Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

amberose · November 19, 2018, 6:11am

@marinapantaz - My Best Friend Next Door

I loved your intro. I know some people might think the running late to school thing is overdone, but it’s all about how you do it and I believe the directing zooms and overlays you used added a nice twist to that.
I’m not sure how I feel about no parents… I might make another dot point about this as the story progresses depending on what happens.
When they’re actually standing outside of the school, your character look kind of big for the background you’re using. I’d recommend spot directing them to stand on the path way and just zoom in on them.
I was going to say I didn’t like that they were still moving in the photos because it made it look like it wasn’t photos, but then you transitioned into a flashback scene and I thought that was really creative. If only there was some way to have them frozen in a pose and then transition to the flashback and start moving
Episode 1 was fairly short, but in terms of content I felt like I got enough to draw me in (probably also because best friend’s turned boyfriend and girlfriend are the type of romance stories I like lol)
Maya and Matt’s kiss in episode 2 was a little off in terms of placement.
I liked the transitions you used when Nick showed up
The bowing and curtseying in science class makes me cringe. Nothing against you though - that’s just an amberose thing
You probably need a “10 minutes later” notice otherwise Seline looks like a major stalker who gets there immediately after hanging up the phone lol
Well, well, well. I’m not sure if I should be livid right now or if I should be laughing. See, I always hated how featured stories reject a choice in a sense. So when it comes to choices to stay in or go out in user stories, I like to test authors and pick stay in and see whether they follow through or not. So of course I pick stay in and Seline says “it’s cute you thought you had a choice”. Like yeah, I thought it was cute Seline!
When Maya agrees to invite Nick, she says “lets invite him” - let’s should have the apostrophe.
AHAHAHAHA Seline’s reaction to Maya getting changed! Lol. I think she’s my favourite character.
You used the wrong you’re/your - “_You’re in my room”
I’d suggest adding @transition iris out and @transition iris in for when Seline is taking forever to get dressed, just adds a bit of comedic effect and shows the passing of time a lot easier.
I don’t know why we choose Maya’s lip colour but not her outfit. All I can’t think of is that there’s an art scene coming up?
Nice spotting during the party, the scene fills full of characters and I like that.
Episode 4 - trust me! You iris transitions. They will be your best friend!
When Maya is sleeping I see Nick’s hand doing the shush animation come on to the screen. Try spotting him entirely off screen and then moving him back into place. He’ll still be doing the end of the shush animation.
In the library, try spotting Nick a little smaller. Use the bookshelf as a guide, he would probably only be about three quarters of the book shelf, right?
So I’ve never really liked when a character’s boyfriend is cheating on her. You might have more planned with that, but just from where I’m at in the story, Matt’s attitude and personality was enough to get me to not like him, so I think him cheating was unnecessary.
I want to stand by what I said a moment ago, because if you’re going to make Matt one of those guys that pressures Maya to go all the way, he’s already douchey enough that the cheating aspect is needed in my opinion.
I saw the shush and flirt_fingersnaps when Maya and Nick were in the hallway, lol.
There was a bit of a lag between the background of the soccer field and when all of the soccer players appeared. Make sure you’re using the & symbol when you place them in the scene.
Love love love how you made the time pass while Maya was changing her outfits!!!
Ok, I see how cheating is now relevant to the story.
Just he careful sometimes when a character finishes an animation… They can tend to get stuck in the ending pose and often it looks kind of weird. Sometimes it’s better to add an @CHARACTER is shiftweight as the end to fix that up.
I feel like all of your episode lengths have been much better than episode one, but then episode 6 was a little short too imo.
Yay, I’m glad you did that montage with the parents. Can’t stand when an MC has dead parents but then it never discussed how much that has impacted her. The car crash was done very well with the camera shakes and transitions too.
I’m glad you included Maya’s brother in the hospital scene there at the end because I was about to ask that
I’ve noticed that more often than not, you don’t use transitions between scenes. I think in a lot of cases, a simple transition fade out black would help to distinguish between scenes easily… I’d especially say to use this at the very end of your episodes too, because I kinda get a fright when each episode ends without the transition. It just pops out at me from nowhere lol
I like how Matt and Nick look like they’re different heights during the fight - it’s kinda like a power play… symbolism.
“I doubt we are breaking up any time soon” Bahahaha, lol!
I sorta found their positions when Maya was sitting on the grass outside her house kind of off… Like Maya looks too big, but then Nick looked ginormous in comparison to her as well. I’d say use the steps instead. Have her sit on the steps and scale him smaller, as if he’s walking down the path.
Hahaha at how “helpful” Nick was. I totally feel Maya’s pain. Group projects are the worst!
Can’t scream in the restaurant but can sing in a library?! What kind of a backwards town does this story take place in? lol
Ooooh that choice between telling Nick what Seline said
ooh oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no (maybe have Maya enter in zone 2, then pan to zone 1, because she looks awfully close to them while they’re kissing which is lowkey creepy and makes them look stupid for not realising there’s another person watching them kissing lol) oh no ohhhh noooo oh no
