Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories


#1

Hey everyone,

I assume you’re reading this because you’d like some feedback on your story…?

Are my reviews structured? No.
Do I use any rubric or guide? No.
Do I have stories will 1000000 reads that therefore make me qualified to do this? No. lol

So is there actually any real reason why you should want me to review your story?
Nah, not really… But like… I’ve kept this review thread going since JUNE! So, you know, if you actually want a review, it’s pretty safe to bet I will actually do one. And also this thread has dedicated stalkers, so it gives them something to read from time to time.

As of Oct 2018 this is how my process will work:

  1. Once you send me your story details, I’ll add you to the waiting list and tag you so you know I’ve seen it.
  2. When I start to actually read your story, I’ll like your reply, so you’ll get the notification and know that I’ll be posting your review soonish (tbh, could take me a few days depending on quantity)
  3. Your review will be posted as a reply to your post and you will also be tagged.

:notes: I got new rules, I count 'em :notes:

Ok, not so much rules as just something I request of you… If you’re only requesting because you just want more reads and deep down you know you’re not going to take any advice, feedback or tips I offer you, can you just say? The actual typing my reviews is what makes this really time consuming, so if all you want is for me to read you story, I can totally do that. You just need to tell me!


Waiting List

My Best Friend Next Door @marinapantaz
The New Girl @PurpleRose
Year 2200 @cas389
Unpublished Story @Alyce.Writes
Mischief Night @KerriStrwberry


Honest reviews for stories
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Honest reviews for stories
#2

Hi there! Could I still request to be on the wait list?? I don’t mind the wait :blush:


#3

Yeah, of course. Details of your story?


#4

Hi!! @amberose and @BadassSaasha.
Thanks for doing reviews.
I would really appreciate it if you guys could review my story…

Details-
The story has custom background and a special art scene in the last chapter…

Title- Fantastical: Virtues of Destiny
Author- S.Dsana
Episodes- 3 [ONGOING]
Description- “Evil is rising, truth is surpassing, but what will happen when they find out who they really are? Is this going to lead to love, hate, revenge or magical encounter.”
Choices Matter.
Instagram- @princesssana_sa
Cover-
image


#5

Wow. Is that your story , you sneaky person you never told me you were participating in Fantastical.


#6

I did told you…
I think you didn’t read the PM message in which I told you that…

Here…


#7

@Dr.Smile07 - From Zero to Hero

I remembering reading your description around the time of the H&V contest and thought this sounded pretty funny but I 'm so forgetful that I couldn’t remember what it was called (sorry lol). So luckily in this weird twist of fate I’ve found myself in the position to review it. I hope it meets my expectations because your story description has set the bar high.

  • I love how you’ve introduced your setting. My favorite would have to be the teacher.

  • This is such a weird thing to put in a review, but I’m going to say it anyway… You made the galaxy pants work! Those fugly leggings seriously don’t match anything, but Ava looks so good in them!

  • I was kind of hoping Ava wasn’t a love interest (which I’m guessing is an unpopular opinion), but you’ve portrayed it well enough so I’m ok with it.

  • I know I’ve only just met the characters, but I feel really bad about Jax’s dad basically giving him away. You’ve done a great job at making me feel sad.

  • I don’t think you need the reader message about imagining the burrito. I could tell what was going on without that scene anyway

  • I loved the pop art overlay for boom. Like comic books, you know? That was what I was expecting from the H&V contest and I never saw any.

  • First episode was a good length and I feel like it ended in the right spot too.

  • I like your verbal recap. It’s like lazy, but like, not lazy as well :wink:

  • A little typo… Jax says “wait a another second”. But typo aside, I do love the suspense.

  • I’m in love with the way you used transitions for his outfit change. You hardly see people use the curtain transition. I even liked that we got to choose the music. Idk why you put that choice and Idk why I like it so much, but I do

  • I find at times, it looks like I’m watching someone who tried to spot direct but failed, because he flies through things. It’s a weird thing to adjust my eyes to.

  • I like how you’ve got just enough easter eggs in there (sit_barf animation, for example).

  • When this contest was on, I did wonder how people would make super hero outfits in ink. I think you’ve done great.

