Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Story Title: Inner Circle

Author: zapcatini

Instagram: @zapcatini.episode

Genre: DRAMA, romance

Style: Limelight

Episodes: 4 right now, more coming soon!

Description:

The lives & lies of rich and famous college students aren’t as glamorous as they appear. Are you ready for the world of scandals, money, and class, where rules don’t exist? CC LGBT

Link:

1 Like

Hey, would you be able to send your link? I can’t seem to find it on the app when I search the title :persevere:

yeah of course and I’ve changed my account as I wanted to be mimi and here’s the link whoops http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5282132786020352

1 Like

Thanks and lol, lucky you saw this then :laughing:

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Aaanddddd I think I’m ready for you to review my story >.<
Hope you enjoy it when you have the chance to read it!
My story: Girls Just Wanna have Fun

1 Like

@mimi.writes - Rising from Ashes

  • Your author note confuses me lol, idek what you’re talking about

  • I like the backgrounds you used for CC

  • Eh, I feel like a lot of people are going to be annoyed at exactly how limited your love interest CC is, but I loved it lol. Hilarious!!! Don’t ever change it.

  • I love your intro, it feels very advanced!

  • Well, this is moving a little fast for my taste and it’s only just started. I think for stories set in the future, there kind of needs to be a bit more backstory provided at the start so that we’re all up to speed on how this new reality works.

.

  • Wait, how did that whole unknown thing work?

  • Omg the maid’s comment is too funny!

  • Wait, what’s going on? Was Hanna Unknown? How did they know the building was going to blow up? Unless Hanna is responsible for it? Sorry, I’m a little confused.

  • Ahh, the barcode thing is cute. Reminds me of the movie In Time and I loved that movie!

  • Huh, the police officer knows? Interesting…

  • Well, I would have liked a bit more to episode one, specifically to explain the futuristic world that Luna lives in, but I understand the short episodes thing, so no problems there. I would consider myself intrigued enough to read on.

  • Oof, what are these author notes??

  • When Luna sinks to the ground, it’s probably a good idea to spot direct the speech bubbles so the tails are pointing down.

  • Did I tell you how much I like Hanna’s look. I think it suits the time period, with the hair and the outfit

  • Oh hang on… So did Luna actually know Hanna? Or Hanna just knows of Luna because of River?

  • “We never spoke but we had so many good memories?” - why does this confuse me so much :sweat_smile:

  • HAHAHAHAHA that reasoning for leaving Paris is hilarious

  • “No let’s chop some carrots” :joy::joy::joy:

  • I’ve been reading your episode summaries before starting the episodes and they’re hilarious! I actually am not sure why this is in action because I’m picking up on so many comedy elements.

  • Gurl, no! I liked your intro. Bring it back!

  • Maybe use a filter to show it’s a dream?

  • This is just a personal thing I kind of hate, but SERVER1…? I’d just change the display name and leave it blank if I were you.

  • The map was a really nice touch.

  • Oh damn, that pull into a kiss in the flashback was so romantic (they were spotted just a little bit off though once they started passionate kissing, so just check that)

  • When River says Te Amo, I got the Rihanna song stuck in my head :joy:

  • Random, but I am living for Luna’s outfit! The coat with the fishnet stockings

  • I think when Luna and Louisa find each other and start talking, they looks a bit too big for the background you’ve chosen. I’d scale them smaller so they look like they’re standing closer to the tree and then zoom in closer on the tree.

  • Ok, so the phone overlays are nice, but the problem is that Hanna and Luna are both doing looping animations. So side by side like that, they appear as thought they’re both talking at the same time.

  • Oh no… In the bedroom, Luna and Louisa’s hug is at the wrong layers.

  • Pancakes with lemon. Did I read that write? EXPLAIN!

  • Yikes… Well, Louisa is pretty chill about her marriage breaking down.

  • I liked the transitions you added to the dress up game choices, but I think Luna starts talking too early when she says “choice 1” and “choice 2” because the speechbubble gets a bit messy and appears way up the top. Tablet users wold not be able to read probably.

  • Yay, you didn’t put an author note in episode 4

  • So I was just wondering… Are we ever going to find out what the cop meant in the first episode? How did he know?

  • I just realised what your story reminds me of. I feel like you have the same writing style as this other episode story: Aching For The Bad Girl.

  • I like your wardrobe menu. I especially like that it’s quick changes because it makes having multiple options easier to search through.

