Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

@harly_episode - Beautiful Broken Lies

Hey Hannah and Carly,

I’m starting your story now, here’s what I think…

  • I can’t stand author notes at the beginning (see previous review lol). I just really encourage you guys to take that out. When I saw Elena’s narration bubble pop up, I thought now wouldn’t that be an amazing intro if they started with that, and maybe did a little montage of Elena’s life before as well.

  • I really like that you give a bit of an intro before the warning splash. It reminded me of in movies where you get the scene all set up and then it’s the opening credits, do you know what I mean?

  • I’m guessing the necklace is symbolic? Because it was in all three outfit choices.

  • Something that kind of stuck out to me was how over dressed her mum was… Because then when she’s out the front, their house looks all suburban. I was expecting a mansion.

  • Great scene when they get to school Lots of background characters, but gosh I feel like an idiot not being in my uniform haha

  • This first episode is giving me major bring it on vibes.

  • I like that choices count for something and I like that I get to see that as well.

  • What on Earth was that coffee order? Are those even real words? :astonished:

  • Well, episode 1 was actually quite long I think. I like the plot being getting her mum and the principal together although I’m yet to see how that connects to the first scene just yet.

  • I love how crowded your party scene is. You didn’t just say it was crowded, you showed it was crowded. And everyone’s outfits looked like party outfits. I love when people pay attention to detail like that.

  • When playing truth or dare, I feel like the pans between zones are a bit tedious. Maybe speed them up?

  • After Jake and Lydia leave, the fact that the extra characters aren’t doing anything becomes real apparent. Try to animate them, maybe even give them some lines that sort of fuel the fire?

  • I’m really glad Jake and Lydia didn’t do anything. They are true friends to Elena :heart:

  • Episode 2 was also quite lengthy. I feel like a lot has already happened. And I think Phoenix is the guy who will tie into the intro in episode 1, calling it now.

  • I’ve noticed a few of your transitions sort of flash before fading in properly. I’m not sure what’s going on in your script. But there’s a few cases of this in beginning of episode 3.

  • I was happy to see the plot go back to trying to set up the mum and principal. Oh and I also liked that Jake shut Ryan down for slut-shaming.

  • I’ve reached the end and my only question now is where did the title come from? Based off of the first three episodes I don’t really see a connection from what it’s called to what I’ve read.

I think you guys had a really solid story. It was error free and your episodes were long, you’ve got choices and funny characters too :blush:

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Oh my gosh! Thank you so much :blush: all of this is very helpful and I will take your advice for the intro bit! I’ll also have a look to see what’s going on with the transitions. You may just be right about the necklace, you’ll have to wait and see :wink: also, the title will make sense once the story is finished, we have planned out the whole story in advance so we made a title that would make sense to the whole thing, infact we have planned the last episode fully and one of the characters even uses the title in something!

Thank you so much again, it means a lot :blush: xx

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Wow, that’s great you guys are so ahead! Oh and I also forgot to mention… You don’t have a large cover? It might not seem like a big deal, but even just a screen shot of your main characters for the large cover will help you get reads :smile:

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We actually have a new small cover and a large cover, we just need to post the next chapters for the covers to update, it’s really annoying but will have to do lol :blush:

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Oh awesome!!

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@Rahdia - Fantastical: The Mermaid

So I’ve seen your cover (actually I think several covers) floating around on the forum and actually had this in my list already so I’m excited to read this.

  • If you’ve been reading anyone else’s reviews, you’d already know how I feel about author notes. To start off your story by putting it down is not the intro you want people to see. Which, also by the way… Not havong CC is totally fine so don’t say sorry for not including it. The fact that you’re not going to have that many choices though… I mean, that’s what the whole app is about! So I do hope after the contest you go back and see if there’s any where to add in choices.

  • I do love what you’ve done at the beginning with the waves. It looks amazing! I would suggest you “loop” it though. So it continues throughout the narration.

  • I like the male MC factor. And I also like that he’s like an duly with a real job

  • And I’m not sure if you did this on purpose, but you haven’t used the traditional “hot” features.(i.e. black hair and uneven lips) and I love it! It’s nice to see something different.

