Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Hahahaha, I know some people like them so I’ve tried to not be as harsh about them lol. Most of yours were only doing the warnings anyway, though I did notice you went to the effort to chnge clothes each time, so wow! I can see why you might be tired of them.

Yes, I did. Problem with the way I do reviews is I sometimes look like an idiot for thinking one thing and then many dot points later I realise the truth.

Oooh, I totally get that since your characters are a lot older to what most other episode stories are

This has got me so intrigued, because I full on thought I knew where you were going and now I’m just like… Yeah, I have no clue. So many different directions you could go…

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I just wanted to ask what you thought about the length of the episodes?

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It was the perfect length for me. I think episode 1 felt the shortest, and I noticed a subtle increase in length as each episode went on. But it’s not like the first one was so short that it’s worth complaining about, so I stick by my original statement of it being the perfect length

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Thank you so much!
You were so helpful!
If you’re ever in Portugal, we should go for coffee :slight_smile:

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Aw, you’re so welcome. I’m glad I could assist.
Absolutely! :smile: I’ll start searching flights haha

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@Mthoenen - The Final Girl

  • I like that you start off with some custom backgrounds and overlays, but the excess white on the car is a bit distracting.

  • I’d also recommend to spot direct your speechbubbles for that first scenes so we know where the voices are coming from. i.e the car.

  • I love how many subtle omen’s I’m picking up on. Like of course they won’t be using their phones and of course it’s in thee middle of nowhere. It’s set up just the way a true scary story would be.

  • I don’t really think it’s necessary to pan over every room. I’m sure if the room is important, it will be incorporated later in the story, so you don’t need to do it for every single bedroom at the beginning.

  • I think I saw a typo but I tapped too quickly to double check. “Better to lose it this weekend then never” Then should be than.

  • Aw that was a really short first episode! I haven’t learn enough about the characters or the dynamics of the friendships yet.

  • “If I end u dying out here…” Another omen perhaps? I’d put money on it that she is the first to be bopped off.

  • Just a little something extra to add… Have your characters face rear sometimes to look at the view and such. They don’t always need to face the screen, because it makes them look like they aren’t properly enjoying the scenery and nature.

  • And it just looks like half of them walked on air to get to the edge of the cliff. Try spotting them off screen and walking them into place instead of using the enters command. That way, you can stop them from looking like giants that are shrinking too quickly when they are walking to the spot.

  • Yes, I like that you swapped out for a different background to show how they were looking at the view! And now it also feels like we’re getting some more alone time with Grayson.

  • Careful with the layers. Jess and Kian both swapped their layers after they walked in so it looked kind of weird.

  • Episode 2 's length is getting there… But I’m still not sure that it was quite long enough.

  • Ok, so I obviously don’t trust this Shawn person.

  • When you have big groups of characters, it’s sometimes better to take advantage of zooms. If you zoom in on he characters that are talking, you don’t notice that the others are in the background just standing still.

  • I loved this interaction:
    “What do you think about Shawn?”
    “Kind of creepy”
    LIKE YES!!! Quinn is smart!

  • There’s a few layering issues I’ve seen so far. Luckily they don’t affect the story too much, but it’s things like the end of someone’s elbow being behind someone else’s foot. Just make sure if they’re in the background, to have there layers small numbers, and if they’re up close to the screen use higher numbers for layers.

  • Riley’s explanation of why Jess wants Quinn to do it with Grayson is SO weird… If it’s true, Jess is crazy and I don’t trust her.

  • Don’t forget to remove the drink prop!

  • Nothings going to ever happen" should be nothing’s

  • Lol, what?! Jess and Grayson doing it on the edge of a cliff? Hahaha kinky…

  • When you do your recap for episode 5, Shawn and Quinn are already in their underwear…

  • holy crap I just realised how terrible it is. Quinn doesn’t even know Shawn. Smh!

  • Some of the blood overlays are kind of delayed when getting to their spot. Make sure all your script commands are like this:
    &overlay GETOUT shift to spot XYZ
    &overlay GETOUT scales to XYZ
    That should avoid the split second delay.

  • Ok, so I am confused at how Quinn all of a sudden was at the asylum… I thought it was a dream tbh.

