@Queen_Faith - Fantastical: Falling From Grace
Hey guys (not sure if you had an episode royalty forum account to tag, or who else is members)
Anywho… I think I remember seeing when your group was being formed on the old forums if I’m correct? So it’s cool that I get a chance to review you now.
- Straight into it and Idk if this counts as a minor or major change in episode’s eyes, but once I finish customizing Celeste (love the name btw, have used it in one of my own stories), she doesn’t leave the screen when Tristan comes on. She’s walking on the spot behind him
- Also, my hate for author notes at the beginning will never cease, so I would tell you to get rid of that, but also I feel like it kind of works considering you guys are a group so intros like that make sense… So what you make of my comment here is really up to you guys.
- Your splash was super cool how you used the characters at the bottom and animated them.
- Ooh, nice knife you got there.
- And the wound overlay is cool too.
- I like that you’ve used filters to distinguish between past and present.
- I feel like in this flashback scene, the characters walk one by one and it looks a little off. I guess in real life, you wouldn’t wait for someone to get into one spot, before you started moving, you know? Just keep that in mind.
- There was a little too much panning back in forth in the board room scene for my liking. Actually made me feel a little dizzy. Just one pan from zone 1 to zone 3 is enough and then use cuts to zoom on queen and then Jay. The rest of the cuts in this scene are fine.
- Queen Eleanor 's mouth looks so weird. This is more of an issue with Episode and nothing about your story, but do you guys see the grey marks on the side and under the bottom lips? Tsk tsk Limelight…
- I like that the plot kicks in basically straight away. Like, I already know this story will be about Tristan attending The Academy
*Btw, I think instead of creating a name like Hogwarts, you went down the universal road of naming your school The Academy. It’s like kind of clever, because you’re not making your readers try and remember some made-up long-ass fancy name. But also it would have been cool to see some made-up long-ass fancy name. - It’s awesome that you’ve made choices matter. That’s really good for a contest entry.
- OMG! The loading bar on your splash! So cool. Idk if I saw that on the beginning. I nearly fell out of my seat. It lags in the same place as the episode ones lol.
- The first episode was pretty short, but again that’s supposed to be a good tactic for contests. Although after the contest, you might want to go back and revisit that to see if you can add more.
- I don’t like that I got to add myself into the story, but that is probably just a me thing. The more stories the read, the less I like actually being in a story. I can see 13 or 14 year olds loving this though!
- The Queen looks really good for age. Assuming she had her kid in her twenties, she must be like 40 something?
- I don’t know why I’m drawing this comparison, but this reminds me of Langdon’s H&V contest entry Live and Let Love. Or Love and Let Live… (I have no idea what it was called lol) Maybe it’s because she’s the one that came up with the short episode theory for contests and that’s what you guys have. Or maybe it’s because they both give me olden day vibes, I really don’t know.
- You phone scene looks so pro!
- The zooming between Celeste and dad/pregnant mum in the flash back was a little annoying. It’s the same thing with the panning from before. I think after the first zoom, the rest could have been in zero seconds.
- The speechbubbles in this particular flashback good do with a bit of spot directing. I’m fairly sure this is a minor thing you can edit during the contest btw. Just need young Celeste’s bubble to match up.
- I noticed in the flashback Tristan’s hair didn’t change to what I changed it to. I guess I could explain that by saying Tristan in the present day dyed his hair?
- Omigawd, I’ve been so distracted by your fake loading bar that I didn’t even realize your splashes were changing. Side note… I hope this is something you continue throughout all your stories!
- I know I’ve been grilling you about your panning, but how it’s done when Celeste makes her decision is good
- Careful with having your background characters/extras talk. It looks kind of weird to have display name “randomperson1”, you know?
- I love the… randomperson3 (?) answering the door and then basically moon walking backwards hahaha.
- I have a theory that Tristan’s dad was not the real killer, but I’m sure you cannot confirm or deny this for me.
- Small issue in episode 3 with Alice. The scene and the table overlay pop up and then you do a transition fade in. Make sure you’re using your '&'s here so it flows.
- Also, why are there so many donuts in this house. There’s some on the plate for dinner and then some on the kitchen counter too.
- In this next flash back, Tristan and his mum hugging is a bit off. It shows the scene with the mum and then fades in and the Tristan ‘pops’ in.
Overall, this is pretty good. I think it ticks all the boxes for a contest entry and there were only a few minor errors. For future episodes, I’d really like to see the council explored a bit further. Who are the members of the council and how did they get to that position? Stuff like that.