  • I love the “office drama” we’re getting hints at. All the old hook ups and who hates who. It’s interesting.

  • I also love all the outfits. I can tell it’s a seafood themed restaurant because the waiters dress like pirates.

  • You are so creative with that fishing scene. I wouldn’t have imagined it like that but it looked hectic.

  • Your substitute for a life jacket was clever.

  • I love how all the mermaids names are mermaidy

  • One critic with Amethyst (I think it was Amethyst) wearing glasses? Realistically, would underwater creatures be advanced enough to figure out the correct prescription? And what would they need glasses for anyway?

  • I feel like the swim animation looks awkward unless there swimming sided to side. Idk if this would work, but when they’re swimming further in the distance maybe idle_tinker_rear_loop might look better? It would look like doggy paddle, or in my mind it would at least.

  • First episode was a good length and I feel like we learner just enough of the plot to keep going. And also I just think you’re really clever for how you’ve improvised all these things I thought would be impossible on episode… Like that title wave.

  • Wow, you even managed to do merMEN.

  • At the musical, Onyx needs to be pushed back another layer, as she curtseys on a merman.

  • I love that you included a type your own line of the spell thingy. Despite not may choices, you’re using a lot of different episode tools.

  • Episode 2 felt a little shorter to me (but I’ll be honest that could be my imagination because I keep getting interrupted)

  • I like how you’ve kept your own drawings throughout. It’s a good uniform between the cover and splashes.

  • Can I guess that the reason you found it so hard to add choices, was because MC Kyle is not exactly present in episode 2 and 3? What with being under a spell and all, it would be hard for him to choose to do anything.

  • I feel like I keep saying every scene is so cool, but seriously! Kyle in that bubble was so cool!

  • Ok, this time I’m sure that episode 3 was shorter. Not too short that it’s worth calling you up on, but I imagine that with a few extra choices, the episode will fill out better.

  • I thought your explanation on mermaid DNA was pretty smart. If mermaids were real, your theory would seem legit.

  • Episode 4 was again, pretty short. But I feel more choices will make it lengthier!

  • I have one final question, which I’m sure will be explained with magic, but how the heck has Kyle been breathing this whole time??

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Omg! I love this review. I’m still editing and changing things and I still want to add tails in, so your review will help a lot. Lol about Amethyst wearing classes; I will explain that in a later episode.
Also about KYLE breathing underwater; like you said you weren’t paying attention in episode 2 but when SIREN saved him she made it possible for him to breathe.
But all will be explained in further episodes to come.

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Ok, just be careful how much you edit though! You know how strict contests can be. And yeah I figured I missed something. I had so many people interrupt me when I was trying to read episode 2! I look forward to uncovering this glasses mystery :grin:

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@MrBitPlayer - Lost Boy Lost Girl

