@writeslondon - Figures
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Ooh this feels like it’s moving quite fast already. Are we not going to get to learn more about what that first scene was all abuot?
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In that outdoors scene, your background pops up and then there’s a millisecond delay and then your characters pop up. Try replacing @ with & when you set up your scene to avoid that.
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I’ve seen it a couple of times so far. A few times too many to tell you every sentence, but you keep forgetting to capitalise the letter “I” whenever someone is speaking about themselves
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Oh um, that escalated quickly. Lol. Why is she kissing him in a bathroom? Hahahaha
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In addition to the letter “I” thing, you also have some words that start with capital letters when they’re in the middle of a sentence.
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At the party, you must have at some point set the speechbubble to point to the top left and then not reset it? Everyone’s speechbubble tail is pointing top left and it’s carried on into episode 3 too
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“He’s to charming” - you used the wrong to/too after Alex’s text. Side note: in another message from unknown you said “YOUR DEAD” it should be “you’re” but I’m not sure if it was intentional since it’s like text slang to shorten words
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I laughed when Bianca said “I hate parties, I’m going home.” - To readers, it looks like she’s been there for 5 minutes lol
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Ooh, I liked that mini flashback for episode 4. I’m not sure how familiar you are with filters, but adding one for the flashback might give it a bit of a wow-factor?
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I’m still feeling a bit iffy about Bianca getting treated so horribly though, as Alex puts it. Hailey doesn’t seem that bad. Just the type of friend who’s a little obnoxious at times. It’s as if I’m missing context? I was going to wait til the end to talk about it, but may as well say it now… since your episodes are really short and I’m commenting that it feels fast paced, you might want to go back in and add more scenes. Add some more background information, add some more of the characters personalities and such. It’s just hard to get a sense of who they are in such a short amount of time.
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Why is Hailey kicking her out though?
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When Alex says “Alright then, the car is here”, Bianca is still doing a talking animation. Add in her doing an idle animation so it doesn’t look like she’s talking at the same time.
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Typo where Courtney says “I don’t know you thats well.” - Take of the ‘s’ at the end of “that”
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Ditching in the first day of a job is a bit of a stretch in terms of making your story feel realistic, but I’ll be interested to see if this is an important moment for the plot.
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Okay, it just ended so I’m really not sure if it is
I feel like I have very weird feedback for you and I’m about to ramble, but idk stick with me nd hopefully it will make sense. See, it was way too short and considering there was 5 episodes, I should have a sense of what your story is about and I just don’t feel like there was enough direction to say that I do. Despite that, I really ship your characters…? Which is weird. I’ve gone way off romance stories this year and so it’s weird for me to actively want two characters to get together. But idk. I just like Alex I guess. And I also weirdly see a lot of potential in Hailey too. Like I think she could be a stuck up bitch that readers love to hate. She could probably do with a lot more development, but she doesn’t seem like she has to be an all round villain either. The foster kid element was hardly touched on - if you really want your story to be about drama (you said it was romance here, but it’s in drama on the app), you can show a lot more of Bianca’s backstory. It’s not enough to just say she’s sad and have only one small flashback scene at the beginning. Drama doesn’t have to just be about your main couple either, so if you’re sticking to that genre, I’d say to amp it up more and show all aspects of Bianca’s life. So I guess what I’m saying is that I see potential in your story solely because I like the characters, but would like to see more direction in the already existing episodes because your plot right now is not quite as strong.