Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Hey Amber! I’m back and I’ve got another story. I just published it like 2 seconds ago. I worked super hard on this so I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Title: Elementals
Author: Abimations
Chapters: 3 (ongoing)
Description:
Taken away from your home town, you find yourself entangled with 4 brothers - The Elementals. Which element will win your heart? Fire, water, air or earth? [CC]
Covers:
Small:
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Large:
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Here’s the link:

Also just something I noticed is that you did a review on a story with the same title so I hope it doenst look like I’m copying their story :sweat_smile: truth be told I didn’t know there was a story called the same as mine lol

Looking forward to your review :blush:

1 Like

Hello!
I hope you will have time for reading this story ^^
Title: Paper Wings
Author: Zoppola
Genre: Comedy
Style: Limelight
Chapters: 3
Desc.: Come with me on a vacation to Greece! Bring a spade with you, we might dig deep. -(°o°)-

Choices matter, mini games, customization available

Cover:

1 Like

Alright, I’m game. Sounds like fun.

Title: Saint Gehenna
Status: Barely ongoing
Genre: Dark comedy
Style: Whatever I see fit
Number of episodes Six out of ten
Unofficial synopsis: Saint Gehenna is a story of hideous errors in judgement, sex, drugs and rock 'n roll.

2 Likes

@Nessya - Secrets from Hell

  • Ooooh, excited to read an action story. I’ve been looking for a decent one for a while.

  • I just had a sneaky look and you have 21 episodes! What the heck? You’re doing what I have always wanted to do - not publish and actually take my time to write more than the minimum episodes needed hahaha

  • Underling is default looking and I kinda hate that.

  • bullet hole overlays are placed perfectly.

  • I love the scene with the castle set on fire for a reason I can’t explain.

  • Jay in the flashback is also a default character :sob:

  • Ahh, I’m getting a bit lost now. So DG got with this group after her parents died and then that one came who knew about Luce’s birthmark took him and then they got caught after he left but he was safe? Btw, this is not your fault, it’s me and my bad habit of reading but not registering what I read. It’s why I don’t like too much narration in stories.

  • I think there was a typo where DG is explaining how she has two alter egos. She says “I’m other two people” whereas it should be “I’m two other people.”

  • Ok, intriguing prologue… You have my attention for sure

  • Aha! Patrick’s explanation helped me piece some things together. I really love the idea of if you see her face, it means she will kill you.

  • In episode 2, when Lydia is on the couch, she’s scaled a little too big

  • The snow during the Russia part of the flashback was a nice touch

  • When Will is talking to her boss, you did a few talk_forward animations. So it looked like they were talking to the camera and not each other

  • I noticed Michelle did an awkward animation when Daniel talked about “babes”. I wonder if they will have a thing going on :thinking:

  • Nikolaus’ library background looks so cool

  • I didn’t understand that readerMessage about Pink lovers? :no_mouth:

  • Oooh, so your ball/dance scene looks amazing in episode 4. I love how all your background characters look the part too - just make sure to keep them looking alive by using looping animations. Some of them finish talking and then they look frozen

  • And also in this same scene, I’m paying attention to sounds and they are spot on

  • Daniel and Luana flirting is kinda cute and I ship them

  • In this DG scene in episode 5, I’m literally laughing so much. DG shot someone and turns to face Daniel and they’re talking and the guy she shot just casually faints behind them. Timing is perfect.

  • Spotting at the aquarium is very cleverly done - really looks like they are behind glass

Ok, so I didn’t write too many points down because the things I was picking up were overall things across the whole story. One being that your directing is amazing. Like I do not get first story vibes from you at all. Another thing was the height differences, you kept them all consistent and that really gave an element of realism to your story. My only concern is that it feels like you have a few main characters or important ones, so it could be harder for a reader to keep up with it. It was hard at time to know who I was technically playing as. So my suggestion would just be to play around with memorable ways to introduce those important characters. Something that will make the readers remember those characters, you know what I mean? Now in all seriousness, I’d love to know what your plan is in terms of publishing this because I saw 21 episodes so now I’m curious hahaha :eyes: Also sorry this took me so long, I was very much stopping and starting this throughout the week :woman_facepalming:

3 Likes

I tried change some of them but I missed some :disappointed_relieved: I’m going to fix that.

They were not caught, in the end Luce’s mother came and rescued only him, before his father arrived to protect them. But I’m going to try and make that more clear.

Thank you, I didn’t realize it was wrongly structured.

Noted.

I’ll look at that scene again and use other animation like talk_happy_agree or talk_happy_smile.

I was talking about the song “Lets get the party” started from Pink.

I tried to prevent that but didn’t realize that I missed some.

Oh they’re shipped, they’ve been dating for “2 years”.

I didn’t realize that but now that you pointed that out I’m controlling myself not laugh to avoid having people around thinking I’m crazy :sweat_smile:

I’ve just thought about two ideas: zooms on the first appearance and words overlays and DG popping up and talking about them. But if you have more suggestions they would be really appreciated just to avoid doing always the same thing :smiley:

Soon :sunglasses:

Don’t worry :smile:

I’ve read your Clue story. You have put a lot of effort on it and it turned out truly amazing in my opinion :heart_eyes:. So I understood what was taking you so much time :wink:

Thank you so much for this review @amberose

:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

1 Like

Ok, this makes more sense. I have to be honest, action is the hardest genre for me to get into so I miss important details all the time :woman_facepalming: In movies, TV shows and now Episode stories too I guess.

Oh OF COURSE! Wow, throwback.

If you plan to break them up though, you will need to speak to me hmph!

YESSSSS! I love this idea. If you’re confident enough with this idea too, using easing functions with word overlays and zooms can really make that kind of intro feel action-y. Jem made a thread here: HOW TO: Use Easing Functions And I think you have the type of story that would work well with these

Ahaha, first of all… Thank you so much. Comments like this make it all worth it and gah, thank you so much for understanding. My boyfriend was literally at my throat every time he saw the forums open on my laptop :rofl:

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Actually I wanted to quote the following part but I couldn’t pull it off. :disappointed_relieved:
If I do it, I’ll warn you beforehand :joy:

I’ll check it :smiley:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

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Hey, I was just about to start your story but I noticed you are revamping it. Did you want me to wait until you are finished the revamp or do you want me to review it as is?

Whoops, I completely missed this comment :flushed: Which story were you talking about?

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Your good! I’m almost done with A Mystical Beginning’s 5th episode. Just have to add in a few more scenes and a dressing game. So it will be later this week when I update it.

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Ok, just @ me when you’re ready

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Okay, sounds good to me!

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would you mind waiting in 2 weeks once im done revamping my first 3 chapters

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@AniMAEVEtions - Voices In My Head

  • Ahhh, no lie… your warning of suicide scares me :grimacing: Though I agree, I haven’t seen much on schizophrenia in stories on Episode…

  • See, because of the suicide trigger warning, I am hesitant to use my real name for MC because if she’s going to have suicidal thoughts… idk just doesn’t feel comfortable…

  • I really don’t like author notes. I know it might feel like you need them, but if so it’s better to leave them at the beginning or end. There wasn’t too much of a need to walk on during the beach scene

  • When she goes to the school office, the speechbubbles end up all over the place. You will need to spot them to fix it up

  • That felt like a weird place to end episode one. It didn’t really give me an idea of what’s to come just yet. You might want to add something else that kinda entices a reader to continue

  • MC in the bunk bed looks fine when she is sitting but then she does a stand animation before she actually gets to the ground. So you may want to look into that scene

  • When James ask MC for advice, she stands up when she answers him so goes off screen.

  • During tryouts, move MC back a layer. Right now she is on top of Brittany’s head.

  • You don’t need to comment on the mannequin breathing. Most people understand how it works anyway

  • I- nooooooooooooooooo… Why is she on the roof like that :pleading_face:

  • When MC talks to Dad, she says “Your dead”. It should be “You’re dead”.

  • When Trent waits for MC on the beach, have MC do the rear walking animation towards him.

  • Okay, so I don’t really like MC ending up with Trent. It’s not that it’s a bad ending, it’s just a bad ending for me because I am sensitive to mental health stories.

  • When MC is talking about Trent, you spelt “realised/realized” wrong.

  • I’m not sure how I feel about MC learning to ignore the voices in her head :thinking: I just don’t think mental illness is that simple… I like her becoming a therapist, but a lot of people with mental illness would say it’s something you constantly have to work on - not something you can train yourself to ignore. That’s my main issue I think.

So I admire you tackling a mental health topic for the theme of your story. I think it was a nice idea to keep it to 4 episodes and so that way you have a well-rounded story. But something major you might want to consider changing is that I don’t think this should be a CC story - It was really uncomfortable to imagine inserting myself as the MC when she has all these negative thoughts and feelings. I’m not sure if this is just me because I am sensitive to these topics, but please do consider it anyway

3 Likes

Totally fine :slight_smile: Let me know when you’re ready

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Hi @writeslondon
I will not be reviewing your contest entry as you did not like or respond to my review on your other story Figures. I would have liked to have thought that this was just an honest mistake and you simply didn’t get the notification, but it’s not. I know it’s not because another reviewer called you out for it and you replied to them saying you “didn’t know it meant that much”.
Here’s the thing, it does mean a lot. It means a lot to me when people express that my feedback has helped them improve. It lets me know I have not wasted my time. It makes me feel valued. It means a lot to the authors too, when they know I have taken the time out to read their stories. I generally read all available episodes, which is not something a lot of other reviewers do and something people with 6 and up episodes really appreciate. If you even spent five minutes reading through this thread you would understand that my reviews are a big deal and they mean a lot to so many people, not only me.
I don’t appreciate being taken advantage of. Nor do any of the other reviewers I am friends with.

6 Likes

I’m so sorry! I didn’t even notice that I didn’t respond. I’m so sorry. I cannot express that more! I understand if you don’t wanna review my stories. It meant a lot to me when you did, I’m sorry I didn’t respond! I’m kind of new, I just started a few months ago. I never thought that it meant that much, I’m sorry!! I don’t even know why I’m making up excuses!

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I sent an apologie to that reviewer, I’m sorry, I’m bad at this stuff

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Sorry, I am being harsh because, well, it hurts. It hurts all of us reviewers to be ignored when we could have used that time on someone else’s story or to work on our own. If you scroll up to your Figures review and like my post, I will add your Clue story. But you should also look through and see if you have missed any other reviews you requested a few months ago too. You can do this by clicking on your own profile and looking at the notifications tab, where you can filter it to show mentions (when someone @'s you) and replies (when someone has replied to your comment).

And yes, I know you apologised to her. But you only apologised to her. Other people have given you reviews and you could have realised that they might have felt the same way as her and that you owed it to them to like and/or reply to them too.

3 Likes

I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to use you or anything. I’m sorry

1 Like