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24

OMFG :sob::sob::joy::joy: THANK YOU SO MUCHH!!! You’ve really motivated me to publish this story!! I know my punctuation and grammar are both trash, I feel like Grammarly is playing me sometimes :skull::skull:

She’s been taking after my sims :skull::skull:

Heh, I haven’t finished it yet and I’m gonna ask for advice on our chat :joy::joy:

Oml, you’re so sweeet! :sob::sob::heart::heart:

Thanks so much for this, you don’t understand how much this means to me! :heart::heart:

1 Like
25

My Kalona by @Ray_Edwin

Rating: 9/10

Thoughts on cover: Not the best, but I like it. It doesn’t grab my attention. However. I still loved the cover.
First thoughts on description: The description is good, it’s simple. It doesn’t give too much a way and it cuts right to the point.
Characters: Noami and Gal, friendship is so precious and I would love to see more of the. I loved all the characters. I am hesitant about Ken, he gives me stalker vibes lol. I still like him though. :new_moon_with_face:
Plot development: So far so good. The plot is amazing and you kept me intrigued and wanting more throughout the episodes
 I love the storyline. It’s original and unique. I love would to know more about Noami’s backstory though.
Backgrounds: Good quality.
Overlays: Remarkable.
Music: You used sound and music throughout each episode. Nice touch. You used the right music for the perfect scene. Each sound fit.
Directing: Flawless.
Choices: Each choice matter and each choice you made had a consequence
 whether it was good or bad. Nice!
Sentence structure: No mistakes. Great work.
Ways to improve: Keep up the great work.

Review and thoughts/commentary:

Episode 1

  • The intro is soo nice.

  • It’s not a big deal and I see a lot of authors do this quite a lot but “mom” doesn’t have to be capitalized unless it’s the at the beginning of the sentence.

Ways to know when not to capitalized mom - When the word is preceded by “my”, “your”, or any other possessive adjective. (Sorry for the English, Lesson lol)

  • Same goes with father and okay.

  • “That’s True”. “True” doesn’t need to be capitalized.

  • The dressing game is a bit weird. Noami starts on the left side when you’re trying on the clothes. When she puts the clothes on, she is on the right side. (not a big deal, thought I should tell you.)

Episode 2

  • Not a guy, Gal!My dad! Add a space between Gal and dad.

  • “
but you can’t wait to get home and to prepare for your trip.”

Space between ellipsis and “you”.

  • “
you were just glad it was over and everything turned out in your favor.”

Always put a space between ellipsis and the word.

  • I guess wearing my signature little black dress was a bad idea lol.

Episode 3

  • Of course Ken, likes my outfit
 I look like a barbie lol. Did you plan that? Lol, okay I’m just corny
 I’ll stop now :joy:

  • Ken said, “We’ll
 Thats us.” He didn’t say exactly like that, I tapped to fast. You forgot to add an apostrophe in that’s.

  • Noami says, “Yup
 Lets go” In this case
 “Lets” Should be “Let’s”.

Let’s is a contraction of let us. Whereas lets is the third-person singular present indicative form of let. (Which means allows)

  • Your narration is really good.

  • You spelled “exchanged”. It should be “Exchange” because you used the sentence “We should exchange numbers”.

  • This moment with Noami and her father is touching
 When I first met my father, I didn’t know who he was either. All I knew was that he had cornrows, glasses, and he drove a sports car. lol

  • Work doesn’t need to be capitalized.

  • Your forgot to add a period after “Thanks.” in the choice. For Triple Decker Dexter
? Lol

Episode 4

  • LOL mom is suspicious of me. I didn’t know it was elite.

  • Okay
 She’s no longer suspicious


  • I’m making poor decisions :sweat_smile:

  • Noami says, “where is he?!” The “where” isn’t capitalized.

  • LOL okay
 I ran because I wanted to be dramatic
 Now I’m in a ditch
 I should of stayed put lol.

Episode 5

  • Oh! Maybe my choice wasn’t that bad :thinking:

  • I just want to state
 Ever since I met Ken, I have been hurting myself non stop :new_moon_with_face:
    I think he’s cursed


  • I’m getting sims 3 world adventure vibes.

I forgot to take screenshots BUT I love this story no doubt! I plan to read 6-7 later on today. I am loss for words. You are an AMAZING writer. Obviously I need to come to you to for some tips and notes :wink:. You just earned a fan. Why your story has 20 reads is beyond me? People are sleeping on you!

