Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Thank you really much!

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You’re welcome

@TheTurtleTrainer - Exorcism of Phoebe

I actually remember reading Kaleidoscope by you a while back, so I half know what to expect from you in terms of directing. This one sounds creepy. Haven’t read to many horror/thrillers before, so we’ll see how I go…

  • Wow, this starts off straight into the action. You must have so much patience to work with those overlays!

  • I’d recommend speeding up the time it takes to do the symbol on the mirror. It was a little too slow.

  • When Lucifer and Phoebe are in the cave, Lucifer is standing rear, facing the cave and not Phoebe, right? Because when it switches back, sometimes Lucifer stays idle_loop_rear and so it looks like he is facing Phoebe. And when Phoebe runs up to him, she needs to be back a layer, because sometimes her elbow goes in front of Lucifer.

  • Wow at that overlay of Lucifer.

  • This is intriguing. I’m cringing a little at the way he says “why am I so excited about her sole, she’s just a regular christian girl”. It’s starting to remind me of Matchmaker by Alex Light. Like you have a darker, more evil version of that cupid character.

  • The girl who faints, before fainting, it looks light she’s sitting really high in the air and not on a chair.

  • I love that you’ve added the 7 sins.

  • A little plot hole… They change into uniforms, but the other students aren’t wearing uniforms?

  • The two girls kissing by the lockers, look awkwardly placed. If you look at their feet, blondie looks like she’s further back than the three girls standing at the lockers, but the brunettes feet are closer to the camera, so it makes it look like they’d be too far apart (I hope you know what I mean, because I’ve confused even myself in trying to explain it)

  • Aha, ignore my comment about the uniform. I spoke too soon.

  • When Lucifer kisses her, he’s behind her. Move him to layer 2

  • I like how your endings seem so sudden. Idk if that’s intentional, but it suits the them to just have it end, rather than with a bunch of splashes telling your readers to follow you on insta and thanks for reading.

  • The way you fade Lucifer in is perfect. It really works well for the scenes that you use it in.

  • Your episodes are a little on the short side and lack choices. I know it can be hard to add choices when you want the plot to go a certain way, and the fact that Phoebe doesn’t have control is also hard to add choices to, but try and a few more “pointless” choices. Things like choice to scream or cry. It might not seem like a big deal, but readers will still feel like they are choosing how Phoebe responds to things, so it builds a sort of attachment between reader and MC.

  • I didn’t understand her makeover where you said CC was removed. Was this because you used to have it?

  • I liked Phoebe’s entrance after her make over. That was directed well.

  • The conversation between Lust and Phoebe was a bit anti-climatic. But was this because I made the wrong choice?

  • And the picking of the Love Interest felt kind of sudden, considering Phoebe had only actually talked to Lust so far.

  • You can probably guess what I’m going to say about that note at the end, but like whyyyyyy. Why are you apologizing? If you think about it, majority of your future readers will not be up to date with all of your releases. So people who find your story when you’re up to episode 6, will read that message and just be confused.

  • Another note I want to make about your note. You said you were sorry it was short, but if you yourself think it’s too short, then fix it up. You’re the one with the power to add more in. You should publish things you’re happy with, not something you felt pressured to post because it had been too long.

So I don’t really have anything to add. It’s not as scary as I thought it would be (although I feel like it might get worse in later episodes), I just think there needs to be more filler scenes - particularly between the 7 sins and Phoebe, and the 7 sins and Lucifer. But you’ve got a very intriguing plot.

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Thank you! I was actually thinking of revamping it, these will come in handy :smile:

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You’re welcome. Glad to hear it :smile:

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@gisellec The Ember Moon Pack

Hey Giselle,

Here’s my thoughts on your story, which is one letter away from my name :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