  • Your into and splash looked real professional. I do have to say though, that you can’t exactly say a story is for 18+. It’s somewhere in the guidelines that all stories have to be for 13+. So just off that warning splash, I’m going to say be careful because if there’s anything too mature, it could result in your story being taken down.
  • I found it a little pointless to pan across the whole bedroom. They way I see it, you could have started at zone 3 and panned to zone 1 then have her enter, but that’s not really something worth changing, more so something to keep in mind.
  • I like that you had a nice big wardrobe, but I didn’t get to preview any outfits? I just had to choose from the name without knowing what I was picking.
  • Is dependent disorder a real thing? I haven’t heard if this before. If it is a real condition, that’s cool to include something that will perhaps teach readers a few things.
  • I was a little sad to see I only got to ask one question, as I feel that all those questions would have offered different responses.
  • When you introduce Nadia, you’re missing a closing bracket.
  • I like how each character is getting a new color text for their intro.
  • The mini game was nice to add in. (I got it right first go woohoo)
  • I know they acknowledged that they were robbing someone in broad daylight, so I don’t need to point out has stupid that is, but they didn’t even war masks? Like, of course they had to kill someone because he saw their faces.
  • Hmm. Your first episode was an alright length, but I don’t feel like it covered enough ground. Maybe that was on purpose, because it will leave readers wanting answers? Because I am curious to see how the two story lines snippets I got will come together. But I guess I don’t exactly know where this story is going.
  • For the record though, spelling, spotting, directing, sounds and layering were all perfect.
  • I think for episode 2, you meant to start with an iris in? But it was an iris out so the splash showed up before the transition.
  • The first choice in episode 2, I chose stranger danger more so to see if you would follow through, or if you would do the thing episode does, where they reject your choice and make you do it anyway. And I was happy to see you didn’t reject my choice, but now I feel like I’ve shot myself in the foot because now I’ve missed out on something (lol).
  • I like how you worded the interviewer. I’ve seen similar situations that feel overly unrealistic because the boss or employer just all of a sudden comes on to them. But the way you worded it did seem believable.
  • I just realized your narration bubble never has the characters name with it. Considering you have 4 playable characters, you might want to add NARRATOR (CHARACTER’S NAME) so people are sure of who’s thoughts they’re reading.
  • Woah! He killed someone for a statue that was worthless?
  • When Andrew is saying he thinks he was jacked… I heard the dundunduns, so I know jacked is obviously something bad, but what does exactly does that mean? Where I’m from, there’s a few slang meanings for that, but none fit into the situation there. Was he saying he was framed or set up or something?
  • I thought I was going to have a really short episode because I didn’t go to lunch, but it was a still a good length, good job.
  • You’ve got a good use of background characters. And all the extras that come in are diverse. You don’t have any two characters that look the same.
  • I notice with my second lot of wardrobe choice, I am given the option to wear this or change. So I do think you should go back to the first ep and add that in,
  • When Destiny and Leo go to the mall, they’re wearing what they slept in (which is fine, they’re obviously going to buy clothes - but they weren’t even wearing shoes!)
  • The zooming over the mannequins took a bit too long for my liking.
  • Cece the shop assistant says she doesn’t get payed enough - should be paid.
  • So I have reached the end of what you’ve got and I must be honest, I’m not all that invested in the plot yet. I think by episode 5, I feel like I usually have a better sense of what’s going on, but I don’t have any ideas as to where this is heading at the moment. I guess it’s just a slow burn type of story.

So at the end of the day, you’ve got everything right (sound, spot directing, layers, length, dialogue), it’s just the plot hasn’t fully kicked in. I imagine this could be due to having several MC’s, it takes a lot more time to get things into place. I’m not sure what your updating schedule is like, but can I suggest doing the whole “release in batches” method. I think if you release a few at a time, that can help combat it feeling like a slow burn.

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@mulasia - Too Much Drama, Trust No One!

  • Ok, straight into it I can see this was made with mobile creator, am I right? You want to be wary of using mobile creator when you move one person even just a fraction, because unless you want them walking somewhere else the characters get kind of jumpy. I just find they jump in and out of spots and it doesn’t look natural. Check your opening scene with the party and see what I mean.
  • Whilst I love starting off with a choice, it was too early in the story for me to even know who my teacher was so how could I answer if I like him or not? I would recommend adding somewhat of a prologue, just to set the scene, introduce a few key characters into the MC’s life before we go asking such big questions.
  • I should let you know if you’re going to have mature scenes, you might want to add a warning splash that it contains mature content.
  • I notice your not capatalizing all your I’s. That might be something you want to go back and fix up.
  • When we were given a choice of outfit, we didn’t get to see both options. It would have been nice to see both before we make a final choice.
  • I also notice that not ever line of dialogue has an animation. Animations really improve the overall look of a story and also lets the reader know who’s talking.
  • Episode 1 was very short. I want to suggest going back and adding more dialogue. I’m sure with scene changes and directing, you had the minimum 400 lines needed to publish, but I have a feeling that you were short on dialogue. You need to be careful with that because episode gives an option to report stories that have less than 400 lines of dialogue.
  • Episode 2 was a better length and woah!! I can see why you named it what you did now. That’s a massive bombshell.
  • I’m not a fan of the massive flash forward. I think it would be nice to see some of what happens in that six months.
  • You really need to be careful with your mature scenes. Because you had a particularly graphic scene, you really need a warning splash at the beginning of your episode. But also, you’re not allowed to animate explicit scenes on screen. You can have them kiss, then fade to black, then wake up in the morning and they’re in bed together and maybe they say “last night was amazing” or something. But you can’t have descriptive animations and narrations in your story. Check the guidelines again, so you can be sure. If you really want to include something and you’re not sure if it’s too mature, you can ask support for them to read over it.
  • Your party scene was good, because you had nice background characters.
  • I get the feeling the phone call saying a dog scared her was a decoy for their affair, am I right?
  • The choice for making me slap or punch Everett Malik’s ex girlfriend made me feel a little uncomfortable.
  • Side note… I got a little excited when you did a shout-out to Herman, because he did the beta-reading for my story.

Ok so I’m at the end, and I have one major suggestion but it’s up to you whether you take it or not… See around the forums if there would be someone interested in helping you edit? Someone to fix up the punctuation (capital I’s and making sure there’s a full stop at the end of each sentence), maybe someone who can also help you with filler scenes so that your episodes don’t feel too short, and who can add the right animations so the characters conversations flow. Like I said, Herman helped me out with my last story, so I know how helpful it can be to have a second set of eyes. Because I feel like you’re not at a loss for ideas, it’s just that you need someone else to go over your work and fill in the gaps basically.

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@XxAlphaBetaxX - Fantastical: Welcome to the Amazon Forest
Ok, I got really excited to see there’s three endings. Keen to see where I end up. And I actually had this on my list to read before I started doing reviews so finally I’m up to it!

  • Here’s my actual, word-for-word thoughts holy shit! dat intro…. Animated intros are my weakness! Like wow, we’re starting off with a bang. I like you fade to green because I feel like that suits the theme. The music is on point, and you only take a quick second to explain how choices work, which is all that was needed. Dare I say, perfect intro.

  • I had to laugh at the reader message to pretend it was a Greek book. For all the effort you went to for other overlays and custom backgrounds, I feel that the readers message was somewhat an intentional joke. Also laughed at the needs comment and Mr Jones asking what he’s been doing to the plants :wink:

  • I loved your montage with Khalil annoying Mr Jones. That was done really well.

  • I really thought you did your scene with the flower really well!

  • And how you animate that squirrel! I mean I see it moving up and down as well as across. That must have taken ages!

  • I felt episode 1 was a little short, but that might just be me because I got interrupted in the middle and didn’t come back for like an hour. But if it’s not just me, and it is on the short side, that’s apparently a tactic for contests so I guess it’s not bad either way.

  • Episode 2 is giving me major Futurama vibes. If you watched the show, you’d know what episode I’m talking about.

  • I love how Khalil appears smaller than all the women. It gives them that fantasy vibe, like we’re in a whole other world.

  • Your story is exactly what I was hoping to see when first saw the announcement for the fantastical contest.

  • And I love this pisces thing Kahlil keeps relying on. Like somehow announcing his zodiac sign is going to help him. Lol. But it’s very good characterization to give him that nervous twitch.

  • KH3? Was his display named not changed? I’m assuming it’s Khalil in a flashback.

  • Your juxtaposition between Penelope’s in the flashbacks was great. You didn’t give away too much, but enough for me to make specualtions about what happened.

  • Khalil reacting to the flowers (as a result of me choosing to get fresh air) was me reacting to your overlays. I literally said “the flowers are SPINNING!” and then the next line was exactly what I said.

  • I thought I should let you know the difference between point choices is a little tricky. Dark choice boxes only look dark next to lighter boxes. When it’s two dark or two light boxes, I honestly have no clue what is what. Gold boxes might work better - something to consider changing for once the contest is over.

