Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

I understand you want to get your story out there as I’m sure most people do tbh. However wording it a different way is still putting myself and the other reviewers you did this to in an awkward position because you’re still asking us to promote you.

I review in hopes that I can help other people improve their stories. It’s my own way to give back to the community. And too many times I have been left feeling used and taken advantage of. So please try to understand what @JemU776 was explaining to you. This is a review thread and honestly, the fact that you request reviews works as a form of a promotion in itself. There are quite a few people who look to my thread for recommendations and they’re more likely to read the stories by people who were genuine, friendly or funny in their replies to me :v: side note: I know everyone who stalks this thread :kissing_heart:

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You caught me :sweat_smile:

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Okay thanks for sharing your view. I really did not mean to disrespect anyone in any manner. I am still new and trying to learn.

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Yeah, I understand forum etiquette can be hard to pick up on when you’re still new here. I hope my feedback on your story helped you nonetheless and good luck in the contest

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Yes it did! Thank you.

@Roy - Shado

  • Author name is the same as MC? Haha

  • For some reason I was expecting this to be a limelight story. Nothing wrong with it being ink, just it surprised me is all.

  • Personally I feel there’s a bit too much narration at the beginning but narration is something I never like too much anyway so take that with a grain of salt.

  • When “Sir” enters, it doesn’t look like he’s actually taking to the pair. With the perspective of that background, it looks as though it’s on an angle and so he should be spotted lower down, and should also probably do a rear animation when he’s addressing them.

  • Noah being a stock character is a bit of a distraction. If you don’t have CC for him, I’d recommend changing his look up a bit.

  • Episode one was a bit on the short side

  • I’m a little confused at this scene at the dinner with Noah and just their conversation :grimacing:

  • I’m also kinda confused with this driving scene… When they pull up the car disappears and you can away from all the characters?

  • Oh! Noah got shot??

  • Why is Roy fighting barefoot when her make opponent is fully dressed with shoes? Bit unfair lol

  • This jacket on/off scene is a bit confusing. It reminds me of the karate kid, but it’s hard to understand because there’s no jacket :joy: Is it a metaphor or do I pretend there’s a jacket?

  • Ok, so I had this feeling that a few things were familiar, and it’s just clicked to me - your cover looks like Thea from Arrow and Roy and Shado are also characters from Arrow and your intro uses the line Oliver says at the beginning of Arrow too. The line about becoming someone else. Was all this intentional? Like a nod to Arrow or?

  • The beginning of Episode 4 is very zoomed in on a splash.

  • Where did Alec come from? Lol. His lines are so funny. Idk if I ship them but I think it’s funny banter nonetheless.

  • Alright so I feel like this story went from action to romance in the span of two minutes. Wow. Alec sure is a talker… And now of course, I’m realising this story is in romance hahahaha

So I’ve reached the end and I guess my main concern is those tie ins to the TV show Arrow. I stopped watching it myself, but if this takes too much from the show, it will be considered fanfic which is kinda worrying. Now, that aside, I feel like your story just needs a bit of fine tuning to bring it more to life. Things like making all the characters unique instead of being default characters, adding in a few more choices to feel more interactive and there were a few spelling and grammar mistakes that need looking over too. It’s really just those few small things, but they will make a big difference

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Thank you for the review…

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@chelliebelliex - AW: Blind Starlight

  • Directing is so smooth straight from the start!

  • I tend to dislike lots of narration but I can appreciate how yours really feels like it’s setting up the story

  • I love how she quickly turned to become evil :smiling_imp: You were great at showing that sudden change.

  • Oooh imainary friend? :eyes:

  • What was the point of Elara saying “Korean ass”? An ass is an ass.

  • Wait, the pendent wasn’t always purple, right?

  • Oh snap, it’s time??? Okay but grandma’s here saying she hasn’t had enough time to prepare Elara, but if that’s the case, why did she, you know, not explain a single thing when I just told her the truth about my dream?

  • Ooohh that bubble overlay in the scene with Princess Diane is great - and I love what you do with the flashing to show her transformation

  • I don’t really get your bit at the beginning of Q&As… I know sometimes approvals are slow but eh, there’s not really a need to mention it in Q&As… and also you’re entering their contest too, so there’s a chance they will ready that you know

  • I don’t think the episode was short btw so no need to mention it

  • When it comes to asking Tenaii questions, you might want to have an “are you sure your done?” option, since the reader is able to move on without asking anything and might accidentally skip if they’re tapping too fast

  • Arler dying was great drama haha

  • The head overlay! Omg… You actually modded it a bit to look for androidish! That’s great

  • So… Raze set Elara up to be captured?

  • Elara and Aeryn are facing the wrong way when the looping background is introduced… So it kinda gives more of a treadmill effect.

  • Oh whoops, I didn’t even notice I died :rofl: That was a nice little side effect

  • Ahhh it’s dream guy! He sure knows how to make a memorable entrance haha

  • The waterfall backgrounds are so pretty

  • When Elara put on Saros’ shirt, her underwear changed colour?

  • It’s funny how someone with no eyes says “what a sight to see” :rofl:

  • Ooh kay, so now I’m thinking Raze might be the bad guy too? Idk. He got banned for trying to steal the pendant :face_with_monocle:

  • Oh, but he’s also my main love interest now too? Interesting.