  • First note is on your author note… If you read my OP you’ll know I’m going to comment on this, but why?? Why tell your readers what’s in the first 2 episodes, when they’re about to start reading it anyway. And don’t say sorry. Even if there are a few errors in the script, who really cares at the end of the day? Most people will keep reading if there’s only one or two errors so there’s really no need to apologize for something that hasn’t even started.
  • I like that my “name” appears above the bubble. A lot of people leave it as “YOU” when they let you choose the name. But I can see you’ve gone the extra mile.
  • There was a little moment there where the bedroom background was showing and then the MC’s head popped up on the pillow. Make sure you use “&” so everything is placed at the same time.
  • I’d suggest making Ava and Rosa not look so “default”. Ava looks the exact same as one of the characters in the character creator, Rosa looks like only her hair has been changed, and they’re both wearing default clothes. It looks so much physically appealing when all your background characters are unique.
  • The choice to apologize was spelled wrong.
  • The characters “popping” in again happened outside the house gates. The car and background was there, but the characters were delayed. Don’t forget to be using the & instead of @
  • I like seeing that my choices matter.
  • Ruso was stuck on a looping animation, so when Ethan walked away, it looked like he was still talking.
  • Not a fan of having a whole episode dedicated to CC, But I see now why Rosa and Ava looked default-ish now… It’s because we were going to customize them…
  • This isn’t to do so much with your story, but just be careful what you say to your readers. Telling them you’ll try and update 2 episodes each week is something they will hold against you if you’re late lol.
  • I feel like the whole “we’re wolves” conversation needs to be made more clear. Maybe you can make some kind of choice template so the reader might get like 4 or 5 questions to ask…? I’d love to see the “what about my family?” question in there.
  • Also, I’m assuming the love interest that takes me to my room, was my crush from school, right? The one that was throwing the party? I remember MC saying his original name when she first showed up at the house. I think there needs to be a more clear introduction of him too.
  • I think MC is a little too accepting of the situation. If you were in her shoes, I think you’d be doing a little more freaking out/demanding people to explain how you became the queen of supernaturals.
  • Well, MC finally asked about her parents, but tbh I wasn’t satisfied. Obviously Episode isn’t known for realism, but I would love to see a more realistic reaction from MC.
  • I’d suggest changing the police’s default names so we don’t see number 1 and number 2
  • Episode 4 was like, super short. I was surprised because most of your other episodes have been an alright length.

I think I could totally get on board with this story if MC would be a little more dramatic about the situation. She’s too accepting of something so insane (maybe you could add in the beginning of the story that she’s always believed in this type of stuff, so that her reaction is more believable?). Because I’m a bit of a drama queen in real life and freak out about everything, I found it hard to relate to MC because she was so calm. That was my main issue with your story. Spelling and directing was great, there was only a few directing errors with the popping in of characters. And I think it’s the perfect set up to do a love quadrangle plot, not all stories suit multiple love interests, but I think this one definitely works.

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Hi! So I see you’ve got a waiting list, but I don’t mind waiting a bit if I need to, so just take your time and get to it when you can. Thank you for doing these, you’re a real lifesaver!

Details - A romantic tragedy set in a Renaissance Era fantasy world involving vampires and other fantastical creatures.
Title - Bite Me
Author - Rosalind
Episodes - 4 (ongoing, and 4 is still being written)
Description - Haunted by the mistakes of her ancestor, Elizabeth enters a world of dark politics and supernatural beings. Will she find romance among the tragedy? Or will it bleed her dry?
Cover -
Bite%20Me%20Cover%20Vertical
Link -

I haven’t published anything yet, nor do I intend to until I’ve got five complete chapters. That’s probably going to take me awhile, because I’m still new to episode and the coding thing has me on a bit of a learning curve any time I try to do something new. Thanks again for reviewing!

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Hey Rosalind. There’s only one before you on the waiting list, so it should take me too long to get around to it

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Hey, I’d love a review of my story Last Dance I’m a new author and some feedback from an experienced author would be extremely helpful :grin:


In case you will read the story, I recommend you read the whole thing because I learned new stuff and tips every time I wrote a new chapter. :heart::purple_heart:

Hi Amberose! So I’m still very confused as to how the forums work (fingers crossed this will reply to your page), but I wanted to ask you to review my story. It’s a bit of a mess at the moment because let’s face it… I’m insane. However, if you could read it, and give me any improvements I would gladly appreciate them!

Episode Name: The Narrators
Author: E.P.O.C.H
Episodes: 5
Description: Their job is to tell the story, but add in crazy phenomena, spy like precession, mystical powers, and a traitor… makes for one heck of a TIME.

Thank you in advance! I really appreciate it! Just a heads up though, I know I haven’t put a lot of choices in (if any) because I’m not sure how I can do it without too much interference to the story. If that makes any sence :thinking: Again, Thank you so much! :grinning:

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@Nierido - Let the demon inside

  • Well, it stars off with my number 1 hate - an author’s note. There were a few things you mentioned there they’d I’d suggest you take out. Don’t apologise for English not being your first language, and don’t give away what’s in the story. People click on your story because it took their interest, so don’t say “oh there will be this many love interests and it’s more supernatural than romance, but will include sex blah blah blah” Because you want the reader to discover this, not be expecting it.