  • Also, all your characters need to change their outfits for the flashback to what they were wearing when they met Shawn. (Jess is in her underwear LOL)

  • Plea of insanity…? So that means he’s probably a serial killer who avoided jail time by claiming he was crazy… OMG Quinn lost her v-card to him HAHAHAHA

  • What? It was a dream? Oh… Maybe consider using a filter to make this clearer? Also Quinn is still wearing the clothes she wore in the dream.

  • WHAT?! It might not have been a dream? WTF are you doing to my head, girl? This is one massive mind game now.

  • And that’s where you leave your ending for chapter 5??? Mean!

Anyway, that was a pretty interesting start I think. Episode 1 was pretty short. I think the first 3 were, tbh and if you have time, maybe go back and add some extra scenes - just things that would help your readers get to know all the characters a little better. I think 4 and 5 were a good length though.
I didn’t pick up on too many choices now that I think about it, so maybe if you added in some choices to those first three episodes, it could help you add some length?
But I will say, you have drawn my interest enough that I will continue to read to find out whether this was a dream or not lol

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Thank you I really appreciate it! I’ll definitely go back to the beginning chapters and fix everything!

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Hey there! I’d love a review :wink:

Title: Echo Creek
Genre: Adventure
Author: Jade R.
Episodes: 4 (more to come)
Description: Being sent off to an odd town is a dream for you. But what happens when that dream quickly deteriorates into a nightmare? Lives are at stake here, specifically yours.
Instagram: @writingwithjade
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5187200149225472

Cover Thanks to @hexagonepi for this amazing cover!:

Demi_Lovato_S2Bp_posterThumb_Zgd7cunkJJ

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@mystique_writer Teacher or Queen? continuation

Sorry it took me a little while to get back to this! Since now you have 5 episodes, I’m just going to go from 3-5…

  • I’m a little confused at why there was a whole scene with the barista if the meeting’s location was going to be changed anyway…

  • Ok, so I got a phone call when the interview was starting, so when I open the app back up, now Darja and Daniel are in the wrong zone… Not sure if it’s just a glitch because I answered my phone…

  • Well now after the zoom in, they’ve moved back to their spots…

  • It feels kinda random that Darja goes with him to the lake.

  • Theo needs to be scaled a wee bit smaller when he’s on that island bit.

  • Feels even more random for Darja to be there now that Daniel’s whole family is there…

  • I love the promise of an explanation in the next episode because I am still terribly confused… That’s Darja’s son now?

  • Can I just say, I love that she’s reading and sitting on the table? In all the time I’ve been on episode, I’ve never seen them sit like that. It’s refreshing. Looks cool.

  • Wait, they have their first kiss after A YEAR!? Wow, that’s a long time to wait haha

  • Your zooms on the 5th flashback were fantastic. Great directing there.

  • When young Daniel says “that was awesome” after they do it, young Darja, is still doing the kiss dip animation so it looks kinda weeird. Make sure you have her doing like shiftweight or idle animation instead.

  • Together almost three years and never used protection?! Gah, this annoys me to no end! Please edit this some way. It might sound silly, but if younger readers are reading this, they might get the impression that they don’t need protection, when it’s actually super important!

  • So the flashback episode was very long - though I don’t think you need to be sorry about that, no one is going to complain that it’s longer than usual - but it felt a little rushed at the end. After Darja almost dying, it felt like it was on fast forward. the first 2 flashbacks I was still confused at, but now at the end of the episode I feel like I understand a lot more.

  • There’s a few layering issues in the garden scene, mostly in zone 3 with the tree that looks like it should be in front but isn’t.

  • The choice to pick the students’ personality is interesting. I’ve never seen that before. Very good job.

