Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Aw thank you so much for your reply xx
Is it weird that I love hearing you were nervous? :laughing: Don’t answer that, I already know the answer is yes.

Anyway, we all start somewhere and I admire you because it takes a lot of courage to ask for someone (a complete stranger no less) to take a look at your work and advise you on how you can improve it too.

For the grammar mistakes, they were pretty scattered throughout the story so I didn’t write them down. The one I kept seeing was ellipsis (…) not containing the three dots. It’s something small, but it looks more professional. I also noticed a few “I” not capitalised but this was mostly in episode one. Sometimes it helps to have someone scan your work. Maybe you could find someone here on forums who could be an editor and pick up the mistakes you miss?

For transitions, check out this guide: HOW TO: Transitions
Basically, the “out” transitions should be the very last thing in a scene.
The “in” transitions usually go once you’ve “set” the whole scene. Example:
&AMBEROSE stands screen centre AND AMBEROSE faces right
@transition fade in black

For the bonus scenes, I guess I mean adding a bit more filler. Like, now knowing your intentions with the storylines, I think you could make the first two interviews a bit more interactive. Like even giving the reader the choice of what to say/do. Maybe having three different lazy girl type of answers. This will help make your episodes a little longer and will also help your readers be more engaged.