Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

@LunaMarieRose - Be Careful What You Wish For

  • No lie… not having the page buttons in your CC threw me off hahahaha. I know it shouldn’t have, but it felt sooooo different.

  • Wow, this moves fast :eyes: Already at the club and being hit on by an asshole lol

  • Alaric says “Do i know you from somewhere?” - you’re letter I needs to be a capital letter.

  • Ah so the teacher is a love interest? Eek, that’s less than ideal for me but I’ll see how it plays out anyway.

  • Noooooo not an author’s note :sob: I cannot stress enough how much you should maybe take that out, especially the “it will get better” part. If you do some searching around the forums, so many people say this is a turn off to them.

  • Weird thing, but how come I can’t click on your profile on the app?

  • Michael says “Yes, i wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure” - you missed the capital I again there.

  • I like that you explained how it was now okay for them to have a relationship

  • Michael and Lila look like they’re scaled too large when they’re sitting on the couch in his apartment

  • Using the baby swaddle as a blanket? Noice. Very creative.

  • I forgot to mention earlier, but I really like the look of your episode/chapter splashes. They’re cute.

  • When they’re all dancing in the apartment, the punch table is scaled quite small - you might want to make that bigger so it looks realistic.

  • I liked getting the choice between Monica and Jess lol.

  • Oooh truth or dare should be interesting.

  • There was a typo during truth or dare. Jack says “bast” instead of “last”

  • “In Lilas eyes.” - you are missing the apostrophe: Lila’s

  • Jamie says “Ok, i got one” - the letter I should be a capital.

  • The end of episode 4 had a fade in transition, but I think you meant to have a fade out transition.

  • Fluer says “Did i mention that…” - you need a capital letter for “i”

  • After Lila and Jamie do it, when they are lying down, they get stuck on a loop talking. So it looks like they’re both speaking at the same time.

  • AHHHHH Careful there! Michael and Lila skinny dipping is fine, but it’s against episode guidelines to have them kiss while naked :weary:

  • In your dress up choice in the angel and demons episode, Lila is sitting down while getting changed?

  • Woah woah woah. That looks like a very deep wound… This doctor cannot just stick up up. It’s huge!!!

  • Ah I feel like after the stabbing, there’s a strong plot starting now? I’ll be honest, the first few episodes had me questioning what this was about, but now there’s some more drama to keep it moving I feel.

  • The choices during f, marry, kill were good.

  • Btw you spelt “marry” wrong. You spelt it as “merry”.

  • They’re saying the are going to bed because they have class the next day but before they started drinking they said they could sleep in the next day :thinking:

  • Oh my god, the Gossip Girl names for outfits? I love it

  • Lila “losing” all this stuff makes me suspicious. Hmmm…

  • Loving all the background characters at the beach

  • oooh Jamie’s sister has a nice name :smile:

  • When Lila is talking to Jamie on the couch once she’s back, she says “so i told her everything” - the I needs to be a capital

  • Your outfit names are giving me life nowadays.

  • Abby’s game at the party was a cool idea. I should do that at my next party lol

  • omg Harper’s secret lol

Whew, I’m up to date now wow :smiley: See, I know your earlier episodes say that it gets better in later episodes, and I agree. Believe me, I do. Your directing improves, your length improves, even the story line feels more deeper. But your earlier episodes are letting you down and they don’t reflect where you’re at now. If I were to suggest, I’d recommend you revisit the earlier episodes and see if you can find some opportunity for bonus scenes? And just clean up the directing a bit more, plus fix a few spelling mistakes. You just seem to have progressed a lot and so it would look better to have it all on the same level

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