Advice on how to write an non-binary character?

I agree with what everyone else has said, but here are some things that may help you flesh out your non-binary character’s day to day experience

  • decide if your non-binary character identifies only as non-binary or if they have a specific gender identity under the non-binary umbrella. There’s no right or wrong answer here, but it can help shape how your character sees themselves and how they interact with the world. For example, I am agender and have a much more rigid expectation of how people identify me. I use only they / them pronouns. Someone who’s bigender may (but not always) use different pronouns on different days - an example might be on masc days using he / him pronouns and Name 1 and on fem days use she / her pronouns and Name 2. These are not hard and fast rules but there’s so many ways to be non-binary and every person regardless of their gender has a very personal relationship with both their gender and their gender expression.

  • Like any LGBTQA character, they may not be “out” in all environments of their life - or they may be. It’s helpful to figure that out bc - again - it can help you write how that character relates to the world. Some people may find it easier to be “out” in general and this can depend on their support network, their dysphoria or lack thereof, and what pronouns they are okay with, among other things. And just like any LGBTQ character, feeling like they can’t live 100% authentically all the time takes its toll on them. Not that everything is doom and gloom, but most of us don’t live in a society where we’re completely free to be who we are all the time without other people & institutions trying to force us inside a box

  • Misgendering: Most non-binary folx will be misgendered at some point, though again how frequently and intensely this occurs depends on a lot of things. If your character uses only one set of pronouns or dresses in a way that makes them seem more “”"“visible”""" the likelihood of being misgendered increases. I’m not saying to make your character get misgendered all the time or anything, but personally I find idealistic versions of our current world to be a little troubling because it just doesn’t match the experiences most of us have. But if your character gets misgendered, make sure to position the narrative in such a way that makes it clear that misgendering people is not okay. If people do it accidentally, just have them correct themselves without making a big deal out of it. Believe me, I feel way better in interactions where someone notices they used the wrong pronouns and says “Sorry, they” and just continues on with their thought rather than pausing and giving me a 5 minute speech about how sorry they are and how valid I am. That’s super uncomfortable. If someone misgenders your character intentionally, they should be corrected and in the narrative it should be clear that you as the author are taking a position against this. Most of us will correct people a lot of the time, but sometimes it’s really exhausting so we may not. This is a really good opportunity to have the non-binary character’s friends intentionally use the correct pronouns as a show of support.

  • Speaking of pronouns, if you decide your character is okay with multiple pronouns, have other characters use both sets of pronouns. Also decide the the character is equallay okay with both sets of pronouns (some people are and that’s totally normal) or if they have one set of pronouns they really prefer and another that they accept. Additionally, determine what other kinds of language your character finds acceptable to be used in reference to them. Some non-binary people like only gender neutral terms (friend, pal, folks, etc), some don’t have a preference at all, some people are okay with different terms depending on their relaitonship with the person. For example, I don’t like any fem language used in reference to me, but am fine with both gender-neutral and masc language. One of my non-binary friends is okay with gender neutral language and some fem language, but only accepts being called “girl / woman” by other trans people who understand their complicated relationship to gender and doesn’t like masc language at all. There’s a lot of freedom here, but figuring out these things will help you understand your character better and show a more dynamic approach to their relationships and personality.

  • Give your non-binary character other non-binary and / or trans friends! I’m not sure who the other characters in your story are, but if they’re all cis people, make references to other non-binary and / or trans friends (the internet is a great place for people to make friends lol) because most of us have other friends with whom we share similar experiences.

  • All of this talks about some of the potentially more difficult realities, but embedded it is how truly freeing it can be to know yourself and know you don’t fit into the categories you’ve been forced into. Do the same things you would for other characters as far as developing their goals, motivations, interests, etc. and think about how their relationship to gender may influence those things and how they pursue them. Some days are really hard when you get bogged down with the weight of cissexism and transphobia and gatekeeping, and some days you’re like “yeah, I’m living my best life.” But always make sure your character has some truly special connections with people who respect them. I recommend that for any character honestly lol.

And of course always keep in mind how any other identities or experiences will intersect with their non-binary identity! Hope this helped.

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Thank you so so much, this helps a lot!!! :heart_eyes: