@WolfGamerGirl37 - Daughter of the Blue Dragon
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I already said on your last review my thing about author’s notes. If you’re going to include them, just be wary that you don’t give too many details away.
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Be cautious of info dumps. After we do Lena’s hair, there’s a narration box explaining some things, but Lena just stands there staring at her phone. Maybe add an animation for each narration line so reader has something to look at?
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Explosion was nicely done, I liked the camera shake.
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I noticed when Aiko is doing Lena’s hair and Chachiro comes in, they both do laugh_chuckle at the same time. Maybe change one to laugh_giggle for some variety
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To better distinct between the present and a flashback, I’d suggest try using a filter so it’s clear to the reader it’s in the past.
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Ok, wow, this just got real dramatic real fast (in a good way). And I bet when we see Jax, it’s only going to get more dramatic!
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Jax looks kinda old with the mature face… too old to be wearing that jacket/vest/thing hehe
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So with the end of the first episode, when you come on to the screen, there’s an overlay on that background that’s in front of you when you walk. I mean, since it’s me, I’d say just cut the whole author note and change it for a splash, but if you want to keep it, you might want to change the layers.
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I feel like I’m learning a lot about Japan culture, it’s nice you’ve included that and made her race relevant.
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Like I mentioned in the other review, try to use zooms a bit more - Sometimes characters who aren’t talking are “frozen” in weird pose from the end of their last animation, so if you zoom on the talking character, the frozen characters are less obvious.
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When you say at the end of episode 2 that this episode had a lot more information, and you’re right! I didn’t write much down for episode 2, because there was so much to take in and I was really trying to focus on it.
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Omg, are they going to kill Jax?
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I liked how when Tenshi called, you had his men switch between who was holding the phone, so they could do their animations. That was clever.
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I noticed in episode 3 a few times that Lena came on to the screen after the background was already there. Try using &LENA stands screen center instead so she’ll always be there as soon as the scenes starts
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To re-suggest what I said before, for Lena’s dream/flashback, try adding a filter. See this guide for more info on how to do that:
https://episodesupport.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/115004232614-Advanced-Directing-Using-Filters -
In the school flashback, make sure you add in the time for how long it takes Lena and Kaito to walk to their spots otherwise they move way too quick so it doesn’t look natural.
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There was a little mix up where Everett “thinks” Everett(think) - might be because you’re missing a space in between words?
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Young Jax and Young Kaito also will need the time added to their walks after the dress up scene.
Wow, so… I’m not even sure what to say. There was just so much to learn about your story… You will need to be careful with giving too much info via narration bubble, I really don’t have much to add other than what I’ve said. I’m just hoping I don’t forget any important details now to be honest. Sorry I didn’t write more, but it’s like I said, I was too focused on taking it all in. Very dramatic story, it’s defs in the correct genre.