@Fatima.s - To the stars & further
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I love your spotting in the opening scene - not to crowded, but there’s enough characters to know it’s a party… and everyone is scaled the right size so that’s a bonus.
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Anitta says “BTW” and I’m not sure if you mean that she says the letters out loud, or if you yourself just didn’t want to write “by the way”.
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When Lena enters, it’s all good up until you have her walk back… She doesn’t move back layers like I think she should. Try changing it to a walk rear animation… Then scale her a bit smaller as she walks. She looks a bit too big when talking to Peter.
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I was a little confused with the fall animation when Lena and Peter were kissing, but now after she’s gotten dressed and Peter’s left, I’m assuming they “did the deed”… If so, I’d suggest adding a slow fade out or some other kind of transition to show a bit of a time lapse… Unless he’s a minute-man lol
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There may have been a little glitch when grandma finds young Lena. One of Lena’s speechbubbles was really high up on the screen and then Lena just ran off in 0.1 seconds and also became really large as she was leaving. You maybe caused this by using @YOUNGLENA exits left instead of having her walk to a spot.
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Then in the next scene, it’s super zoomed in on part of the car… But I have no idea what’s going on. You need to reset the zoom: @zoom reset
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Ok, so to me, episode 1 didn’t feel quite like a whole episode… It was sort of like a prologue, but there were two sides of it that basically didn’t tie in together. I learned that Lena is wanted by all the guys basically, which was stated in your summary… I also learned her backstory… But the two points didn’t tie in and you didn’t set anything up to give the reader an idea of what’s ahead. I would have liked a little bit of foreshadowing at the end so readers can anticipate what will happen next and make them read on.
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I’m not sure why CC was at the beginning of episode 2. I like getting CC over and done with in episode 1… Unless a character doesn’t appear until later.
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Funny how the “hot” option is a long sleeved turtle neck shirt and stockings. Whilst yes, Lena looks like a babe wearing it, it’s totally the opposite of something you’d wear if you were feeling hot-temperature wise.
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The car animating was on point.
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I loved the running scene, it was perfectly paced and the layering was all good too.
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I’m surprised I get to CC Jad because I thought the Mark guy from the summary was going to be the main love interest.
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So even at the end of episode 2, I’m still a little confused as to where this is heading. I keep reading your summary, trying to connect the dots, but who’s Mark?
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At the beginning of episode 3, when the narrator is doing a quicky montage, I noticed you forgot to add a capital letter to Lena’s name.
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Also, when the teacher is calling the roll, quite a few students name’s are missing capital letters.
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Ok, so Mark has made his appearance… and Anitta s blocking him… I think you need to either bring him forward a layer or zoom out a little and put him further to the left.
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Outside Lena’s house, when Annita refers to herself, there’s also a capital letter missing for her name.
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I just want to also say, I think your episode lengths are pretty solid. Not too short, but still easily binge-read worthy
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When Mark and Anitta go searching for her in the kitchen, bring them more forward so it looks like they’re in front of the kitchen counter (it looks like they’re standing/walking through it at the moment)
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I love all your backgrounds btw
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When they all join up again, Mary stands behind Jad and it kind of blocks her. Bring her forward a layer and it will look more like they’re in a huddle.
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“It’s lena’s phone” - Lena needs to have a capital L since it’s her name.
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OH WOW, Idk why that was a video on her phone, but lucky it was so they know what happened to her I guess.
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Well, obviously the question running through my head now is why did Lena actually get kidnapped? Is it related to her father’s death? I’m sure you’ll answer it in time.
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The kidnapper says “stupid lena” and Lena needs to have that capital L I keep mentioning.
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You might want to spot place Mark’s speechbubbles when he chases the kidnapper because they’re pointing in the wrong direction.
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When Mark walks up to the house, add in the seconds it takes him to get there. Otherwise, he moves at vampire speed lol
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Love how you added those mini jumps for him to climb up. Very realistic.
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When Lena wakes up, she does an animation that’s standing, but since she was just sleeping on the bed the spot placing was off.
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Your use of zooms has been great, especially during this scene now once they’ve escaped.
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You have a readerMessage that says “mean while” but “meanwhile” is actually just one word.
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When the kidnapper is on the phone call, I find he’s too big for that background. Use the lamp post to help you scale him. He shouldn’t be standing that much in front of it, so therefore you need to scale him smaller.
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I’m also finding in the next scene, Mark and Lena look a fraction too big in comparison to the background. However, once you zoom in, it’s hardly noticeable.
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When Mark calls the cops and says “hey, I’m mark” - the M in Mark needs to be a capital letter.
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Add in the times for how long it takes the kidnappers to walk to their spot.
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Oh, I think I was right; she gets kidnapped because of her dad, right?
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Make sure that when the fight breaks out, the others around Mark and the kidnapper aren’t just idle. There’s a few good fighting animations in LL that can make it look like they’re getting ready to fight, so look through the art catalog to find some animations to suit.
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The scratch overlays on Mark looked good.
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Episode six was really really short.
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Random. I also have a character named Leo in an unpublished story who looks exactly like your Leo, but mine has a mole.
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Annita says “From earth to lena” - Lena needs a capital L
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I really like your directing with the tear overlay and the hand hold. Very sweet moment too.
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Kidnapper kind of randomly appeared in the next scene… Make sure you have him enter from a side.
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I think Hazel’s bullet wound should go on his shirt, since that’s where the gun was aiming.
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Mark’s speechbubble when he’s lying in the bed is at the very top of my screen and a little bit cut off, you will need to spot place it.
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I’m very happy to hear there’ll be officers assigned to protect Lena… I know she isn’t happy about it, but for once an Episode story is actually taking a kidnapping seriously and putting up precautions.
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When Lena enters for Mark, both her and the maid look way too big for that background. Use the couch for reference when scaling.
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Not surprised Mark chased after her, but am surprised you let it end there hahaha.
My main issue with your story overall is that I don’t find a connection between the title, what the summary says it’s about, and what actually happens in the story. I think there’s a lot of great drama that happens and it’s definitely an entertaining read, but the title and summary might just need a look over… Unless you have really big plans for this and it will all make more sense after more episodes that is.
I’m also just going to link this sport directing thread since I mentioned your speechbubbles a few times: 💭 HOW TO: Spot direct Speech Bubble
And I’ll also just quickly mention that the last three episodes felt significantly shorter than the others, so just keep that in mind because you don’t want your readers to start complaining that it’s too short, you know?