Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

XD I was waiting for a post like this :funnyclap:

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Me for the past few days seeing it creep up, like :eyes:

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Would love your input still :blush:

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Oh you popping popping :smirk:

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Hi, @amberose I’d love to hear what do you think about the story I’ve just published.
I’m open for every detail how I can improve, also what kind of grammar mistakes I do often. English is not my first language.

Here you are my story!
Title Scars
Author inxmyxeyes
Genre Action
Link CLICK HERE
Episode 3 (more coming soon…)
Cover made by talented @fcukforcookies


Description The past created who Eve is right now. Life never goes easy on her. That’s why she became so ruthless to everyone she’s ever met.

I’m not sure the description is good enough! Can you review it too? :wink:

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@shanen - A Dangerous Game

  • So to start off with, I’m really liking how you use your transitions colours and text effects. Sorta sets a whole vibe about your story.

  • In the flashback (prologue) I noticed a few layering errors when characters are walking. It also felt like you weren’t adding the time it takes for characters to walk to their spot so they were moving kind of abruptly. I think if you add in how many seconds it should take them, it will fix the problem

  • So far for Episode 1, there are a lot of speechbubbles that are pointing to the wrong characters. The default positions have sucked ever since the speechbubble’s got updated, so it’s become pretty important to spot them now. Here’s a guide on how to do that: 💭 HOW TO: Spot direct Speech Bubble

  • Well, episode one felt a bit fast paced. Maybe the scene on the roof top could have been expanded more? It just felt it all happened very quick, though the spot you ended episode 1 at was perfect.

  • I’ve noticed a bit of inconsistency in what you name your outfit choices. Like some start with capital letters and others don’t. It might look better to do one or the other, instead of having a mix of the two.

  • I do love the outifts though, very stylish

  • Again, you might want to spot direct speechbubbles. They won’t all be visible if someone’s reading on a tablet.

  • It felt like the transition from bed to getting dressed was abrupt. Maybe add a fade out/in to space it a bit?

  • I love all your custom backgrounds. They really suit.

  • With the texting, I could see Elena’s elbow from the side.

  • I love the cat :heart_eyes:

  • The limo scene kinda has a laggy start, Elena’s facing the other way at first, then the zooms jump a couple of times

  • Ooof bussstttteeed. I wonder how he knew though :thinking:

  • Oooh ok, the curse on earth thing is pretty cool. Very intriguing, I must say.

  • Sorry, but I really have to bring up the speechbubble thing and the walking to spots without specifying the time it takes because it’s a recurring thing

  • Dimitri says God “bring him to Heaven” - it should be past tense: brought

  • He also says “After all who trust a demon” - it should be “After all, who trusts a demon?”

  • “They betray me” - Since it’s a retelling, this should also be past tense, “The betrayed me”

  • Wait, why is he bringing her flowers? Also, she’s facing the wrong way when she talks to him.

  • I feel like… don’t take this the wrong way, but it does feel like you’re cutting corners a bit here in this scene. I chose for Elena to put them in a vase and she stood up, walked on the spot for one second and then sat down and the overlay flew off screen. Maybe if you just took a bit more time, like have Elena walk all the way off screen, then have her return a second later, it will just feel more natural?

  • The scene where Elena wakes up after getting kidnapped was cool

  • Elena says “You kill my parents” - it should be “killed

  • I’ve been noticing your characters “sliding” instead of walking. I thought at first I was tapping too fast, but I’m pretty sure now that it’s something in the script. You will need to check this out.

  • Nanny M’s sacrifice scene was awesome.

  • Giving the choice for an explanation of that history/mythology was really thoughtful. I loved it.

  • Ohh, wow! Plot twist!!!

  • The dress changing scene is a little off… I think maybe the transitions were too quick. Whenever I do something similar I tend to use @transition iris in/out or @transition curtain in/out as I find them better than fades

  • When Elena and Dimitri are about to do it, he said, “You never make love before” - it should be past tense though: made love.

  • Oooh, normally narrative like that kinda bothers me, but I liked it. Very romantic.

