Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Ok, no worries. Since it’s for the contest, do you want me to check if before the deadline in case there’s anything you want to change? Coz normally I only get contest story requests after the deadline, but since I’m more prepared now it’s up to you :smile:

Well if you really do have time it would be great! Its already published but the deadline for changes is 3.june. so we still can adjust it if necessary. But we are just adjusting things so maby go in not before monday? :smiley:

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Wait, if it said Sneak Peek, then I think that is a different one :eyes:
I could’ve sworn I sent the actual link for the story when I asked for a review the first time back in September, but I guess I gave you the test one instead, my bad :poop:

Try this one instead, if you’d be so kind~ : https://episode.app.link/pLgVd1SWJW
:sparkling_heart:

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Hahahaha lol :joy:

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@a.d.episode - Providence continued…

  • Gah, I see you still have your author note :cry:

  • Awww I remember reading this first part. Memories!

  • I have to say I don’t usually like narration but you definitely have a way with words. I actually feel like I’m reading something very smart and thought provoking

  • The dream sequence was amazing… Very intriguing… I low-key have no idea what’s going on but in a good way. Same type of thing I said the first time. It’s like I’m interested to learn more.

  • Gah, the airport spotting was amazing!

Okay so I didn’t really have much to say this time either. You’re directing, narration and dialogue is really impressive - way more advanced than I expect from someone’s first story. It’s not too long in length either but it does kind of suck that you start with an author note and end with an author note.

And, uh, I’m not sure why you published with just the one episode? If you don’t have the minimum three and episode finds it, they will suspend it until you actually do have three episodes :grimacing: So just be weary of that

But yeah, was an intriguing read. I’m keen to read more just like I was before lol. I really can’t fault what you have so far :laughing:

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@LadyBirdEpisode - Untouchable

I’ve had this story on my list for a while now. I meant to read it before it was featured but never had the time and now here we are :smiley:

  • Love the intro! Very simple but elegant looking too.

  • Wow, your directing is outstanding and we’re only at the prologue (I’m not sure if that’s what I should call it, but I’m talking about the backstory)

  • Hmmm… I get a weird vibe from this Logan guy. I know my choices might make him a friend or a more than friend but I feel really judged by him. I’m not sure I want to be either :sob: I just want my Priya to study and get good grades. So many people take education for granted and she doesn’t want to be there just for parties and she’s getting shamed for it? Doesn’t he know what a big deal this is for some people??

  • And now I kinda feel like he’s testing my patience :grimacing: It’s just the way he’s wording his questions. Maybe that’s just how he is as a journalist but it’s not sitting right with me… Sorry :confused:

  • Also a little disappoint I lost points for saying I was lucky haha. I was just being modest. And based off what she was saying before, it sounded like Priya also thought she was selected just by chance.

  • And now he’s reading her diary? Oh Logan is cancelled!

  • Nathan and Logan have now both called her “The Indian Girl” and this seems like such a weird… nickname(?) to me, lol. The majority of the popularity in my suburb is actually mostly Indian, so I’m sorry if this sounds ignorant of me to ask, but are there really so few Indians in America? Or is it just because her story has been floating around a lot in the media that they all know her by this label?

  • Well shit, Mariam looks like she’s in trouble :eyes:

  • Whoops, I didn’t get the bonus scene. Probably because I wasn’t picking up what Logan was putting down

  • I love how you use blue text for the phone calls.

  • LOL I see some ink clothes in the wardrobe hahaha

  • Well frick, I’m taking Trish’s advice about Logan. Based off your story’s description, it sounds like Priya’s going to have enough drama in her life. She doesn’t need to get played by him too.

  • See, this feels different know that we know that Priya actually does (or might) have a passion for something else other than becoming a doctor or lawyer. Before… I could have fully believed she wanted to be a doctor just as much as Michael wants her to be and I didn’t like the way Logan seemed to be pressuring her into having other goals. Now knowing she’s a writer makes it a little different. However I’m still not a fan of how Logan approached it.

  • Huh, I got the bonus scene this time? How? :eyes:

  • I’m laughing so much at me rejecting Logan for a kiss. I can’t believe he said I was lying? Pfft.

  • I’m just thinking about how awkward it is for Trish and Nathan to both be potential love interests and yet here they are kissing each other in front of Priya

  • Oooh and another bonus scene too! … Ok, so assuming the bonus scene I missed from episode 1 was also about Neil… Are these important for the story line? Should I be trying to see unlock these because they will help me later on? Because I feel like if I had missed this one in episode 2, I would have had no idea who Neil was other than somebody texting her that was making her feel awkward.

  • So is the professor also a love interest?

  • I really hope all of this stuff about Michael is a lie…

  • Soooooo… what I am gathering from Logan’s confession now is probably that in Episode 1 I felt so attacked because he has his own issues about people making decisions for others already, seeing as that’s what’s going on with his dad and him… Right?

