@Nierido - Let the demon inside
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Well, it stars off with my number 1 hate - an author’s note. There were a few things you mentioned there they’d I’d suggest you take out. Don’t apologise for English not being your first language, and don’t give away what’s in the story. People click on your story because it took their interest, so don’t say “oh there will be this many love interests and it’s more supernatural than romance, but will include sex blah blah blah” Because you want the reader to discover this, not be expecting it.
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I’d tread carefully about breaking the forth wall to comment on the angel outfit - a small comment is enough, but I felt like that lingered a bit too much, because you had both characters say it and then the readerMessage as well.
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The & command is your best friend. Every time you have a scene that you want characters to already be standing in, replace @ with & so that the characters will be there at the same time the background is. I’ve noticed this a couple of times, but mostly in you school hall scene.
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So I’m getting a little confused with who everyone is and how they know each other. I think you need to spend a little more time introducing each character. When I say introducing, I don’t mean saying it in a narration bubble, I mean by showing the readers. Like MC for example… So she used to live in the area and know Din, but he figured it out so quick that if you weren’t paying close attention, you’d miss it. You’d need to draw things like that out, so that the reader becomes really curious about how they know each other and they get invested in the story. Another thing I was confused at, was why were they all in the forest with the body. I didn’t really understand why they’d all be there, because it didn’t seem like they were in the same friend group, so maybe add in a scene that explains how they all came together?
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I loved your dream scene
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This sign or tattoo thing that keeps getting mentioned, it would probably be better to include an overlay, or even an art scene, so readers know what you’re talking about. It seems very crucial to the story, but I don’t understand its importance because I haven’t seen it.
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You’ve got a great selection of outfits to choose from.
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Try and animate your background characters so they are dancing in the background of the party. Or maybe drinking? Up to you.
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Great use of that smoke at the beginning of episode 4!
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I think you might have spot positioned the speechbubble and forgot to reset it. They’re all pointing to Din.
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Also, I noticed you’ve spot placed almost all your characters, so the guys are taller than the girls. Nice work.
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Oh, you did get a tattoo overlay!
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Ok, I got to say episode 4 is like a much higher quality than the first 3 episodes. You use filters, text effects and overlays. If I were to guess, I’d say you started learning a lot more coding and directing tricks in between episode 3 and 4, and it really shows. I’d definitely recommend to go back to your first three episodes and see if you can add more of that wow-factor stuff that I’m seeing now.
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When Din lifts Alanna, she should move forward a layer.
So I’ve reached the end. There were a few English mistakes, but not enough that would make me stop reading. One thing I noticed was your apostrophes are backwards. It should be ’ instead of `. But this was sort of something I got used to. I think episode 4 really got my interest, and I would suggest going back through 1-3 to bring it up to the same standard of episode 4. Panning and zooms were good, I’d just recommend having a stronger introduction of the main characters to make it all a little less confusing. The mystery element can be good for stories, but too much mystery (as in who the heck is this person?) can have a negative effect.