@harly_episode - Beautiful Broken Lies
Hey Hannah and Carly,
I’m starting your story now, here’s what I think…
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I can’t stand author notes at the beginning (see previous review lol). I just really encourage you guys to take that out. When I saw Elena’s narration bubble pop up, I thought now wouldn’t that be an amazing intro if they started with that, and maybe did a little montage of Elena’s life before as well.
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I really like that you give a bit of an intro before the warning splash. It reminded me of in movies where you get the scene all set up and then it’s the opening credits, do you know what I mean?
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I’m guessing the necklace is symbolic? Because it was in all three outfit choices.
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Something that kind of stuck out to me was how over dressed her mum was… Because then when she’s out the front, their house looks all suburban. I was expecting a mansion.
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Great scene when they get to school Lots of background characters, but gosh I feel like an idiot not being in my uniform haha
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This first episode is giving me major bring it on vibes.
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I like that choices count for something and I like that I get to see that as well.
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What on Earth was that coffee order? Are those even real words?
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Well, episode 1 was actually quite long I think. I like the plot being getting her mum and the principal together although I’m yet to see how that connects to the first scene just yet.
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I love how crowded your party scene is. You didn’t just say it was crowded, you showed it was crowded. And everyone’s outfits looked like party outfits. I love when people pay attention to detail like that.
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When playing truth or dare, I feel like the pans between zones are a bit tedious. Maybe speed them up?
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After Jake and Lydia leave, the fact that the extra characters aren’t doing anything becomes real apparent. Try to animate them, maybe even give them some lines that sort of fuel the fire?
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I’m really glad Jake and Lydia didn’t do anything. They are true friends to Elena
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Episode 2 was also quite lengthy. I feel like a lot has already happened. And I think Phoenix is the guy who will tie into the intro in episode 1, calling it now.
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I’ve noticed a few of your transitions sort of flash before fading in properly. I’m not sure what’s going on in your script. But there’s a few cases of this in beginning of episode 3.
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I was happy to see the plot go back to trying to set up the mum and principal. Oh and I also liked that Jake shut Ryan down for slut-shaming.
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I’ve reached the end and my only question now is where did the title come from? Based off of the first three episodes I don’t really see a connection from what it’s called to what I’ve read.
I think you guys had a really solid story. It was error free and your episodes were long, you’ve got choices and funny characters too