Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Hey, I’d like to get a review!
Name of story: No changes after a year…
Name of Author: Teddy’s Dollhouse
Genre: Drama, Romance, Comedy
Style: INK
Episodes: 2
Description: Zen had a beautiful childhood until he was 10 years old with his father but after meeting a beautiful women who claims to be his true mother everything changes.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6385627538259968

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I love your live thoughts! I’d like one for my story as well, if you get a chance. :slight_smile: .

Title: Diary of a Middle School Teacher


Author: Marianna Escalante
Genre: Comedy/Romance
Style: Limelight
Chapters: 13 (ongoing)
Description: Mia moves to her uncle’s hacienda in Mexico to teach English at a bilingual middle school. But an old crush, her students, and two mysterious families complicate everything.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5621330624512000
Instagram: @episodemarianna

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Hey Marianna, I can’t really do this for you because… well it won’t be live thoughts. I’ve been reading yours since the beginning hahahahaha!!

If you want just some basic feedback, I can do that but I won’t be able to draw up quotes or anything for reference

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No problem, that would be fine!

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Ok, well, here we go with my Past Thoughts:

  • I love the concept. It really is just a story about a middle school teacher and there’s no weird teacher/student relationships

  • It at times, reminds me of Jane The Virgin with all the plot twists and turns.

  • You do this thing with your zooms when there’s a classroom scene. Every time a kid talks, you zoom in on them, then reset the zoom for the next kid and zoom on them again. Idk if you know what I’m talking about, but I’ve started to see it as your signature in terms of directing .

  • When I first started reading, I found it hard to remember names. I think it’s because you have so many main characters, but then your secondary characters are also pretty involved in the story too. So it’s difficult there, but I think if people binge read, it won’t be a problem. It was only because I had waiting time in between most episodes.

  • I like when we are given the choice to see other people’s perspective, I always wonder what it would be like from another character’s POV.

  • Also want to point out, that due to the settings, I feel like I actually end up learning a lot about a culture I’m not familiar with. This is a good drama, but it’s got a nice balance between drama and actually being educational.

I don’t really know what else to add tbh, just know that I really enjoy all the layers and drama and I think you’re doing a great job.

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@PrettyEri - Kotton Kandie

  • My first thought was literally, this would be such a good intro if it weren’t for that author note hahahaha.

  • I’m liking that we have a teacher as an MC but she’s not hooking up with a student.

  • I also like this whole divorce factor and the therapy. It feels like it’s a mature story, but not too mature that younger readers won’t understand.

  • Just be careful with your pacing. Episode 1 started off strong, but it start to feel fast paced towards the end.

  • I don’t know if this is intentional, but the ex husband is wearing very childish clothes for someone I’m guessing is in their late 20’s-30’s. I think that’s a really smart move.

  • I liked how you transitioned from the looping background to the idle one when she fell. I normally feel an awkward gap in between when I see it in other stories, but your’s felt smooth.

  • I normally get tired of dressing up choices where you do a close up zooming pan of each outfit, but I don’t mind it too much in your story, which I think is because all your outfit choices are so different from each other.

  • I like how you’ve introduced the love interests gradually, without seeming like they’re randomly thrown in your face.

  • The reader message of god’s busy! :joy::joy:

  • It’s also good to see the points system at use already. It makes me feel like my choices matter early on.

  • Consider spot placing speech bubbles when Kandie was lying on the ground, so they point to her mouth.

  • The boat ride in episode 4… was that the fireflies overlay? If so, it would looks so cool if you moved the fireflies while they talked.

  • The questions were really great. I feel like the pace has evened out once again. Although, in reality asking about mental health on date 1 would be a little too soon.

  • Holy moly! That club scene. How did you code all that? I’m just imagining the headache.

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Hey Amber! I was wondering if you’d be willing to give your thoughts on what I have so far of my unpublished story, it’s only around 9 or so minutes though, so I hope I don’t disappoint with what I have. :sweat_smile:

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Send through the details/link

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Okay, thank you so much! :sparkling_heart:

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Name: Providence
Author: A.D. Summers
Genre: Fantasy Adventure
Number of episodes: 1 (ignore the second I was messing around with something lol)
Description: “Why does God even deal with us?” I never thought I’d know his answer, until I went to that mysterious town. After all, Providence is a greater mystery than Revelation. Limited CC (??? still debating)
Link:


Cover:

Side note: I know how much you said you hate author notes, but I couldn’t help but make one when I first started since this is my first story, haha :poop:

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Thank you, for the feedback. I’m still learning overlays. I haven’t grasp making them animated yet. The club scene was a spot template from Episode Assemble. I gave them credit in reader message but it moves so quickly. I will also check out that speechbubble.

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Oh I know the feels with overlays. I went back months later to add mine in because I could never understand them. And yeah, with the most recent update, i find the reader message is too quick, so I skip past it when I type these reviews. Hahaha

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Thanks! Yes, I wanted to write a story about a middle school teacher and what she goes through at school with the kids, but without having her career be a plot point, like in those teacher/student stories. I wanted her love interest to not be related to her career at all.