  • I don’t have much to add for episode 5 - with the choices for which student to pick and what not, it made the whole episode a decent length, so nice job. I definitely have a better understanding of the whole Teacher or Queen thing now, as that was what really confused me before hahaha

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Thank you for reading and sharing your opinion!
I think the wrong zone had to be a glitch but I still looked at that just in case. I also checked the scene in chapter 4 and tried to fix it.
Daniel just wanted to introduce his son to the new teacher because he just a had chance to do it in informal environment and let’s say that it is quite important to him to do it right away. This is something about his personality and the whole character, but as a headmaster, he feels like he has special responsibility toward his son and the relationship between his son and his new teacher. He just want to make sure she knows from the beginning to avoid awkward situations in the future.
I wouldn’t say, I was a long time to wait :smile: it was just a natural process and natural transition and it often takes some long time to find to courage to admit the truth. I personally think that hey had enough time during the year to figure everything about their feeling right. For her there were also different factors that she needed tithing of before confessing her love.
That way their decision to never use a protection which to me is completely fine because everyone has the right to choose what they want and how they want to live their life. And mostly they can speak about it… This is just their relationship and their “rules”. Their choice. But fine, I added some line to explain this but I won’t delete it because I think it is also very important thing to show.

Thank you for your thoughts and your tips, it is once gain very helpful :slight_smile:

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@pheebsnomenal - Opposite in Harmony

  • So I’m a little confused to start off with, but in a good kind of way that will make me read on

  • The first thing I noticed is you haven’t used transitions, which I think if you added them in could really help illustrate that you’re retelling the past.

  • So I hate author notes, so naturally I’m not really a fan of the author narrating that “this is what happened in the past and now here’s your chance to customize”. I just feel like it ruins the illusion of the story, but if that’s something you’ve continued throughout the story, then it’s probably necessary to keep it.

  • I do really love how you mess around with the filters

  • For your extra characters, try changing them from the stock one episode provides to make them unique. Just change a few facial features and/or their default outfits

  • The easter egg and the backgrounds in the cave were great ways to take advantage of the episode backgrounds and props. You used them for things others wouldn’t even think of! I thought it was clever.

  • “This is just a leaf” LOL

  • Ok so in the park, there was a couple of layer issues when people were exiting the screen so just watch for that.

  • I liked how you used the dirty dancing animations to demonstrate Aimee casting her spell.

  • Quick question, why is Aimee’s display name “You” ?

  • I’m actually super into the whole angels topic of this story (I totally wrote a monologue for my year 12 final performance in drama all about angels, so yeah), so I always find it interesting to see other people’s take on it. I was not expecting it to start heading in this direction hahaha.

  • So Aimee has started to blush uncontrollably now… Does that mean she’s attracted to the demon brothers? Because she’s never really said anything to make me think so.

  • Previously I mentioned liking the dirty dancing animation being used to preform “powers” but with the brother fight in the rain, it’s getting a bit confusing and the characters seem to be moving to their spots in an awkwardly fast way.

  • A few of your choices so far have made me feel like they might have had huge impacts on the story! It’s actually made me wonder what would have happened if I’d chosen the other thing. Especially now, when I’ve decided to save the brother instead of follow him. Since Aimee’s still blushing, I’d say she is attracted to these demon brother’s, yeah?

  • It’s really bothering me that there’s no transitions… I know it might seem small, but a simple fade in and fade out makes a big difference.

  • The scene with the goblins- I found Aimee was scaled a bit too big, especially when she was searching the area. Then when the goblins entered, then went from really big to miniature. Might be better to spot them off screen and then walk to spot instead of entering if you want them to be small the entire time.

  • When Devin and Aimee are lying down, make sure Aimee is at layer 2 and Devin is at layer 1

  • Even though you haven’t been using transitions between scenes, using the filters and fading in and out of that when the characters are changing their clothes looks so cool.

  • I think the Grave vs Danny vs Aimee has been the best fight scene yet.

  • Nice improvisation for the menus.

  • Omg! Drama. All these Angels and Demons are about to fight. (btw, I think I see you -the author- as a devil, and you’re actually at the wrong layers hehe)

  • When Devin and Aimie leave the restaurant, there was a kind of delay where there was only the background visible and then they popped in to the screen. Make sure when you set the scene you have “&” commands instead of “@” so that they will start in the scene automatically.

  • Woah! She thinks she’s in love with Devin?! I mean, I know my choices lead her down this path, but wow. I still didn’t expect that.

  • Lol at Hannah fainting! Hahahaha.