  • The background for his flying scene was sick! Did you use an overlay for that?

  • My issue with random old guy is that he looks too much like a default BG character. So I would recommend changing his outfit, or a feature or two.

  • I’m glad we saw a villain at the end of the episode, because his love for Ava was only going to take this story so far. But I’m really hoping that this story becomes real cliche and the villain turns out to be Diego.

  • Oh, I like your unimportant, but opinionated questions. Forgot to mention that earlier - the hotdog and monsters inc. ones. I hope these continue. They’re pointless to the story, but do make me think in real life.

  • WTF kind of a name is Blood?

  • Another tiny spelling error in the flashback within a dream: without hope life is pointless and black.

  • I like how your comment at the beginning about the f word has subtly continued throughout the story. I notice these things!

  • Your fight scene, whilst only brief, was like really well done! You got the crowd on point

  • Peter Piper? Lol

  • Yes! Another pop art comic book word!
    I’m actually going to end the review here, because I’ve stopped reviewing and just sort of become a weird fan girl. I’ll still read on though, because I’m loving it. But like, there’s nothing really for me to fault, and there’s only so many times I can say “I love this” before I sound like a broken record.

For the record, the story lived up to the description :blush:


#8

Hey, I would like a review too! :slight_smile:
If you could add me to the waiting list, that’d be awesome!
Title: It’s a boy-girl thing
Author: fmr
Episodes: 4 (ongoing)
Description: Jack and Lilly are always fighting. ALWAYS. Every single person at Mythland Academy knows that. So, what happens when you wake up as him, and he wakes up as you? [Limelight]
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5622545082875904

Thaaaaaaank youuuuuuuu!


#9

@natalie81400 - When Time Stopped

Hi Natalie,

So before I start the review, I must confess… I actually read the first episode of your story a while back. I’ll be honest, I didn’t continue with it because apocalypse stories aren’t really my thing. But anyway, we’re here now and if it’s ok I’ll be doing my review from episode 2…

  • I like your splashes, but they fade away a little too quickly.

  • Your spotting is really great. I can’t imagine how annoying it must be to spot Mort and Amaya in every scene.

  • I like how you’ve made Amaya’s speech bubble smaller. It makes me give her a soft voice when I read it in my head.

  • I’m super bad with needles and so Everett saying he might need something to sew up the wounds made me all dizzy, and I swear to god if you do some intense description of this process or use an overlay to make it realistic or anything, I will exit out of this story quicker than you can blink.

  • Oh god he’s found a sewing kit.

  • I pause my mini anxiety attack to read this choice… to give her whiskey or not… hmmm… This is possibly one of the toughest choices I’ve ever come across. I’m going to give her whiskey because it’s just a story and YOLO

  • When she drinks it, the blanket overlay looks like it’s in the wrong spot.

  • WTF. I don’t want Everett to get her drunk! I just wanted her to take the edge off. Gawd, why did I say yes to this drink?!

  • I just tapped through the narration to get passed the imagery of sewing up a wound, but then I heard that awful scream and that episode was just really traumatic for me.

  • I like how you’ve got sort of two different story lines (or perspectives) going on but they also come together and tie into to each other. It feels like an action show!

  • Well, I have to say I didn’t see the story Everett told being significant at the time but I like how you’ve know brought those two characters into the plot.

  • I feel like the cinema background when Mort is talking to Tammy is a little inappropriate. Aren’t most people dead? Might want to change it to an empty theater.

  • When Everett says “There must be some survivors” I’m thinking, "yeah, they’re all watching the movie. Haha

  • Wait, so episode 4 is a flash forward to the future now?

  • Everett has aged terribly. Poor thing.

  • Literally after typing that note, I see your narration bubble explaining the grey hair.

  • Mort/Scout has aged a lot better than Everett.

  • Heyo, I’m actually kind of getting into this now that it’s flashed forward.

  • I like that you explained where the title came from, because I was a little curious about that, and was going to ask you at the end of the review.

