@viviwrites - CYBER
I don’t want to start off by telling you I have high expectations or anything, but I was keen to start this one because it was actually already on my list before you requested, it sounds really unique… and also in the couple of weeks it’s taken me to get up to this, I’ve seen people speak really highly of this, so yeah… I’m pretty keen.
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Yes! Futuristic setting, woop woop. I will never tire of seeing how other people envision the future.
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I noticed when CCing that you’ve opted out of included any unnatural colours (like hair dye or lipstick colours) and I think that’s really smart in terms of characterization because like you say in your description “you are a gamer with no life” so it sorta makes me feel like a plain Jane - but in a good way.
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The helmet is a nice looking “futuristic” headset.
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Like that for Silver you limited the hair colour to “silver” tones. In case you were wondering, I changes eye colour and eyebrow colour to silver and also picked an ash skin tone.
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Whaaat? Those light sabers look so cool.
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Hahaha, the way MC introduces Luna as her best friend in the game reminds me of how I think of my forum friends. Lol
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I’m not sure how I feel about Leon… I love the name, hate the hair, love his face, hate the fact that he’s singing… On that note, it felt a little weird to me that there was a concert happening within the game initially, but then the more I thought about it, it didn’t really seem so out of place, but makes me worried that these people are literally living inside this game. I wonder how much time has passed.
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Idk what pose HOST is doing when he prepares for his huge announcement but I feel like I’ve never seen it before and I really like it.
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Episode one was like a nicely done ontro to basically set the plot. I really liked the use of text effects at the end too.
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It’s nice that you call your episodes “games”. Very on theme.
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The phone drop was on point and the camera shake was a nice touch.
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So the fight was a dream?
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I found the changing of outfits was a little slow moving for my taste. That’s not really a big deal since there were only two choices, but if there was more, I’d probably have just picked the first one I try on because I’m not bothered to wait for zooms ahaha
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I love that your car interior is an overlay and that you’ve actually put it in font of a looping background. Te car interior kind of looks futuristic too.
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Ah, so the dream was a memory…
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Ooh, Adrian. I’m guessing he’s either a rival love interest for people who don’t like Leon’s hair (me) or he is Leon…
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I’m just now noticing that nearly every background is a custom one so far.
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The “twicth” channel was a neat idea. I like the overlay too, makes it more realistic.
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Your reader messages explaining the jargon you’re using makes me laugh. It’s nice you offer a quick definition so your readers who don’t know already can be brought up to speed.
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The silhouette black shade looks kinda weird when the character’s also wearing clothes haha.
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I don’t think I actually commented on this yet, but I was thinking it… With your intro, the small flicker that makes it look like it’s glitching looks awesome.
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For someone who is trying to hide their excitement, Adrien just looks kind of… I don’t know what the right word would be… Um, idle, I guess… Maybe add another animation to make it look like he’s actually struggling to contain his excitement? A hold_in_pee animation would be great… Sucks it doesn’t exist
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Wait, how does he know she’s in a predicament?
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I find that blue spinning TV screen soooooooooo soothing. Like I could stare at it all day, it’s just relaxing to watch.
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When Luna, Leon and Silver are in that lounge area and Luna suggests Leon join forces with Silver, she says “He’s the in top 30!” You need to swap “in” and “the” around.
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The day to night transition was EVERYTHING!
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I liked how you were introducing the other players. I even had my sound up and found it was timed perfectly to match the overlays.
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“We’ll eventually have to kick every last one of them’s butt to win anyway” - consider rewording this to flow better. Maybe “every last one of their butts to win” ?
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Side note: If this were in real life it would really piss me off thay they automatically progress just because she’s in the top 10. So unfair.
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Xenon = Xander = guy on the other end of Adrien’s call = somethinggg, I just don’t know exactly what yet.
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Oh wait. Is Knight Adrien? But who is Leon…?
Well, I was right to have high expectations, I actually feel a little bad because I didn’t really write down many notes - but that was just because I was enjoying it and also didn’t pick up on many errors. I think it’s a great original idea and I look forward to reading more. There really wasn’t much I could fault… In fact, there is only one thing that I can say might need improvement, and that would be that I felt there was a lack of diversity. Everytime a new “main” character was introduced, they were white. The only POC I saw were as backgrounds characters in the game. I would like to believe that in the future, where your story is set, that we had come much further in terms of equality, so it would be nice to see other races and cultures included a bit more. Other than that, I think you’ve produced a fantastic story.