  • The all black outfits are cool. It’s making me think we’re about to get into the action.

  • Ah, I love the timetable. I can totally tell you made it on word document lol

  • The bullet shots looked really cool during the training scene

  • You know, all your other episodes have been a great length. It was only the first one that I felt was short.

  • I ship Sasha and Felix btw

  • You’re saying “sorry this chapter was one week late” and I’m just nodding on my end like “sorry, this review is nearly one month late” :joy:

  • I just realised… In this scene at the end of episode 5 and beginning of episode 6 Sasha is faces right but because of the implied distance, it would actually make more sense for her to be facing left and doing rear animations. Just a thought.

  • So that scene after Skeleton Man vanishes when they’re all in the board room looks a bit crowded to me. I know it would be a pain, but I’d spread them across zone 1 and 2 and just use cuts and zooms on whoever’s talking. The way it is now leaves the readers unsure as to where they should be looking.

  • Who is the skeleton man representing anyway? I know he said he wouldn’t tell, but wouldn’t they be less likely to give up Luna unless they know it’s someone big, bad and powerful?

  • The phone backgrounds are cool AF!

  • Felix says “we were doing a dangerous job” … I feel like he should maybe have first explained that he used to work with Jace doing whatever type of work and then delve into the story.

  • Uh… Whoops. The car song scene will need to be changed. You’re only allowed to have 5 lines of one song per episode.

  • I didn’t like the breaking the fourth wall scene when Faith entered in episode 7. Though, I do love the matching outfits hahah. It just feels more like a comedy when you add that in. Same thing when Bree comes in a bit later too.

  • Oooh the elevator doors were a nice touch.

  • This might seem like something small, but I’m obsessing over those zooms you did with the exit door and then fading. Idk why, like I said, it’s only small. But it just looked professionalish.

Alrighty, so I’m at the end. Like I’ve mentioned a couple of times, I found it more on the comedy spectrum than it was action, but anyway, I did quite enjoy it. I just would prefer more background information in that first episode, so that I knew what had changed and how the future was set up a bit better. A little more context would be super beneficial to your readers

5 Likes

@LillyR - The Wedding Buddies

  • Yeah, so had to reset my progress LOL

  • Ahaha, did you really give me a choice to hear reasons? Okay hun…

  • You know, I still don’t think you need to explain all that, but anyway I’m really tempted to comment about not liking a certain feature so that you spend 4 days obsessing over someone’s eyebrows :wink: (wow, we should not be friends, it makes reviewing hard)

  • Geez, ok, way to put the pressure on choices!

  • I nearly pissed myself at that second line of the intro

  • Those little quick zooms were a nice touch.

  • So what are their ages when they run into each other? Oliver has facial hair, so they can’t be that young…?

  • Bruh, that background character in the wheelchair? Noice.

  • You know… I really like that scene with Hazel and the photo overlay and how you had their convo end on the same animations… But now I’m thinking who took that photo? and I would like some answers please!

  • Oooh, that fade. Bye Hazel!

  • The hell is mom wearing? (Oh, I see you went American for this story)

  • Threw all her stuff our :frowning:

  • Stella is really pretty and I find it distracting.

  • Forgot Elsie’s birthday? Ha! I mean… Aww :frowning:

  • Hmm, one of the background characters at the graduation party looked a lot like another one of your characters. Coincidence?

  • Ok, see the two background characters right behind Elsie? At some point, I think you should switch up their looping animations. Homegirl would have run out of drink in her cup by now for sure. Maybe make her the one to talk while Blondie listens for a bit?

  • Wren looks guilty AF

  • The follow me on instagram overlay was cut off a bit on my phone screen. Shift it a little lower? Or a lot lower for tablets… :confused:

  • Wow, they are really hung up on making her an emo, aren’t they?

  • … Elsie’s hair changed. Shouldn’t that be before the party?

  • “It was all passionate nights and obsessions with each other” Lol, you know what that sounds like? Me and bae :wink:

  • But wait, why is he telling her all this? Get a therapist, not an Elsie.

  • Omgggggg… Idk what to choose…

  • Pftt, 2:30 ain’t late. It’s technically early.

  • Aww, idk what to choose again!

  • Wow, mom is a savage.

  • Ok, I just laughed because Elsie lying on the floor in the kitchen is literally me… then I realised that she wasn’t supposed to be lying on the floor. Did you do a fade in? I find that when you fade in on a new scene, even if you’ve changed the spotting, the characters still do the animation they were preforming in the last scene. So you might need to add a AND ELSIE is idle to the line you have her spot placing on.

  • In the coffee queue, you might want to consider spotting Elsie’s speechbubbles. Oliver’s looks fine.

  • You named the barrister Ice? Lol

  • Next scene, I’d also suggest to spot direct Oliver’s speechbubbles

  • Ah damn. You little bitch! Updating while I was at the end of episode 2. Now I’m re-reading it and I picked “I think you’re awesome too” but I also think it’s the wrong choice, I just wanted to see both endings.

  • Huh, I stood up to mom this time too. Maybe re-reading aint so bad.

  • Oooh, found a typo by choosing a different answer. I chose “You could have called” and Elsie says “where” instead of “were”.

  • Again, I’d say to spot the speech bubbles for Dad when they’re talking about cheese. Just because the tail isn’t pointing to Dad.

  • There’s something about Wren… I think you’re foreshadowing something there.

  • Why would mom invite him to mingle with Stella? lmao

  • Have Elsie move forward a layer when she exits that scene so she doesn’t walk in front of mom while mom is tinker_looping

  • Girl, that’s not the champagne glass animations Wren’s doing, is it? Also, I’m jealous because I have an open ticket about those bloody props not showing up for nearly a month, but it works in your story :frowning:

  • “Only peasants wear sneakers” Haahaha, true.

  • Oh hell no! Oliver did not bring a date, did he?

  • Ok Piper. Shut up. (Also, maybe spot direct her speechbubbles too? Hers aren’t as noticeable as the others)

  • Oooh, I got credit :stuck_out_tongue: I thought I recognised my lousy cropping on that blanket lol

  • Oh my! Naked character glitch has hit me and damn, it’s good. Oliver isn’t wearing pants hahahaha

  • HAHAHAHAHA his butt is sooooo tight

  • Well, he’s a lousy wedding buddy at the Morgan’s Wedding. Honestly.

  • Oooh, Stella, Piper and Dad are all shirtless now too! This is too funny

  • Aw, my heart just broke a little when he called Piper the most beautiful woman in the world.

  • Lol, did Ollie and Piper not talk religion before they got engaged? Idiots.

  • Da fuq? What makes Stella think Elsie can plan the wedding?

  • Oh because she’s got nothing to do and is unemployed? Of course Stella, that makes sense hahahah

  • Ok, is Oliver really grilling Elsie about knowing he didn’t believe in God? Hellllooooo Oliver! It’s not her fault you didn’t tell your fiance the truth!

Not sure what else to really add here. I can’t fault your directing. My only issue was the default speechbubble positions really. But I think this is a great first attempt at romance and all facial features are fine, so DON’T SPEND FOUR HOURS changing something, ok?

4 Likes

Hi! Would you be interested in reviewing my first story ever? It’s called New Life Abroad and here’s the link to it:

Thank you! :slight_smile:

1 Like

thankyou so much, this really helps me improve it. I’ll probably end up going through them all and jazzing them up tbh. Thanks again and don’t worry, it doesn’t matter it’s late at all, I’m always late with everything lmao :heart:

1 Like

Awesome! That’s great to hear. Thanks for being so understanding! Tbh, everyone is pretty patient on my thread so idk why I always worry that someone will express their annoyance with my slow pace hahaha. But still, thank you anyway :kissing:

5 Likes

Here’s mine! Can’t wait to hear your opinion! :smile:
Title: Catching Coal
Author: Tal Gordin
Style: Limelight
Chapters: 26
Status: Ongoing
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5604201600778240
Genre: Fantasy, Action, Drama, Adventure, Romance
Official Description: Coal lives her normal, perfect life until she discovers that she’s being hunted. But how can someone kill a girl who always comes back to life?
Secondary Description: Coal Carter is not entirely human, but she doesn’t know that. Arden Adams is the son of an important general in a society that wants her dead. When the moment of truth comes, Arden decides to help Coal escape the society’s clutches, but not without a cost. Now Arden and Coal are on the run, trying to stay alive. Can Coal find out the truth about herself and her family? And what does Arden’s father have to do with all of this?
Customization: Yes
Art Scenes: In chapters 1, 3, 4, 18, 19, 22, 25 and the upcoming 27! (revamping and adding art scenes every 1-3 chapters).
Instagram: @talgordin.writes

2 Likes

@MKiara - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

  • Your first line… With the text effects. Wow. I mean, I knew it was possible, but I never thought I’d see someone be bothered enough to change each letter hahaha. It looks awesome!

  • Just noticed the background too, you jazzed up a regular episode one. Looks nice.

  • When Kiara gets up off the floor, maybe move the camera earlier so we see her transition to standing.

  • Ooooh your CC has me intrigued… It’s making me think you have plans in terms of changing Kiara to suit different scenarios (does that make sense?)

  • Omigosh!!! @CinnamonToast is gonna be so happy when she logs back into forums and sees this. You used the train backgrounds :heart_eyes: They were my fave too.

  • I love Samantha and agree with everything she’s saying regarding the merging of schools

  • Minor detail, but your podium overlay is just slightly off.

  • Episode 1 did a great job at setting the scene. My only critique would be that I wanted to see a bit more of Willow’s personality. I felt like the we saw more of the others and less of Willow.

  • What does slice of life mean anyway?

  • I liked how you slipped the CC in then, but I don’t understand what you mean by your readerMessage?

  • Awww, now that was a cute save-the-day moment. Hate

  • Ahahaha, check the cameras? Lol, that sucks for Kiara.

  • Omg that crawl was so good :ok_hand:

  • I notice the wrong your/you’re being used. It should have been “You’re my responsibility”.

  • Oooh brothers? Scandalous!

  • I have just been noticing there’s a few commas missing where they should be. I haven’t been picking them all out because they’re scattered. They don’t really make it hard to follow though, but if you want it to be perfect, maybe a proof reader could scan through your script and add them in?

  • Samantha and the comment about balls is hilarious. She’s my spirit animal.

  • I like how each girl actually has a school bag haha

  • Awww Sooyoung’s got her boyfriend there now, good for her.

  • Damn, her friends are subtle. NOT. It’s actually so realistic though.

  • I know what Pocky is heheeheh. Got them here in Straya too.

  • Ok, now what was that ending to episode 3?! :eyes: I feel like something unexpected is about to unfold.

  • At some point you might want to get rid of that blush overlay.

  • Sooyoung encouraging this flirtationship came as a surprise lol.

  • I think I saw a typo (I tapped a bit too fast haha) “nervuus” instead of “nervous” in the choice.

  • That zoom in on the collar lets me know exactly why you named it kinky red.

  • I actually had a really hard time deciding what to wear AHAHA

  • Noooooo don’t end it there. That foreshadowing is terrible. Like, it’s good in terms of your story, but terrible for me as a reader. WhEn WiLl YoU uPdAtE??!?!!!1?!

  • Author note :cry: Also, you misspelled “forums” in your author note.
    Side note: You are really pretty.

Sorry, I feel like I didn’t write very much, I liked it and I tend to not write many points when I like stories lol, so that’s actually a good thing. I think the only thing that you might want to work on it the grammar that I mentioned earlier. It’s not a massive deal though since it was just commas that I mostly noticed were missing.

I know you said this, but I also know that you just revamped it, so idk if you still want me to say anything… I’m going to anyway though… It could be a case of having more choices. I noticed that you didn’t have many that felt very important. You don’t have to have choices that change the plot of anything, but a choice to be nervous or anxious is basically the same thing. If you want to make a reader feel connected to a character, try giving choices that give the illusion of being more important than they actually are. I don’t think your story was lacking this to the point of readers not wanting to continue, I just think that this could be a more guaranteed way of getting them to continue… Does that make sense?

5 Likes

I would live for a chance to be reviewed by you. I have no problem waiting, Ive already waited long enough.

2 Likes

Hey! I would love if you could review my story! :slight_smile:

This is mine:
Title: A dangerous game (Limelight,CC)
Author: Shanen Ricci
Style: Limelight
Genre: Romance/Fantasy
Chapters: 4 ( a lot will be soon coming haha)
Synopsis: Elena went against the man known as “The Devil himself”. He is cursed. Only her love can save or destroy him. Will she be able to resist his charm or will she lost her soul to him?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5234872128438272
Cover:

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1549747223612.JPEG1410×2250 431 KB