  • Going to make a few more comparisons… Your love triangle between the two fantasy world Love Interests is set up like an episode official story (the good ones, not the ones when the relationships are forced). I also see a bit of H&V contest winner The Jungle by Ames in this. I say that because the two love interest in this fantasy world seem to have a certain distaste towards each other, but now I realise you have similar settings too! Anyway, these are like great things to be compared to. Good job :smiley:

  • “You scared me. I could have dropped my bread” hahahaha. It’s like he’s never heard of the 3 second rule!

  • There’s actually a lot of humorous moments in this I’m noticing. “We’re gonna die. We’re gonna die. We’re gonna die” for example.

  • Also I forgot to say before when I noticed, but the character names seem so fantasyish. I’m wondering if they have a kind of meaning or were they just random?

  • So I’ve reached the end and I’m actually really craving more. That was really well done.

  • I have a couple questions: so I see there is a couple in this fantasy world (I’m sorry I can’t remember and/or spell what you named it), which surprised me because I was assuming it was a female only world… So, if you can tell me without giving away spoilers, is this you touching on gender roles and doing a role reversal to, you know, make your readers think? That’s my main question, actually. Everything else was honestly great. Good luck in the contest, I hope you do well because I can see how hard you worked on it and I believe it’s worth it.

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Thank you so much for the review! It took me like 30 minutes to rake up the courage to read this review. I was so nervous! :laughing:

Omfg, the KH3! Thank you immensely for telling me! I just changed it, but a number of people have already read it and I feel like all my secrets in life have been exposed to the world! :joy:

I agree with the dark and light choices. I was saving the gold choice for something later, but I feel that’s not a option if people are confusing regular choices with point choices. So I’m going to change them to gold just as you suggested. I wish we could color choices a wider array of colors :tired_face:

Would you mind providing the episode of Futurama my story reminded you of? I’ve never watched a single episode in my life.

I was actually inspired by The Jungle!! I love her story! I saw how well her’s did and I thought “What if similar but with hella tall women?!?!?!”

For the names I used a fantasy name generator. I chose random names that I was actually able to pronounce because, to be honest, that generator was spitting out some straight nonsense! So I didn’t have the luxury of having their names mean anything specific.

I actually don’t have a name for the entire world (I really should name it huh?), but yes! I am touching on gender roles and role reversal! I’m so so glad you caught on to that! That’s was my entire idea with the extraordinarily tall women and Khalil’s passions and attitude. Too many stories have the men in the relationship as the strong, tall, and forward type while the females are usually, well, not. Even though some may try to change it up by making the female “feisty” or a “go getter” it always tends to fall back into those ingrained societal roles when they put them next to ‘society’s ideal male’. But the Amazons are living in the world alongside other villages with men and women.

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Am I really that scary it took you half an hour to work up this courage?? Lol :laughing:
KH3 was your only mistake so don’t feel so bad about it! Only one minor secret exposed hehehe.
The episode is called Amazon women in the Mood. But the only real similarity you sort of have now that I’ve finished with yours is the height thing and how Khalil is discovered.
I feel like this was just a really clever story and now I feel really clever for catching on.

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@episode.grace - Revival

Ok, I like the sound of your description being futuristic. Although, the fact that it’s set in the future means I’m really going to have no idea what I’m in for. So let’s see…

  • Wow, starting off with some action. I like that opening, the zooms, the use of sounds, it’s all perfect.

  • I’d suggest making the narration bubble show Lillian’s name NARRATOR (LILLIAN), so then when you do things that aren’t her thoughts (like two weeks later), readers can tell the difference.

  • Careful with having an information dump when they’re stuffing the janitor in the closet. The explanation, whilst necessary, can get tedious to read when nothing’s happening in the background.

  • I like that you had a mini game with guessing the code.

  • Your fight scene was great. It felt fast? Did you speed up the punches?

  • The police sirens in the distance were timed perfectly.

  • I think when Lillian runs to her car, you want her to be at layer 4 so she runs in front of everyone.

  • I am finding your episodes are a little on the short side, but they are also action packed… so maybe that’s actually a good tactic because people can binge read.

  • I like that you remembered my choice and are making reference to the fact that I jumped down the hole.

  • I’m half impressed with your spot directing just before training where they’re pairing up. But the other half of me has anxiety because that must have taken ages to perfect, and just imagining all the work makes me stressed.