  • And I’m also learning that I shouldn’t pursue any of these love interests lol. Too much drama and too much history there hahahaha

  • I loved the flashback at the beginning of epiosde 4

  • Excuse me!!! Curry Girl? Wow. Is this really New York? Surely this is not the first time these kids have met someone from India

  • Am I supposed to know the answers to these questions? Were they said in the story and I just forgot? Oooops…

  • Professor Johnson says he doesn’t care who Priya is or where she’s from but he clearly does or he wouldn’t have made that comment about the budget?

  • Oh you bet I chose the snap at Random Clueless Preppy option.

  • So… in episode one I am shamed for wanting to study instead of party and now in episode 4, they’re telling me I shouldn’t be here because I got two timed choices wrong :sob: :sob: :sob: Man, I am struggling. I feel like no matter what I choose, it’s wrong.

  • When we go to Logan’s POV, Pamela looks like she’s scaled too bog for the desk she is sitting behind

  • Logan’s winning me over in this scene where he’s defending Priya and calling her a hero… AW!

  • Also, in that scene, when Logan is facing the reader and Max has his back turned, Logan looks a little too big… I think the picture frame on the desk throws the scaling off :thinking:

  • HFR = high functioning retard? I’m not sure if that was supposed to be a joke or something. I didn’t pick that option so idk what happens in that branch but I don’t really think that’s the best word you could have used for an alternative to the right answer.

  • I agree with Logan tbh. His dad seems to have a bone to pick with Michael and it seems like there’s more to it

  • Umm wow @ the beginning of episode 5. The shadow of the clouds is to die for!

  • Oh, Mariam’s alive! So who’s body was it that they found in the other episode?

Man, my thoughts were all over the place with your story. Damn love interests messing with my head and giving me trust issues. But love interest drama aside, I found it very interesting. I can’t even predict where this is heading at the moment. But as I mentioned throughout, I loved your directing. Even the way you integrated narration throughout it was beautiful. I can see why so many people have raved about your story.

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Thanks so so much!

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YOU DIDN’T JOKE ABOUT THE “LIVE” THING!
:joy::joy::joy::joy:

I LOVED IT!

I took notes on your “technical” advices. I’ll try to replay from a different device bc I didn’t notice the directing mistakes you mentioned so I’m sort of freaking out!

And about the HFR thing you mentioned, that option leads to a scene where Logan gets confused over what she said and explains to her that it’s an offensive term. It had more of an educational purpose otherwise I wouldn’t have left it there.

Yes, you got Logan figured out! Or important 40% of him! His father controls him a lot so that’s one of the reasons he often seems to push Priya out of her comfort zone.

AMEN TO THE SNAP OPTION!

The bonus scene from chapter 1 is about Priya and her sister and a conversation they had before Priya left for the US! It doesn’t depend on how you treat Logan but on the answers you get right.

Sad fun fact: the insults are based on real situations that happened with some people from India that help me as consultants for this story whenever I sense I need their help with info.

Yes, Professor Scott is a LI!

Onto fixing these errors now!

Thank you soooooo much! This community is lucky to have you and could use more people like you!

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Hahahaha thanks :sweat_smile:

Don’t freak out. I’m pretty sure it was just those two times where I felt the characters were too large in comparison to the overlays in the scene. You could leave it and a lot of people wouldn’t even notice it tbh lol. It was just something I spotted.

The only thing is… There is no education for the people like me who don’t pick that option… We have no idea what your intention was with that branch. I thought you put it there as a joke and so other people will probably believe you are using that term just to mock it and be funny. I can’t imagine there would be too many people who would pick that option either. If you really want to have that in there, I wouldn’t make it a choice. I would have her say it regardless, and then have that scene play out, then offer the choice and make the third option something lighter. High functioning rabbits or something.

Oh god, that’s terrible :pensive: Though it’s great that you have people to turn to to be able to get your message across accurately.

Hahahah, thank you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Aww, thanks! I tried to make it bearable since I have so much of it planned during the first few episodes, haha :sweat_smile:

And I knooow about the author’s note, but I just feel like a lot of readers might (and will : P) get confused or frustrated with certain things in the story if I don’t include it :weary:

Also, I know about the 3 episode thing, but I just couldn’t help but publish it back when I first finished the episode omg :joy: Thanks, for the warning though! And thanks especially for taking the time to read my story again and for your feedback, it definitely helps~ :sparkling_heart: :smile:

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Fair enough… it’s up to you. I will never not tell you that you’re better off without it though lol

hahahaha, I understand :rofl:

You’re more than welcome :blush: I look forward to reading more

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@TLdax913 - Dark Essence

  • Oooh I love the tappables at the start.

