Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

You’re welcome :slightly_smiling_face:

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:clap: i :clap: literally :clap: love :clap: how :clap: dedicated :clap: you :clap: are :clap: :heart_eyes:

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Thank you, stalker. Yes, I’ve noticed you liking this thread from time to time :kissing_heart:

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:smirk: :kissing_heart: ;))

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Thank you so much for your review!!:two_hearts::heartpulse:

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@AdyElly - Fallen Angel

  • Couple of things I want to just say I love right off the bat: no author note, I’m thrilled. I also love this kind of intro because MC is about to get married. I feel like majority of Episode stories end with a marriage (I guess because most stories are all about the chase), but starting off with a wedding stands out to me and I’m interested to see what goes wrong (since I’m guessing it’s not going to go off without a hitch or else why would this be in the drama genre, lol)

  • I liked the way you organised your hair choices, because it will make it so easy for readers to find what they’re looking for.

  • Your spotting with Brandon’s family is almost perfect, just when Brandon leaves, it looks like he walks on the coffee table lol

  • I love the dedication you put into that montage to change Mal’s hair. That’s something I’ve always been far too lazy to do even though I always appreciate when other people go the extra mile to do it.

  • I know I’ve only started this story, but the twins are my favourites! And I really like how I can tell they’re twins even though you’ve given them different hair styles.

  • Um… She’s leaving the dress choice pretty last minute isn’t she? HAHAHA, just kidding though, because I can see you’ve included it that way so the readers get a choice. I like how you’ve set up this choice too.

  • That random mention of her dad’s best friend makes me think he might be up to something. I expect him to pop into the story soon.

  • Woah, what the heck? Did she get shot?! EDIT: A bomb? A fire?

  • I can only imagine the patience you must have had to spot all those letters/overlays and animations haha.

  • They’re ALL dead??? I’m guessing Hector is er dad’s best friend?

  • Mal recovered quickly! She’s already up and ready to catch the killer. At least Hector is able to be the voice of reason.

  • So… did everyone really die? The twins? They’re gone? :disappointed_relieved:

  • Your montages are great, you’re spotting is on point and you really go all out by changing hair styles and outfits.

  • Did Mal say “I’ve got nothing left to live for” out loud? I thought it was a narration bubble, but then Hector came in and replied as if he heard it, so maybe I tapped too quickly, whoopsie.

  • You probably know I’m not an author-note lover, but I think that was a nice thing you added at the end of episode 2, so good job. Also, not being able to change the past? That was deep AF!

  • I hope Hector doesn’t turn out to be a love interest… :confounded:

  • Minor typo - “this house is on her name” - on should either be “in” or “under”.

  • I am thinking though… why would they be treated as suspects anyway? Mal wouldn’t because she was a target… I may be looking into this too much, but Hector could very well be a suspect… I don’t trust him.

  • “You can be around me only if you throw this ugly clothes” - Did you mean throw away these ugly clothes?

  • Maria changed clothes before going shopping? Or…? I put her in the stripey dress, but now she’s in the pink top and shorts.

  • Mal’s worried about trusting Maria? Lol, I’m still worried about Hector.

  • I’ve been wondering why she keeps calling the body guards monkeys… Since they haven’t done anything to make them come across as monkeys.

  • Oh yes, I was hoping you’d make a duplicate character to change their names to Sofia and Matteo.

  • Oh my, don’t even get me started on the overlays in the living room. That stair case? Amazing! Great directing.

  • Adam = Love interest. So I don’t need to worry about Hector in terms of that…

  • “I need a cold shower” LOL :rofl:

  • Your first choice in episode 5 has a lol typo. You say “change this clothes” but it should be “change these clothes”.

  • And also… “Wait me here”… Did you forget to add the word “for”? - wait for me here.

  • The ghosts look sooooo cool

  • You’ve got a great hang of overlays. I always think bruise overlays sometimes look tacky because they don’t always fit on the face with every animation, but you’ve got it mastered.

  • Scene in the park, two things: one- the typing animation was a genius move. Two- Sofia says “someone who regret decision to come here” but it should be “someone who regrets their decision to come here”.

  • Your club scene looked great. I loved all the background characters.

  • I’m not sure if this is a coincidence… But I feel like I’ve seen Kim as a BG character a lot… So I’m not trusting her.

  • The shopping bags! OMG! Love!

  • Hmmm… mysterious no name entering… Another love interest? I don’t know.

You’ve really caught my attention with this story. There’s a great balance between the mystery side of it and the drama side. It’s great, I don’t really have much to say other than that… I am curious where the title came from? Is it going to be explained more as the story progresses?