  • I’d tread carefully about breaking the forth wall to comment on the angel outfit - a small comment is enough, but I felt like that lingered a bit too much, because you had both characters say it and then the readerMessage as well.

  • The & command is your best friend. Every time you have a scene that you want characters to already be standing in, replace @ with & so that the characters will be there at the same time the background is. I’ve noticed this a couple of times, but mostly in you school hall scene.

  • So I’m getting a little confused with who everyone is and how they know each other. I think you need to spend a little more time introducing each character. When I say introducing, I don’t mean saying it in a narration bubble, I mean by showing the readers. Like MC for example… So she used to live in the area and know Din, but he figured it out so quick that if you weren’t paying close attention, you’d miss it. You’d need to draw things like that out, so that the reader becomes really curious about how they know each other and they get invested in the story. Another thing I was confused at, was why were they all in the forest with the body. I didn’t really understand why they’d all be there, because it didn’t seem like they were in the same friend group, so maybe add in a scene that explains how they all came together?

  • I loved your dream scene

  • This sign or tattoo thing that keeps getting mentioned, it would probably be better to include an overlay, or even an art scene, so readers know what you’re talking about. It seems very crucial to the story, but I don’t understand its importance because I haven’t seen it.

  • You’ve got a great selection of outfits to choose from.

  • Try and animate your background characters so they are dancing in the background of the party. Or maybe drinking? Up to you.

  • Great use of that smoke at the beginning of episode 4!

  • I think you might have spot positioned the speechbubble and forgot to reset it. They’re all pointing to Din.

  • Also, I noticed you’ve spot placed almost all your characters, so the guys are taller than the girls. Nice work.

  • Oh, you did get a tattoo overlay!

  • Ok, I got to say episode 4 is like a much higher quality than the first 3 episodes. You use filters, text effects and overlays. If I were to guess, I’d say you started learning a lot more coding and directing tricks in between episode 3 and 4, and it really shows. I’d definitely recommend to go back to your first three episodes and see if you can add more of that wow-factor stuff that I’m seeing now.

  • When Din lifts Alanna, she should move forward a layer.

So I’ve reached the end. There were a few English mistakes, but not enough that would make me stop reading. One thing I noticed was your apostrophes are backwards. It should be instead of `. But this was sort of something I got used to. I think episode 4 really got my interest, and I would suggest going back through 1-3 to bring it up to the same standard of episode 4. Panning and zooms were good, I’d just recommend having a stronger introduction of the main characters to make it all a little less confusing. The mystery element can be good for stories, but too much mystery (as in who the heck is this person?) can have a negative effect.

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@Rosalind - Bite Me

Hey Rosalind,

  • First of all, cute title. It might be hard to find in the app, because there are a few like it already but I still like the title and the cover.

  • I’m liking the level of mystery at the moment. I mean, from the title I think I can guess what Elizabeth is, or at least what the story is about, but there’s still an intriguing mystery there with what Henry’s saying.

  • For your first scene, I’d suggest adding some close ups. Because you’re in the scene for quite some time, you want to mix it up with close up shots of Henry and Archibald.

  • Same in the bar scene, Thatcher is talking with Elizabeth, so you could have it zoomed on them and when Prescott says can you stop flirting with my sister, a zoom on PRESCOTT to 250% in 0.1 would look really good!

  • When the guy comes into the bar, it really reminds me of the movie version of Little Red Riding Hood. The one with Amanda Seyfried in it. I can’t remember the name, but if you know what I’m talking about, yeah, the whole setting and outfits and the way he died might me pull a connection to that movie.

  • Sometimes your characters exit the screen really quick. Is this a vampire thing, or an accident?

  • You have a really good hold on characterization between villagers, vampires, faes , etc. Like your clothing and appearance, even the names, are a great way you’ve identified everyone.

  • I like how you do the vampire bites. This is the first vampire story I’ve read, so Idk if others do it, but I think it’s very creative.

  • When Elizabeth meets her lady in waiting, they look a bit too tall. Use the bed in the background to scale.

  • A little tip based off my own experience… Intros will make your story go from a 6 to a 10. Even if it’s just a pic of your story cover for a beat, it gives it that professional vibe. Same thing with warning splashes… I think I saw one at the beginning of episode 1. I had never realized how random an episode starting without any sort of intro looked, until I included an intro on one of my own. I personally think it makes the whole story so much better. Something to consider. Could even be something simple with an overlay or you could do a whole background. Or maybe you already have this idea in the works and I’m wasting my time telling you.

