Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Thanks so so much!

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YOU DIDN’T JOKE ABOUT THE “LIVE” THING!
:joy::joy::joy::joy:

I LOVED IT!

I took notes on your “technical” advices. I’ll try to replay from a different device bc I didn’t notice the directing mistakes you mentioned so I’m sort of freaking out!

And about the HFR thing you mentioned, that option leads to a scene where Logan gets confused over what she said and explains to her that it’s an offensive term. It had more of an educational purpose otherwise I wouldn’t have left it there.

Yes, you got Logan figured out! Or important 40% of him! His father controls him a lot so that’s one of the reasons he often seems to push Priya out of her comfort zone.

AMEN TO THE SNAP OPTION!

The bonus scene from chapter 1 is about Priya and her sister and a conversation they had before Priya left for the US! It doesn’t depend on how you treat Logan but on the answers you get right.

Sad fun fact: the insults are based on real situations that happened with some people from India that help me as consultants for this story whenever I sense I need their help with info.

Yes, Professor Scott is a LI!

Onto fixing these errors now!

Thank you soooooo much! This community is lucky to have you and could use more people like you!

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Hahahaha thanks :sweat_smile:

Don’t freak out. I’m pretty sure it was just those two times where I felt the characters were too large in comparison to the overlays in the scene. You could leave it and a lot of people wouldn’t even notice it tbh lol. It was just something I spotted.

The only thing is… There is no education for the people like me who don’t pick that option… We have no idea what your intention was with that branch. I thought you put it there as a joke and so other people will probably believe you are using that term just to mock it and be funny. I can’t imagine there would be too many people who would pick that option either. If you really want to have that in there, I wouldn’t make it a choice. I would have her say it regardless, and then have that scene play out, then offer the choice and make the third option something lighter. High functioning rabbits or something.

Oh god, that’s terrible :pensive: Though it’s great that you have people to turn to to be able to get your message across accurately.

Hahahah, thank you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Aww, thanks! I tried to make it bearable since I have so much of it planned during the first few episodes, haha :sweat_smile:

And I knooow about the author’s note, but I just feel like a lot of readers might (and will : P) get confused or frustrated with certain things in the story if I don’t include it :weary:

Also, I know about the 3 episode thing, but I just couldn’t help but publish it back when I first finished the episode omg :joy: Thanks, for the warning though! And thanks especially for taking the time to read my story again and for your feedback, it definitely helps~ :sparkling_heart: :smile:

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Fair enough… it’s up to you. I will never not tell you that you’re better off without it though lol

hahahaha, I understand :rofl:

You’re more than welcome :blush: I look forward to reading more

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@TLdax913 - Dark Essence

  • Oooh I love the tappables at the start.

  • The spot placing for the CC is really good too

  • The beginning is a… dream I’m guessing?

  • Ahhhh I love that background for the class scene. Where did you get it? :eyes:

  • Oooh Dark and Light points… interesting :thinking:

  • Ok, I’m thinking a little more background knowledge about that prediction would have been handy before I made a choice that got me a darkness point :woman_facepalming: Though, in saying that, it’s a good kind of evil to explain it after that first choice. Lol.

  • All your backgrounds are making up a really great theme throughout and it looks really great

  • So I can tell you’ve got a pretty good grasp on how overlays work and I can see you play around with the opacity a bit, but it would look even better if you had some more movement. Especially with the round ones. The Showman, for example, you could have his overlays rotate since they’re circle shaped. It would make them look more lively.

  • YESSSS, I love the use of the baby swaddle!

  • Oooooh these overlays when Kadence and Danick are making out look really cool. It’s a nice fantasy element you’ve weaved in

  • I really enjoyed Prefessor T’s class. It felt like I learned a lot of relevant information for your story… And I’m sorry Kadence but I laughed so hard when Micah knocked her over lol

  • I like this friendship dynamic going on right now. I’m not sure if Josh is meant to be a love interest, but if he’s not then props to you because the fact that you can have platonic friendships with guys and it never be anything more is almost never represented on episode.

  • I notice this picture in the background of Kristoff’s office and I feel like it’s probably important.

  • When he calls the three of them into his office, he says “…breaking into ROTH headquarters and steal the effing gem” - steal should be stealing.

  • I feel like… There’s some kind of twist to Nicolette… Like she will either be Kadence’s mother or maybe tied to Kristoff. Idk I just feel like she’s not just the villain.

  • Loved the cracked face at the end of episode 4! I do with the ‘essense’ was spinning though. I just feel like it would add so much more.

  • YES! Nicolette looking like an apparition beside the bed looked awesome.