  • I like that you didn’t pair her with Keel straight away. That would have been too predictable. Instead we got some #drama and then ended up with him.

  • I should point out that you have a line where you describe Keel and you say he’s skin’s pale… But you let us customise that so my Keel has mocha skin.

  • In the simulator, when Lili goes up to the window and when this pink hair chick walks out from, it sort of looks awkward like the walk through the wall. I think maybe having the walk to the spot just before the window, and then using the jump animation or even the stand up animation to move to spot at the window sill would look better, make it as if they actually jumped up and down to and from the window, you know?

  • Ok I have to say this before I lose the though. So… This is set in the future, but up until Scarlett and Winnie coming in, the only time you’ve mentioned anything futuristic is the drug that seemingly fixes everything. I get this story centers around this orgnaisation, and since it’s kind of like a secret orgnaisation, there’s not many opportunities to reference the futuristic world that’s going on outside the circle… But I do feel like you need to add something more to give it that futuristic vibe. Perhaps it’s a case of getting some custom backgrounds? I’m not sure exactly how far into the future you want it to be (it’s your vision after all), but simple things like the hallway while they’re waiting for their simulation looks so 2018. Imagine switching up the colour scheme and chairs and giving it a makeover! It would look epic.

  • Also, I notice your episodes are getting longer, good work.

  • Omg, I just realised we still don’t know who broke in! I’m only realising that because of the end of episode 5. I think that foreshadowing was overdue. And I’m going to take a stab and say that’s her mum? Which brings me to another point, as we don’t know Lili’s parents, will it be explained how she got to the circle?

  • Keel is named Jonathon? Is this part of what he’s lying about?

  • I feel like there is a love triangle half brewing at the moment, but it’s done in a good way. You’re not forcing it. It’s like Lili has a past with one guy, so naturally there’s some tension and then on the other hand the best friend being in love with her cliche is playing out naturally instead of “oh all of a sudden I’m in love with my bff”. So I think the love interests are done really well.

  • I am a little confused though with your story description, because you’ve said she meets a mysterious boy, but she hasn’t really met anyone new.

  • I notice you change even the extras clothes every new day and I love it. You pay attention to small details. I hate when stories have MC’s best friends in the same clothes for a week.

  • I also loved on the plane you animated Myra and the blonde guy in the background. And not just with looping animations, like you made them have a whole conversation while Keel and Lili were talking.

  • I think you forgot to remove the gun prop from Lili as she’s holding it in the hospital.

  • The bar scene would look so much better if you had the bartender behind the bar, using overlays.

  • Yay, I was so happy to hear Lili’s origin story on how she got to the circle. I found that really interesting and it wasn’t what I was expecting. Although maybe my theory about her mum being the one who organised the break in was off…

  • Although, and I touched on this a bit before, when you let us customise Keel, you must not have coded it to include a twin for flashbacks. My Keel has mocha skin and braids, and in the flashback he’s a pasty white boy with cropped hair LOL. Please try and fix that up. I think there’s a code where you can do @ CHARACTER becomes CHARACTER and it will give the flashback Keel the features the readers chose.

  • After the flashback, Lillian isn’t wearing the outfit I chose :roll_eyes:

  • Woah, plot twist (I was right about the mum yay). So I knew that Zosha chick was evil. Wouldn’t have predicted Jay though. That surprised me. I thought you would have made the traitor Brooklyn or Myra. Did Zosha lose her accent or was she faking it at the beginning to fit in the circle?

  • The ending, whilst it was a massive cliff hanger, the car hitting her didn’t look quite right. The car was spotted a bit too high so on my phone it looked like it was hovering (although I guess that’s futuristic) and when Lili gets hit you need to add some kind of fall animation or faint animation.

