@MonicaCristina - Dear Lilly
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So before I start, I just noticed that you requested this exactly a month ago, and said you had 4 episodes and now you have 7, so you must be really fast with updates!
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NOOOOOOOOOO not an author’s note at the beginning!
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I’m not too sure on this, but I believe a test won’t say someone has amnesia, it would just show head trauma and the doctors would diagnose her with amnesia after talking to her and asking questions. Not positive, but I am pretty sure scans and things won’t show amnesia, so you might want to change the wording.
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I like that you have staff in the background of the hospital.
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In the second scene Damien is in the wrong zone when he’s on the phone. Was that so we don’t see his face?
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Love that when she finds out her age, she reacts because she’s almost 30. Lol
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When Ryder enters, and Lilly wants him to be her fiance (which I am totally 100% on board with! This is going to be dramatic, I just know it), she says “PLEASE TELL HE HIS MY FIANCE” but I think you meant to say: PLEASE TELL ME HE’S MY FIANCE
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What scandalous first choice you’ve given your readers hahaha… Although, why didn’t her sister stop them?
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I like that you’ve used a filter in your flashback, but watch your BG characters. Some of them were scaled way off with their sizing.
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Damien’s letter… Well, all I’ll say is if my boyfriend/fiance of three years couldn’t get past his insecurities to see me in hospital, it wouldn’t matter how cute the recreating the dates idea is, I’d be angry. So you can bet I’m on team Ryder! I’m actually now wondering if all these letters (which I’m guessing are pretty important because of the title) are going to lead Lilly straight into Ryder’s hands…
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In the next flashback, young Lucy needs to be brought forward a layer
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( I chose not to get back at Rose)… I hate when a choice gets rejected! But I like that you acknowledged it, so I’ll let it slide… -
THEY CUT HER HAIR?? Not cool…
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In the next flashback at the park, your BG characters need to be scaled smaller
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Omg yes at everything that was the ending of episode 2. I love how you’ve been doing your flashes for the transitions of the flashbacks. And you’ve kept the same filter for consistency. Most of all I love that Lilly agrees with me. She is totally team Ryder and is low-key angry at Damien, so I am very happy.
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After the next flashback/memory, when we come back to the present, Lilly is wearing different clothes
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When Monica does the flirt_fingersnap animation to get that ending look, I see her hand when it’s zoomed in Lilly. Maybe face her the other way for the animation then turn her around again
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Lilly switches outfits again at the beginning of episode 5. It wasn’t what I had her wearing…
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So when they get to the restaurant and Lilly sees Adam, have her face rear like the others are. Otherwise it doesn’t actually look like she’s seen him.
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Lol, I’m just imagining how long your script must be for the restaurant scene since you have Lily doing so many animations while the narration goes. It looks good.
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I needed more time to read Damian’s second letter!
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Oh, you’re narrating the note, nevermind…
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Dr Hottie looks a lot like what Damien looks like from behind
I wonder… -
Wait! WTF pregnant?? Ooooh! You know I love that she’s 29 and pregnant. So much more realistic than other episode stories who would have made their MC a teen.
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Even though I still despise author notes, I laughed at this one after you said that about it “becoming another pregnancy story”. It’s a shame you have to mention that, because if they app wasn’t flooded with teen pregnancy, you wouldn’t need to assure people that you’ve still got more coming.
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Ooooh this thunderstorm looks hectic! Nice directing.
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Wait, she lost the baby already?
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I think you must just like that style of hair and jawline combined together because the doctor, Damian and Adam all sort of look similar.
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Usually I know from the get-go who I’d chose for an MC for her LI but I’m actually struggling with this because now I like Adam too.
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Adam’s sleeping with his glasses on?
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Ok a really minor thing, but Lilly running on the beach whilst wearing high heals?? Hahahha, impossible!
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Run away with Lilly? But why? What about her job? And check ups at the doctors about her amnesia?
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I wanted to ask where you got your blanket overlay from? It looks so much like the one I have for one of my stories
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Every time Lilly walks to the dresser, she’s walking back but facing forwards. Have her walk_rear
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So I’ve read this over the course of two days and I’m pretty pleased with where I’m at now with Ryder. I do want to see where this goes because I thought the title sort of meant the letters would be continuous throughout the whole thing. But I trust you have a plan for this anyway.
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Only note I would add as an overall thing is sometimes you had capital letters for words that didn’t need to have a capital letter as they were in the middle of a sentence. I only saw it maybe 4 or 5 times, so it was nothing major to worry about, just keep an eye out when editing.