks to spot 1.280 231 15 in zone 3 in 2.3 ⏎

Personal comments:

  • Lol, Mary snooping around is a mood.

Thoughts on episode two: You have quite a few grammar mistakes. I couldn’t catch them all, but other than that. This episode was quite good. Not too faced paced and not too slow. Lilian and John need to leave each other :joy:

Episode 3

Grammar errors and corrections:

  • “Not only did my parents give up on me, but also that happened to me.”
  • “How are you, Dr. Brauer?”
  • “Can you leave me to drink in peace? - You left out the word to.
  • “How about we go somewhere private, hotness?” You spelled some were.
  • “Nice to meet you, Dr. Brauer and Mrs. Brauer.”
  • “Hmm. I think it’s Nathan. No offense, bro, but you suck.”
  • Thanks, man.”
  • “I believe that’s enough, Lisa.”

**Directing errors, feedback, and corrections:

  • I forgot to mention this lol. But after the characters are done talking you should put them in an idle_loop animation.

Example: &MARY is idle_armcrossed_neutral ⏎

  • Julia and Emmanuel are walking and then they start to slide.

Personal comments:

  • John rejected Lilian was funny lol.

Overall thoughts, you had a quite few grammatical errors. I missed a few, but other than that I enjoyed this version more than the original. And I was quite pleased that I saw you actually followed my feedback. I see character development and plot development throughout the first three episodes. I’m very curious to know if John is having an affair. I feel like he isn’t, but we never know lol. Your directing has improved as well. I would suggest getting familiarised with what a direct address is. I enjoyed reviewing this and rereading it. Great job on the revamp, love!

About direct address comma.

The name in the direct address is always set apart from the rest of the sentence by a comma or commas. If the name is at the end, as in the example above, the comma goes before the name. If the name is at the beginning of the sentence, the comma goes after the name.

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Omg thank you so much :heart:
I reallt enjoyed your comments and I will correct my grammar mistakes of course!
You’re the reason I did the revamp and I’ll always be grateful for you. :heart:

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LOVE: Mission (im)possible? by @Nadi_Episode

The bold is what I corrected and what you need to change in your script.

Episode 1

Grammar mistakes and corrections:

  • Jake! You’re here! You don’t need a space between jake and the exclamation mark.
  • Ugh… Go in there you stupid rose.” Honestly, “Ugh, go in there you stupid rose.” It would be better.
  • When uses ellipsis you need to use 3 dots instead of two. ()
  • A space needs to between the ellipsis and the word. Example: “I don’t know… If I can do this anymore.”
  • Hey, Charlie are you ready to sort some files?”
  • You should limit the number of times you use “ellipsis.”

Personal comments:

  • Interesting this reminds me of the story called “The Lovely One.” The flower scene is similar to the flower scene in The Lovely One. And the choice is identical to the one on TLO.
  • Err. Breaking the fourth wall…
  • The text effects are quite distracting and it’s making it hard for me to continue reviewing this story.

Episode one was quite short. Nothing happened. So, I don’t have any comments. I am sorry to say that I won’t be able to continue this review. Nothing personal against you. Seeing text effects being used in every line of dialogue is distracting which makes it hard for me to review or read, and it’s not my thing.

@xxLoveAaliyah

Hey, I just wanted to give you a head’s up. I had to fix an error that wouldn’t allow the episode to go to the next episode and it would repeat it. If you had started on mine and noticed that. It’s fixed now.

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Thanks for the thread!

Here’s mine…

Title: Shado
Author: Roy
Description: After tragedy, Roy returns to civilization a changed women. She begins her crusade, determined to put things right, with the help of her trusted people,waging a one-woman on crime
Instagram : roy_episode
Style: Ink
Chapters: 5 and ongoing
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5108744574074880

Shado_S9_posterThumb_cEh8zzozgE|210x290

You already requested a review. You’re on the waiting list. But now it seems to me like you want reads and not a review. So, I’m going to decline this request.

You posted on June 21st.

  • Story name.
  • Author name. Lynne444
  • Genre. Drama
  • Episodes. 4 (But you only have to do 2 chapters if you want)
  • Summary. Caitlyn and James both have big secrets, but when those collide. Will it be the end, or the beginning?
  • Style. INK
  • Link. http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5702242260877312
  • Cover
    image

Do you want a review? :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Oh, sorry. Yes, I’d love a review :blush:

Hi, here’s my story :slightly_smiling_face:
Title: Living Together
Author: Shonana
Genre : Drama
Chapters published: 11
Description: Your past experiences with boys has turned you into a misandry. But there’s 3 boys falling head over heels for you. Will you have a change of heart Or end up alone. Choice is yours.
Style: Ink
Link to the story: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4712860188278784
Instagram: episode.shonana

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@WolfGamerGirl37 I see that the title says revamping, do you want me to review or wait until the revamp is complete?

Revamping? Are you looking at College Days or Daughter of the Blue Dragon? College Days is being revamped but the other story isn’t.

I’m looking at College Days. That’s the one that you put in this thread.

You have Daughter of the Blue Dragon in the Waiting list. If you can review that one instead of the revamped one that would be great. Sorry for the confusion.

It’s cool. That link took me to college days. But I’ll start on Daughter if the Blue Dragon this week.

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