Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

@Januva - College Days: Behind Closed Doors

Before I start, just wanted to let you know that this was actually on my list before you requested here. Lol :slightly_smiling_face:

  • Hehehe, what stereotypical posh British accent? Haha, I totally am not going to imagine Naomi with a posh accent now, no way :wink:

  • Atleast should be “at least” (this is a change you can make without it affecting the contest btw)

  • Oh wow, that was such a perfect way to tie in the intro… Because I totally was thinking that she was starting to ramble a bit, and I was kinda like “what’s the relevance of the shower and talking with mum if we didn’t hear what they said?” but now I get it and I have to say I quite like that for an intro.

  • Excuse me, what? Naomi would rather shave her hair than eyebrows???

  • Oh, her reasoning actually makes sense. My initial shock has subsided.

  • That was a pretty creative way to include a text input style question, although Naomi didn’t say my explanation, instead she said “EXPLAIN”. I’m not sure if that’s because my explanation was just too long, or what.

  • Iris = lol

  • Ohhh the note in the locker scene looked cool, I love that you’ve used your own backgrounds for it.

  • Of course now I want to know more about Jacob haha.

  • I think it was a little short for an episode, but a perfect length for a contest entry, if that makes sense.

  • I’ve been loving your use of text effects and filters.

  • The lunch splash was cute.

  • Cora makes me laugh. The fact that she asks about the locker before the envelope is hilarious

  • Nice OTS shots

  • The blurred background looks so cool. It’s such a great way to convey how Naomi must be feeling.

  • Oh god, there father is awful.

  • My face is like this when Naomi gets all angry :scream: Like, wow! Shit just got real.

  • Kinda weird advice from the receptionst, but it made me laugh. I feel like this is a bit of a drama/comedy story.

  • “I smell something fishy” @amberose is spits_out_drink.

  • I feel like Naomi is going to regret not investigating straight away ahahaha.

  • Oooh those fades and that one hour later overlays looked fancy!

  • Hahaha, the swim animation looks great.

  • I really like and appreciate that you have been changing Naomi’s hair in dreams/flashback’s. It feels real.

  • This is a dream, right? Naomi didn’t really kill anyone, right? :sweat_smile:

  • The dad looks extra creepy without a nose hahaha. I also think that was a much longer episode than the first, but you left it at a good cliff hanger.

  • The missing girl poster looks awesome, and I literally did a jaw drop because I thought it would be Cora, not Iris! Idk why, I guess there was signs pointing to it being Iris but for some reason I just thought Cora would be the first to go lol

  • Still loving those blurred backgrounds…

  • I feel like the posters are an omen of some sort…

  • I noticed that your background characters are all wearing default background character outfits. Not really a big issue, I’m just kinda pedantic about changing them up to make them look unique.

  • OMG I don’t trust the Dean.

  • I really liked the choice of what to help out with - I chose decorations btw. It just felt like the type of choice that could possibly lead to different outcomes.

  • Oh no! I timed choice! Panic!

  • Ooh, I liked what you did there by swapping out the background but still keeping the zoom on Cora.

  • Another nice cliff hanger for episode 3!

So other than those two spellings of “atleast”, I really didn’t spot any errors. I think my only suggestion is to mix up some of the BG characters’ outfits to keep them all looking unique. You’ve done a great job at incorporating nearly every feature Episode has to offer too (overlays, timed choices, filters, text effects) and I think overall this is a nice balance between comedy and drama. Also, I get the feeling that based of your story description, Iris won’t be the only one to go missing, so it will be interesting to see where that leads.

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