@Fatima_Alstar23 - In a Starry Night
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Your intro was adorable. Some of the fades were a bit slow for my liking, but ultimately it was beautiful and I just wish you didn’t ruin it with an author’s note at the beginning
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I can tell mum and dad are still wearing the clothes that the default characters wear. It’s a bit of a pet peeve of mine. It sort of makes it look mike the parents won’t be important
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I’m not sure if you wanted the narration to happen while the camera is zooming or if you meant for it to be after the zooms have finished but if you wanted them at the same time, here is an example of how you would do it:
&zoom on dad in 2
NARRATOR
How could they fight in front of me? -
Rosie is facing the wrong way when she’s running away.
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When Becky’s family walks up to Rosie, they look a bit too tall. If you compare them to the lamp post, they would seem like giants.
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The musical notes spinning are SOOOOOOOO cute.
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Nice to see that my choice determined if I won.
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When William walks into her room, it’s kind of laggy. Try doing something like this to make it smoother:
&pan to zone 3 in 4
@/WILLIAM walks to screen left in zone 3 in 4 -
Eeeek, the kiss gave me weird vibes. I’m sorry. I feel like I was supposed to find it cute, but if my best friend’s brother snuck in while I was sleeping to kiss me I would feel a bit violated. How old are these characters supposed to be?
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Rose is wearing different pj’s in episode 2. I picked the red ones but now she’s wearing pink.
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Ooohhhh the funeral looked awesome. I loved the overlays and how you zoomed in on the characters.
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In the next episode Rose is wearing a different outfit to the one I chose again.
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The zooming was off at the end of the Episode where Grandma is at the doctors
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Grandma has breast cancer now? Uhhh, tbh, I am struggling to see where the plot is going now…
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10 year time jump? Woah.
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Wait, she didn’t tell Rose that whole time? Until she was literally dying.
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A little confused now… It’s just hard to see the relevance with all the earlier episodes… Honestly if you are open to revamping and shuffling things around, it might be better to have flashbacks throughout your story instead of a 10 year skip at episode 5
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Not sure if you only got one art scene done to match the outfit but it doesn’t match what I chose
Tbh, you should maybe add an author note to say that an art scene might not match or just opt out of giving the choice all together -
Annnnd now she’s wearing a different jacket with the outfit haha
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The blindfolding this was so cool. You animated the overlays perfectly
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When the flashback happened, Rose and William stopped walking and we’re talking to each other and so the looping background still moving made it look off
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When Rose walks into her bedroom, there’s a bit of a layering fix up there and characters facing the wrong way. Maybe check that screen again in the app because there was a few handful of directing errors.
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Then when they are sitting on the beds, the zooms take a long time and don’t exactly centre on their faces either
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Your mini game was a good idea but it said I got 0 right and I actually got one right
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I think your gem choice isn’t working. I got stuck on a loop when I tried to pick it
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The face overlays gave me a fright lol. But that was a great idea to do with the eyes…
Overall… I kind of have mixed feelings about your story. There are a few things you could probably do differently. There were a few simple directing errors but then there were also some amazingly advanced directing scenes too. I think what confuses me though is why is this in fantasy? All I can think as that you are building towards it because I just feel like the fantasy elements that were described in the description haven’t even been touched on. It feels a lot more like a drama story.