  • The power overlay looked really cool - like it was actually glowing :open_mouth:

  • Oh damn, I was not expecting the sorcerer there. That was a cool trick

  • I’ve just noticed that earlier, you were using lots of text effects, but not so much now in the latest episodes. Just an observation. I did like the way you were using them.

  • Wow, what a transformation. I am getting Taylor Swift Look What You Made Me Do vibes.

  • Oh damn, I made the wrong choice by punching Nanny :open_mouth: Lol, I thought it was a trap

  • I really like this scene with mum trying to corrupt Elena lol. It’s nice the way you’ve directed it

  • So in these flashbacks, Elena’s hair doesn’t change back :confused: I noticed you added in CC at the end of the episode. Maybe you should add a “what’s your hair colour” qustion at the beginning of the episode where you can use gains so that the flashbacks play out right?

  • When talking to the god’s council, Dimitiri looks like he walks up from the corner of the screen.

  • Ahh, the choice of endings were very cool.

  • Oooh, I was gonna ask if they said good bye to their friends, the human wedding was a really nice way to incorporate that.

  • Ava is pregnant by twins? I think you mean to say “with” twins.

Wow, can’t believe I read a whole story lol. I actually love when a story actually ends hahahahaha, because it doesn’t drag on more than it needs to, so that was really good. Your plot was pretty interesting I have to say, but the directing errors kind of distracted me a lot of the time. I mentioned the speechbubble ones already, and about adding how long it takes for a character to walk to spot. Another guide that will probably help you fix this up: Spot Walking (Walking w/Spot Direction)

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Episode Author : Jiya
Genre : Romance
Style : Ink
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4602924031868928
Description : Shawn visits NY to get away from his childhood love. But what happens when he meets an ordinary girl? Will she help him unite with his love or show him what real love is?
Cover :
Take_My_Heart_pc_posterThumb_thV1iW52T5
Episodes : 1 (more to come)

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Is this one published on the app or unpublished? Just curious since you have one episode and not 3 :slight_smile:

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It is published. I was just very eager to publish it and know people’s opinions as I took forever to write one whole episode :slight_smile:

Ahaha, ok. I know the feeling. You can still get people’s feedback without publishing though, just for future reference

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I already did that. But I guess, I couldn’t to wait to publish it :joy:

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Thank you so much for your review! It’s so complete!! I love all of your advices! Thank you for your time!! I can’t believe you read all of the story I didn’t expect it :joy: I’m gonna definitely work on it! You are awesome! I wish you the best :blue_heart:

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Heyooo, I know you’d already reviewed the first episode of my story since the last time I worked on it (which was like back in September :eyes:). I was finally able to work on it again thanks to Spring Break, and I just wanted to know if you’d be willing to read what I have so far now?

It’s almost done at around 25+ minutes (with all I need to add left being the final teaser for the next episode : P) and I did quite a bit of revising since the last time, so there’s that :poop:

I know you got a lot on your plate already, and I wouldn’t want to impose (especially since I’m thinking about publishing it right away after my last BG gets approved), but if you do decide to take a look at it again, I wouldn’t mind waiting until you’re completely done with everything and I’d be super grateful either way :smile:

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Yeah, I’d love to! That’s actually pretty cool that you’re closer to publishing now. I actually had a quick look the other day to see how many unpublished stories I had read that had made it to the publish stage since I’m excited for so many lol :smiley:

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AWW Thank you! Good luck with it and good luck with your next story too :stuck_out_tongue:

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Thank you so much! :sparkling_heart:
And I feel like a lot of them have already been published, yet here I remain thanks to school TvT
Hopefully you’ll like it even more this time around, now that I’ve actually made some actual progress thanks to this little week of freedom :poop:

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Awesome! Can’t wait to read it and don’t worry, everyone goes at their own pace. A lot of unpublished ones I’ve read haven’t been published yet

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Hi, my story is not yet published. I just finished second chapter. And would really love to get feedback on mine story.