  • Oooh I kind of get the feeling Amaya and Mort/Scout are going to get together…

  • Your outside window where Scout is listening in is covered with Shutterstock. That needs to be changed ASAP (I don’t even know how that got approved, because Episode is usually really strict with that) because if you get reported, you might lose your story :sweat:

  • OMG the picture/drawing is so cute!

I’m ending the review here. I must admit that in reading on, you’ve swayed my opinion and I do think I will actually stick with your story this time. It’s quite good for a genre I’ve never been a fan of. I didn’t see spelling errors or directing errors.
I’m still confused as to what caused the whole world to “end”, but hopefully this will be uncovered in future episodes.
I guess something to work on would be how to hook your readers in the first episode. Personally, it didn’t grip me until the flash forward, which is all the way in episode 4. However, maybe this is just the case for people who stick to drama/comedy/romance (aka me), and avid action readers are hooked straight away? I’m not sure. I feel like I’m just rambling on now lol


#10

Wow, thank you so much! I’ll fix those errors as soon as I have my computer, thank you for spotting them. Lol I’m so glad you liked my story❤.


#11

@Gioia - Hibisco excitando

Hey Gioia,

Starting your story now…

  • First things first… Don’t feel the need to apologize for english not being your first language! If you are really worried about it, maybe you can find a proof reader on the forums? But I honestly don’t think it’s something you should say sorry for.
  • I like that you went to the effort to change Joy’s hair when she gets changed. And I also like how you made Dave taller than her. Attention to detail.
  • When Joy applies the lipstick, add the lipstick prop.
  • When Dave and Joy are on the roof top for the kissing scene, the layers are mixed up.
  • Your first episode was a good length. And I want to repeat what I said earlier about your author’s note because your English was perfect. I don’t even think you would need a proof reader.
  • So far directing has been almost perfect, although it could do with more zooms.
  • I think other than outfit and hair/make up choices, there hasn’t been many choices at all. Something to remember is that episodes tag line is literally choose your own story, so I would suggest going back and adding some more choices.
  • The same problem with the layers happens again when Joy is saying good bye to Dave.
  • I like how you organised the texts.
  • Just so you know, something must have gone wrong in episode 3 because I’m wearing the wrong outfit, and my hair and lips have changed.
  • Side note, Dave walking around in a singlet and board shorts is making me freezing (it’s winter where I am)
  • Elisa read my mind in the cafe… Like seriously… IN THE CAFE?! Oh my…
  • I’m going to add this in now before I forget, but I think the opening scene of 3 years in the future didn’t do this story justice. It wasn’t really baiting me to read on, because I didn’t care about their relationship then. Perhaps instead of a glimpse into the future, you could change that to show a bit of Joy’s past in Germany? Just an idea, but I do think the current opening scene is underwhelming compared to the rest of the story.
  • Just noticed Dave isn’t wearing shoes. Are you forgetting an outfit change perhaps?
  • Question: What does the name of this story mean and where did it come from?
  • This thing about Dave having cold hands… I just want to check that this isn’t a vampire story, right?
  • I thought the flashback was done really well.
  • Actually, this whole story has been done really well, I’m surprised it doesn’t have more reads :thinking:
  • The curtsy sequence actually looked magical!
  • I’m noticing a bit more choices now, and I like how you don’t reject a choice either. If I pick it, you don’t somehow make me technically do the other choice.

So I’ve reached the end, I think I’ve covered everything. I really think if you take anything from this, it should be to redo your very first scene. The rest was pretty great the way it is.


#12

Hey thank you so much for taking the time to review my story, I’ll be sure to change the first scene and the other flaws. I couldn’t find the lipstick prop and while we’re at it, I also couldn’t figure out how to add a coffee cup. But I’ll have another try. :sweat_smile:

I’m not quite sure which kissing scene you meant on the rooftop. The one in the first chapter?
And I couldn’t find an error in chapter 2 when Joy says goodbye to Dave.

I found someone to help me with my spelling and grammar, so you’re right, I should definitely change the intro.

Yeah in the first chapter aren’t many choices, but the ones that I include will impact the story line. It’s a hell lot of work to have multiple outcomes, because I’ll have to find a way to at least continue similar so I don’t have to write two completely different stories. The decision you make in the end of chapter 6 changes the story a lot for chapter 7, and that’s why I’ve been work on that chapter for so long.