  • Episode 6 felt shorter than normal. Nothing wrong with that. Just an observation

  • Ooh! Hannah reappears. I like her and Danny together. They’re cute.

  • Be careful with your layers. Unknown just ran in-between the tape overlay and Hannah. It sorts ruins the illusion.

  • I just realised you don’t have your story title on your covers… Was there a reason you left it off? I just think it would be handy since I keep forgetting the name of this story as I’m reading it.

  • BRUCE MARS :joy:

  • As soon as I saw “body expansion” I knew what was coming, but that kick was perfectly times too. Nice job.

  • Omg that cliff hanger at the end of episode 8 is PURE EVIL… And I literally just ran out of passes too so now I have to wait.

  • Ace??? Wtf? I mean, I knew it was someone blonde, and I had slightly wondered why Aimie was going out dancing when she probably should have been more concerned about where her brother had disappeared too… Damn, I should have out these clues together myself. Ugh!

Ok, so I’ve reached the end. Just to summarize a few things you might want to fix up: add in transitions between scenes (especially if it’s changing to a new day), be wary of your characters and overlays’ layers and consider spotting character off screen instead of using the “enter” and “exit” commands to avoid them from growing and shrinking when they’re not supposed to.

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You know what, I think as a read on it made sense now for Daniel’s character. I think it was just at first I found it odd to do the whole introduction since I was still learning his characteristics.
And I also think after you explain it, considering she’s next in line for the throne, I suppose she would have to go at a slower pace compared to say, us commoners hahaha.
Though I’m still going to stick by my thing about protection. Idk how it makes sense for them to not use it at least once for three years! The thing about it being their choice or their rules is kind of what throws me. Can you explain what you mean a bit more so I can understand and possibly help you re-word it so that it doesn’t give the young ones on the app the wrong ideas?
And actually I can’t remember, did you say this was set in modern times? If it’s modern times, then I think they would use protection because it’s so heavily encouraged nowadays, especially amongst young adults, to use protection. If it’s in older times, well, depending on how far back, protection wouldn’t have existed anyway.
At the end of the day, it’s your story so if you have a plan for this “no protection” thing that means you can’t cut it out or change it, then you can leave it the way it is. But I just think for a princess, it would seem kind of reckless to not use protection.

And you’re welcome, glad I could help… (even if one of my pointers was just from a glitch on my phone this time around hahaha)

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Hey Amber!

Just to let you know,

I have revamped my story a bit and made Tristan’s encounter a bit more lusty than before haha

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Ooooh :wink:

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Hi

If you could read mine to?

Jlouise xx

https://forums.episodeinteractive.com/t/new-story-released-http-episodeinteractive-com-s-5219624548171776

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Hi Amber I’ve been reading one of the boys lately, I love it! Just a suggestion, is it possible you can redo lip colour recustomization? After the skin update, the lip colours don’t seem to match the skin as well. Thanks! Again I love your story. :slight_smile:

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@Jurevicha - Midnight Memories

  • Well, if you’ve read my OP and some of the other reviews I’ve done here, you can guess what I’m about to say - the author note! If you really must address the audience, can I suggest not to list excuses? Don’t tell your readers that English isn’t your first language and don’t tell them there’s no advance directing. It sounds like you’re putting down your story. Instead, skip it all together. Maybe do some splashes or a moving intro of sorts? An author’s note is really not needed anyway.

  • Ok, so I’m fine with limited CC but you say you recommend for people to leave it on the gold choices anyway? To me, that sort of defeats the purpose. Sure there are some annoying people who refuse to read unless there’s CC, but if you envision your story with certain characters, I say leave it and don’t even offer CC.

  • My final note on the first episode is… Well, the fact that your first episode was just that. An author’s note and limited CC (that you don’t even sound keen on including) is not the best way to draw your readers in. Can I ask why you didn’t also include some of the storyline in the first episode?

  • With the characters introductions, it does get a bit tedious to have them all explained in one conversation. Then when we’re taking to the cafeteria, Ayla can already tell who is who? I think either introducing them at the cafeteria or maybe having Naomi show “photos” of them (you could just use screenshots for this or the overlays that episode provides) would keep the story’s pace moving.