I initially started doing the thing with the zooms in the classroom so the readers focus on the kid talking and so that I don’t have to spot direct every other kid in the classroom. That would be a pain to do because I’d have to add desk overlays with each kid behind them… and since all of my kids have a part in the story, I can’t just use a classroom BG with extras. But I’m glad it works well. :slight_smile:

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@Teddysdollhouse - No changes after a year

  • You’ve probably read what I think about author notes…

  • This starts of really deep. Like I expect this to be dramatic.

  • I feel like there’s a few filler scenes so far that don’t contribute to the plot. I could be wrong if they become relevant later, but that’s how I feel right now.

  • I get the feeling Zen’s mother has died and perhaps nothing changes in a year refers to the year she’s been gone…?

  • Woah, maybe I was wrong. I have no idea what the dad is talking about, and it was probably not the best spot to end episode 1. For me, I would have needed a bit more context for Michael’s words to mean a cliff hanger. Also, I worry that if you took out the filler scenes, episode 1 would be super short.

  • Episode 2 with Hayden’s mother and him! That’s the right balance context and mystery. Honestly if you could make that the end of episode 1, it would draw more readers to continue reading.

  • Woah, the adoption totally caught me off guard!

  • End of episode 2 says a lot have people have asked you for CC, but since your story is unpublished… I’m just wondering if this is based off of you assuming that people will complain if there’s no CC?

Ok, so that was the first two chapters. I just want to say that you don’t need everything to be a mystery. It’s nice to hide some details from a reader, but you’ve got to give them breadcrumbs to make them interested too. I felt like I was missing just too much information to be fully invested.

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thank you very much for your review!
I’d like to ask which scenes felt like they were filler so I can try to improve them.
Some of my friends and other people who reviewed my story said that they would have liked the option to customize the characters. But maybe it’s not necessary to mention it at the end…

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It was the scene where Zen was walking back in episode one and then eventually gets a lift from his dad. Maybe if you reveal a bit more context, that would make it more significant? But it was just narration, so it kind of felt it could do without.

Also, ignore those friends and reviewers. CC isn’t necessary to have a good story and I think since yours appears to be more on the serious side, it actually suits it better to not have it anyway :slightly_smiling_face:

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Hi, can you review my story?

Details:
Title: Back to back
Author: Hamnah.episode
Episodes: 1
Genre: Romance/Action
Description: “You’re a spy and so is he but will you find out each others true identity and fall in love? Be carful, love is a dangerous game but you’ll have each others backs. I hope… (CC)”
Cover: Still being made, I really just want you to review my first episode.
I have these splashes that I want to use but they’re still in review.

These are right at the start.


And this is right at the end.

Thanks in advance

Link

Back to back link

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@a.d.episode - Providence

  • Well, the author note. I’m sorry but I just have to comment on it, because being your first story is not a good enough reason to add one in

  • Other then your author note, I liked the beginning. It was all deep and meaningful.

  • Hmmm… unfortunately she didn’t kill him? Well, now you’ve got my interest…

  • Just letting you know that Dominic’s elbow showed on screen during his shhh command.

  • I loved the running down the stairs scene with this new woman coming in now.

  • Well, episode one was not nearly enough actually content. I don’t know anything about the plot yet… It was good what you had, but not good enough to hook readers to continue.

In saying that, let me know when this is published, I like your style of writing, just need more :slightly_smiling_face:

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@Unicornlover346 - Back to back

  • For your first dress up game, try and keep the outfit names consistent. “flowery dress” starts with a lower case letter, while the others have a capital letter.
  • Also, it might work better to use the code to make the mother look like the avatar, like mom becomes MC and then changes only some of the features to the mature ones
  • Outside the school. try scaling the students a bit smaller in the background.
  • Your first choice was perfectly timed! And it was a choice that made sense too.
  • I like your second choice too, I’m not sure if it’s your first story or not, but if it is and I compare it to mine, the choices you give seem to give a better reader involvement than mine ever did. Hahaha!
  • Spotting in the shops is on point.
  • I love all your outfit options too.
  • Don’t forget to use your zooms. Certain scenes look better if you switch between close ups of the characters when they’re talking.
  • Wait what? Was that a flashback? I am confused.
  • For the flashback, to make it less confusing, try using filters and perhaps a fade to white transition.
  • It looks like somewhere in the bedroom scene, you spot placed a speech bubble and haven’t reset it.

Anyway, episode one was interesting, though it does need some refining with the flashbacks, but it would be something I’d be interested in when you eventually publish.

Yeah I just saw what you meant with the Shh animation, haha. And I know about the content, it’s only around half the length of what I had planned for the first episode, there is still A LOT more that I need to get covered in the first three or four episodes :sweat_smile:
Thank you so much for taking the time to check my story out and giving me your thoughts on it, and I’m glad you liked my writing, it means a lot to me! :sparkling_heart:

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