  • The spot placing for the CC is really good too

  • The beginning is a… dream I’m guessing?

  • Ahhhh I love that background for the class scene. Where did you get it? :eyes:

  • Oooh Dark and Light points… interesting :thinking:

  • Ok, I’m thinking a little more background knowledge about that prediction would have been handy before I made a choice that got me a darkness point :woman_facepalming: Though, in saying that, it’s a good kind of evil to explain it after that first choice. Lol.

  • All your backgrounds are making up a really great theme throughout and it looks really great

  • So I can tell you’ve got a pretty good grasp on how overlays work and I can see you play around with the opacity a bit, but it would look even better if you had some more movement. Especially with the round ones. The Showman, for example, you could have his overlays rotate since they’re circle shaped. It would make them look more lively.

  • YESSSS, I love the use of the baby swaddle!

  • Oooooh these overlays when Kadence and Danick are making out look really cool. It’s a nice fantasy element you’ve weaved in

  • I really enjoyed Prefessor T’s class. It felt like I learned a lot of relevant information for your story… And I’m sorry Kadence but I laughed so hard when Micah knocked her over lol

  • I like this friendship dynamic going on right now. I’m not sure if Josh is meant to be a love interest, but if he’s not then props to you because the fact that you can have platonic friendships with guys and it never be anything more is almost never represented on episode.

  • I notice this picture in the background of Kristoff’s office and I feel like it’s probably important.

  • When he calls the three of them into his office, he says “…breaking into ROTH headquarters and steal the effing gem” - steal should be stealing.

  • I feel like… There’s some kind of twist to Nicolette… Like she will either be Kadence’s mother or maybe tied to Kristoff. Idk I just feel like she’s not just the villain.

  • Loved the cracked face at the end of episode 4! I do with the ‘essense’ was spinning though. I just feel like it would add so much more.

  • YES! Nicolette looking like an apparition beside the bed looked awesome.

  • Ooooh I saw one spinning :smiley:

  • Omg that Kristof scene with him expecting the, cough, nurse… :joy: The zoom up reveal was perfection

So… this is a really great story. Deserves more reads tbh. My only wish is that you rotate your overlays more LOL. But yeah, I really enjoyed this. The whole concept of your main character being technically royalty but also rebelling against her grandfather was interesting and I really loved your point system. And as I mentioned before, Josh not being a love interest really sold me. It’s just nice to have the existing romance with Danick and it feels natural. So I’m really glad that didn’t turn into a love triangle hahaha.

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Hi @amberose

Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.I’m so happy that you enjoyed my story! Your feedback and comments were very helpful! I can not thank you enough!:blush:

I recently learned how to rotate the overlays so I will go back and changes some of the overlays in episodes 1-4. :slight_smile:

Josh is my favorite character to write for. He is Kadi’s best friend and I love to show their relationship dynamic. Kadance and Danick are meant to be and the only love interest for the MC in the story. I love that are enjoying this aspect of the story .:blue_heart:

Yes the big photo in Kristoff office is very important and will be mentioned in episode 6.

I hope you have a wonderful day!
and again thank you so much!

-Tara

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@elliewrites.episode - Blurred Lines

Can I just say… I love you cover sooooo much. It’s so pretty. Also I have thought of Robin Thicke every single time I saw your title on my waiting list hahahah

And lol, thank you for noticing :stuck_out_tongue: It’s not so bad now though!

  • Yes, I was hoping MC would have that hair. It matches the cover one hehe

  • I like Courtney based off of her text message alone.

  • HAHAHA :joy: I’m not sure why anyone would not take his clothes and run… But here I am picking the “don’t take his clothes” option anyway :upside_down_face:

  • I hate to get technical like this but the elevator doors were slightly off when they moved.

  • With Aiden’s CC, every time I click “done” with a feature, it sends me back to “Hmmm wonder how he got in your phone”. I know it’s only one line, but you might want to move the label to just before “Make him cute”

    • I should have known form the text that Courtney would be a blonde
  • The right coffee order vs. being on time thing is, like, really making me think. Not too much about the story, coz it’s a flashback and so what’s done is done… But about life! Like which is better? I don’t know…

  • AWWW that’s such a sad way to get dumped :sleepy:

  • The sing_fail animation is easily one of my faves and it worked so well with the “you’re hot” option haha

  • Something very clever I picked up on… The real reason Quinn couldn’t find her clothes was because we choose the outfit… And so with that in mind, Jake saying she threw them down the hallway? Hahahaha, classic.

  • Regina is a great character. I love her. And I also love this relationship columnist thing happening. This set up is starting to remind of a rom com and it just feels very cute. I can see how both her work and her personal life will drive the plot 50/50.