Name of story : The Dark Club
Author : Farah DeSantis
Genre : Romance (and bit humor and later also bit drama and action)
Episodes : 2
Summary of story : I haven’t written the official description yet but the story is about a freshly graduated lawyer who just got her first job in prestige company. She is a bit old-fashioned and prude. but her friends make her go to a mystery Dark club, where people wear masks and well anything can happen there…she meets there mysterious stranger who quickly drags her to the world of lust and seduction. But how she will be able to manage her double life - good girl and lawyer during the day and Wild Cat at nights in the club? Is it possible that the stranger in the mask is actually somebody she knows?
Link to story :

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Are you still doing this? I’d love your feedback! :slight_smile:

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@LiaLopez - Benio

(Omigosh I feel terrible. You’ve managed to double the amount of episodes you had when you first requested hahaha)

  • Your splashes look really good and they all give off a great vibe

  • Eeek, author note :grimacing:

  • Not sure if you knew this, but your CC has the new hairstyle, but not the new lip shades…

  • Well, keen to see a 15y/o character tbh. That’s not something most episode stories have hahaha.

  • Your opening scene background is super pretty. If I can just be picky for a second though… your characters look scaled too big for the couch they’re sitting on.

  • It takes a little too long to preview each outfit, which might annoy some impatient readers, but is good for the ones who want to see the outfit at different angles.

  • I’m sorry, but I feel like I’ve missed something important; why do they have afros now?

  • Oh I recognize those train characters.

  • Uhhh, so since I hate author notes, you probably know I wouldn’t have liked that part of you rising up and laughing… It just didn’t really add anything to the scene.

  • After we do their hair and zoom out, just be wary of where their feet are. It sorta looks like there needs to be overlays to make it look like they’re on the ground

  • I… I didn’t write down anything for Episode 2. Tbh it felt really really short :flushed: Also was there a difference with Episode 1 and 2 when you published? Because how is that possible? Didn’t they go live at the same time?

  • oh my god… The toilet scene :flushed:

  • Hahahah the egg thing was really cute.

  • Miss V?? Is that a uterus.

  • I’m sensing… that maybe people have told you your story doesn’t make sense in the past hence Fluffy Fish saying “this doesn’t add anything to the plot” - it makes me think you’re sticking up for your story maybe? I noticed in an earlier you also mentioned about Benio needing to be the only one happy with her story. It all feels very meta-thatre at this point.

  • not sure if this is a glitch, but a lot of your BG characters have silver lips.

  • When Romina is standing outside the school, she looks a bit too big for that particular background

  • Oh I noticed you changed your dress up animations. Is that because I’m not dressing Benio?

  • I feel like the toilet talk might be going a bit too far. I know it’s a comedy, but it might be getting too detailed?

  • I-oh my god. That blood overlay is… way too much.

  • Wait, she’s carrying her period? Wow, just wow.

  • When Benio, Carly and “me” are sitting on the couch, it’s again the same case of characters being scaled too big.

  • Wow, you really got an art scene for the arm pit hair? That’s dedication

  • I like that Benio’s parents did mention the whole 18 years old thing. Nice to see they care.

  • Aww that ending to episode 6 was adorable.

  • With all these time skips now, I’m wondering where this is going? How much do you have planned for this story?

  • Oh they broke up? I guess I didn’t really see that coming.

  • 8 starts with a two year time skip?! WOW, big jump hahaha

  • When the girls are getting interviewed, it feels a little weird to have “BOTH” talking. It’s a lot they’re saying at once.

  • Um… what is going on on the TV screen? You know you can’t have naked characters kiss, right? Even if they’re not having sex as Marcos says they aren’t.

  • Naw, romantic. I’m guessing this story is going to shift focus on them taking it to the next level now?

If I’m honest, your sense of humour is very different to mine, so it was not my cup of tea in terms of content. There was probably a few things I felt were a bit too far in terms of toilet humour(?), but that’s probably due to our different tastes in comedy. Your directing is great though. Aside from the scaling on the couch, everything else was flawless and gave very a professional vibe to your story.

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