@adalarke - Still Silent
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Ok, I am dying because I downloaded profile avatar and my avatar on the app is like dressed for the beach, so I’m thankful you changed the clothes in the first episode
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Tbh, when there’s an option to download a character avatar but we don’t get to put in our own name, I do find it kind of strange…
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Yes! Grandparents! Something different! You don’t understand how happy that made me to just see a different family dynamic.
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So when Willow starts walking, the train background seems kind of irrelevant? Other than to make it seem like she had to work far, it didn’t really have a purpose. I think you could still convey the passing of time with a @transition iris out in between scenes and it would give the same illusion.
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Omg all the new LL features look so pretty. I love how you’ve used them.
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Be wary of your use of looping animations. In the classroom scene Raine and Willow don’t stop talking when the other one starts. Try using this command command:
&RAINE/WILLOW is animation
Before the other one talks. It will get them to do the animation at the same time that the other says her line. -
So like… Willow’s first week of school is like soooo relatable to me and my experience when I moved schools. Feels!
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The outfit change felt rather slow.
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I felt like episode 1 didn’t end at the right spot… Like, it had cliff hanger vibes, but it didn’t quite have the shock value you need for a cliff hanger. Maybe if Willow had overheard the girls talking about her, it would have had more of an impact on me? But just them asking her why she’s there didn’t hook me enough.
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GABRIEL IS A BABE
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I want to suggest that transition iris out/in transition again, because it would have been perfect for when Willow starts drinking.
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After the hug ends, Willow does the hug animation for a second too long.
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I didn’t quite understand why it cut to zone 1 and panned back to zone 3 where it already was before the kiss.
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(Obvs I’m going to kiss him because he’s a babe!!)
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When Raine walked in, I thought she was going to catch them kissing, but they weren’t. I guess it was a quick kiss? If you want my tip, I would have focused on the kiss a bit more, maybe have some narration or thoughts from Willow? Just to kind of drag it out, since it’s a drama/romance after all.
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I felt the same thing with the end of episode 2 as I did with episode 1… I’m sorry, I can’t quite put my finger on it, other than it just feels like an odd spot to end it…
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Wah… Idk who’s place I want to stay at. This is a hard choice…
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Alright, I chose to go home because poor grandparents might be worried, happy to see that Gabriel is going to walk her home, but make sure to have Willow face him.
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Oh no, I missed what happened (I was typing this lol)… How did Willow end up in Gabriel’s room in her underwear? Heh.
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Um, Gabriel’s driving shirtless? I mean, not that I mind or anything, but… why?
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In Raine’s bedroom, consider spot directing the speechbubbles, because all of Raine’s ones weren’t pointing to her. If you don’t know how to do that, check out this thread 💭 HOW TO: Spot direct Speech Bubble
I’m a little surprised this is only your first story, especially because your directing was error-free and that’s in limelight. I always find LL kind of fiddly, so it impressed me that you mastered it. I’m sure you have covers getting reviewed, right? If not, you probably should add some, since a lot of people will pass entirely on a story with the default covers and I wouldn’t want them to miss this. (oooh, also, where did the title come from?) My only real issue was just the endings of each episode, I still can’t put my finger on it, other than it just feels like it doesn’t end at the right spot… But I don’t know where the right spot to end it would be. I just think that might be something you maybe want to look into? Maybe read one of your favourite stories and try and figure out how they manage to end their episodes and still have you wanting more? That’s the type of goal you want to strive for.