  • What? Who hates flashbacks? Also, who cares if someone doesn’t like a flashback? It’s your story.

  • In the flashback, be wary of your BG characters. One of them is at the wrong layer so their arm is covering someone else’s. Also consider changing up their style? A few of them just look too much like the default characters. It only takes a few seconds to change some of the features to make them look brand new.

  • Lilly’s layer! She needs to be a higher number than Ayla since she’s in front.

  • Ok, so I felt the flashback ended up relying a bit too much on narration. It didn’t really grip me and it was just a lot of info in one go. Ayla went from dork to bully to anorexic to bullied dork again.

  • Don’t forget to animate your BG characters. Looping animations are great for this.

  • So I read anorexic in your story’s description and I was wondering how you would incorporate it in… The thing is you didn’t have the best trigger warning for it in your actual story. You had the generic splash, but possibly should add a little something before it goes into that scene too. Or maybe even an choice to skip.

  • If I’m completely brutally honest, I really wasn’t happy with how you approached the eating disorder in your story. Mental health is always hard to include in stories because it’s so sensitive for some people. Unfortunately, not everyone will agree with how authors decide to portray it, and for you… I am one of those people. It’s just a personal subject for me, so I am particular with how it is represented and honestly I usually choose to pass on stories like this because I know I will just get frustrated with them. (Sorry). That’s not to say all people will disagree with your portrayal, it’s just what your story describes is very different to my IRL-not-episode-story/experiences with this.

  • If you want my advice on how you could better approach the subject, try not making the eating disorder all about the boyfriend. In fact, you could cut out a lot of the bullying parts of the flashback and instead show how much pressure Ayla was under to keep up her popularity, to do well on the swim team, and show how everyone feared her so she started to feel like she didn’t have any real friends… and then the constant teasing from her boyfriend could be like the straw that broke the camels back…

  • I’ve been noticing you haven’t been using too many zooms. It’s handy to add them in scenes where you have one character talking, and another just standing there listening, because you can zoom in on the talking one so that your readers won’t get distracted by the listening one who’s kind of frozen.

  • Nothing major, but including in the choice which one is longer/better kind of defeats the purpose. Why don’t you let your readers be surprised?

  • Your layers were wrong when Ayla went to kiss Kyle…
    Check out this guide to help you with layers, since it seems to be a reoccurring thing.

  • I’m in the middle of episode 5 now, and I’m noticing your directing is getting more advanced. You’ve added pans and zooms. Maybe consider adding them to your first three episodes and then you can take out your disclaimer at the beginning about basic directing hehe

  • Episode 6 in the cafeteria, a weird thing happened with all your characters popping in one by one… Just check your script to see if your coding is all good… It happened both times that background was used.

  • I’m really confused at what’s happening in the girl’s bedroom - It looks strange that Ayla isn’t facing rear and there’s a few layers that have gotten mixed up.

  • Another thing with the author’s note… It’s great that your directing is getting better, but if that’s the case and you think the directing isn’t as good in earlier episodes, why not go back once you’ve learned how to do new directing tricks? I still do that with my old stories and spruce them up whenever I have discovered I can now code something a lot cooler haha. Adding some things in now will help draw in more readers and make them want to continue.

  • I just got a weird feeling that Kyle might actually be someone famous… A singer perhaps? There’s been a few Shawn Mendes song references…

  • In the movies, it gets a little dizzy with the panning back and forth. After the first 2 or 3 times, it would look better just to cut back and forth instead. Same in the next scene with the car.

  • So Ayla wakes up wearing different clothes the next day… Just check your if/else coding and gains. There might be a simple typo.

  • The 10 second kiss … um is Kevin supposed to be wearing the swimmers? I’m guessing he was used in the flashback scene by the pool and you forgot to change him back?

  • The only issue I have with Miles liking her for two years is… Aren’t they on rehab? Does that mean they’ve been struggling with ED for two years with no improvement? Or did they know each other before? Or what? What’s their backstory?

  • I really like how your outfit choices have been broken up into three styles: sporty, casual or classy.

