Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Yep.

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No specific scenes that I think I can mention, but if you watch it the whole way through, it’s all a wide shot screen so that you see full body. Perhaps when they’re girls are talking outside or when they go to a shops would be good places to add it?

Thanks

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Hello @amberose I would love to have your honest thoughts about my very first story.
Title: Through his eyes
Genre: drama/ romance
Description: A young writer finds inspiration in an unusual place. When her book becomes a bestseller and a movie, she’s forced to choose between the man of her dreams and her soaring career.

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1.Story title- KILL YOUR DREAMS
2.Short description - Anne lives the same day again and in the end she gets killed. Now she tries to find the killer. Story is filled with drama and romance.
3.Genre - Thriller
4.Style - Limelight
5.Chapters - 3
6.Link- http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4905142231891968
7.Cover-

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@Nelles - Through his eyes

  • To start off with, I noticed when the first two characters enter, they start of bigger and walk to place which makes them look like they go really small really quick. I think it would look better if you just started with them on screen, since having them walk to place doesn’t seem to affect the plot anyway.

  • I’m a little confused as to what’s going on with this “script” but I’m expecting it will make sense soon.

  • You’ve got a great use of overlays, but you are missing transitions. Sometimes it helps to have a clear distinction between scenes, and that’s where @transition fade out black will become your best friend!

  • I liked that you slipped CC into the story, instead of throwing it randomly at the beginning.

  • When MC writes the story, try scaling her a bit smaller so her feet end where the computer chair does - also for when she’s asleep at the desk too.

  • There was something that looked weird about their conversation at the fire station… I think Marcus and Scott were standing too far apart that it didn’t look natural… And then when Rick and John entered, they started off too big to walk down to where their spot was.

  • When Scott walks up to Liv’s door, first add in how many seconds it should take otherwise he looks like he’s shrinking too fast. Also, he needs to be scaled smaller once he’s at the door. Pay attention to where his feet and his head lines up to. He shouldn’t be bigger than the door.

  • I loved loved loved the way you made the smoke appear!

  • Watch the scaling again when they’re talking on the couch. Liv is sitting but it still looks as though her head will touch the roof.

  • Woah… Wait. I think it just clicked… So MC is writing a story and it’s about Liv? It’s like meta-theater almost.

  • Great length for a first episode.

  • At Starks, maybe switch up your background character’s so they don’t look so defaultish.

  • Ayo, I’m noticing the use of transitions a lot more now.

  • Also, keep your BG characters moving. Use some looping animations so they look like they’re in conversation.

  • OMG how cut is the balconies!!

  • Samantha is at the wrong layer when she goes to kiss Scott.

  • I went to start episode 3, but it ended there.

So final notes is to basically check all your scaling, because some scenes characters were too big. I think it’s quite an interesting plot, but prepare for people to not quite understand it at first.

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Thank you so much for your honest and very thorough review! I will take another look at the scaling. I think now that I have the zoom worked out, I am more confident in scaling down the characters!

I suspected the story may be a bit confusing at first.
How do you feel about the fact there’s no choices in the dream/story- parts? Can I do this for more chapters or should I abandon the dream? I have loads of stuff that can happen between Liv and Scott as their relationship develops, but don’t want it to become boring.

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Omg I didn’t even realise that until you pointed it out! Honestly, I love to have an equal balance of choices spread throughout episodes, but in saying that I literally don’t realise a story doesn’t have choices until I’m like 4 episodes in! Hahaha! So I think you can get away with it, but of course if there’s a good spot to add in a choice, go for it.

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@amberose

Hi Amber!

Thank you for making this thread, it’s really considerate to all writers.

Is it okay if I share my first episode in my (Currently unpublished) story? I only have worked on the first episode really haha.

Please let me know :slight_smile:

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@Penspaperanddreams1 - Elementals

  • This starts off really strong. The whole part of guessing where MC is was a great idea, it lets me know straight away that I need to pay attention.

  • I’m not always a fan of the second person point of view, but it works here so far.

  • Episode one was on the short side. I felt like not enough happened for me to know what it’s about.

  • Episode 2, the mother “pops” into the kitchen. I’m not sure if it’s intentional since before that you had a narrator bubble.

  • Mum says keeps calling MC “FIRSTNAME”. I think you forgot the brackets.

  • I loved the subway scene. It looks realistic. I’d just recommend to make your BG characters look fancier and less like the default ones.

  • I feel like the switching to spotlight really worked for the style of writing you have, since it’s heavily narrated. I wouldn’t mind if this turns into half cinematic, half spotlight.

  • I have been finding your episodes rather short, and considering I also think some of the recaps at the beginning have been too long, this means the actual episode is even shorter than what you think it is.

  • One of Rhea’s spells that you had a text effect on didn’t reset properly. It was a scene in the alleyway if this helps you find it.

