Name: Never say Never.
Author: Mina
Genre: Adventure
Episodes: 5 (ongoing)
Summary: Itâs about girl who dated boss of the mafia, but she doesnât know that he is a mafia boss. He will call her to turn on his side, but she will so scared, because, if she will not turn on his side, he will track her and make of her life nightmare. Thatâs a crime-love story⊠Thanks.
Style: LL
Cover:
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I would suggest making a post on the forums saying youâre looking for proofreader.
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The Star Necklace by @Maya6
Feedback:
Thoughts on the cover: The cover is alright. It doesnât grab my attention as it should.
Thoughts on the description: Your description could use tweaking and I would suggest you take out those ellipsis because they arenât necessary.
Character development: You give us some history on the mother which is good because she seems like the main character. You donât really give information on the father which would be nice since he seems important to the story as well. Same goes with the siblings. The other sisters seem like side cast.
Plot development: The episodes seemed to jump around a lot. Not necessarily a bad thing. I think Randa and her husband kidnapping a baby was a nice touch. It was funny tbh. I would suggest giving flashbacks on how Mayah got famous because that was really random.
Sentence structure: Needs improvement. I would suggest getting a proofreader. More comments will be in the review section.
Directing: Needs improvement.
Backgrounds: Bad quality. (Maybe that was the point.)
Music: Yes.
Choices: No.
Ways to improve: I would suggest finding a proofreader who can help you correct your grammar and punctuation mistakes. I also advise you to fix some directing errors. Thereâs a link in a thread on how to make your story better. You should check that out.
Review:
Episode 1
- Randa is saying âBaby girl stop crying⊠Everything will be okayâŠâ â Thatâs a direct address so a comma needs to be after baby girl.
- Space between the ellipsis and the word.
- Also, you should tone down your usage of ellipsis. You should limit them when a moment is tense or something suspenseful is about to happen. Right now youâre using it a lot and it doesnât look good.
- These author notes are a nice touch.
- Sometimes you use two or four ellipsis and thatâs not correct. Only use three.
- Characters pop in after the transitions. Here is an example of how to make that look cleaner: â
INT. BACKGROUND NAME - DAY &CHARACTER stands screen right AND CHARACTER faces right AND CHARACTER is idle_armcrossed @transition fade in black in T
- You have âNothing is wrong ,baby girl.â It should be âNothing is wrong, baby girl.â The comma needs to be next to wrong.
- You have commas in the wrong place. Use the comment above to help fix those errors.
- âMy daughter, Selma, got full mark in math exams. I am proud of her!â Correct this to âMy daughter, Selma, got a full mark on her math exams. I am so proud of her!â
- After the characters are done taking then you should put them in an idle animation.
- âI wish my mom would update her mind, and allow my girls to attend school.â That comma after mind does not need to be there, take it out. Update doesnât really fit well with this sentence. Correct it to âchangeâ.
- You stated that you wish the mom will allow the daughters to attend school, but the next line says âIt breaks my heart when I see my girls come home after school. which one is it?
- Adam says âSorry to say this, Your mom is abusive and disgusting!â That your doesnât need to be capitalized because itâs in the middle of a sentence.
- Up close zooms would suffice in this conversation between Adam and Ezzat.
- Youâre missing a period after the bye.
- Eh. The sound effects arenât needed. Itâs quite off-putting, but thatâs my opinion.
- The grandmother is a bitch⊠Does she realize sheâs a woman?
- The siblings donât look alike at all. It looks like you threw some names and clothes on default characters lol.
- Grandma says âYouâre garbages !!â Incorrect. Change it to âYouâre garbage!!â
- Amira says âI donât understand what boys have we donât haveâŠâ Change this to **âI donât understand what boys have that we donât have.â
- God is a name so that needs to be capitalized all the time.
- The name in the direct address is always set apart from the rest of the sentence by a comma or commas.
- If you want realistic background I would suggest using faithy_edits
- One of the girls is sliding through the bedroom.
- The table overlay should have been higher. Or better quality.
- Glitchy overlays. Use & instead of @
- Grandma is standing on a table. I would suggest using better quality backgrounds. I get you want the poor look, but these arenât it. They look weird with overlays.
- Grandma is a bitch. Also, very abusive.
- The Midwife is gliding through scenes, looks a bit weird.
Episode 2
- Eh. Some of this dialogue isnât for me. âShe canât wait to get rid of themâ wow okay.