Plot (10/10)
Choices (10/10)
Grammar (10/10)
Directing (10/10)
Overall (10/10)
Overall, I love the story. Like I said the plot is unique. You’re capitalized happy lol but at least you capitalize your letters lol. I will keep your story in my favorites.
Overall score:
(50/50)

2 Likes
26

:joy::joy:

No problem!! :heartpulse:

Okay :smiling_imp:

1 Like
27

What an amazing and detailed review! I appreciate every single digital letter of it! I will be going through my chapters and correcting each and everything. LOL
 I don’t mind English lessons. The “when the heck to capitalize mom and dad” etc
 I needed that lesson! If you could only see my face while debating this, writing. HA! I’m so happy you’re enjoying Gal and Naomi’s relationship! Gal’s personality is based on someone I used to work with, who was such a joy to be around! I greatly appreciate your review and your feedback! ML

1 Like
28

It’s such a great story! It’s not predictable and that’s something most people can’t capture.
I hope to see Gal in the future episodes, but I won’t know that until I read chapters 6-7 :thinking:
Thank you for linking your story and allowing me to review it :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

1 Like
29

Hello!! I would love a review for my first story!!
Author: Madhu
Story Title: Black hearts golden desires
Genre: fanatsy/action /drama/romance
Description: Nand, a sorcerer princess of solataria, has two loving sisters whom she loves to the level of infinity
but what will happen when it’s the vice versa and an old enemy comes back for revenge? Will nand overcome it and save her sisters?
Chapter: 5 published
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5019562149478400
Instagram: @episode.angelindisguise
Cover:

black_hearts_smallcover_by_witchoflust.png
black_hearts_smallcover_by_witchoflust.png420×580 357 KB

If you guys really like my story
pls follow me on insta @episode_angelindisguise for sneak peeks and updates

2 Likes
30

You know we agreed on doing a read for read?

31

Yeah np but i want a review too
U can do it if u dont mind


1 Like
32

Hey actually u typed my story title wrong in your waiting list can u change it?

1 Like
33

Betting on a double by @Kalani-Santino
Feedback.

Rating: 6/10

Thoughts on cover: Eh. Personally it’s not the best and If I seen it on the app I wouldn’t be interested on clicking on your story.
Thoughts on descriptions: The description is good. It cuts right to the point.
Plot development: The plot is confusing
 It seems rushed and all over the place. It has potential. It just seems like you decided to rush to put your story out in the public without really developing it. You have way too much narration.
Backgrounds: Good quality.
Music: You use sound.
Choices: You have choices.
Sentence structure: You have quite a few run on sentences. There was too many for me to catch.
& like I said in the OP I am not an expert.
Ways to improve: Take your time, I will put down a link to help you make your story better.

Tips, Tricks & discussions by Cookie.

Tips, tricks & discussions: How to make your story better

Review:

Episode 1

  • When you start the scene with the characters fight you should already have them doing the animation.

INT - BACKGROUNDNAME - DAY
&CHAR spot AND CHAR2 spot
&CHAR1 is punch_jab AND CHAR2 is punch_receive THEN CHAR1 is punch_jap THEN CHAR2 is punch_recieve & repeat on the same line
@transition iris in black in T

  • “Come on pretty boy get up and fight like a man”. Come on, pretty boy get up and fight like a man."

Comma needs to be after come on and between pretty boy because it’s a direct address. If the name is at the end, as in the example above, the comma goes before the name.

  • you’re ending a sentence with a comma. That’s what you consider an incomplete sentence. Either put a period or use a dash (-)

  • Your overlays look good.

  • Change the number “3 months” into three months.

A simple rule for using numbers in writing is that small numbers ranging from one to ten (or one to nine, depending on the style guide) should generally be spelled out . Larger numbers (i.e., above ten) are written as numerals

  • You should try zooming in closer to your characters while they talk.

  • Mom doesn’t need to capitalized because it’s in the middle of the sentence.

Ways to know when not to capitalized mom - When the word is preceded by “my”, “your”, or any other possessive adjective.

  • Same thing goes with brother, father, sister.

  • When Lexus is talking, Jord mouth is still moving. - Mall scene.

  • You have these awkward long pauses. They’re around 3-4 second long.

  • God needs to be capitalized because it’s a name.

  • Too much narration. Show don’t tell.

  • “Take it away Bren.” It needs to be “Take it away, Bren.” Read my earlier notes.

  • You need periods at the end of each sentence. It looks more professional and It makes your sentences a complete sentence.

  • “A glass of Red wine, a pint of beer and what do you want Jord?” Correct it to " A glass of red wine, a pint of beer and what do you want, Jord?" A comma should be after want and between Jord and red should be lowercase.

  • “Bar girl” bar doesn’t need to be capitalized because it’s not a name nor is it in the beginning of the sentence.

  • “She’s old enough to be my Mum Lex.” Once again - " Comma after Mom. Mom needs to lowercase.

  • Make sure to put your characters in idle_loop or change animations after each dialogue.

  • You should have your characters walk in rear.

  • Backgrounds are stiff. You should have them in talk_loop animations.

  • The plot is moving too fast. I don’t even know what is going on.

My advice: Plan out your characters and episode 1 a little more. You have way too much narration going on. Everything is rushed. I barely even know who the characters are. They’re supposed to be in highschool but yet they’re making out with grown ass adults??? & drinking underage???

Episode 2

  • You use transitions well.

  • When Ricky gets down from the bed he looks like is floating on top. You might want to fix your spotting.

  • For them to be teenagers they don’t act like it


  • The option to slap the wife and Ricky is a little absurd if you ask me.

  • You’re using spots and then you used the exit command.
    Instead, do this;

@CHAR walks to spot in zone 3 or 4
@remove CHAR

Episode 3

  • You’re narrating things
 That we see. The narration is pointless.

  • Zooms. You should zoom in on the characters as they speak. It definitely will make or break a story.

Your story has potential. It’s not my taste. I think if you go back in and take your time. Your story could be really great. I gave you a link that will help you with that. In no way am I trying to put you or your story down. This is just my opinion.

Plot (6.5/10)
Choices (8/10)
Directing (8/10)
Grammar (7/10)
Overall (7/10)
Overall score:
40/50

3 Likes
34

Thank you :blush: I will take all the feedback on board. I’m dissapointed it seemed rushed as I have worked for months before publishing and I also have a proof reader but I will look and see if I can make it seem less rushed.

Thank you for the grammer tips and the link everything is a learning curve for me as I’m new to learning grammer and I’m really not that good yet :blush:

They’re teenagers but they are 18 and the adults are 22-25 so not as bad as it seems.

Thank you again for taking the time and I will use your advise to improve my story :blush::two_hearts:

1 Like
36

I’m back to say
 all chapters are corrected! Thank you so much, again, for taking the time to be so detailed with your review! It’s been done justice and used to the fullest!

1 Like
37

No problem! :slightly_smiling_face:

38

Title : Take My Heart
Episode Author : Jiya
Genre : Romance
Episodes : 1 (more to come)
Style : Ink
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4602924031868928
Description : Shawn visits NY to get away from his childhood love. But what happens when he meets an ordinary girl? Will she help him unite with his love or show him what real love is?

Cover

Take_My_Heart_pc_posterThumb_thV1iW52T5

1 Like
39

I would love for you to review 5 chapters too please if you can! I just published episode 5 today!!

1 Like
40

I WILL BE RESUMING REVIEWS ON SUNDAY, APRIL 14TH
 MY ORDER IS RANDOM BUT THE SECOND PERSON ON MY LIST WILL BE NEXT BECAUSE SHE’S BEEN WAITING A WHILE @RainbowCat — YOU WILL GET A NOTIFICATION WHEN I AM DONE. AGAIN PLEASE DO NOT RUSH ME ESPECIALLY NOT TODAY I AM RUNNING ON NO SLEEP AND I WON’T HESITANT TO DENY YOUR REQUEST.

5 Likes
41

sounds good!! thanks for letting us all know!

1 Like
42

Story name: MoonStar
Author: Mayalina
Genre: Fantasy/romance
style: Limelight
episodes: 5 (more coming!!)
description: You play as a girl called Michaela. She is an half elf half human girl who lives alone with her sister. But for some reason Michaela is being hunted by an evil elf group who are trying to kill her. Will she survive? And why do they want to kill her?
Instagram: mayalina.episode
link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5505856963936256

Let me know what you think!!

MoonStar%20(2)
MoonStar (2).jpg693×390 42.3 KB

1 Like
43

Hey! I would love a review and I don’t mind waiting :slight_smile: I have two stories but I’ll give you one for now. Take your time hun!

Title: Be My Princess
Author: Rahdia
Genre: Drama/Romance
Episodes: 3 (on going)
STYLE: (INK VERSION)
Story: Noah is an average teenager until she finds out that she is betrothed to the cold hearted prince. His aunt threatens to seize the throne; while her son falls in love with Noah. Will Noah pull through or will she change the monarchy for the better?


Cover:
Capture%20_2019-04-08-20-21-10-1
Capture _2019-04-08-20-21-10-1.jpg688×946 463 KB
Capture%20_2019-04-08-20-21-23-1
Capture _2019-04-08-20-21-23-1.png707×498 395 KB

1 Like
44

@RainbowCat
I’ve read your story before lol and gave you a review before. I just realized as I found you in my favorites and my pms :stuck_out_tongue:

1 Like