@mystique_writer - Teacher or Queen?
Before I get proper started, can I just say… What a story title that is! Without knowing anything, I feel like this could be a story about mistaken identity? Anyway, sounds like there could be drama…
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So in the first scene, I am so distracted by Darja/Liz’s pants. I’m waiting to see if there’s a reason she’s wearing dirty jeans.
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YES! He asked why! Thank goodness!
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So I am confused at why she’s said her name is Liz.
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Also confused if this is a love interest or if this is to somehow set the scene for the actual plot?
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I’d just add that so far you haven’t used any zooms. Since you’ve only got the two characters on screen so far, you might want to mix it up with some close-ups
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So I chose to “kiss Dan” and I was a little surprised that you narrated the kiss instead of animating it.
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Wait… So that was a dream? Or a memory? Or a princess pretending to be a normal person for a night?
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Ok, so I’m thinking it was the last one now. That was a little confusing but it clicked eventually.
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So for the first episode, I’m not sure if enough was revealed about the plot to really hook your readers in. Is the story about her trying to live a normal life at night? I think maybe an extra scene for some more clarity is needed and then your first episode will feel a lot more rounded out.
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I’m curious to know what time period this is set in… The two girls fighting outside make it look more modern because of their dress and hair.
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Did Queen Darja just go outside in the same clothes she slept in? hahaha
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When the queen gets dressed and walks to the little sofa thing in the middle of the wardrobe, she looks a little too tall. Maybe scale her a bit smaller? See where her head is and try to imagine if the room was in real life, would she bump her head on the ceiling?
Ok, so that brings me to the end of chapter 2. I won’t read three as per the story description. I think you’ve got a great hold on directing and you’ve done your character development very well. There’s only two things that I think need to be addressed and I feel like you’d only need to add a couple more scenes to have it fixed:
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Teacher or Queen? The title… Where does the teacher aspect come in to play? And why is it phrased as a question? If this will be explained in later chapters, that’s totally fine, you’re the author and I’m sure you have a plan. But from a readers perspective I feel like you need to subtly drop in things like that in the first episode so your readers have a hint of what to expect.
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I felt like episode 1 and 2 were completely different. There wasn’t much of a relationship or tie between the two episodes. I think if someone were to read episode 1, and then run out of time for episode 2 so they return to it the next day, they’d probably be confused as to what happened to Dan. So again, maybe some added scenes are needed in episode one to introduce all your important characters