@fluffyrice - Loving You Again
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Sorry to start your review this way but man I hate author notes!
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Hmm, based off of the year and location of this story I feel like I’m going to have a huge connection to the female MC! (And yes, I did look up the place they moved to to see if these fictional people live near me… It’s made up, isn’t it?)
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I like that you’ve used a filter for your first scene - it always gives a little insight as to how advanced you can expect a story to be if they’re utilising some of the special effects this early on.
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This is me just being picky, but if you feel advanced enough, maybe add some BG characters in the hallways. Since she’s not running late, I imagine there’s be a few more people wondering the halls.
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And when she does go to class, have her walk rear towards the door.
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The spotting is a little weird when Sierra meets Dayna after school. Sierra looks smaller but is a layer in front Dayna.
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“I’m still a virgin” !?! Good! She’s in year 7!
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I bet the guy is Peter… Or I hope so anyway, because DRAMA!
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I was right! Yay!
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Noooooooo ANOTHER AUTHOR NOTE?! You’re killing me… Love that outro splash though. Very clever!
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Another author note… You know if people are binge reading, like I am right now, there going to be seeing back to back author notes, so if you really want to do one every beginning and ending of each chapter, try and keep them brief.
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So in the cafe, maybe considering adding some close up zooms. I find with three or more characters on screen, sometimes only two are talking and the other character/s just kind of look awkward and frozen. So maybe zoom on whoever’s talking until Dayna leaves?
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I would have loved to have seen a bit more banter and hate between Sierra and Peter before that little time skip. I just love frenemy ships, so I wanted to see more!
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Aha, that was a funny scene with the banana (fun fact: my school separated the boys and girls PE classes in year 8, because we did sex ed that year and for some reason didn’t want both genders to be in the same room for it lol)
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Due to the time skip, it felt a little random for the girls to care if Peter still liked Dayna. I imagine if we’d seen more of their year 7 friendship, that question would have been answered in that time.
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Woah! That outfit choice! You know the one I am talking about
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Casually bumbing into your mum’s friend at the shops where they “catch up” for what feels like hours is REALISM right there!
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Just thought this conversation might interest you. I am bias against author notes, but there are some people who like them, so perhaps this topic will give you ideas on how people other than me feel about them (since I am worried you are overdoing it)
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I was a little surprise the next chapter didn’t continue with anything at the mall.
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Wait, they’re really only figuring out they were childhood friend’s after a year? (Since based on a true story, I have to ask… Really took you a year to figure out?)
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Now this is more like it! Loving the cafe scene where they fight!
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Another realistic touch I’ve noticed is how the kids still get lifts home. It’s true to their age.
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So I’ve just been credited a new pass so I guess you have edited something? Oh a new cover too. Wow, crazy timing.
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Oooh some background characters in the hallway… That wasn’t there before…
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Um huh at the ending is right! What the heck? Hahaha (ohhhh… It was a dream!)
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Nice shoutout to HJ there.
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I love all these subtly puberty remarks.
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I’ve noticed you use the word “confess” a fair bit when character’s are talking about flirting or admitting they like someone. Since it’s not really a common term used, maybe consider having that be one character’s go-to word for it, and use a different term when a different character is talking about it.
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Alex confessing is giving me second hand embarrassment.
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Yes yes yes… The over the shoulder recorded scene is EVERYTHING… But then Sierra was at the wrong layer when she left the park. Bring her up a layer and it would be perfect!
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I love how your chapter description revolves around the mufti day. That was how my life felt on mufti days, they were so important. American’s would never understand.
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The fart… I have to ask… Is that part based on the true story? (Side note: such a random scene!)
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Sierra needed to be moved back a layer when she was washing her hands
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Be wary of looping animations when Sierra is on the phone at the mall. She looks like she’s still talking when Dayna’s lines come up.