  • Ooooh I saw one spinning :smiley:

  • Omg that Kristof scene with him expecting the, cough, nurse… :joy: The zoom up reveal was perfection

So… this is a really great story. Deserves more reads tbh. My only wish is that you rotate your overlays more LOL. But yeah, I really enjoyed this. The whole concept of your main character being technically royalty but also rebelling against her grandfather was interesting and I really loved your point system. And as I mentioned before, Josh not being a love interest really sold me. It’s just nice to have the existing romance with Danick and it feels natural. So I’m really glad that didn’t turn into a love triangle hahaha.

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Hi @amberose

Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.I’m so happy that you enjoyed my story! Your feedback and comments were very helpful! I can not thank you enough!:blush:

I recently learned how to rotate the overlays so I will go back and changes some of the overlays in episodes 1-4. :slight_smile:

Josh is my favorite character to write for. He is Kadi’s best friend and I love to show their relationship dynamic. Kadance and Danick are meant to be and the only love interest for the MC in the story. I love that are enjoying this aspect of the story .:blue_heart:

Yes the big photo in Kristoff office is very important and will be mentioned in episode 6.

I hope you have a wonderful day!
and again thank you so much!

-Tara

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@elliewrites.episode - Blurred Lines

Can I just say… I love you cover sooooo much. It’s so pretty. Also I have thought of Robin Thicke every single time I saw your title on my waiting list hahahah

And lol, thank you for noticing :stuck_out_tongue: It’s not so bad now though!

  • Yes, I was hoping MC would have that hair. It matches the cover one hehe

  • I like Courtney based off of her text message alone.

  • HAHAHA :joy: I’m not sure why anyone would not take his clothes and run… But here I am picking the “don’t take his clothes” option anyway :upside_down_face:

  • I hate to get technical like this but the elevator doors were slightly off when they moved.

  • With Aiden’s CC, every time I click “done” with a feature, it sends me back to “Hmmm wonder how he got in your phone”. I know it’s only one line, but you might want to move the label to just before “Make him cute”

    • I should have known form the text that Courtney would be a blonde
  • The right coffee order vs. being on time thing is, like, really making me think. Not too much about the story, coz it’s a flashback and so what’s done is done… But about life! Like which is better? I don’t know…

  • AWWW that’s such a sad way to get dumped :sleepy:

  • The sing_fail animation is easily one of my faves and it worked so well with the “you’re hot” option haha

  • Something very clever I picked up on… The real reason Quinn couldn’t find her clothes was because we choose the outfit… And so with that in mind, Jake saying she threw them down the hallway? Hahahaha, classic.

  • Regina is a great character. I love her. And I also love this relationship columnist thing happening. This set up is starting to remind of a rom com and it just feels very cute. I can see how both her work and her personal life will drive the plot 50/50.

  • What? Why did she faint? What’d I miss? :eyes:

  • Um, excuse me? Where is my choice to get drunk? :pleading_face: Maybe I don’t want to be productive :smirk:

  • Sorry, I’m going to pedantic (but it’s only because I am enjoying your story so far and think you’re good enough at directing to do this lol)… So when Aiden enters the elevator, he kind of walks up? Instead, scale him super large and off screen to the right and then have him walk from there. It will give the illusion he’s walking in to the elevator rather than up to it.

  • Elevator sex? :smirk: Are they going to have elevator sex? I sense tension. They’re going to bang, right?

  • Ah, nevermind. No elevator sex tonight I guess. Though I would like to restate my earlier comment about scaling characters super large off screen to have them exit the elevator. Trust me, it looks good.

  • Super weird comment, but I’ve been thinking this for a while now while reading so I’m going to say it… Your story reminds me a lot of No Strings Attached by Alyce Winter. Idk if you’ve read it. You don’t even have that many similarities other than both being limelight stories lol. But I reviewed that story a while ago (scroll up if you’re bothered to) and I just had a really good feeling about it. It’s still one of my favourite stories now even and I have the same kind of feeling now reading your story that I had when first reading hers. I find Aiden really likeable. He’s defs my type of guy and I am really regretting not making Quinn look like me :pensive: I just wanted to keep the hair because of the cover matching but this should have been a me-insert story :sob: WHYYYYYYYYYYY?

  • EW Why. Those. Shorts!

  • Aiden’s texting style is to die for :drooling_face: I love him so much already… It’s only episode 3 :sob:

  • “Nothing more” Pfft, okay, Quinn. If you say so.

  • I can’t believe she went outside in those shorts! :skull:

  • The dress up game was so hard for me. I liked all the outfits hahahaha. So much better than those friggen shorts.

  • I really liked how you included Noah’s CC the white background fading in and then out again looked so good when you could see the background characters too.

  • The thing I mentioned about the elevator. Same applies to the balcony scene. Since the backgrounds not looking from a bird’s eye view, having the characters walk directly straight doesn’t work and ruins the illusion.