Ok, I honestly feel like I haven’t said enough points but it’s just because I was actually reading and enjoying it, so I was really only pointing out small errors so I didn’t forget. But yes, I really loved this. Action is not my favourite genre, but this really kept me interested. I almost want to complain because it took so damn long to get answers, but I can’t really complain about that because that just means you did a great job as a writer. I’m really interested to see what you do for season 2. I guess the two things I still don’t get… I touched on it before a bit but I don’t think the story description best represents your story? And my other thing is the title? I don’t see too much of a correlation between the story name and what I just read. Considering when you search Revival in the app, it comes up with so many other stories, you may want to consider if this name is truly the best fit (if you have an attachment to it, or if it will be clear in season 2, I understand not wanting to change it). Finally, I’m so shocked this doesn’t have more reads! How long has this been out?

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Hi thank you so much for this review- it really helps and I really appreciate it.

  1. Thank you so much for reminding me about the description of Keel- I really appreciate it :slight_smile:
  2. Do you have any ideas where I could get customized backgrounds?? I really don’t know anything about how to do that lol I’m so bad with computers.
    3.Yes I totally agree I need to change the story description. I’m going to do that now.
  3. OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO REMOVE THE GUN THAT’S SO EMBARASSING
    5.OMG I CAN’T BELIVE KEEL DIDN’T STAY THE SAME- I have no idea why it did that. Do you know how to do that?? I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. If you could help that would be great
  4. And I have no idea why she wouldn’t be wearing the outfit you chose- I used if, Elise, else- I’ll definitely take another look at that - sorry about that!
    7.And thank you for reminding me about Zosha’s accent- going to add that into the script- I think that’s kind of a cool part of her :wink:
    8.I know the car works sometimes and sometimes it doesn’t- I’m going to see if I can get some help fixing it.
    9.I added the faint animation, but for some reason it only works sometimes :frowning:

To answer your questions at the very end, I am going to change the description. Honestly, I only made it that way because I wanted to draw people in and mostly people just want stories with bad boys lol- but my story was way more than that but I wanted to draw people in in the first place. But yeah it’s dumb and needs fixing and doesn’t make sense with the story. And the title will have more relevance in season 2- I already have the whole story planned out. This story was originally a book that I wrote- but yeah just from season 1 I can see why you would be confused with the story title LOL. And thank you! It has only been out for 8 days :slight_smile: I am so happy with all the feedback I’ve been getting though :slight_smile: people seemed to like it, and what I wanted was for people to get invested in the characters the way I get invested in characters and plots of other people’s stories. Thank you so much for this review!! It is so appreciated. Your points were honest, and extremely helpful. Thank you for taking the time to read my story!

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And actually could you tell me when Lillian wasn’t wearing the outfit you chose in episode 10 if you remember? Like was it after the very first flashback, or one of the last ones? If you could remember that would be helpful :wink:

Woah 8 days? So you released the whole first season at once?

I’m glad you’re happy with your review and don’t feel bad about the few mistakes. I had hundreds in my first story that I didn’t notice for like 6 months.

For custom backgrounds, there’s quite a few threads on the forums that you could request on. Or there’s lots of people who share their background drive. There’s a few here on this thread:

For number 5, I would first need to know how you coded it. Did you just add a character named YOUNG KEEL?

My advice with the story description is to write what it’s really about and then when it comes to tags, go crazy adding cliche’s like bad boys, etc.

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Yes I thought that it would be smart to release the entire first 10 episodes at once so people could binge read… and then I realized after I published that I should have released like 1 a week or something lol- and thanks for the background request idea! And yes I did add another character named young keel. As soon as I typed it I was like oh yeah thats why lol- and that’s a great idea!! I’m going to do that for the description. Thank you so much endlessly again- reviews like this that are honest are so helpful- especially because it’s my first story. I had no idea what to expect. Thank you so much again!

Well, I think that is smart for the binge reading aspect, because that’s exactly what I did. I’ve secretly always wanted to try that with a story to see if it works better than doing one episode every so often. But it’s a matter of promoting your story now, so people find out about it.

I’m pretty sure if you use the command @YOUNGKEEL becomes KEEL it will give young keel the same features that the reader chooses, but I’ve never actually used that so test it out first coz I could be wrong.

yes! I tried that and it worked- thank you so much for all of your help;)

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