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Was going to comment on how hella awkward that whole episode was! Everything that could go wrong for Sierra did go wrong. But that was a cute ending… I would suggest, maybe when you get more advanced with your directing to spend more time on that spin the bottle scene. Switching up angles and zooms could make it look really pro!
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Dayna looks scaled slightly too large on the couch.
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Yes! Cheering that you’ve done a seniors uniform!
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I really liked your winter dress up options
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Spotting outside the store was perfectly scaled!
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Inside the store, I’d say it’s worth the extra effort to get the overlays for the shelves/counter so when Sierra walks to the shelf, her elbows don’t stick out.
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It’s like a true 7/11 not having an attendent there
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I am experiencing so much second hand embarrassment at that pocky game
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In the movie Daniel and Ally’s kiss had a weird pause. Are you using “THEN” in your script to have it flow better?
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Ugh just cringing so hard at Sierra getting friendzoned basically
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I liked your test options “your mum’s chest hair”
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Also liked for the test, you didn’t use class backgrounds. True Aussies always had to go to the hall for their tests haha
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I liked your directing at the clothes store, because you maneuvered it in such a way that you don’t need the overlays
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OMG double cringe at seeing a teacher outside of school dressed like that!
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Wow, Kimberly’s text messages are sent on my birthday! Trippy
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Awkward moment when one of Kimberly’s dress options is what Sierra is wearing
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Party spotting was on point!
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Oh gosh, Dayna’s mum
If there was an award for most cringe scenes, you’d win -
Dayna’s mum needed to move forward a layer btw.
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Dun dun dunnnnn! Cliff hanger ending for that episode…
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I quite like this “getting to know other characters” bit. Idk if it was necessary, but it’s nice, and I like the little backgrounds you’ve made to make it feel like a school photos book or something.
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Also noting the convenient timing of you doing this when the last episode ended with a kiss…
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Weird, I actually knew who half your shoutouts were before you explained them.
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Song lyrics: You’re only allowed a maximum of 4 lines per episode… Timothy was two lines over the limit. Careful.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The karaoke “video”. Just the way you used the curtain transition was so accurate.
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Er, I know episode animations are limited, but I feel as though Peter and Sierra look too depressed, when they should look more “awkward” instead of sad.
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Ohh technically Alex can’t sing because of the song lyrics line limit.
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Nice directing when Vivian’s mum comes in. I liked the fall and then how you got Peter and Sierra to peek out from behind the table.
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You know when they sit on the bench, “Kristine” is narrating. Is that how it’s supposed to be or is it just force of habit to type that since it’s you?
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Birthday cake scene is another great example of your directing skills. Good spotting, nice use of overlays and all the layers were spot on.
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Your train background is the epitome of Sydney!
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Ok, so when I first started your review, I think I said something about the timeskip in year 7 how I felt it was too soon or something? (I’m too lazy to see what I wrote) Anyway, I get it now what you’re going for anf these time jumps are ok, because they’re constant throughout your story. I do still think I would have liked to have seen more of year 7, but now this far along in this story, it’s still fine without it.
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I really liked your backgrounds for the years changing and photos, that was super cute!
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One thing though is that I felt like choices were scarce and didn’t influence the story too much. You had a few ones that felt like they would have changed the scene a bit if I had chosen another option. Outfit choices are fine, but choices for what food to eat (even though we’ve all done it at some point) are one way to tell when an author doesn’t have choices that heavily matter and they’re only including because they feel like they need some choices. I would recommend instead to give readers choices on how to respond to questions and such. It won’t change the story line too much, if at all, but your readers will still feel like they’re making Sierra their own. Example of this would be during spin the bottle, when Sierra has to kiss Peter - choices" “ew, yuck!” or “I guess this won’t be so bad” - see how she’ll still kiss Peter either way? But your readers will still feel like they have a better attachment to Sierra because they’ve been given a choice about the situation.
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Overall, a cute story. Pretty realistic tbh, even though it made me cringe so much at times!!!