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Thank you so much for your review!!!:smiling_face_with_three_hearts::hugs:
The title you will be able to understand it after some of the dark secrets of the past will be revealed. There are a lot of secrets and many mysteries that will turn her life upside down. Her perfect loving life before the wedding will be just a nice dream after that.:wink:

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You’re most welcome :blush:
Hmm… I sort of had a feeling you might be plotting more… and your reply just confirmed it! I look forward to seeing what you come up with :kissing_closed_eyes:

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I won’t disappoint you. Pinky promise! :yum::kissing_closed_eyes:

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@adalarke - Still Silent

  • Ok, I am dying because I downloaded profile avatar and my avatar on the app is like dressed for the beach, so I’m thankful you changed the clothes in the first episode :joy:

  • Tbh, when there’s an option to download a character avatar but we don’t get to put in our own name, I do find it kind of strange…

  • Yes! Grandparents! Something different! You don’t understand how happy that made me to just see a different family dynamic.

  • So when Willow starts walking, the train background seems kind of irrelevant? Other than to make it seem like she had to work far, it didn’t really have a purpose. I think you could still convey the passing of time with a @transition iris out in between scenes and it would give the same illusion.

  • Omg all the new LL features look so pretty. I love how you’ve used them.

  • Be wary of your use of looping animations. In the classroom scene Raine and Willow don’t stop talking when the other one starts. Try using this command command:
    &RAINE/WILLOW is animation
    Before the other one talks. It will get them to do the animation at the same time that the other says her line.

  • So like… Willow’s first week of school is like soooo relatable to me and my experience when I moved schools. Feels!

  • The outfit change felt rather slow.

  • I felt like episode 1 didn’t end at the right spot… Like, it had cliff hanger vibes, but it didn’t quite have the shock value you need for a cliff hanger. Maybe if Willow had overheard the girls talking about her, it would have had more of an impact on me? But just them asking her why she’s there didn’t hook me enough.

  • GABRIEL IS A BABE :heart_eyes:

  • I want to suggest that transition iris out/in transition again, because it would have been perfect for when Willow starts drinking.

  • After the hug ends, Willow does the hug animation for a second too long.

  • I didn’t quite understand why it cut to zone 1 and panned back to zone 3 where it already was before the kiss.

  • (Obvs I’m going to kiss him because he’s a babe!!)

  • When Raine walked in, I thought she was going to catch them kissing, but they weren’t. I guess it was a quick kiss? If you want my tip, I would have focused on the kiss a bit more, maybe have some narration or thoughts from Willow? Just to kind of drag it out, since it’s a drama/romance after all.

  • I felt the same thing with the end of episode 2 as I did with episode 1… I’m sorry, I can’t quite put my finger on it, other than it just feels like an odd spot to end it…

  • Wah… Idk who’s place I want to stay at. This is a hard choice…

  • Alright, I chose to go home because poor grandparents might be worried, happy to see that Gabriel is going to walk her home, but make sure to have Willow face him.

  • Oh no, I missed what happened (I was typing this lol)… How did Willow end up in Gabriel’s room in her underwear? Heh.

  • Um, Gabriel’s driving shirtless? I mean, not that I mind or anything, but… why?

  • In Raine’s bedroom, consider spot directing the speechbubbles, because all of Raine’s ones weren’t pointing to her. If you don’t know how to do that, check out this thread 💭 HOW TO: Spot direct Speech Bubble

I’m a little surprised this is only your first story, especially because your directing was error-free and that’s in limelight. I always find LL kind of fiddly, so it impressed me that you mastered it. I’m sure you have covers getting reviewed, right? If not, you probably should add some, since a lot of people will pass entirely on a story with the default covers and I wouldn’t want them to miss this. (oooh, also, where did the title come from?) My only real issue was just the endings of each episode, I still can’t put my finger on it, other than it just feels like it doesn’t end at the right spot… But I don’t know where the right spot to end it would be. I just think that might be something you maybe want to look into? Maybe read one of your favourite stories and try and figure out how they manage to end their episodes and still have you wanting more? That’s the type of goal you want to strive for.

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I’m surprised that you’re still reviewing. How many stories now? :rofl:

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Lol, these comments make me so happy! People stalk the thread, I feel forum famous :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
For real though, should I do a count? :smirk:

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yessss.

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On the old thread I did 17

The backstory for anyone who's curious and has no idea about the old thread

This all came about because @BadassSaasha had a review thread that she was getting really overwhelmed with so I jumped in to help her out with it… Then eventually she decided to close that one and so I took the rest of the requests here :slightly_smiling_face:

On this thread… 76 Give or take a few, I kept losing count :sweat_smile:

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You remembered. :grin:

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Hehehehe, of course!

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:heart_eyes::clap:t5:

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I think the thread has more stalkers than you think :smiley:
You would seriously deserve a reward for making this!

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:bulb: idea :bulb:

Hi, can I request a review? :slight_smile:

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