Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

@episode.icarus - The Relationship Tutor

From the description alone, I get the feeling this will be the type of romance story I will like… Kinda like the cute netflix type of romance movies I’d go for. Well, I hope it turns out that way and----- NOOOOOOOOOOO! Author note :confused:

  • Be careful with your starting scenes. Whilst I love the idea of doing romance movies montages, I’m pretty sure you can’t quote as many lines from movies as you have. I know for song lyrics it’s 4 or 5 lines. You may want to check with support as I’m not sure if same rules apply for movies.

  • Ooh wow, the opening scene just got better. I am ofc wondering why she’s recording herself, but that can wait.

  • I’m loving the trashed house lol and all the girls sitting on the roof.

  • When Matilda walks to the couch when Isla is moping, have her walk rear.

  • One thing that kinda bothers me is that it’s raining and yet Isla still runs out barefoot to post this letter. I guess she’s drunk so wouldn’t really care though.

  • I noticed that the lamp post isn’t an overlay, so sometimes the girls hands have gone in front of it instead of behind. Not really much of an issue, but then Isla walks to a spot where she needs to be behind the lamp post but she’s not. It looks a little weird.

  • I love that Isla thinks dating advice from a man would be crap… I reckon they have better insight.

  • Lol at Killian insulting her outfit.

  • :astonished: I didn’t know that about Captain Hook.

  • Isla running around in a towel worrying about having nothing to wear is so me. So relateable.

  • In the dress up game, why is Poison Ivy a gold choice?

  • In episode 3, I just noticed that at the party, Isla isn’t wearing what I picked for her. There might be an error in your gains maybe?

  • Also, a little tip with placing your background characters, check this out. For the scene at the part with the pool, the difference in height between your background character and Killian and Isla throws everything off. Maybe if you scaled Killian and Isla smaller, but zoomed in on them, then the background characters would look more real?

  • Especially because when Isla winks, it doesn’t look like she’s winking at the guy in the blue shirt. I’d say that calls for an OTS shot.

  • Woah, Isla went to this party on a work night? That’s irresponsible, tsk tsk hahaha

Well, I have reached the end of episode 3. I was right when I said this would be my type of romance story. It’s quite cute. The only thing I feel like you might need to work on is incorporating more choices. I don’t remember seeing too many within your story, but I remember times thinking this would be a perfect spot for choices and then there wasn’t. Like at the party would have been good to use choices to get Isla to try and flirt, you could have had “wink”, “blush” or “stutter” and it could have felt a bit like a mini game? But yeah, other than that, I don’t have anything to complain about… I mean, there was author notes, but they weren’t actually all that annoying like how I mostly find them, so good job :slightly_smiling_face:

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