  • I just want to say that normally I feel inclined to be like “WHY IS MC JUST CASUALLY AGREEING TO THIS BALL?” But I can’t do that here, because I actually understand why in this case: her family. Every time I see a potential plot hole, you fix it so it makes sense to the story. The only one I haven’t figured out (although I might have missed it if it was simply a one liner), why was Elizabeth taken but not Prescott? Does it have to be female blood or something?

  • I love the choices you let Elizabeth ask Maria. It gave me a good chance to learn about this fantasy world. Just a tip, if any of those answers/info needs to be remembered for later by the reader, maybe text effects would help you out?

  • Another example of why I think you need to add close ups is the scene where Henry and Archibald go to the council. While Katarina is talking to them, the guy on the right was frozen in an unnaturally angry pose. If you use zooms, readers won’t see him at all so it doesn’t matter that he’s stuck like that.

  • When Thatcher is teaching Prescott, there’s no info on Hunters. Is this because you’re still writing? Lol.

Ok, I guess it was because you’re still writing because I’m not at the end :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Well, I quite enjoyed it, which I didn’t expect because that’s not usually my genre. Your plot was great, dialogue perfect. You only need those zooms and you’re good to go.

Side note: I really love that you’re waiting to have 5 episodes before you publish. That’s also my goto when it comes to publishing a new story. And I totally know what you mean with the anytime you try something new. Still happens to me after a year! Haha!

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Thank you so much for the feedback! I’m gonna start trying to work in some zooms and such. I originally left them out because I didn’t get how to set them up, but I think I’ve sort of got it now. We’ll see how that goes XD

I also agree about that intros making chapters look more professional, and I do try to put in the warnings for each chapter (both for intro purposes and because I talk about killing a lot), but I’d really love to put in the cover or something too. But I don’t know how to upload a background or overlay, otherwise I’d use all kinds of homemade stuff. Do you know how I can upload my own stuff?

So as for why Elizabeth was taken but not Prescott, it is because only female blood gives the vamps power. But thinking back on my flashbacks I don’t think I stated that as clearly as I could have, so I’ll go back clarify it. Thanks for asking though! And I’m glad that that was the only plot hole you found, I despise plot holes, and I try really hard to let them slip into my stories.

And wow, you got to this faster than I was expecting XD Chapter 4 is kind of a mess right now, last night I was just trying to write dialogue, since my web previewer is currently dead, and making sure everyone looks natural and interesting was taking a back seat to figuring out new characters. And yeah, last night it was around 2 am when I decided that it was time to give up and go to bed, so the hunters don’t have their lore written up yet, but they will!

Thanks again for all your advice! This is my first Episode story, but I don’t want it to look that way, and I think your feedback will help me make that happen. So thank you a bunch!

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That’s a guide on how to upload your own stuff.

And I definitely think zooms are the only thing that gave away that it was a first story - but I could only tell because it was like my first story. I had zero zooms and let me tell you it is such a pain to go back and put them in. It’s worth it, but so time consuming

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Hey! I don’t know if you’re still doing this but here’s mine:

Title: The Nation D: Moon Eyes
Author: P Marroquín
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
Style: Limelight
Number of episodes: 5 (ongoing)
Description: Heather is trapped in a place were she can’t go out, but what happens when her best friend and his dead sister offer her a way to get out of there and start a brand new life…! Where’s your new destination? And what dark secrets does it hide? Will you finally find answers to your past?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6435647390351360

Still doing them. Once I get on my laptop I’ll update the waiting list

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@amberose Hi! Sorry about that! It’s called A Summer To Remember!

Here’s the link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5182146054062080

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All good. I forgot to ask at the time lol

This is really helpful. Thank you. After you read this, I expanded the college girl friend character. There is a phone call with her in the car on the way to the bar for the first time, and in chapter 4., they meet for lunch. I also expanded the pool scene so that you could see how Lauren felt like an outcast in high school, and Evan’s encouraging response. Those should help.

I am working on a DD contest story at the moment, but I have been reading Kylie’s stories and getting good ideas for chemistry development. I’m practicing that approach in DD and will probably go back an do more of it in TLabL later.

I did think about the guy that inspired the character of Evan, and why I liked him. He wasn’t the most handsome, and his smoking habit drove me nuts, but he had a great voice, and I was addicted to the way I felt around him. It is hard to put that into words.

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In real life “Evan” did not let me in. Perhaps it would have if I had been more assertive like Lauren. But the reader would not like it if she never got to be with Evan. Let’s just say that is why I have a pen name. He would be mortified.

Either way, the guy that inspired Evan is happily married with a kid now, as am I.

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