1 Like

OMG I’m so happy you did all the episodes for this review :see_no_evil:
You know I forgot I could make choices on reactions, I am definitely going to add more of those now! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
THANK YOU SO MUCH for the great feedback and criticisms! I lot of your reactions had me cracking up :laughing:
I wanted the story to be a little different than others One of the girls ~ godsend of unique stories. And reading your review makes me feel like I did that a little at least.
And I’m really glad you enjoyed it! I’ve gotten a lot of helpful advice and reviews so I will definitely make sure to make some changes!
I cannot say thank you enough for the review it really made my day and I am so honored that you were able to review my story :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::see_no_evil::purple_heart::heart_eyes:

Some other notes :blush:
  • For the CC I originally just didn’t want any makeup options but I used the wrong template lol. Some complained about it.
  • YES, the train was so cute I can’t wait to use her other backgrounds!!
  • It’s funny that I get to see so many different people tell me who their favorite girl is. On ig it’s Sooyoung but on the forums, it’s Samantha :laughing:
  • I love how you said scandalous because there will be so many more moments like that in the story :laughing:
  • I love when characters have bags for school

  • Sooyoung is full of surprises, much like the other girls, there are different sides to them I can’t wait to explore.
  • I felt so guilty for leaving the episode like that but I also kind of loved that as a cliffhanger ending?

* I was originally going to post an episode earlier but life :sweat_smile:

  • But I plan on doing a double update and fixing mistakes for the first few episodes. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
  • LOL MY GRAMMER SUCKED GRAMMARY FAILED ME
  • I’m going to have to maybe get someone to proofread the episodes before the episode.
  • Awww thank you :see_no_evil::see_no_evil::see_no_evil:
Slice of Life genre

Slice of life stories are parallels of teen melodrama. It’s more realistic and you can maybe see the things that happen in the story, in your own life. There isn’t just one main plot in this story. Instead, you follow the lives of people, particularly high school students, in their daily life. I can’t say there won’t be some unrealistic moments in the show- as you saw in episode 3. But the slice of life genre can go back and forth on the line of realism. I think I’ve seen like rare stories that have this genre on Episode so I figured why not just make my own. There’s no gangs or crazy kidnappings in my story. Honestly, there’s no major major plot point. But big things will happen to the girls and readers will see how they deal with it and their own reactions. Much like real life we can’t always plan or be ready for some things. The story will mirror that in some way.

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This. Is. Everything :raised_hands:

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Lol, of course I did. I try to with everyone since- I just realised that writing all my reasons will end in a ramble, so I’ll refrain haha.
Oh great! You read my story. I was going to actually draw a comparison but it felt weird to name drop myself if you hadn’t read it haha. Anyway, I’m gonna do it now, because my first thoughts were that I was hoping it would be similar to mine but with all girls HAAHAHA. I see you obviously have a put more of a structured plot though, which is good. It’s going to hook readers.
I was also going to compliment you on your characterization, because even though I originally said I didn’t get enough of Willow’s personality in the first episode, you made up for it in the episodes following and I really feel like she’s the epitome of most people’s “moods”. Hahaha, but even the way Samantha has the ability to influence the rest of the gang, just suits the group dynamic. Idk if you do this stuff intentionally (if you’re like me you don’t and it’s all an accident that it ends up working perfectly), but it’s a very clever way to show instead of tell.

And ahhh slice of life, that makes sense! Though now hearing this, I’m curious as to how many episodes you have planned? :thinking:

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Ohhh sorry I had reviews read either only 1 or 3 so I wasn’t sure how it would go :sweat_smile:

  • Yes your story is very unique and funny!! I can’t wait for new updates!

I like to think it happened by accident lol. I had someone say they saw like no plot at all so I wasn’t sure if that would show :sweat_smile: I’m glad it did :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

AH We are the same. I wish I had done it intentionally but I’m glad that was able to show in the story.
I really enjoyed your story, I think it actually influenced me to make the story about friendship and these three girls. I originally had a very different story in mind..

I actually never thought about that :sweat_smile: I do know that I will end the story when the girls graduate high school. But I’m not sure how many episodes that would be.

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I just read this reply and was nodding along like “same, same, same”

Same to this ^ Both about my own story and now yours lol

Same to this ^

AWW :sleepy: I’m really touched, you have no idea

Same and same for my own story hahaha, are we twins?

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Cannot wait for updates girl!

It’s stories like yours that deserve more attention!! I would love to have characters like yours more in episode stories! I’m sure my characters would learn a lot from yours :joy:
Great minds think alike :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

1 Like