Nope it isn’t a vampire story, he smokes and it’s one of many side effects of that.

I would love to get more reads, but I don’t have any idea how to promote my story. I made an Instagram account, that I use for that but other than a few followers there, not much has happened for my story. Do you have a tip how I could promote it?

The name is in latin and “Hibisco” is a flower (the one in the small cover) and “excitando” means arousal or excitement. I will explain the title more as the story goes along.

Thank you again and have a nice day :blush:


#13

Hey I would love to get review
, And I don’t have problem for being on list
Title—> Choose!!!
Author—>@ya
Genra —> adventure
Style —> ink
No. of episode —> 3(complete)
Description —> You always wanted a chance!! Ting-ding!!! You get one , but will you succeed or face defeat???
Link —>


#14

Hi, @amberose!

Since you have already once given me an awesome review I wonder if I could apply for another one as the first one was really helpful!

In my next story there are more games and choices matter again: there are 4 endings! It is really animated, all the backgrounds are custom and there is a special art scene as well.

Here is the video trailer I made so that you can get a better idea what the story is about:

My story details:

Name of story: Fantastical: Black Shadow
Author: Alex Af
Genre: Fantasy
Episodes: 3
Summary of story: Having women on board is considered bad luck? Well, as the most wanted pirate captain, you’ll certainly bring the worst luck to anyone who dares cross your path. CC, choices matter
Link to story: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6081182347689984
Instagram: @episode.alex.af


#15

Thanks!!

Title: Fantastical: Regnum Fortes
About: You’re a set of twins which were suddenly zapped into a realm you never even knew about. What now?
Episodes: 3 (on-going)
What to expect:

  • This story uses a point system! (Choices actually matter.)
  • This story has a wide variety of Love Interests! Even options for the LGBT community!
  • Some pretty rad effects! (50+ overlays and backgrounds were used!)
  • Fighting scenes!
  • Plot twists you never saw coming!
  • Diverse characters!
  • Text effects!
  • + Many more features!


#16

Hi @amberose!! Please read & review @S.Dsana and I’s newly published story! :blush:

Story title: Quiet Confidence
Author’s Name: Winter05 with S.Dsana
Genre: Drama
Story style: INK
Description of the story: People don’t talk to you, but not because of your status. What will happen when a billionaire sets his eyes on you to take you to the top?
Number of episodes: 3 [ONGOING]
Instagrams: @winter05.episode with @princesssana_sa
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4942036682014720
image

Extra details:
- Choices matter
- Diverse characters
- Uses point system
- LGBT love options

We hope you enjoy it!! :heart:

~ Winter :snowflake:


#17

Can you check mines out too?

Title: Him and I
Genre: Romance
Author: J Mo
Author name: Jaleesa Moncur
Description: An underage girl mourning the death of her mother meets her Prince Charming and their love is forbidden. Will she follow her morals or follow her heart? You decide!
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5237187848568832
Cover photo:


#18

Hey,

So lipstick prop is a hidden feature.

And the kissing scene on the rooftop technically wasn’t a kissing scene, I just wasn’t sure what I should call it. When they’re having a “moment” on the rooftop? You need to add:
@ DAVE moves to layer 2
@ JOY moves to layer 1
Because it looked like they were not actually talking to each other. Same thing in the saying good bye bit.

I am the worst person to give advice on how to promote your story, hahaha. I don’t have Instagram and even for my own first story I didn’t do any promotions at all! It had 11 episodes and only 60 reads for ages.

I think definitely find some other story share threads and get your story out there. With such a complex title it will be hard to remember the name of the story so you need to get your link out there. And I’m not sure if this will really make a difference, but adding the title of the story to the cover might also help. Said story I mentioned earlier went from 60 reads to over 100 seemingly overnight once I revamped my cover.

Also, I love the meaning of the title. So pretty!


#19

Hey JMO, you’re already on the waiting list from the old thread


#20

How can I use a hidden feature?

Now I know what you mean. I placed Dave in the background, because he’s taller and he would cover Joy for a lot of animations.

Yeah, I’m already working on a new cover. Thanks again.