- Bahieyeh isnât gliding through the slides. This is a recurring thing. I would suggest using the walk animations.
- Directing mistakes carry over from episode 1 to episode 2.
- Youâre missing commas.
- A lot of verbal abuse in this story. You might want tone that down a notch. We get that grandma hates the kids.
- I had to turn my volume down because of these sound effects.
- More characters sliding through the scenes. Here is how to avoid that. â
Example: @CHARACTER walks to spot 1.280 203 16 in zone 3 in T AND CHARACTER is walk_neutral THEN CHARACTER is idle_cry.
- A lot of these sentences donât make sense.
- Your speech bubbles are long. I would suggest putting the character in an idle_loop talk animation.
- More glitchy overlays.
Episode 3
- The mother is fertile
- I would have ran away too. Soha is smart.
- Are they just going to steal a baby? Lol
- Ezzat is a coward.
- Directing errors continue over to episode 3.
- Punctuation/grammar mistakes continue over to episode 3.
My comments: Correct these mistake and errors and your story will be better! I would also suggest watching or reading some guides on basic directing because you had a lot of recurring issues.
I hope my feedback doesnât offend you in any way. My opinion is my own.
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sorry for the late response (didnât know it meant that much ). Thanks tho.
Of course, it meant a lot⊠As I already stated I spend hours of my free time reviewing stories. Saying thank you is polite. âdidnât know it meant that muchâ wasnât needed. You could have said thank you and went on about your day. But because Iâm in a good mood. Youâre welcome 
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My apologies, Thank you.
Review of my story?
I donât understand? Youâre on the waiting list if thatâs what your talking about.
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Okay. Sorry.
Hey, can you edit this post and add the link? Itâs easier for me.
@Mina33 & @RJGSB
If you donât know how to do that. Then follow these steps below. â
- Click on the pencil under your post. It will say âedit this post.â
- Then add your link by following the format given in the original post.
Hi, thank you for noticing that! This comment made feel good about my reviews, and it made my day. 
Youâve been added to the waiting list. My reviews are random, no particular order. Youâll get a notification when Iâm finished.
2 Likes
Iâm sorry.
I hope itâs fine now
1 Like
added.
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Take my heart by @jiya.episode
Feedback:
Thoughts on the cover: The cover isnât really my taste. I wouldnât click on it if I seen it in the app. However, itâs nice seeing Stacy bitter in the corner.
Thoughts on the description: The description is a bit of a cliche. I see it used a lot, but itâs alright because it gets right to point of the story.
Character development: I only read 1 episode because thatâs what is stated in the thread. I canât really comment on this, but I donât connect with the characters. Stacy is a bitch lol. I like Shawn a bit.
Plot development: I canât say because I only read 1 episode. What I can take from the story is that Shawn is in love with Stacy who is now engaged so Shawn moves to New York to get over her.
Sentence structure: Looked well.
Directing: It was basic, but good.
Backgrounds/overlays: Backgrounds looked nice and overlays. Overlays were a bit glitchy.
Music: No. However, sounds were in this story.
Choices: No.
Ways to improve: No comments. However, some of your sentences need work. Comments are below.
Review:
Episode 1
- Alright, wasnât expecting this a choice like this. I kind of want to click âNo I canât.â But then this review will be over
- I would suggest changing 5 years ago into five years.
- Rock doesnât need to be capitalized because itâs in the middle of the sentence.
- I would suggest taking out the slashes. Instead try this âStacy Barker. My best friend since childhood, partner in crime and the love of my life.â
- Space between the ellipsis and the word.
- This needs to be fixed âHey, do youâŠmaybe⊠want to grab dinner on the way and watch a movie at my place?â Correct it to this âHey, do you⊠maybe⊠want to grab dinner on the way and watch a movie at my place?â
- Shawn trying to get laid laid.
- God should be capitalized because itâs a name.
- You can only use 5 song lyrics per chapter. You used a total of 10 I believe. It was over 5 lyrics.
- You use a little too much narration for my taste. Keep in mind show, donât tell.
- Youâre missing punctuation at the end of some of your sentences.
- Stacyâs a bit of a dick. She couldnât have told her best friend to his face that sheâs about to friend-zone him.
- Close up zooms would look better when Shawn and Stacy are talking.
- When Shawn is leaving Stacyâs house you should put him in walk_rear. It looks odd when heâs leaving and his back is towards the door.