  • When we did CC for Naomi, her lips were covered by the other options so I couldn’t see what colour I was picking for her when it was the bright colours tab

  • I’m a little unclear why her ex was specifically at the dance… America was explained, but isn’t she in rehab?

  • Not a fan of the slight slut shaming during two truths and a lie. That could have been a good opportunity to point out the double standards in that guys are “players” while girls are “hoes”… But instead Ayla just rolled with it? Annoyed especially at the way Kyle seemed like he didn’t want that truth to be a truth either. Like he’s one to judge.

  • Look who wants to say hi? AHAHAHAHA :joy: Perfect animation for it too lol

  • I meant to write this down but forgot at the time… So a couple episodes ago (I’m up to 13 now) in your author note you said sorry if you don’t like it because they were just talking? Look, if you’re going to do an author’s note DON’T put down your story. You should be proud of what you’re publishing and not worrying about what her people won’t like it just because it’s talking. All I’m saying is don’t worry about these kind of author notes! They make it sound like you don’t believe in yourself.

  • This is me being extra picky, but Kyle takes off her shoes and then when she’s walking I can see she’s still wearing them :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

  • Also, I’m wondering where this is going now. Past three episodes they have been pretty loved up… I still remember in one of the earlier episodes he alluded to the fact he was hiding something … I’m waiting for that to come back around…

  • I found it so weird that Ayla was angry at Kyle for stopping her from kissing what’s-his-face. Like it was Kyle’s birthday and she kissed someone else, and then she was mad at him? But he had every right to stop them. It was his birthday!!!

  • So I wasn’t going to say anything about the oral scene because I figured it was vague enough that it would go over most people’s heads and it was kind of funny. (I laughed so much at his comments about finishing his meal, etc.) But when Ayla was doing it and the blankets came down to show where her head was at… that was probably too far…
    For reference, here’s what you’re allowed to do according to the guidelines that
    I found on forums:

In saying that, I’ve also read somewhere (but I can’t find it at the moment) that your characters can be kissing on screen then strip down, then you can do a fade out so your readers can assume what happened… and then once you fade back in, they can make small referenced to it (eg. “that was amazing”) but you can’t be explicit (eg. the way you [ate your meal] during sex was so good!)… And in saying that again, featured stories tend to go beyond that nowadays too, so it’s a bit of a grey area. But maybe just keep this in the back of your mind, since people could report your story for this EVEN THOUGH featured stories have been worse… I think that you should maybe not have the blanket reveal where Ayla’s head is at though. Everything else shouldn’t be a problem for others in my opinion - still reportable, but nothing that will get your story removed, just something that Episode might message you and ask you to change.

So I quite enjoyed your story if I looked past the rehab element to it… which was just something I had to do, because the way you represented it doesn’t match my experience and my truth. Sorry I hope you understand that. I’m sure other people may like your portrayal and relate to it, but I guess everyone’s experience is different, so if this is something you’ve gone through and this is your truth, then don’t take my words to heart, since we both must just have different experiences. However if this is not something you’ve gone through and you want to change it to be more realistic, feel free to ask me questions and I can share my experiences :slightly_smiling_face:

In terms of the romance, I liked our two main characters and how their relationship developed slowly! That was great to see. For your directing, your biggest and only real issue is the layers! It was more problematic in the first half of chapters, but I did notice a few minor slip up with layers in some of the later episodes too

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Lol, thanks. I’m glad you’re enjoying it and yeah, I’m sure I can incorporate that in easy enough :slightly_smiling_face: Thanks for the suggestion

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Thank you very much!
I’ll use your advice and I was thinking a lot that there are a lot of things that I should’ve excluded and more things that I should’ve included, because when I read my own story it really didn’t seem right.
You were saying a lot of things that I was thinking of too, thanks you!
About the layers, I already went back and tried to fix all of them, but no matter what they still don’t work.
I was planning to do a revamp, but right now I’m struggling to find time for anything…
Thank you very much, one more time!

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Awesome, glad I could be of help.
Layers are one of my biggest stresses with Episode too, so I understand your frustration there. Probably once you find time for the revamp, you’ll have an easier time sorting out those layer though :relaxed:

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