Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Bahaha, the shush animation is perfect for adding comedic effect, it’s definitely a community favourite :laughing:

Yeah, the no clothes glitch was out of control. I think I was just laughing in certain parts that were meant to be more serious because of it :rofl:

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Lol!!! You’re great. Australians literally have THEE best sense of humor. I’ll fight anybody on that. XD

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Thank you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Hi. :heart: is this only limited to publish stories?

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Hi :slightly_smiling_face: No, not at all. I’ve done a few that haven’t been published. If you want your link to stay private (or if you want the whole review to be private) you can pm me

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@talesbyrose - The New Girl

  • I’m liking that you started with a little bit of the story before CC. It’s good to get some context before we design our character.

  • Hayley appears to stay in a hug just a second too long than what she should. She’s either in hug position too early or she stays there a fraction too long.

  • When they’re outside the house, the spot placing is on point. Seriously, so many people get it wrong with that background, but you were perfect.

  • Lol, opposite to my last point, when Mum and MC are on the plane, they look too small. If you think about how planes are, they should be scaled bigger and be sitting closer together to convey just how squishy planes can be haha

  • Personally, I’m not a fan of stretching out multiple CC’s over the course of a couple of episodes. I prefer to CC as they’re introduced.

  • Episode 1 felt pretty short. Admittedly, it did feel like a prologue, like you set the scene, but as a reader I’d probably want to know a little for from episode 1.

  • Your splashes are so cute because purple + rose hahaha

  • I think the label for your mum CC template might be a line too early, because every time I changed a feature, it took me back to when mum was entering and asked me to type in her name again.

  • This might seem like the smallest thing to praise you for but you made the children shorter than the adults! Yay! It’s little details like that I can really appreciate.

  • Strooth! I got credited in this?? Aww thanks. This is the first time I’ve seen my name in another person’s story :blush: It feels so weird looking at that spot template because it’s different characters to what I’m used to. Lol.

  • Episode 2 was a much better length! So I guess episode 1 really was a prologue.

  • Fun fact: I couldn’t pick Damn as my last name :unamused: (Also, since you only have 3 episodes, if you really want to, just add the last name into episode 1 and take it out of episode 3, the odds of someone being in the middle of episode 2 right now is pretty unlikely - I’ve done this before with the skin colour updates. I gave my original readers a chance to read the episode with the updates then I took it out after about three weeks)

  • Rahul is pretty dreamy, not gonna lie.

  • In the cafeteria, bring MC forward a layer. One of the BG characters was standing on her

  • London, Paris, Sydney… I spy a trend hehe.

  • Episode 3 felt a little short again. Somewhere in between the length of episode 1 and 2, however this one I felt had the best variety of choices.

Couple of final things I wanted to say
-You have a nice amount of diversity across your cast, so yay!
-I like that it hasn’t been romance-overload. I’m guessing Rahul is a love interest, right? Even so, it feels like there’s actually going to be more drama than romance, so good job balancing that because a lot of people struggle with trying not to make drama all about romance :slightly_smiling_face:

I would really encourage you to make your episodes longer though. There’s a lot of stories where MC starts at a new school on the app already, so you might need to think of a way to stand out… And you might need the stand out moment to happen in episode one to get the readers hooked then and there. So my hit-two-birds-with-one-stone advice would be to try and include more choices. Even if it’s not choices that affect the ending and instead choices that give a different bonus scene or two, it will help you achieve a better length and will perhaps also add that little something you need to make your story stand out.

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In that case! :innocent::heart:

Title Sinfully Yours
Author: Kalea Vee
Genre: Fantasy/Drama/Romance
Style: Limelight
Episodes: 2.5? :joy:
Link: Will provide via DM
Description: Cast down from Heaven and now the king of Hell, Lucifer is a powerful fallen warrior angel who seeks revenge on the one who stripped him from his halo. But what happens when he becomes enchanted by a mortal who carries the key to his retribution? Will he continue to seek vengeance or will he submit to the light in his heart?

I’m almost done directing chapter 3 and also need to add in the choice scenes, so you might see some errors or incomplete scenes. :innocent: You can definitely stop reading when the MC and LI are out of the bar. :sweat_smile:

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Another long and detailed review :open_mouth: :heart_eyes:
Keep up the good work! :+1:

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2.5 episodes?! You’re so close to publishing! I’ve been following your process slowly through IG, this made me so happy. :blush:

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That cover is arrrrrgh. Awesome

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Ahhhhh! Thank you! I just need to direct a couple of scenes in chapter 3 and add in a few more choice scenes and I’m done! Slowly, but surely. Can’t wait to publish!

