Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

@Shona4b @black_jack - Adventurous: Adventure House

  • Not really find of the author note, I’ll be honest. I understand why you do it though. When it’s a co-worker thing, it’s tempting.

  • Gah, thank you for CC ing my twin that way!!! Points to you guys.

  • Ooh, MC is preggers? Interesting :smirk:

  • I am a little surprised the gold chain gift wasn’t added to the outfits.

  • There was one tiny typo- you can fix this and it won’t affect the contest. MC when talking to her twin in the flashback says “planed” instead of “planned”.

  • It felt like a bit of a weird spot to end episode one, since we’re still in the flashback, but decent length overall and I’m definitely picking up on the horror concept.

  • You need to spot direct the speechbubbles for your second author’s note.

  • Woah @ beginning of episode 2! How did you do that hallway scene?

  • Just so you know, the filter is still on through the intro though.

  • The doctor gets stuck on a looping animation while Derek and MC are talking so it looks like she’s talking over them

  • Uh, for the funeral… It would probably be better to have them all change into black clothes, since it’s a good way to tell the reader what’s going on… I’m not sure if this counts as a “big change” though.

  • OOoooooh GHOST!

  • Nick also gets stuck on a looping talk animation. It looks like he’s talking over MC… and then after that, MC does the same thing.

  • Ooof awkward moment when your hand overlay doesn’t match my skin tone :grimacing:

  • When the friends all come over, they head to the couch and they sorta shrink too much too quickly. There’s also a few layering issues at this part too.

  • Maybe change some of the friends to be doing rear animations when MC is talking? They don’t really look like they’re looking at her.

  • The house flashing looked really cool.

  • Don’t stay after dark? Oooh, I thought that it was already dark tbh

  • Back in the present scene, something odd happens to the spot placement. MC is kinda small and looks like she’s not standing in the scene. It ruins the illusion of the background, I’m afraid.

  • Oooh, yeah… Episode 3 did feel a bit on the short side, I’m sorry to say. I’m guessing the dead line got a bit on top of you? It happens to everyone. I am curious if you guys will move it to horror once the contest is over though?

I really think it was a good effort. You didn’t have too many errors (just those pesky looping animations) and it was nice to see a fresh take on the contest. I really love that it took a more horror approach to the theme. I always find it oddly satisfying when MC is already in a relationship hehe.

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