@xinxmyxeye - Scars
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Agree about the description. It’s not quite clicking… I’ll expand on that after I read though
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Oooh that shot was cool. I love the overlay you used to make it look like we were watching from the POV of the shooter.
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The dream was interesting. I liked the zooms on Eve’s face. Idk how to explain it but I feel like there is a certain type of zoom action stories use and that’s right in line with it.
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I don’t have much to add for this first episode. It was a decent length and directing was great… But I felt like there was little context at the beginning? Like Eve was the assassin, right? I just feel like other than the beginning, it wasn’t really touched on. Maybe you need some more narration from Eve’s POV to establish the plot.
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In James Miler’s montage thing (idk what to call it), Officer Hazel says “He could spend every night in a strip club and enjoyed the dancers’ more private shows of dancers” - the sentence is a bit too wordy. Maybe just end it at private shows?
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Oh yuck! Andrew is disgusting
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I feel like you might have gone over the five swear words limit per episode already in episode 2
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And btw, I chose to have a shower and, well, naked kissing is also against the guidelines. Even with censor bars, you still aren’t allowed to include it
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I have to say… I hate Rick’s outfit with a passion. That jacket with those jeans with that shirt just makes me cringe lol
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Hazel when she’s talking about Andrew says “he recorded how he was raping” - it should just be “he record himself raping”
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I really like Aria’s characterization. You can get a sense of who she is even with how she dresses sometimes.
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Eve mention leaving Aria “by her own” - it should either be “by yourself” or “on your own”
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I am pretty sure if you count up the fuck’s, shit’s and whore’s in episode 3 you have used them more than 5 times. I wasn’t counting so maybe you are right on the line, but it just felt like there was a lot in episode 3
I feel like I didn’t actually write down many notes, lol, whoops. But I was pretty interested in the plot. I don’t usually like reading heavy subjects on episode, but the mystery and law side of this really pulled me in and I found it fascinating. It’s sad, but things like rape cases getting covered up because a person in a position of power would risk their position if it was in the public is totally believable and I thought it was an interesting subject you chose to explore. I’m also now wondering how that cliff hanger ending for episode 3 will be tied into the plot, so you’ll definitely hook your readers with that. The only thing I felt it was missing was more context to kind of set up the plot and give the readers a bit more of an establishment. It’s hard to balance this though, without doing an info dump, but you may want to add in a little something something in episode one or two so we can learn a bit more about Eve’s job and maybe how she got into it? Or maybe you’ve already planned to explore it in upcoming episodes anyway. Idk, it was just the one thing I had on my mind since the beginning… But now that I think about, explaining why she does it probably gives away a lot of the mystery… So maybe just some basic info that explains, like, that this is what Eve has done for however long…?
Andddddd as for the description… I think now after reading it, it might be better to focus on the specifics of the plot and not about Eve’s past or her personality. Something about the “revenge crimes” or the “playing God crimes” and how Eve finds herself in the middle of it or connected or something along those lines