  • Also, in the same alleyway scene, you need to be constantly on top of the layers. Whoever punches must be at a front layer

  • So when Rhea reveals she’s a witch, it looks like everyone on screen is facing the wrong way. You might went to check on that.

  • In the way to the fort, when the three of them are walking, it looks strange. You didn’t change it to a looping background and theu aren’t doing a walking talking animation either.

  • I also think it might have been stuck on a close up zoom and didn’t reset at the right point.

  • The riddle was a great idea!

  • When they went back in an elevator, there was a random blonde haired character in the middle and MC wasn’t there at all.

  • Episode 7’s directing was all over the place. If I were to guess, I’d say that you must not have reset your zoom properly. I couldn’t see much for the whole episode and I also found it far too short.

  • I think I just saw a character say JACOB (promo condescend) so just check that and fix up donor becomes a directing command

  • I enjoyed learning about all the elementals in the library scene.

  • There’s been a few scenes that are very crowded, you might want to spot direct it so that they all fit on screen without overlapping.

So to summarise, you’ll need to go back and fix the coding for the MC’s name and consider spot directing certain scenes mentioned. I found the plot very interesting, the type that I really have to pay attention to, or else I might miss something. And just for the record, I got Earth on your quiz haha

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Yes absolutely, send me the details

Here!

Thank you so much - There might be some glitches as I am still a relatively new Episode author :slightly_smiling_face:

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Hey!
Could you look at my story, please?

Title: Teacher or Queen?
Author: Mystique

This is my very first Episode writing experience so I am really excited about feedbacks I get. It means a lot to me and it helps me to improve my story.
I have only published the first chapter (and now I am slowly working on the second one) to get first impression feedback what to improve. I honesty believe that the first one is the most important one so I want to make it perfect. I still work on in and I try to make it better and better.
There is no description or cover yet, but I will add it in no time.

Thank you so much!

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Here are all of my details

Hi! I would love a review on my story!

Title: A Wish Come True
Description: Everything that Layla wishes for comes true, but she’s not the only one who’s experienced this. Will it become more than she can handle?
Genre: Drama, romance
Episodes: 3 (ongoing)

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Thank you so much for this! Ooh earth is very interesting. I have some big things I’m working on for that element as well as the others.

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Well, I’m excited now to hear that :laughing:

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Title: Thrill of the Hunt

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6661570308734976

Author: Azaria Sin or azariasin

Genre: Mystery; romance; thriller; plenty of comedic elements

Description: To find a serial killer hunting innocent women, you’re paired with someone unexpected! Will you navigate lust, betrayal and tragedy in this murder-mystery? CC! [MATURE]

Episodes: 10 (season 1 is finished), and on-going.

Instagram: azaria.episode

Cover (by elebuudraws on tumblr/insta)

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@Anna_Almast - KILL YOUR DREAMS

Hey Anna, so I’m a little bit terrified already! I don’t do well with scary stuff, so it’s very rare for me to read a thriller, although I am excited. The description reminds me of Happy Death Day…

  • I’m not sure what it meant with the premium outfit choice… Was that supposed to be a gem choice?

  • I’m not a fan of the transition you use, only because it still shows the previous scene while it’s transitioning. I would use those more to show a change in time, not a change in scene.

  • A couple of things I feel move too fast - one minute we’re freaking out about losing money, the next we’re talking about the invitation?

  • I loved ow you did her death scene. The overlays were great and the way you had the killer hiding but still peeking out was good.

  • Perfect place to end the first chapter, good job.

  • I understand the title now haha

  • Guillermo’s reaction when I choose to tell him should be a bit more exaggerated. Try and think how you’d react if your boss were to come to work one day claiming they were reliving the same day and were about to die…

  • Fight scene was pretty great. LL fight scenes usually bother me because they move so slow, but your placement was on point so I didn’t mind the slow speed.

  • I laughed at Anne when she snapped and said she already knew about the money hahaha!

  • I actually think you have the perfect plot in terms of ending chapters. Like it’s so easy to know where to end it and I have to give you credit because I used to struggle with that. It’s almost like you have a hack for it.

  • It was nice to see a bit more choices come into play. The walking-or-by-car choice, for example.

  • Great costume party spotting! I haven’t seen much of the DD animations, so it was cool to see a bunch of them here too.

  • Nice twist there with Josh.

  • The balcony scene was clever. I really like what you did there.

  • Amy looks like an alien almost lol.

  • I do like that you are also mixing it up by having her try to do different activities now.

  • I LOVED everything about how you did truth or dare!

  • Loved the haircut dare.

  • I liked how in the flashack, you gave Anne different hair. I was going to ask why she was so blonde when her sister was a red head, so I’m glad you revealed a meaning.

My final note is just that the choice of transition really bothered me. I did actually really enjoy this, but I don’t know what it is about the transition that just didn’t do it for me. Of course, that’s totally irrelevant to the story though, so don’t feel pressure to change it

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Thank you so much :heart: I’m just trying to fix my transitions.

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