@AZN My Freedom
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Nooooooooo not an author note!
I did totally lol when You said it was revamped because it was crap hahaha, but anyway… In my opinion, mentioning English isn’t your first language isn’t necessary, as is mentioning there’s no CC option. -
Nice starting scene. I like that you basically explained why it was called “My Freedom” because that was going to be my question. I also liked that you transition to black and white too.
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I noticed you’re putting asterisks (*) around words to emphasize them. I’d suggest just using some of the text effects.
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Still passionate about French Literature even tho I stopped going to school…" - “tho” should be “though”.
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You used “tho” in the next line again.
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No phone or computer AND doesn’t go to school? Seems shady. I don’t trust the uncle.
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Just a little English thing… I tapped past the line but it was something like “she’s one of the nicest person I’ve ever met” - “person” should be “people”.
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“Have u read Lord of the Flies?” - “u” needs to be “you”… (Also, I have read that one hahaha)
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The combining of families thing intrigues me… Since arranged marriages are generally outdated nowadays I’m wondering what time period this is set in… And more importantly, what is up with uncle Bill? Why does he take Ophelia in only to be so mean to her? Something is definitely wrong with this family.
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Haha, I quite liked that meet-cute and I think you’ve covered all the important parts that we need to know in your story in the first episode which is great. Like, I just read your summary again, and it all makes perfect sense so good job.
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When Grey is reminising about Ophelia, he has a flashback/memory thing, but you need to change his outfit as well.
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Well, based on how Leyla reacts, I think I’m right in not trusting this family.
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Ooh I love that thing you did with the pillow. I’m not too sure about the camera shake at the end
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I was surprised that episode 2 ended where it did. I felt a little shorter, but that’s not really a big problem… I just felt that not enough happened in 2 I think.
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I loved seeing Grey’s work life at the beginning of episode 3, I found it entertaining.
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Oooh that computer screen! All the overlays are so impressive!
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I think you might have forgot to spot direct the speech bubble back on that last scene.
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Antonio and Kayla??? What??? More people I can’t trust…
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Episode 3 also felt kind of short again… And I’m sorry, but I really don’t like author notes and you have so many lol. I can’t really judge because it’s just a personal preference at the end of the day, but all I can think is that you put so much effort into these author notes by changing outfits and now even adding an overlay…m just be careful about talking too much though, especially about your story. It’s ok to thank readers for reading and to ask end of episode questions… But you also don’t want to sound like you’re explaining the whole story because then there will be no reason for them to read.
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“Don’t you dare show now” HAHAHAHA
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Omg I was not expecting her to run after Grey and definitely not expecting her to kiss him.
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Also wasn’t expecting Antonio to start kissing someone else while Kayla had just done to the bathroom! What a dick!
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Nice use of tappable overlays
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I like how you made her jump out of the window. The landing in the bushes with a camera shake was a nice touch.
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I hate what Grey is wearing, lol sorry. Where is his shirt? He’s a grown man.
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Ooh, I have a question about the art scene… Did you have three different versions? One for each outfit?
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Ooh, I noticed a new “to be continued” outro in the end of episode 5. Are you going to add that to all the other episodes?
Since your story says it’s only 1-5, I’m ending it here. The biggest thing I noticed was the your episodes got a little bit shorter and there wasn’t too many choices. If you’re worried about that, I’d say that both can be fixed by using each other. You can make your episodes longer by adding choices and you can add more choices if you make your episodes longer. I’m still not sure how I feel about MC’s ‘family’… I definitely don’t trust them, but since the episodes were too short for me to speculate, I can’t say anymore than that until I read more episodes.