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Commissioned by my good friend Clarissa. :innocent: She’s so talented and such a doll! She’s on IG as @nopaks_artist

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I suggest you create an update + promotion thread in Episode Fan Community once you publish it! Good luck with directing! @amberose good luck to you as well with all these reviews :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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Thank you for the advice! I’ll definitely start one up. :heart:

Story title: College Days: Behind Closed Doors
Author’s Name: JessDeBest
Genre: Drama
Story style: INK
Description of the story: College is all fun and games until you discover what’s behind closed doors. Students disappear one by one, and you’re going to get to the bottom of it.
Number of episodes: 3 (more to come)
Instagram: iwrite.stories
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6459913677111296
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6459913677111296

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@cas389 Year 2200

You have no idea how excited I am to start this. I just know it’s going to be my kind of story.

  • I see December… I see 2012… And I’m like “could it be?” Are you going to explore the day the word was supposed to end? Lol, I still remember what I was doing that day.

  • I’d have the Smith’s walk slower into their house, just so it seems a little more realistically times and so they don’t shrink too fast.

  • There was like, the tiniest of lags where the table overlay wasn’t showing in the scene for a second, but this could just be my device. So I wouldn’t stress.

  • I think you spelt “news” wrong… It said “newes.” So I’m assuming you meant news.

  • When the president is being recorded, try making your shift command for the overlay at the same time as your zoom:
    &overlay Record Whatever It’s Called shifts to XYZ in 3
    @zoom on XYZ in 3
    It will just help make it look like the cameraman is actually zooming on the president.

  • Oh, also I just realised you named the president Obama… I’m not sure you’re actually allowed to do that. I know you can make reference to celebrities, and as long as they’re not a plot point then it’s fine, but making them actual characters? Even if it’s only for a couple of scenes. I might have to look that one up. But worst case scenario, you could just change his name to President Ohama or something like that since you probably want to keep the president in it so that it represents history correctly.

  • FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK timed choices!!! I panic so much. I wasted at least three of the seconds looking at the timer because it looks different to the one I put in my episodes… So I’m like wasting time wondering why yours looks so different to mine, then I’m like, well shit better actually read my options. And even though I knew the right answer, my finger had a mind of its own and tapped the second one!!! Whyyyyyyyy??? Lol. But seriously, nice job, that was creative.

  • Also, lol, I know this is fiction but it is sooooo like the government to keep things like that from the general public and then last minute announce the plan with all the shuttles.

  • A little pet hate of mine is to see BG characters that are the default ones. It only takes a few minute to change a hair style or an outfit to make them look unique and it makes a huuuuge difference.

  • I like that you used the filter for a flashback.

  • It was a dream?! :open_mouth: I feel like I should have known that because it was in your story description… But I still was caught off guard lol…

  • Interesting ending to episode 1

  • Omgggggg that was a smooth transition into CC. I don’t even mind that it was in episode 2 because I just appreciate it so much that you slipped it in there naturally.

  • Not a really big deal, but MC is sleeping with some sparkly pink high heels on? Haha, a little uncomfortable, no?

  • Ooh +1? So even some outfit choices will have an impact? Noice! (MC’s crush’s name is the same name as my BF in real life lol)

  • Loved the door opening scene.

  • I’m not sure how I feel about the shopping centre background. I think it would probably look better if you sourced some futuristic looking backgrounds since it’s supposed to be 2200.

  • I am getting a little confused during the president’s speech… How do they know about the aliens? And why is it all happening today? I do like the idea of the birthmarks to tell them apart though.

  • Oh, good, MC is asking all the questions I’m thinking.

  • I’m guessing float is a futuristic way of killing someone?

  • But… Wouldn’t MC have noticed her own birthmarks? Oh wait. I’m silly. They didn’t know the birthmarks were a tell tale sign until now, right?

  • I like that you’re keeping track of the points. It gives a real professional vibe.

  • Does MC not have PJs? Hahaha

  • Oooh that birth mark is cute. I’m glad you got an overlay to show it instead of just leaving it up to imagination.

  • Aw, Ryan wanted to tell me how he liked my outfit earlier? What a cutie!

  • Just check your zooms in that scene where Ryan enters… I had the no character glitch so I reentered the story but then the zooms were messed up, so just double check to make sure that it is in fact a glitch.

  • I’m not sure if this was your intention (if it is though, good on you), but I can totally see this story having a message about race. Like, the whole “they’re different” “they should float” is making me think there’s going to be a moral to the story. Kinda like The Jungle by Amanda Michelle. Idk if you’ve read that, but if you have, you’ll probably understand why I’m making this comparison.

  • I did a lot better with this next timed choice, lol. But I’m not really sure if I even want to be earning points with Ryan. He would want MC dead if he knew the truth, you know? I’m glad MC also shares my thoughts.

  • I out my favourite food as weed :rofl:

  • I decided to kiss Ryan, despite the fact that he’d want to kill me/MC if he knew the truth. But the kiss was spotted a little off. Try spotting either Ryan or MC a little closer to the other so it looks like their lips are touching.

