@fcukforcookies Jukebox Hero
Before I start, can I just say how much I love your cover? It just feels like there’s a whole theme to it. Really cool!
And also, can I just say I love your forum user name? LOL!
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So for the first line of Chloe’s narration, consider rewording it to “I knew that I was going to be a star, since I was little”.
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Ooh, nice idea to have it set up like a youtube video. And I’m impressed by the guitar. Here’s hoping they make it a real prop for LL though, I imagine it can’t be easy to direct that overlay.
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Ahhhh your spot directing makes me want to cry. So beautiful! And all your BG characters look like you actually spent time designing them.
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I’m half like why is she sitting down talking to us when she should be working? But then the customer speaks to her, so I do like that element of breaking the fourth wall - but only if this remains a constant throughout the rest of the story… And I feel like it will too, so this should be interesting.
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Aha, your chef makes me laugh… And Boris isn’t a name I’ve heard in ages!
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The backgrounds at the diner are super cute.
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Holy shit, is this opening credits? Oh my, yes it is! I love it!
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I wonder why one of your choices is in the premium box? Since choices matter, is this your not so subtle way of telling readers the best option?
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Aw, your cheerleader uniforms are so cute. Loved the cheer routine! I would hate that coding, but you’ve pulled it off.
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Hahahaha Cong is pretty funny too. Formalities, lawsuit, classic
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Ooooh I see where this is going what with the choir club and all… (I think…)
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Oh strooth, I just realized what this whole diner thing reminded me of. Did you ever watch 2 Broke Girls?
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First choice in episode 2 - change the spelling to “interrogate”
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So… I’m actually pretty sure now that you’ve seen 2 Broke Girls, because a lot of this feels really similar… (like the pony comment, and the stranger in Chloe’s bed,)
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And thinking about it now, Joy is kinda like Sue from Glee. It’s like a mash up of some of my favourite shows from a few years ago.
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“I’m to exhausted to fight,” - you’ve used the wrong to/too, it should be too.
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Chloe called Samantha Lucy… Was this on purpose?
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I’m reading your disclaimer about the lyrics thing at the beginning, an I’m fairly sure you’re still not allowed to do more than 5 lines of a song just for giving credit to the composer, I think it still stays at the 5 line limit
I could be wrong, I might have to check after writing this - EP 4 EDIT: Or is the disclaimer/you saying you have had permission from the composers that you can use more lines provided you credit them? It’s a bit confusing to understand, but if that is the case, how does that work in terms of songs that don’t give you permission. Like in the auditions episode, there were a few songs, but I believe it only allows up to 5 lines of any one song, which would mean you wouldn’t have been able to have Like a Virgin AND the song in the shower, in the same episode, since adding them together would have been more than 5 lines. -
Oh gosh, you are a talented coder. I’m just in awe of Charlotte’s intro.
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Charlotte and Liam = Rachel Berry and Finn… This is a mash up.
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When Liam is backstage after singing, you will need to spot direct his speechbubble as its tail is pointing the wrong way.
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Seriously. Where are your backgrounds from? They’re so adorable!
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Uhh another similarity with 2 Broke Girls (Natalya). To be honest, I am concerned…
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Er… The shower singing… Isn’t that also something from Glee? Granted, I don’t think Elijah is the equivalent to the one who was discovered singing in the shower either.
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Lol, I chose not to go to the shower, because um… yeah she’s a teacher. That’s a bit weird if I tell her to go in to the mens shower
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Episode 4 - Chloe at breakfast says “You make me sleep on the coach” I believe you mean to say “couch”.
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Show tattoo, show cleavage or show both? HAHAHAHA
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Oh… Nice to see my choice outcomes play out with the principle.
Righto, so I first want to say you are extremely talented at what you do. I really enjoyed this and you made all the character’s movements flawless as well as directing. I’m still worried about that song lyrics thing (perhaps you can clarify it for me if someone from Episode has said you’re allowed to use more lyrics if a composer allows you to?). My main concern I guess is just how many similarities I saw between 2 Broke Girls and then later on Glee. I honestly wouldn’t even know how to determine if this was too close to the originals… I don’t work for Episode, so it’s not my place to determine that, but personally I felt like some scenes/plot points were taken straight from the shows, and even some of the character’s personalities felt too similar too. I would really urge you to maybe contact support to double check that your story has varied enough from both shows. It might be a case of changing a few scenes around? I’d just really hate to see this get taken down because I did think there were some great original ideas within your story and you’re extremely talented.