  • Wow, for a self-confessed team Aiden reader, I have 0 points with him, whoops.

  • There’s something a wee bit off about your OTS scenes. I feel like it needs to be zoomed in more or else it just looks like they’re invading each other’s personal space. There’s just that space behind them that they’re not using lol. Know what I mean?

  • Of course Aiden’s article turns out to be not sexist hahaha. I knew he wasn’t an ass. I had faith in him the whole time.

  • Wtf is wrong with Max? Lol. Is he stupid? Why would anyone in their right mind thinks you want to meet your ex’s new bae??

  • I… omg… I had a weird suspicion Caelyn was talking about Stephen, but I thought if I opened up to her those two times, she would have put two and two together and said something… Now I am thinking maybe Quinn never mentioned names? Lol.

  • Aha! Max’s true intentions revealed lol

  • I have one point with Aiden lol. Help me!

I don’t really have much to else to add. Nice story, it’s right up my alley and would have been something I would have read eventually of my own accord too. WhEn WiLl YoU uPdAtE?!

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You’re welcome lovely :blush:

:partying_face::partying_face::partying_face:

Makes a lot of sense hahaha. Don’t ever change this dynamic! It was really great

Oooh, I’ll be waiting :eyes:

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Just checking, did you change the title of your story? I checked the link on your IG and it only leads to Opposites Don’t Attract which coincidentally was already on my reading list lol.

I know you said not Monday… It’s currently Wednesday here, but just thought I’d check since I’m flexible lol. You ready for me to read it?

Hi. :nerd_face: We are little bit late with the changes. :rofl: Decided to republish with new chapter release so we are triplechecking it. :thinking::laughing::flushed::rofl:.
Btere are not big changes… Adding more music and some overlay timing adjustment… So for the storytelling feedback you I guess can go in now but I now think it will be better I let you know when we republish… So you do not have to give effort to coment things which might be changed in meantime. :thinking::thinking::thinking:

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It’s all good. Just let me know when it’s ready then. No rush!

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I was SO excited to wake up to this review! I was dying over here at your commentary :joy:

Thank you for all of the feedback. I will definitely be going through and taking your advice!! Especially about the spotting because I wasn’t sure what the best way to have them enter/exit was haha.

Your story reminds me a lot of No Strings Attached by Alyce Winter.

I haven’t read “No Strings Attached.” But, It’ s on my shelf! So, I am definitely going to check it out here soon!

EW Why. Those. Shorts!

I took it as a challenge to see if I could make them look good lmao :joy: I think I failed.

I don’t really have much to else to add. Nice story, it’s right up my alley and would have been something I would have read eventually of my own accord too. WhEn WiLl YoU uPdAtE?!

Ahh, thank you again! I’m so glad you enjoyed it! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I’m glad you found it helpful :blush:

It’s not you, it’s the shorts :unamused: Nothing can save them. NOTHING!

This is so cute. And yes, lol. It has diminished a lot. I’m on fire :fire:

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@Madhu - Black Hearts Golden Desires

  • Intro’s nice and flashy.

  • The backstory was a bit wordy… But it’s necessary, so there’s not much you can do to change that anyway. It’s just a personal thing of mine where I can’t focus with on too much narration… Though the making her own planet thing I found an interesting origin story.

  • Hahahaha, wait… So are you the main character? Or is your forum name based off of your main character? Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

  • Oh wow, episode 1 felt pretty short. I didn’t even really write anything down. I feel like I was waiting for a clear plot to shape, but it was just so short that the cliff hanger at the end didn’t have a strong enough impact to hook me yet.

  • I love the overlay you added for Nand when she lifts Nigil off the floor. I think that works better than the fade colours you have used previously.

  • What’s Sanjay doing? Lol. He just met her, no?

  • Episode 2 was pretty short as well… Thought the cliff hanger this time felt much more engaging.

  • The spotting in this throne scene is great. They really look like children here haha

  • When they go to training, bring William forward a layer so he looks like he’s walking in front of Nand.

  • I know they’re training, but what with the height difference and all, it makes me really uncomfortable to see William hit his daughter square in the face. The ink punch animations look soooo aggressive too.

  • Ooooh eye flashing colors is cool :eyes:

  • Okay, so I really hate author notes. I know you might feel like you need to apologize but you don’t. It’s your story. However, if you are feeling bad about not having choices, then maybe you should go back and add them in? You want to be happy with your story at the end of the day. I know most people prefer having choices, but there are stories successful without it too… So at the end of the day, it’s up to you. Just don’t apologize for whatever you decide to do

  • Your outros for episode 4 were off centre… It was like they were in zone 2?