I can’t believe Matt actually tried to defend it. What an idiot!
Small typo: Matt says “I need tot talk to my girlfriend.” tot = to.
Omg noooo! I’m so annoyed at Maya… Like crying and driving at the same time is one thing, but making a phone call? No, just no. Her parents were in a car accident, so she should try to be a little more responsible when driving!
Oh no… The dreaded author note… What do you mean you’re going to start doing intros? Does that mean you’ll show up every episode? (No offense, I just think author notes ruin the story - I know a lot of people disagree though and like it, so take my opinion of this how you will)
This isn’t a big deal, but I’ve noticed everyone so far has been driving the same car lol
“I’m sad not thirsty”
Why do I get the feeling they’re going to end up in the same bed anyway? Wait… They didn’t That’s an episode first!
Ok, so Cassandra obviously forgave Matt even though he basically tried to beg for Maya’s forgiveness right in front of her and it’s become obvious that he only wants her for sex. Smh at Cassadra.
I see you shush command (I’m so sorry I keep pointing this out, I’m just a detective when it comes to shush animations)
This is the first time I felt Liam’s actually acted like a proper legal guardian, so good for him for getting Maya.
What was the point of that outfit choice if Seline only showed up and demanded Maya change into her pjs? Hahahaha
I like how twatface is becoming a thing lol
Damn girl. You really like that shush animation
I was wondering how you would keep the story going now that Matt and Maya are over… I guess Zoya will be the next roadblock for them, huh?
Oh yeah, forgot about Mei…
I’d say move Mei back a layer in the cafeteria so it looks like she’s walking behind Maya’s chair.
Spotted: flirt_fingersnap (seriously, I’m sorry I keep doing this hahaha, can’t help it. It’s like playing where’s wally now.)
Oh interesting… Since I didn’t confront Matt, Cassandra left me along at the party… cool to know my choices are impacting the story line.
Mei’s going to spike the drink, I just know it… Thank you for that choice, lol.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Dammit. Stupid Zoya giving me “just juice”.
Try and keep your BG characters constantly moving because they’ve been frozen in the blush/flirt animations for a while now. Maybe looping animations would work better?
Oh, the hug animation at the toilet bowl was very innovative. Totally looks like she’s ready to barf any second now.
Something kind of minor, but if she was wearing Nick’s clothes, wouldn’t the shirt be too big instead of too small? Everything would still hang out if it was over sized anyway, because then it wouldn’t stay up, resulting in cleavage exposed.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if they don’t at least kiss or something in this episode, I’ll be pissed off.
When we get the opportunity to get to know Nick better, make sure Maya actually asks the questions before we skip straight to his answer. Also… “are you a virgin?” LOL
I was also wondering about the tattoo… Not many school kids get them, so it was kind of like… hmm… there must be a story behind that.
Plot hole: before she dies, one of the scenes has Nick kissing her and he’s topless and so we can see he has the tattoo. Whoops.
The girl nick loved is Maya! Duh! She really is oblivious, huh?
omg kiss kiss kiss kiss KISS KISS KISS
Ok, now he’s literally on top of her (which looks a little weird on my screen right now because as I type this they’re both just expressionless and I haven’t tapped the screen in a while)
“I didn’t know what I was doing” Um, you’re squishing her with your body weight, Nick, that’s what you’re doing.
And finally end of episode? AND FINALLY END OF EPISODE?! Curse you! I hope at the time of publishing, you didn’t leave your readers in suspense for too long…
Personally, I don’t like being told that gold choice will give you xyz, it’s kind of like a cheat. I think readers should get what they get, you know.
Oh ffs, just kiss him! It’s been 12 episodes already! What’s all this teasing with narration??
I’m just going to ignore the fact that 5 minutes ago in episode time my Maya decided to try and tell Nick to date someone else hehe
omg omg, this is too funny, so the phone rings, Nick pulls away and then BAM! My app decides to have the no-clothes glitch I’m going to put a screen shot at the end. It looks like Nick did a little more than kiss her now
Soooo… they’re not going to make out?
I agree with Selene and everything she says.
At least Liam knew it was Maya hahaha, because let’s be honest, Nick is super obvious.
I picked mediocre advice because it was a funny option
Why does Maya get all the boys’ attention? Like, when is it Selene’s turn?
Well, that’s a sad ending for episode 12
Oh wow! That clothing glitch is really getting me today! Hahahah
I don’t want to get to know Rafael. Bring. Back. Nick!
The hot air balloon was a good idea for a substitute! Kudos.
Well, I think I might end the review here (I’m up to episode 14), I’ll continue reading but I feel like I’ve gotten to the point where I’m too invested in getting Nick and Maya together so all my comments will just end up being demanding them to kiss

In terms of romance stories, I’m a sucker for best friend’s turned into “lovers” and I think you’ve written this really well. Its nice to have love interests that ~~aren’t in a gang~~ genuinely care for the MC like how Nick does for Maya. I know I commented on some episodes being short, but overall most episodes ended up being a decent length for me. If you did want to go back and do some revamping though, I’d encourage you to watch the background characters and make sure they’re animated enough that it looks natural, as well as watching for when characters get “frozen” in the end of an animation… I also noticed that in the second half of episodes, there were more choices, and ones that mattered too. This is just a personal opinion, but I like to have a nice balance across episodes, so if you’re up for the challenge, you might want to go back and add some more important choices in earlier episodes too.

As promised... My naked character glitch hahaha