  • That last Episode was full of so much drama. I really enjoyed the fight scenes and I thought you did a great job at making it fit in with your fantasy world too.

  • The gun overlay looked amazing. So did the force field.

  • Hmm the lights/sparkles I noticed when the girls were fleeing their prison seemed like a foreshadowing or something?

So overall, I think you have a pretty solid story. The directing is impressive and honestly, I’m quite interested to see how the romance plays out consider it’s very much a slow build. I’m not too sure on how well it fits the theme of the contest, but it’s an entertaining read, nonetheless :blush:

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Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it :blush:

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@Maria_P_Whiberlli - Feminism

Before even starting, just wanted to give you a heads up that it’s actually against the guidelines to have only one episode… So this might get suspended from the ranks unless you update them… :grimacing:

  • Vincent kind of just… popped on to the screen

  • Oh so you’re going to start off with a sexual assault scene? :flushed:

  • Oh, so you’re going straight in with a graphic sexual assault scene? Sis… :flushed: Ok, so here’s the thing. It is all well and good that you warned me when you requested this review, but you had no trigger warning and this was the opening to your story? A scene like this needs more than a mature themes warning splash. Please read this topic: Content Warnings on Episode. In addition to that, you also need to make sure your scene is still suitable for an audience of 13+. You actually might benefit from reading this topic too and requesting Episode look into this: Official Story Review Requests

  • Is she… Is… Are we looking at Ruby’s face as she’s getting raped right now when she cries?

  • Did we just have a bit of a time jump right now? It wasn’t very clear but I assume so…? I think I would want to see more of that fall out if I’m honest. Like how did the media find out? Where’s Ruby’s manager or agent or publicist, etc?

  • The glass bottle floats up from the bottom left screen and I think you wanted it to walk in with Robert.

  • The TV smash and bottle smash looked cool

  • When you change to the overlay of Margaret, make sure to move her back a layer so she is behind Robert

  • When Margaret sits on the bed with Elle, she keeps transitioning from standing and sitting

  • I- skdljaljslss Elle openly knowing… I-

  • So Margaret is going to leave her three kids alone with the abusive husband? Oh gosh, why do I feel like something terrible is going to happen

  • …I don’t really understand why she’s flirting with Robert now :sweat_smile: But there was a minor typo. You said “of” when it should be “if”

  • She didn’t actually kiss Robert at the end of the scene there…

  • Amanda randomly pops into the car?

  • Idk if something is wrong with Episode, but Amanda didn’t hug? Maybe there’s some glitch with rear animations now lol

  • You might want to re-spot Pam and Turner. It looks like they are standing on top of one another.

  • I do like how the three character meet up with each other at the end of the episode… That gives me hope for the three of them.

I feel like I can see what you’re going for, and I think this story has potential, but you also need to handle this delicately. With this kind of subject matter, you need to take time developing it, try not to skip too many things (like with Ruby) because with a story like this, everything sends a bit of a subliminal message. And not knowing how people found out about Ruby means we are left to assume… the worst. Like, I feel like you want to turn this into an empowering story and I definitely think you could do that, but it needs to be developed so much more in order to do so. As is, I kind of felt uncomfortable. And I think this is a lot to do with me. I didn’t agree with the characters decisions and when it comes to Episode, I like to have choices so I could choose my own story. I know that obviously some things have to be the way they are for the sake of the plot, but I guess with one episode only, it feels like it’s just at this raw stage… Anyway, I don’t want to offend you because I admire you taking on a serious subject, just please be aware that everything does send one message or another to your reader and it’s super important to do thorough research for that reason too. And please do look into the sexual assault scene, I personally feel like it’s not suitable for 13 year olds to read but it’s all subjective to me and so that’s why you should really consider having Episode review it themselves.

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Hi! I actually had the same questions with another reviewer and I’m looking into it. The other 2 episodes will be out soon.
With the spot directing, I previewed it all over again and the mistakes don’t show to me, idk how.
Anyway, I fell like I can really improve with your review and I’ll get to it asap.
Thank you

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Glad I could be helpful :slight_smile:

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I’m not really good at goodbyes, but I need to say something because I know I had some solid lurkers :hugs:

Thanks to everyone who made reviewing stories worthwhile to me. This thread has had its ups and its down, it’s been busy and it’s been dead. I think it’s managed to avoid getting a single flagged comment too, which I’m pretty proud of ngl. Through this reviewing journey, I’ve found a lot of new stories to binge read, I’ve found many great authors, started quite a few friendships and it’s even made me a better writer in the long term too. But I’ve decided to close up shop now. Whilst I would have loved to keep this thread going until it auto-closes at 10k replies (lol), that probably would have taken me years anyway :laughing: I feel like now, while I don’t have a waiting list, is the right time to say farewell :blob_hearts:




@Sydney_H please close this thread :blob_sun:

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The most iconic thread is being closed. :sleepy:

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The end of an era :sleepy:

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Your ending this thread!!! :no_mouth:

You survived a year, Queen Amber :crown:

giphy%20(19)

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Thank you :grinning:

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Closed by OP request :smiley: