@Rosalind - Bite Me
Hey Rosalind,
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First of all, cute title. It might be hard to find in the app, because there are a few like it already but I still like the title and the cover.
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I’m liking the level of mystery at the moment. I mean, from the title I think I can guess what Elizabeth is, or at least what the story is about, but there’s still an intriguing mystery there with what Henry’s saying.
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For your first scene, I’d suggest adding some close ups. Because you’re in the scene for quite some time, you want to mix it up with close up shots of Henry and Archibald.
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Same in the bar scene, Thatcher is talking with Elizabeth, so you could have it zoomed on them and when Prescott says can you stop flirting with my sister, a zoom on PRESCOTT to 250% in 0.1 would look really good!
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When the guy comes into the bar, it really reminds me of the movie version of Little Red Riding Hood. The one with Amanda Seyfried in it. I can’t remember the name, but if you know what I’m talking about, yeah, the whole setting and outfits and the way he died might me pull a connection to that movie.
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Sometimes your characters exit the screen really quick. Is this a vampire thing, or an accident?
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You have a really good hold on characterization between villagers, vampires, faes , etc. Like your clothing and appearance, even the names, are a great way you’ve identified everyone.
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I like how you do the vampire bites. This is the first vampire story I’ve read, so Idk if others do it, but I think it’s very creative.
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When Elizabeth meets her lady in waiting, they look a bit too tall. Use the bed in the background to scale.
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A little tip based off my own experience… Intros will make your story go from a 6 to a 10. Even if it’s just a pic of your story cover for a beat, it gives it that professional vibe. Same thing with warning splashes… I think I saw one at the beginning of episode 1. I had never realized how random an episode starting without any sort of intro looked, until I included an intro on one of my own. I personally think it makes the whole story so much better. Something to consider. Could even be something simple with an overlay or you could do a whole background. Or maybe you already have this idea in the works and I’m wasting my time telling you.
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I just want to say that normally I feel inclined to be like “WHY IS MC JUST CASUALLY AGREEING TO THIS BALL?” But I can’t do that here, because I actually understand why in this case: her family. Every time I see a potential plot hole, you fix it so it makes sense to the story. The only one I haven’t figured out (although I might have missed it if it was simply a one liner), why was Elizabeth taken but not Prescott? Does it have to be female blood or something?
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I love the choices you let Elizabeth ask Maria. It gave me a good chance to learn about this fantasy world. Just a tip, if any of those answers/info needs to be remembered for later by the reader, maybe text effects would help you out?
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Another example of why I think you need to add close ups is the scene where Henry and Archibald go to the council. While Katarina is talking to them, the guy on the right was frozen in an unnaturally angry pose. If you use zooms, readers won’t see him at all so it doesn’t matter that he’s stuck like that.
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When Thatcher is teaching Prescott, there’s no info on Hunters. Is this because you’re still writing? Lol.
Ok, I guess it was because you’re still writing because I’m not at the end 
Well, I quite enjoyed it, which I didn’t expect because that’s not usually my genre. Your plot was great, dialogue perfect. You only need those zooms and you’re good to go.
Side note: I really love that you’re waiting to have 5 episodes before you publish. That’s also my goto when it comes to publishing a new story. And I totally know what you mean with the anytime you try something new. Still happens to me after a year! Haha!