- Looks like youâre using default character as background characters. I would suggest changing them up a bit and giving them a different outfit. Otherwise it looks like laziness.
- The reply choice was a bit pointless, but who am I to judge. I did it before lol.
- Car overlay was glitchy. Use & instead of @
- I would change 1000s into one thousand of reasons.
- I forgot to mention itâs nice playing as a male character.
- You donât really have to say rose flower lol. You can just say âCan I get a rose?â
- I would change these numbers into words. It looks better. Then again itâs just my personal taste.
I hope my feedback doesnât offend you in any way. My opinion is my own.
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Hey, thank you for your feedback. It helped me a lot. I fixed most of them just now but I am a little confused on few or want to give some clarifications. 
- Alright, wasnât expecting this a choice like this. I kind of want to click âNo I canât.â But then this review will be over
I took that choice out and just explained it since a few people found it a little weird too.
- Space between the ellipsis and the word.
Where exactly is this problem? I couldnât find it.
- This needs to be fixed âHey, do youâŠmaybe⊠want to grab dinner on the way and watch a movie at my place?â Correct it to this âHey, do you⊠maybe⊠want to grab dinner on the way and watch a movie at my place? â
I am a little confused here 'cuz they both are literally the exact same sentences.
- You can only use 5 song lyrics per chapter. You used a total of 10 I believe. It was over 5 lyrics.
I fixed this already
- You use a little too much narration for my taste. Keep in mind show, donât tell.
I am using narration since you canât tell what Shawn is thinking or feeling at that moment by just seeing, right? But I will tone it down a bit. I just donât want the readers to get bored by just seeing their faces, you know?
- Car overlay was glitchy. Use & instead of @
I used â&â in my coding but it still seems to glitch. I donât know how to fix it.
- I forgot to mention itâs nice playing as a male character.
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I corrected the ellipsis (the space between the 3 dots)
You have do youâŠmaybe⊠And I put in bold how it should look.
This goes hand and hand with this comment ^
Anytime you use ellipsis put a space between.
Here is example.
I donât know⊠Maybe something like that?
The readers wonât get bored with their faces. Theyâre reading an animated story. A lot of readers doesnât like a lot of narration.
If you have a transition in that scene I would suggest taking it out.
Maybe sure the character name is using the & symbol as well.
No problem 
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Anytime you use ellipsis put a space between.
Oh okay. Thank you!
If you have a transition in that scene I would suggest taking it out.
Maybe sure the character name is using the & symbol as well.
EXT. CITY HIGHWAY LOOP - DAY with CAR ANGLE SILVER
@set hsl 5 -50 8 colorize with blendMode NORMAL to 100% in 0 and zoom reset
&overlay CAR ANGLE SILVER shifts to -398 -51 in 0
&overlay CAR ANGLE SILVER scales to 1.096 1.096
&YOUNG SHAWN spot 1.280 158 -152 and YOUNG SHAWN is idle_sad and YOUNG SHAWN faces right
This is what I have for that scene. Thereâs no transition and I used â&â for both the character and the overlay. I just donât get what to do there.
Maybe itâs just my phone because that looks good. You shouldnât have a problem. It might just be a problem on my end.
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No, I get that problem on my phone too. Maybe itâs just a glitch that we canât exactly fix?
MoonStar by @Mayalina
Feedback:
Thoughts on the cover: The cover is simple yet beautiful. It doesnât draw my attention, but I would still probably click on this story if I seen it in the app.
Thoughts on the description: You spelled weird wrong in the description. The description isnât for me. It leaves me open with a lot of questions (which could be a good thing) but in this case if I seen it the app. I would be confused. This description needs tweaking. I feel like it could be much better.
Character development: The characters are dull. They donât have a personality so it makes it hard for me to connect with them. You havenât showed us any background history on them or what they arenât about.
Plot development: I didnât see one. All the episodes were short. the conversations were short. Nothing really happened in the first three episodes. Only thing I can say is that Micha necklace changes colors. but thatâs because the characters said it and the description said it.
Sentence structure: Not bad, but needs work. Comments will be below. You were missing a lot of punctuation at the end of the sentences and you didnât capitalized your Iâs.
Directing: Basic.
Backgrounds: Good quality.
Music: I donât recall music, but I will say yes for sound.
Choices: Yes.
Ways to improve: I would suggest going back in and fixing those punctuation errors. You might also want to look for a proofreader because you had a lot of grammatical errors. You also need to work on apostrophes. Those are essential.
Review:
Episode 1
- You should have the camera follow the girl running in the first scene. Here is how to do that
&pan to zone # in T @CHARACTER walks to spot numbers in T AND CHARACTER is run_cry_loop
- Unless Sean is short intentionally keep in mind that Limelight boys are shorter than Limelight girls by default do you would have to play around with spot directing.
- Some of your âIâsâ arenât capitalized. Make sure to correct that.
- Youâre missing punctuation at the end of the sentences.
- You should put the characters in an idle_loop animation. Sean is just standing there looking awkward.
- After they are finished talking put them in an idle_loop animation. Example: &SEAN is idle_armcrossed_neutral_loop
- You have default characters as what I presume is the mean girl posse. You should put that extra effort in and change them up. Right now this looks like pure laziness.
- Youâre missing a lot of apostrophes.
- Teacher pops in. Instead of panning you should do @cut to zone 3 it looks better. To avoid the teach from popping in use & instead of @
- The teachers mouth isnât moving when she is speaking to Mindi.
- Ava says âSee you tomorrow Mich.â Correct this to âSee you tomorrow, Mich.â This is called a direct address.
- Micha says âNo Iâm just really tired.â This should be âNo. Iâm just really tired.â
- That was short and nothing happened.
Episode 2
- You spelled âmisteryâ in your beta teaser from episode two. Correct that to âmystery.â
- You need to capitalized your Iâs. Thatâs very important.
- You said âOff courseâ It should be âOf course.â
- Avas speech bubble isnât on her. Make sure to assign the right speech bubbles to the right character.
- Characters are popping into the scene at the mall.
- These scenes are short with no content.
- Nothing happened this episode either.
- A lot of punctuation errors and grammar errors continue you over to episode 2.
Episode 3
- You spelled churche with an e. You can remove that e.
- I would suggest capitalizing the first letter of every choice. It looks more presentable.
- Micha says âOh thats not good, Iâll text her later.â Correct it to âOh, thatâs not good, Iâll text her later.â
- More characters popping in. To avoid that you want to do this.
Example: INT. BACKGROUND NAME- DAY &CHARACTER stands back left AND CHARACTER faces right AND CHARACTER is talk_neutral_loop then you would put the transition after you place all the characters by using &
- I think I addressed this, but you change numbers into letters. For instance: âI have to run cause if Miss Mywhister seeâs one person late in class sheâll give us three extra pages of homework.â The original sentence had numbers.
- Missing punctuation at the end of the sentences.
- I have one suggestion. When you use the animation eyeroll_subtle and you put dialogue with that animation the character mouth doesnât move. Which bothers me. Instead of using that use âtalk_sarcasticâ She rolls her eyes while sheâs talking. Or here is an example how to do what you did, but better.
Example: &MICHA is eyeroll_subtle @pause for 2 and then new animation and the dialogue.
- Your choice says âThats offensive.â It needs to say âThatâs offensive.â
- Also, I wanted to mention this in episode 1, but a lot of the dialogue seems forced and dull.
- Layering issue with Debby and Mindi. They walk right through each other.
- Micha slapping the mean girl and the mean girl runs away crying? Eh okay.
- Mich is sill in a talk_loop animation while Neal is talking.
- Each conversation is like 1 minute.
- When Micha is walking to the door you should put her in the walk_rear animation. You should also have her walk in T.
- Donât rush the relationship with Micha and Neal because right now they have no chemistry at all.
My comments: I would suggest go back in and revamping episodes 1-3. It seems to me that you rushed to get a story out, but you didnât take the time out to actually develop it. This story has potential. It just needs a lot of work. There is a link in the thread on how to make your story better. I would advise you to use it. If will help you a lot.
I hope my feedback doesnât offend you in any way. My opinion is my own
If you have any questions or want some tips. I donât mind helping you. You can always pm me.
Hi! I have another story for you! Also I donât mind waiting!
Title: I married the bad boy (I.M.T.B.B)
Genre: Drama/Romance
Episodes: 1-22 (ongoing)
(Thereâs some choices but not in the beginning of the story)
PLOT: You play as Dylan and after a one night stand with your favorite celebrity; The two end up married. Now you have to balance life in the limelight, crazy fans, new love interest as well as exes and Dylanâs mother all while battling it out with the press.
IG: @Th3punkprincess08.episodeart
LINK: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6734147080159232
Cover:
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