  • Well that’s a plot twist and a half right there! I can definitely see a lot of things this plot twist could lead to.

  • Hahaha, I love that your alien king has no nose. He looks hilarious and scary all at the same time.

  • You used the wrong to/too twice. When they’re talking about it being too late for MC to change her mind.

  • Tappable overlays!!! Yay!

  • I noticed it again when they were walking to the loading dock. To much should be too much.

  • When Ryan enters at the loading dock, try spotting him off screen but with the same scale value as what his scale is when he’s on screen. This is so that when he walks, he doesn’t start off a giant and shrink really quickly. (I feel like I explained this really poorly, so just ask me if you don’t know what I mean)

  • Oh wow! That silhouette figure hahaha, you are really using these limelight features to the max.

  • I noticed another to/too error again.

  • I like how you’ve set up some choices to be like a mini adventure. Like to search the room and stuff.

  • You might want to spot direct Waverly’s speech bubble because at the moment it’s pointing at MC.

  • I liked your clothes changing process. It’s one thing to have a story set in the future, but actually coming up with futuristic ideas is the hard part. So that was a neat idea.

  • I was hoping you’d have that chair as an overlay for when MC did her hair… And you did! :laughing: It’s little things like that that really make a difference.

  • Have MC move to the front layer before she enters the scene, because when she was walking in, the BG characters were on top of her.

  • I chose to go to the food court and there was a few weird changes between MC standing at the table next to Gina, then sitting, then standing. Like each line, she was moving positions.

  • OMG the keypad password thing?! You are so clever, especially using the narration box the way you have!

  • 3 x 85? Oh, come on! That’s just cruel. …255… And I didn’t use a calculator, for the record. Thanks for making me use my brain

  • Whilst I think using the elevator background for the bunker was a clever substitute, I do think that a custom futuristic type of background would better suit for your story. With so many of the episode backgrounds being used in most stories, you need that something different that will stand out. Something that shows your readers that this is taking place on a spaceship shuttle in the distant future.

  • When MC is asking questions while she’s being walked off after her little fall… The animation you have her doing is talk_excited which tends to loo kind of weird when some of the questions she asks have a sort of sadish kind of response. When we are taken back to the label, it looks like MC goes from a sad or awkward animation to ask questions excitedly. Maybe just change it to talk_neutral?

  • When Jacob (that’s who I picked) was explaining how the brick thing worked, the speech bubble was covering his face.

  • More tappable overlays!

  • I love MC… She asks all the questions I’m thinking that I was saving up until the end to ask you, but now I don’t have to because MC’s got it covered.

Aww, I’m kinda sad I’m at the end because I feel like we were just getting into the thick of the plot. I do really like your whole idea/concept. It’s refreshing and I haven’t seen many stories like this on episode before. I think in general, you just need to - for lack of a better word - “polish” your episodes a bit. Things like the typos I pointed out, the occasional layering error and having your characters walk naturally (the Smiths’ in episode one, plus Ryan when MC is about to be exchanged) are what I mean when I say polished. It’s only small things that really need amending in my opinion. The one kinda major thing I would suggest, which I mentioned twice already so I’m sure you know what I’m going to say here, is consider getting some custom backgrounds? I really think having the right backgrounds will make your story next-level.

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Just quickly… I’m trying to be considerate with contest entries, so did you want me to review before the closing date so you can edit (should I find any errors) without it affecting your position in the contest or did you want me to wait until after the reads will actually count towards your retention?

Omg @amberose I have been waiting for your review!!! Thank you, thank you so so much!

I just read the whole thing (on my phone now) but as soon as I get to my computer, I’m going to go line by line and fix the typos, get better backgrounds, etc. Also, I didn’t realize you couldn’t site historical figures, so I’ll have to go back and fix that! Thank you for letting me know!

I really apperciate your honest feedback, and I hope you stay tuned for future episodes!

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It kinda depends. how many episodes do u review?

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@amberose
I just wanted to say thank you again for all of the feedback! I just went through all of them and made sure to fix all the errors. I currently have a few backgrounds that I found that I like for the two sections you suggested, and finding more for the rest of the story now. You are amazing for doing these reviews, and I just want to say thank you so very much.

I’m actually in the midst of writing this story into a novel. (I have been since 11th grade, when my then-boyfriend was named Ryan, hense the MC crush in the beginning haha). I’m just curious, if I actually published the book (not done yet of course, but hopefully one day) would it be something you would be interested in reading? It will differ somewhat from the round of Episode, but the plot line is the same/ will be for the episodes I haven’t written yet). I’m just curious because I’m not sure if it’s worth finishing and trying to publish if it’s not a good plot line / story idea hahaha. Thank you again for everything!!

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