  • What? Why did she faint? What’d I miss? :eyes:

  • Um, excuse me? Where is my choice to get drunk? :pleading_face: Maybe I don’t want to be productive :smirk:

  • Sorry, I’m going to pedantic (but it’s only because I am enjoying your story so far and think you’re good enough at directing to do this lol)… So when Aiden enters the elevator, he kind of walks up? Instead, scale him super large and off screen to the right and then have him walk from there. It will give the illusion he’s walking in to the elevator rather than up to it.

  • Elevator sex? :smirk: Are they going to have elevator sex? I sense tension. They’re going to bang, right?

  • Ah, nevermind. No elevator sex tonight I guess. Though I would like to restate my earlier comment about scaling characters super large off screen to have them exit the elevator. Trust me, it looks good.

  • Super weird comment, but I’ve been thinking this for a while now while reading so I’m going to say it… Your story reminds me a lot of No Strings Attached by Alyce Winter. Idk if you’ve read it. You don’t even have that many similarities other than both being limelight stories lol. But I reviewed that story a while ago (scroll up if you’re bothered to) and I just had a really good feeling about it. It’s still one of my favourite stories now even and I have the same kind of feeling now reading your story that I had when first reading hers. I find Aiden really likeable. He’s defs my type of guy and I am really regretting not making Quinn look like me :pensive: I just wanted to keep the hair because of the cover matching but this should have been a me-insert story :sob: WHYYYYYYYYYYY?

  • EW Why. Those. Shorts!

  • Aiden’s texting style is to die for :drooling_face: I love him so much already… It’s only episode 3 :sob:

  • “Nothing more” Pfft, okay, Quinn. If you say so.

  • I can’t believe she went outside in those shorts! :skull:

  • The dress up game was so hard for me. I liked all the outfits hahahaha. So much better than those friggen shorts.

  • I really liked how you included Noah’s CC the white background fading in and then out again looked so good when you could see the background characters too.

  • The thing I mentioned about the elevator. Same applies to the balcony scene. Since the backgrounds not looking from a bird’s eye view, having the characters walk directly straight doesn’t work and ruins the illusion.

  • Wow, for a self-confessed team Aiden reader, I have 0 points with him, whoops.

  • There’s something a wee bit off about your OTS scenes. I feel like it needs to be zoomed in more or else it just looks like they’re invading each other’s personal space. There’s just that space behind them that they’re not using lol. Know what I mean?

  • Of course Aiden’s article turns out to be not sexist hahaha. I knew he wasn’t an ass. I had faith in him the whole time.

  • Wtf is wrong with Max? Lol. Is he stupid? Why would anyone in their right mind thinks you want to meet your ex’s new bae??

  • I… omg… I had a weird suspicion Caelyn was talking about Stephen, but I thought if I opened up to her those two times, she would have put two and two together and said something… Now I am thinking maybe Quinn never mentioned names? Lol.

  • Aha! Max’s true intentions revealed lol

  • I have one point with Aiden lol. Help me!

I don’t really have much to else to add. Nice story, it’s right up my alley and would have been something I would have read eventually of my own accord too. WhEn WiLl YoU uPdAtE?!

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You’re welcome lovely :blush:

:partying_face::partying_face::partying_face:

Makes a lot of sense hahaha. Don’t ever change this dynamic! It was really great

Oooh, I’ll be waiting :eyes:

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Just checking, did you change the title of your story? I checked the link on your IG and it only leads to Opposites Don’t Attract which coincidentally was already on my reading list lol.

I know you said not Monday… It’s currently Wednesday here, but just thought I’d check since I’m flexible lol. You ready for me to read it?

Hi. :nerd_face: We are little bit late with the changes. :rofl: Decided to republish with new chapter release so we are triplechecking it. :thinking::laughing::flushed::rofl:.
Btere are not big changes… Adding more music and some overlay timing adjustment… So for the storytelling feedback you I guess can go in now but I now think it will be better I let you know when we republish… So you do not have to give effort to coment things which might be changed in meantime. :thinking::thinking::thinking:

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It’s all good. Just let me know when it’s ready then. No rush!

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I was SO excited to wake up to this review! I was dying over here at your commentary :joy:

Thank you for all of the feedback. I will definitely be going through and taking your advice!! Especially about the spotting because I wasn’t sure what the best way to have them enter/exit was haha.

Your story reminds me a lot of No Strings Attached by Alyce Winter.

I haven’t read “No Strings Attached.” But, It’ s on my shelf! So, I am definitely going to check it out here soon!

EW Why. Those. Shorts!

I took it as a challenge to see if I could make them look good lmao :joy: I think I failed.

I don’t really have much to else to add. Nice story, it’s right up my alley and would have been something I would have read eventually of my own accord too. WhEn WiLl YoU uPdAtE?!

Ahh, thank you again! I’m so glad you enjoyed it! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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