  • There’s been a few times I think you were at risk of exceeding the swear limit count. I’m not really counting but I think episode 5 you had more than 5 swear words. You might want to count the swears in your other episodes too because there’s been a few.

  • I love the background characters in episode 6 at the beginning, but they look like the default ones. I’d strongly recommend changing up their looks and outfits to make it look more realistic.

  • After the rooftop scene, I think you meant to fade out, but you did a fade in transition right before the “meanwhile” narrator bubble

  • I think you might have said the f-word too many times in this episode too :sweat_smile:

  • I feel like Kriti is going to lose Sanjay to Nand lol

Okay, so… I feel like you will probably hate my advice as you have 7 episodes and what I am recommending is extreme. But I will tell you anyway and it’s up to you whether you actually do it or not. See… I’ve been saying that your episodes are short, but I also I didn’t feel like the plot was very strong in most of them either. It felt like there was a mix of comedic and even romantic moments - which is fine - but it made me as a reader unsure about where the story was heading. So what I would recommend is to actually merge a few of your episodes together. You could condense it into 4 or 5 episodes, making them all equal length and also ensure that enough key elements of your story are in each episode too. For me, it felt like the last two episodes had the most to do with driving the plot, so looking at what they entail would probably help you work out what you would need to merge… if you choose to merge them. Alternatively, you could just add another three or four scenes into each episode to improve their length? You could spend more time focusing on some of the sub-main characters or even adding in more choices, since you pointed out that was something you haven’t done much of? Anyway, it’s up to you. Your directing and dialogue is all pretty good, it’s just that it felt like not enough important things were taking place in each episode. I know in your author notes, you’ve said sorry for taking so long to update but people are not going to mind if you take an extra week or two to update - especially if they get more content because of that wait.

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So it is out revamed and with new chapter.
here is the link one more time just in case.:slight_smile:

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hi. I am see you page

@Farah_DeSantis - Clue: Secret of the Necklace

  • Love your classroom backgrounds and the uniforms are adorable

  • I also really love the uniforms you’ve chosen. They’re not the go to ones I see in every story and that’s refreshing.

  • Not sure how I feel about Damien - something seems off

  • I’m assuming the necklace is the clue, right? I think it’s

  • Wow, love your bedroom background too.

  • Ooh, ok. That figure… I feel like we could be heading down a fantasy type of mystery. Also just wondering, that hand overlay, does it change colour? I didn’t CC so I’m not sure if you let reader change skin tones lol.

  • The way you made the book text disapear/reappear was awesome. I have to say, I’m not a fan of the book talking… It has an attitude and I don’t like that, but I can’t deny the directing was amazing and that it was a funny attitude either lol.

  • Ohhhh their parents? I’m surprised.

  • Spotting at the club was great.

  • I love how Marbel dragged him out of the club

  • Ah, I hate that she is driving the car. At least you put a reader message there.

  • Forgot to say this before but I love the coffee table overlay in the living room. It’s so clean cut, it feels real.

  • I love how the code actually works, except it felt rushed a bit? Like Marbel just figured it out so quickly that I didn’t feel very invested in the process of figuring it out. Which is probably a really hard thing to get right anyway, but if you could brainstorm something to make readers feel more involved that it would give it a more interactive feel

  • I didn’t see the adopted thing coming :open_mouth:

  • Why is her mum so horrible!!!

  • The book now reminds me of Ella Enchanted. Idk if you ever saw that movie, but if you haven’t you should look up some clips of it to see what I mean.

  • When Damien walks in on Marbel changing, he says “Well I have nothing against that you stay as you are”. I know what you’re meaning, but it’s wording is a bit off. Maybe something like “Well, I have nothing again you staying as you are”

  • I loved the scene in the forest with the car driving over the bridge. Directing was on point.

  • I knew the second I saw that rock at the cabin, you were doing to have a tappable game

  • So the choice was locked for me but I clicked it and it still let me choose it. Was that supposed to happen?

  • The flashes leading into that flashback looked really great.

  • This is a small detail, but I thought it was nice that you made Marbel drop the elephant when Damien called on her

So your directing in this is great, I loved basically all of your backgrounds because it really looked like they all worked well with each other. The book having that kind of sassy personality was something I wasn’t too fond with, but that’s just me. I know for a fact other people will like the humour that the book provides. I can definitely see how this fits the contest theme, but the genre does feel like a mix between fantasy and mystery so I guess you have options after the contest ends too? There was one thing I noticed and haven’t mentioned until now - every time Marble walks further back, she still does walk_neutral. It would probably look better if you changed it to walk_neutral_rear. This was most common in her bedroom scenes from what I noticed. There was also a couple of times in the cabin and other scenes too. It’s only a small thing, but it makes it look more realistic if you do it

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