@jessy.writes - Sentimental Heartache
Hey Jessy, thanks for being so patient for this. I can’t believe I let it get to over two weeks omg 
Anyway…
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So the first thing that stuck out to me was the two girls in the back. First it was their default background outfits which I loathe, simply because they’re the default ones. I also noticed that the entered from the right side, but went to a spot placement, so they shrunk in a really weird way. It would look better if you spotted them to the side and and made it look like they were entering from that spot so their height doesn’t change. I liked the timing of the laughter though.
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When Arianna exits the scene, she slides because she’s blowing a kiss.
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It felt like a bit of a random school day… Maybe it was because I didn’t see any classes or any of Arianna’s friends? I think maybe a few background characters walking through the halls wold fix this.
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Jazz is wearing a default outfit
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Wait, Arianna pays rent? How old is she?
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Episode 1 was a bit too short, I liked the bonus scene but I guess it felt a little random considering what had taken place in episode 1
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This is escalating quite quickly. Tbh, I’m still trying to figure out their ages, but they’re ready to move in together hahaha. I’m just trying to remember… Because I don’t think she mentioned moving schools or anything, so how is it that they have never crossed paths yet? Is he a new student?
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Oooh, hold up… There was an “incident” last year?
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Again, episode 2 felt too short. I do think I see a pattern with your bonus scenes though. They’re all kind of just jokes and don’t affect the plot.
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It’s a bit weird to say that everyone’s staring when it’s only those two in the scene hehe
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The teacher is in a default outfit
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Just be wary of the scene outside the school. It looks a bit dis-proportioned with Arianna standing screen right. It makes the school look like a doll house.
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Hmm, I wonder what this deal is regarding Lucas’s family. I bet it had something to do with the incident, right?
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I feel like there’s not that many choices so far so me unlocking the bonus scenes based on choices feels like a little white lie if I’m honest.
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Wow, homegirl went out for five minutes and already got tired?
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When they fall asleep on the floor, try spotting them, since it looks like Lucas is crushing Arianna.
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Ah, it’s nice to know how your choices are going to work, but I do wonder if you’re planning on going back to add more to earlier episodes?
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Finally someone points out those shirts saying “caray”!!! I thought the typo was always something copy-write related but it always annoyed me.
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I think you may have spotted them in the wrong zones. Lucas isn’t lying on a bed in the hospital. Instead it panned over to a blackscreen and he’s lying on air.
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Woah woah waoh. One sec he’s in hospital, the next he’s on the beach, the next she’s asking if they would ever work? Where did that come from?
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If it’s been a week, they should probably change clothes right?
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Aww that was a cute moment!
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Wow, ok. Take it back. Why are they already bickering so much. Honeymoon phase over.
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Oh wait, back to being cute again. The dance was very cute.
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The ending of that episode had me confused. They were promising all these things, but they’d only been dating for a week and then Arianna says every promise was broken? Whaaaat?
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The blush overlay was a nice touch
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I’m still not fond of that background of the school. Arianna looks like a giant
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When they’re in bed together, I didn’t actually realise that the time had changed from night to morning. Perhaps you could use @transition iris in/out to show the passing of time?
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Sorry, but the run in with Lily seemed very unbelievable. If I was going for a jog and ran into someone, I probably would not agree to go somewhere to talk with them.
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Good reaction on Arianna’s part. I get so filthy when my boyfriends don’t tell someone about me.
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Wow, she’s got a bit of a temper… Surely she knows the outfit isn’t the best idea for school anyway, right?
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When you panned to zone 2, Scarlet popped in after the pan. Make sure you already have her placed on screen
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OMG Lucas did not just do that.
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Why do I still not trust Scarlet?
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The letter overlay was awesome
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Wait, what? Anything that’s not sexual? why would she need to specify that to her dad? Did I misread it?
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This foster child thing… Is this now a shift in the story?
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When Lucas and Raven hug, they’re at the wrong layers.
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Oh this is the first choice there’s been in a while.
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I think you forgot to get rid of the lipstick prop
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Who’s “YOU”? Nice cliff hanger
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Omg it’s Jaden, isn’t it?
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ooh, it was!
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Wait, Scarlet and Lily are talking? Ooooh
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@CinnamonToast you got a background credit in this story. Looks good for the scene too, very innovative.
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The snowman and the carrot was soooooo cute
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For the Lucas flashback episodes, you may want to consider adding a filter?
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I think in these most recent episodes, you’re getting a lot better with the character’s internal thought, which I think is what was missing from the earlier ones. I remember that I couldn’t really understand why Arianna was hating Lucas so much but then changed her mind so quickly and moved in. I think now though, I’m a lot more in touch with her thoughts, so I’d suggest going back to the first three episodes at least to add in some developments there
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When Julie enters the room to wake up Arianna, her feet look as though she’s standing on the draws. Try scaling her bigger.
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I love your outfit names
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When Vlad and Arianna are talking in the cafe, you may want to add in some close up zooms. Since the’re in different zones, it looks like there’s a lot of blank space around them.
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Oh snap! They kissed
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When Arianna is crying on the balcony, Lucas comes in at the wrong layer. Also I was not expecting him to show up. Wow
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Outside the house with the snow, Lucas looks scaled a bit too big. Try using the foot path for reference when scaling.
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When Arianna is sitting on the counter, she’s down a bit to low. Spot her just a little bit higher so she looks like she is on the counter
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Oooh the arm overlays
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That whole not wanting to ask her to be his girlfriend thing to me didn’t make sense. Like, he was all possessive of her at the dinner but now he doesn’t want to put a label on it? Glad he changed his mind a few lines later haha
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I’m sorry, but I have to ask… Did I miss something? Why does she keep mentioning that she’s gonna die?
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Wow, the abortion thing is crazy! Didn’t see that coming…
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Murdered his sibling? I guess we all now know Lucas’s stand point on abortion then…
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The flashbacks/memories were cute.
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Good reason for a tattoo imo, Lucas
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It’s quite interesting now to see so many gold choices popping up . I wonder how they’ll all play out.
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Hahahaha, the outfit names.
So, in my opinion, it sort of feels like your story started out heading in one direction, but somewhere along the way you’ve switched course? I feel like when this first started maybe you didn’t know exactly where you were going to take it… You can see you’ve improved heaps in the later episodes, like with choices and length. Your first few episodes need just a bit more though. I think adding Arianna’s inner voice will help, but maybe also thinking about the direction of this story too… Add in things or scenes that will allude to what’s going to happen in the later episodes, because right now it’s almost as if I’ve read two different stories with the same characters. I like that your bonus scenes at the end have become your signature thing. I didn’t get it at first, but now I look forward to them because they’re entertaining, haha.